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  • - I'm an actor!

  • I'm a (bleep) actor!

  • I'm a real actor!

  • I did Richard III!

  • I was in True West with Sherman Hemsley!

  • I was in Die Hard, dammit!

  • (bleep) Steve Urkel (bleep).

  • - You will suck Steve Urkel's (bleep)

  • if we want you to.

  • You will suck his (bleep), do you understand?

  • He is our bread and butter, you mother (bleep).

  • Crazy, crazy

  • Does is crazy. ♪

  • (old western music)

  • - You sold me out, son.

  • Now you're going to end up with a bullet

  • in your head for it.

  • - You can't play me, mother (bleep).

  • I'm a mother (bleep) that plays mother (bleep),

  • mother (bleep).

  • - Cut.

  • (bell rings)

  • - [Crew Member] All right, everybody, let's get reset.

  • We are going again.

  • - Nigel. That's great.

  • - Oh, great. It's smashing.

  • Thank you so much.

  • Yeah, well, it's been an absolute honor,

  • and what a great opportunity to be here to be able

  • to play an American tough--

  • - Well, I'm just so glad that we got you out

  • of that BBC commitment

  • so you can play with us.

  • - Cheers mate. Cheers.

  • Cheers.

  • - Antoine, listen, I'm just not buying

  • that you're someone that was born

  • and raised in the streets of Brooklyn.

  • - That's weird 'cause I actually was born

  • and raised in the streets of Brooklyn.

  • I was in a gang and everything.

  • Most of this stuff actually happened to me.

  • - Wow.

  • Okay. Well, that's great for us,

  • 'cause I want you to use it, okay?

  • It was a good first take.

  • Let's just,

  • let's get going.

  • Let's get going.

  • Thank you, Jim.

  • - Scene five, take two.

  • (bell rings)

  • - [Jim] And action!

  • - You sold me out, son.

  • Now son now you're going to end up with a bullet

  • in your head for it.

  • - You can't play me mother (bleep).

  • I'm the mother (bleep) that plays mother (bleep),

  • mother (bleep).

  • - Cut.

  • Cut.

  • Okay. Nigel, that was great.

  • Brilliant.

  • Just the way you move,

  • especially when you talk,

  • I just really see this character coming to life

  • before my eyes.

  • It's fabulous. - Cheers, mate.

  • Cheers. - It's fabulous.

  • Antoine, your performance,

  • it's just not quite there yet, okay?

  • I really need to see you make more of a transformation.

  • Okay?

  • Like Nigel here.

  • - That dude's British.

  • - Antoine, if I might jump in with a bit of advice.

  • - I don't think I need that.

  • - No, no, no. Look, hear him out.

  • - Maybe you might want to try thinking of something

  • in the material

  • that's similar to something that's happened

  • in your real life.

  • For me, for instance,

  • I like to think of when me mum wanted me

  • to attend prep school in Leeds to become a barrister,

  • but I wanted to study the theater at Oxford.

  • - Thank God.

  • - And so that was a conundrum, really, for me.

  • - I'm gonna stop you right there,

  • 'cause it's just confusing me.

  • Right?

  • Like I don't need that,

  • 'cause I am from the streets.

  • I was in a gang.

  • They told me to kill my cousin.

  • - It might be a bit spot on, no?

  • - Yeah. It's a bit spot on.

  • Do you have any stories that involve your mum?

  • - What's a mum?

  • - Oh, dear.

  • - Scene five, take three.

  • (bell rings) Okay.

  • - Antoine, remember, you're a gangster.

  • Okay?

  • Betrayal.

  • The streets.

  • Okay? Nigel you're perfect.

  • Antoine, transform.

  • And action!

  • - You sold me out, son.

  • Now you're going to get a bullet up in your head for it.

  • - You can't play me mother (bleep).

  • I'm the mother (bleep) that plays mother (bleep),

  • mother (bleep).

  • - He's boring to watch.

  • Cut.

  • - That does not sound good.

  • - Antoine, I do not feel

  • like you have found the emotional core of this character.

  • - Man (bleep) this.

  • Nobody is more real to me. Okay?

  • I come from the streets,

  • and nobody's going to tell me what the streets is like.

  • Nobody. You understand?

  • - That's a great speech.

  • I just wish that I believed it.

  • You wanna give it a shot?

  • - Sure, I'll have a go.

  • Man (bleep) this.

  • I'm as real as it gets. - Yes!

