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  • - Did you know that according

  • to "The Hidden Life of Tree,"

  • trees actually feel and communicate

  • through their complex root systems?

  • Trees can be friends.

  • Author Peter Wohlleben said that

  • sometimes when a tree is cut down to a stump,

  • if it has a best friend,

  • it can be kept alive for centuries

  • because the BFF can provide nutrients

  • to the stump's roots.

  • That is friendship done right.

  • But sometimes trees can be total dicks to each other.

  • - Hey, can you stop growing your branches this way?

  • It's covering my leaves

  • and I can't photosynthesize.

  • It's really messing me up.

  • - Sorry, not sorry.

  • I'm a grower, can't go much slower, you know? (chuckles)

  • - Dude, don't be a dick.

  • Just split your branches and grow the other way.

  • - Bro, you know that winter is coming, okay?

  • And I need to get that fat, fat sun supply

  • so that I have nutrients for the winter.

  • (tense music)

  • - Oh my, God.

  • Oh there's a deer.

  • He's munching.

  • Quickly, Quickly.

  • - Okay, oh, oh. - Blast a bad taste

  • off your branches. - Don't panic.

  • Don't panic. - He's definitely

  • coming to you next.

  • - [All] Okay, okay.

  • - Okay. - Okay.

  • (tree screams)

  • - Okay blessing now.

  • Oh my God, Michelle.

  • It was really nice knowin' you, dude.

  • It was really great knowin' you.

  • - Monster.

  • - The social and emotional life of a tree

  • is like way more complicated than

  • I ever gave them credit for.

  • And in reading "The Hidden Life of Trees,"

  • I thought a lot about my own friendships

  • particularly the ones that had gone very wrong. (chuckles)

  • I had one friend who like straight up became my enemy.

  • - Michelle, did you hear what Anna did?

  • - No, what?

  • - She told that deer to come eat you?

  • - What?

  • That is a lie.

  • Melissa, why are you lying about me?

  • - It's not a lie.

  • - Okay Michelle, how would I even talk

  • to that deer without you hearing about it?

  • (intense music)

  • Huh?

  • We've been rooted right here

  • since we were both seedlings.

  • - You communicated through your root system obviously.

  • - You are such a Birch.

  • Seriously, Michelle, you've got to watch

  • out for Birches like these.

  • - Did you seriously just make a Birch-tree pun?

  • - I'm not proud of it

  • But I stand by it.

  • Yes.

  • An ex-friend of mine basically became an enemy

  • after our friendship dissolved.

  • She tried to turn all my friends against me.

  • She'd send multiple packages to my house.

  • She attacked my character.

  • It was honestly really traumatic.

  • And my therapist said this amazing term

  • that I'd never heard before.

  • These are bids for chaos.

  • Bids for war.

  • And the best way to deal

  • with bids for chaos and war is indifference.

  • Indifference kills.

  • Turn off the light.

  • Walk out of the room.

  • - I'm very familiar with bids for connection

  • through John Gottman's work,

  • which is a verbal or non-verbal action

  • that tries to get your attention.

  • And it's indicative of a desire for connection,

  • but bids for chaos?

  • Bids for war?

  • Fascinating.

  • I'm not gonna lie.

  • You know, when I was in my early 20s

  • I had zero idea how to communicate vulnerably

  • or deal with feelings.

  • So I sent out many bids for war,

  • many bids for chaos.

  • - Okay fine.

  • If you want me to leave, I'll just leave.

  • - Fine leave.

  • - Okay fine.

  • - Fine leave.

  • - Okay, I'm leaving.

  • - Fine.

  • Just leave.

  • - Yeah, I'm going.

  • I heard you.

  • - Fine. Leave.

  • - Yeah, I'm leaving now.

  • I'm gonna leave.

  • - Leave.

  • Fine.

  • Leave.

  • - Yeah I'm gonna go.

  • - Fine, leave.

  • - Okay I feel like I'm getting mixed messages here.

  • Do you want me to leave or not?

  • - Oddly enough I was telling a friend about

  • this whole situation when it was going down

  • and she turned me onto The Grey Rock Method.

  • And it's pretty funny.

  • So I have to share.

