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  • -Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.

  • This is "The Tonight Show."

  • Well, guys, I want to say congrats

  • to the Kansas City Chiefs and Tampa Bay Buccaneers

  • on advancing to Super Bowl 55.

  • That is right.

  • Tom Brady is once again returning to the Super Bowl.

  • Man, between Tom Brady and Joe Biden,

  • what a month it's been for 78-year-old white guys.

  • Yep, Brady will be playing in his 10th Super Bowl.

  • How does he keep doing this?

  • I think he once got stuck making small talk at a Super Bowl party

  • and vowed, "I will never put myself in this position again."

  • It's like, "I'll just play in all of them.

  • If Brady keeps up this pace, I'm just worried

  • where he's gonna put the 11th Super Bowl ring

  • when he runs out of fingers.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Aw, no.

  • -His toe, the big toe, maybe?

  • -Oh. [ Laughs ]

  • -Meanwhile, the Chiefs are going

  • to their second Super Bowl in a row,

  • led by star quarterback Patrick Mahomes.

  • He's 25, he's the reigning Super Bowl MVP,

  • and he signed a deal for $500 million.

  • He might be the only guy on earth

  • Tom Brady would trade places with.

  • Of course, it's not just the quarterbacks facing off,

  • it's also the coaches.

  • The Chiefs are led by Andy Reid.

  • The Buccaneers are led by Bruce Arians.

  • Can we see them both?

  • Yeah. [ Laughter ]

  • Looks like a before and before photo.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Kind of strange that we've never seen them at the same time.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • The only thing we know for sure --

  • the winning coach will be red, white, and round.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Right now, the Kool-Aid man is like, "I'm so torn. Oh, yeah!"

  • And this is cool, the Buccaneers will be the first team ever

  • to play a Super Bowl in their home stadium.

  • Apparently, the Bucs saw the entire world working from home

  • and thought, "Eh, why not us?"

  • One NBA team is allowing a limited number of fans

  • back into their arena this week,

  • and they've come up with a unique way

  • to keep people safe from the virus. Listen to this.

  • -The Miami Heat will use specially-trained dogs

  • to sniff fans for COVID.

  • If the dog sits, that signals

  • they may have detected the virus,

  • and fans will be asked to leave.

  • -Yeah, these dogs are super smart.

  • They can tell whether you have coronavirus, drugs,

  • or a counterfeit ticket from StubHub.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's right, the Miami Heat will use COVID-sniffing dogs

  • to screen fans at games, which brings us to our new segment,

  • "Uhh...I Have Some Questions."

  • -♪ Uhh...I Have Some Questions

  • -First up, since when are there dogs that can "sniff" COVID?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Next up, if a dog "sniffs" COVID, won't it get COVID?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Follow-up. Can dogs get COVID?

  • If they can,

  • and a common symptom of COVID is loss of smell,

  • how can you trust a dog to properly smell more COVID?

  • [ Laughter, applause ]

  • Also, are these the same dogs

  • that sniff for bombs at the airport,

  • or are they completely different dogs?

  • If they're the same dogs, are they getting paid overtime pay?

  • I just have so many questions.

  • -♪ I just have so many questions

  • -Speaking of dogs, yesterday, President Biden's dogs,

  • Champ and Major, moved into the White House.

  • Yep, some dogs get to live in the White House,

  • while others have to sniff for COVID.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Not only are Biden's dogs at the White House,

  • they're sleeping in the same dog house

  • that Dr. Fauci was in all of last year.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • The dogs are actually pretty busy.

  • They're now in charge of the Space Force.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Meanwhile, Major hasn't even been there a full day,

  • and he's already passed an executive order

  • that allows you to lick yourself in public.

  • Unbelievable.

  • Some entertainment news. Yesterday, HBO Max released

  • the first look of the new "Godzilla vs. Kong" movie

  • that comes out in March.

  • It looks insane. Check out part of the trailer.

  • ♪♪

  • -♪ Yeah

  • Come on, oh, here we go

  • Give it a hundred, never nothin' less, here we go

  • -The only thing more fun than that movie

  • is imagining two guys in spandex suits

  • acting that out in front of a green screen.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Godzilla and King Kong fight each other the whole movie,

  • but I'm told it's the make-up sex near the end

  • that got them the R rating.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cymbal playing ]

  • This is going viral.

  • A "Bridgerton" fan spotted a modern-day mistake

  • in one of the opening scenes.

  • Take a look at this.

  • Can you guys tell what's wrong?

  • Here it is. Yeah. The show is set in the 1800s,

  • but there's a yellow line that's only used on modern roads.

  • I don't know.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I don't think it's that big of a deal.

  • -I do.

  • It pulls me out of the trance, man.

  • If you want me to watch your show,

  • then you can't be showing things that people didn't use

  • or have in that era.

  • [ Telephone rings ]

  • -Sorry, what is that?

  • Is someone's phone on?

  • -Yeah, sorry, man, I got to take this.

  • I've been on hold for like an hour.

  • Hello?

  • Netflix? -Oh, God. [ Laughs ]

  • -Yeah, cancel my subscription.

  • You know why!

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -Oh. Alright. Let's move on. Alright.

  • Listen to this. An inventor n Sweden has created something

  • to help keep motorcycle riders safe.

  • -Airbag jeans.

  • These pants have concealed airbags inside the legs.

  • And if riders fall, the airbags are triggered

  • and filled up with compressed air.

  • -Yeah, it's great until you hit a small bump

  • and suddenly turn into MC Hammer.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And finally, a volcanic rock was discovered in Brazil

  • that looks like Cookie Monster,

  • and it could be worth more than $10,000.

  • Check this out.

  • Yeah.

  • 10 grand. Right now, people are at home

  • with blue paint and a Sharpie

  • like, "Yeah, this rock also looks like Cookie Monster."

  • [ Laughter, applause ]

  • Sorry, I'm just realizing how different our monologue is now.

  • Our last two stories were about

  • inflatable pants and Cookie Monster.

-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.

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Tom Brady Returning for His Tenth Super Bowl | The Tonight Show

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/26
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