  • - This (bleep) streets is for real.

  • I'm up in there, man. - You are.

  • - I'm (bleep) from the (bleep),

  • from the Earth from the streets.

  • Something to that defense, yes.

  • - No, but I'm so with you.

  • I'm with you when you say that,

  • even when you're saying the wrong words.

  • I just wish you could do that.

  • - You know what?

  • (Jim groans)

  • - Oh, goodness.

  • - Okay. That hurts.

  • But I don't feel that it comes

  • from the right emotional place for the character.

  • All right? Here, give it a shot.

  • Watch. Watch.

  • (Jim groans)

  • That's great.

  • I feel that in here and in here.

  • - That's very gracious of-- - In my heart.

  • - To say that. - Try that again.

  • (Jim groans)

  • I just,

  • I don't believe you.

  • - Call my agent.

  • (phone rings)

  • - Jaden Pinkett Smith, my man.

  • - What up, Clyde.

  • Hey, look, man, I'm going to be real with you, okay?

  • This Alien Boys script.

  • I'm not feeling it.

  • I mean, it's hard being Will Smith's son.

  • I just want to make sure my next project

  • reflects I'm a down to earth, normal kid.

  • Am I making any sense?

  • - Yeah, yeah. I'm reading you loud and clear.

  • I've got a script right here,

  • very real, called "Street Ball."

  • - Talk to me.

  • - Okay. So you play Tony.

  • He's a kid from the streets, lives in the hood,

  • in a house with his mom.

  • - Stop.

  • House?

  • - Oh, it's like a tiny mansion.

  • - Got it. Go on.

  • - So his mom and he,

  • they live in this house and she works at a supermarket.

  • - Stop!

  • - [Clyde] Oh, yeah.

  • A supermarket's like a mansion,

  • but it's full of food and anyone could go there.

  • - So like where the butlers go?

  • - [Clyde] Yeah, basically.

  • So, he--

  • - And wait,

  • you said his mom was doing something at the supermarket?

  • - Working.

  • - So.

  • - Well, working is kind of like acting

  • on a set every day in a film that no one's ever gonna see,

  • and it lasts for the rest of your life.

  • - Oh, like a maid?

  • - [Clyde] Yeah. Yeah.

  • She's like the maid of the supermarket.

  • Awesome. Continue.

  • - So, anyway, Tony doesn't make the basketball team.

  • Right?

  • So he decides to start playing pickup games

  • of street ball outside.

  • - So he plays basketball in his plane?

  • - [Clyde] No, on the ground.

  • - In his limo?

  • - No, outside is that stuff that goes by

  • when you're inside the limo.

  • - Oh snap. He plays basketball outside the limo door?

  • - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • So then he gets really good at basketball,

  • and, then, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

  • fast forward, at the heart of the story,

  • Tony has to choose

  • between his mom-- - Choose?

  • - Yeah, choose is when you have to make a decision

  • between two things you want,

  • but you can have only one.

  • - But

  • there's two.

  • - Yeah.

  • But, I mean, he can't have both.

  • - What did I say about science fiction, Clyde?

  • It's a no.

  • - Okay. We'll pass.

  • (Clyde sneezes)

  • - Dad bless you. - Thanks.

  • - Okay, guys, Gremlins 2.

  • I'm telling you,

  • this movie should write itself.

  • First one was a classic,

  • this should be pretty straightforward.

  • Basically, all we're doing is maintaining the integrity

  • of the original picture.

  • We want to do all this stuff with the water,

  • and the...

  • Can we help you?

  • - Oh, sorry.

  • Let me introduce myself.

  • Hi, y'all, my name is Star Magic Jackson Jr.

  • I'm the Hollywood Sequel Doctor.

  • So studios just brings me in to oversee things

  • when they about to drop a deuce.

  • So that's why I'm here,

  • but don't mind me.

  • I'm just going to be over here.

  • Y'all do your thing.

  • It's your movie.

  • - Okay.

  • Let's brainstorm.

  • Adam?

  • - If it's gonna take place in an office building,

  • I was thinking what if Gizmo

  • gets too wet from the water cooler this time?

  • - Okay. Hold on a second.

  • I'm sorry. I'm going to have to step in here.

  • Just one second, sweetheart.

  • So what's wrong with y'all?

  • Y'all looking like a bunch of sad sacks.

  • This is G2, people.

  • We're writin' Gremlins 2,

  • It should be a party with pizza and anchovies,

  • pineapple.