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  • - Hey everybody and welcome to story time.

  • I'm Pear.

  • - And I'm Spider Orange, wee! (laughing)

  • - Dude, would you watch where you're swinging?

  • - Sorry, didn't mean to bug you. (laughing)

  • - (groaning) Well, I'm glad to see you're excited

  • for today's episode, Orange.

  • - Yeah, you might say I'm really getting into

  • the swing of things. (laughing)

  • Wee!

  • - (groaning) I take it this means you did

  • the required reading for today's episode for once?

  • - Nah, it was too long.

  • - Dude, it's a comic book.

  • - Oh, well in that case,

  • it had too many pictures. (laughing)

  • - You didn't even open it, did you?

  • - No need, Pear.

  • I pretty much remember it from the first time

  • I didn't read it as a kid. (laughing)

  • - Oh yeah?

  • So what's the title?

  • - The uh, Annoying Spider-Man.

  • - Close, but also way off.

  • It's the Amazing Spider-man.

  • - We'll see about that. (laughing)

  • - (groaning) Great.

  • - Once upon a time,

  • there was a high school kid named Peter Parker.

  • Now, he wasn't exactly the coolest

  • or the biggest kid at school,

  • but he was super good at science.

  • How am I doing so far, Pear?

  • - This is actually pretty spot on.

  • - Told ya I remembered it.

  • My mind is a steel scrap.

  • - Uh, that's not how it--

  • - [Orange] One day, Peter Parker went to a science fair,

  • but there was no concession stand or anything.

  • So he got super hungry.

  • (stomach growling)

  • Finally he bit into a radioactive spider.

  • - [Pear] Come again?

  • - [Orange] He bit a radioactive spider.

  • - [Pear] Okay, that's what I thought you said.

  • See, that's not exactly--

  • - [Orange] And because the spider was radioactive,

  • Peter Parker accrued the powers of the spider.

  • Eight limbs, eight eyeballs,

  • the ability to scare people

  • when the bathroom light comes on.

  • - [Pear] Yeah, I think we're gonna need

  • to tap the brakes here.

  • Dude, those aren't the super powers he got.

  • - [Orange] Well sure they are.

  • True or false, Peter Parker got spider superpowers?

  • - Sure. But not those powers.

  • He got all the cool ones.

  • I mean, it's not like he suddenly

  • started eating flies or something.

  • - That's where you're wrong, mon-Pear.

  • He did start eating flies by the bowlful.

  • - [Pear] No he didn't.

  • Why would he do that?

  • Flies are a disgusting thing to eat.

  • - Pear, we're talking about a guy who bit a spider.

  • You really think he's going to be grossed out

  • by the thought of eating a fly?

  • - Good point.

  • - Boo yeah.

  • Now if you don't mind, I will continue the list

  • of spider powers that Peter Parker accrued.

  • He grew up thorax.

  • He lost the ability to speak.

  • And most importantly, he gained the ability

  • to shoot spider webbing out of this butt.

  • - [Pear] (groaning) Close enough, I guess.

  • - [Orange] So he went out on the town,

  • shooting butt webs all over the place.

  • He wasn't great at first,

  • but he got into the swing of things soon enough. (giggling)

  • (Pear groaning)

  • Oh, but here's the thing,

  • just as he gained the powers of a spider,

  • he also gained the downsides of being a spider.

  • - [Pear] Growing a thorax wasn't already a downside?

  • - [Orange] Of course not, Pear.

  • The thorax is a very important body part.

  • Plus, the ladies love it.

  • - [Pear] Good grave.

  • - [Orange] Sadly, Peter Parker got the bad spider stuff too.

  • Like the ability to be easily trapped under a water glass.

  • - [Pear] (groaning) This used to be

  • one of my favorite origin stories.

  • - [Orange] Also, he lost the ability to speak.

  • His brain shrunk to the size of a sesame seed,

  • and his lifespan reduced to approximately one to two years.

  • - Dude, this is the worst superhero of all time.

  • - What do you want from me?

  • The guy could have bit into a

  • radioactive Nobel prize winner or something,

  • but he opted for a dumb old spider.

  • Actions have consequences, Pear.

  • With great power comes, um, something, something, something.

  • - (groaning) Listen, can we just get to the part

  • where he fights bad guys, please?

  • - Sure thing.

  • There are no shortage of enemies,

  • and Peter Parker took 'em all on as Spider-Man.

  • There was Lizard.

  • - [Pear] I think you mean The Lizard, right?

  • - [Orange] Nah, pretty sure it's just Lizard.

  • Other enemies included chickadees, bluebird, trout.

  • - [Pear] Hold up.

  • These aren't Spider-man villains.

  • They're just--

  • - [Orange] Natural predators of the spider.

  • I know!

  • Don't worry Pear, I got this.

  • Blackbird, gecko, other spiders.

  • - Stop!

  • (record scratching)

  • Spider-Man did not swing around the city,

  • shooting webbing from his butt,

  • battling the natural predators of the spider.

  • - Well sure he did, just not for very long.

  • - Oh, and why's that?

  • Are you gonna tell me he got defeated by trout?

  • - [Orange] No, although trout is

  • a fearsome in formidable foe,

  • Spider-Man met his match when he got trapped

  • underneath a water glass.

  • - [Pear] Oh my gosh.

  • A water glass?

  • Come on.

  • At least tell me his escape

  • from the water glass was exciting.

  • - Not really. He never escaped.

  • He was under there awhile and, well,

  • you know what I was saying earlier

  • about his severely reduced lifespan.

  • - So that's it?

  • That's the entire story of the amazing Spider-man.

  • - Yep.

  • - What, may I ask was so so amazing

  • about a so-called superhero who fought a trout,

  • got trapped under a glass and promptly died?

  • How on earth did he get the title of superhero anyway?

  • - You're right, Pear, it defies logic.

  • - I'll say.

  • - It's incredible.

  • - Exactly.

  • One might even say it's amazing. (laughing)

  • - Oh my gosh.

  • - [Orange] The end. (laughing)

  • (upbeat music)

- Hey everybody and welcome to story time.

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Annoying Orange - Storytime: The Amazing Spider-Man!

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    Summer posted on 2021/02/05
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