  • So grey rocking is a technique

  • for interacting with manipulative and abusive people.

  • And it can range from dealing with someone who's

  • like a legit narcissist or just having to deal

  • with someone who has a toxic dynamic with you.

  • Ellen Biros, a therapist in Georgia says,

  • "This strategy involves becoming the most boring

  • "and uninteresting person you can be

  • "when interacting with a manipulative person."

  • Since people with manipulative personalities feed on drama,

  • the duller and more boring you seem,

  • the more you undermine their efforts

  • to manipulate and control you.

  • Hence Grey Rock.

  • - Michelle, did you see?

  • Melissa dropped like almost all of her leaves

  • and there's no way she photosynthesized

  • enough for the winter. (laughs)

  • - Probably.

  • - She is definitely gonna ask us

  • to get her through another cold season.

  • (groans) Doesn't that make you so mad?

  • - Nope, not really.

  • - You'll never guess what

  • I heard through the root system.

  • - No. Guess I wouldn't.

  • - Well it's pretty juicy tea.

  • - Oh.

  • - Michelle, why are you acting weird?

  • Michelle?

  • Michelle?

  • Michelle?

  • Hello?

  • Michelle.

  • I know you can talk, Michelle.

  • We've talked our whole lives.

  • Michelle?

  • Michelle?

  • Michelle?

  • Grey Rocking is also supposedly a great technique

  • to use when you have to see a toxic person on the regular.

  • Maybe you're co-parenting.

  • Maybe they're your family or a coworker.

  • Matt Morissette, a licensed clinical professional counselor,

  • also says that grey rocking can help

  • when someone you've broken up with

  • or turned down for a date

  • isn't quite getting the message.

  • This technique reminds me a lot of the meme.

  • Yes, honey, give us nothing.

  • Oh my God I'm living for this lack of energy, baby.

  • - Go, girl.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Look at that face.

  • Look at that flat line.

  • Flat-line face.

  • Flat-line face. - Flat-line face.

  • Flat-line face. - Flat-line face.

  • Flat-Line face.

  • - Grey rocking is about disengaging, disconnecting,

  • and offering nada.

  • So you can't feed any needs for drama or attention.

  • Some people (chuckles) even go as far

  • as recommending wearing boring clothes

  • and no jewelry to maximize your grey rock.

  • Honestly it sounds like a hipster version

  • of Zen to me

  • and I'm living for it.

  • I am being the most boring grey rock

  • I can possibly be

  • with my friend turned enemy.

  • I am stone, except for the fact

  • that I'm making this video about it.

  • But honestly, after a video we kept

  • for like what a decade,

  • I have nothing left to talk

  • about except stuff that's happening now.

  • So we'll see how it goes.

  • Here's a bid for content.

  • - Can you guess where I'm from?

  • - Tree Tokyo?

  • (all laugh)

  • - No.

  • Montree-al.

  • - Oh. - Oh.

  • - Hey, hey, hey, hey.

  • You know my favorite part of history? (chuckles)

  • - What?

  • - The Industree-al Revolution.

  • (trees cheer)

  • (horn blares)

  • - You know what I want to abolish?

  • - What? - What?

  • - The patriarchy.

  • (crickets chirping)

  • - Yeah smash the patriarchy!

  • - Tree-archy. - Patriarchy.

  • (horn blows)

  • I'm Anna Akana and thank you to the patrons

  • who supported this video.

  • And thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's episode.

  • You can visit audible.com/anna

  • or text A-N-N-A to 500-500.

  • With a 30-day free trial,

  • you can get one audio book credit every month.

  • Good for any title

  • in the entire premium selection

  • of bestsellers, new releases, regardless of price,

  • to keep forever.

  • You also get full access to the plus catalog

  • and can listen to thousands of included titles.

  • I obviously just listened "The Hidden Life of Trees."

  • What they feel, how they communicate,

  • discoveries from a secret world by Peter Wohlleben.

  • And it was fascinating,

  • as you can tell by

  • the child tree costumes I immediately purchased.

  • Now it's really fascinating to me

  • because apparently a tree doesn't reach adulthood

  • for about a century

  • and until then it'll kind of be in its mother's shadow.

  • And the mom will control how much sunlight baby tree gets

  • so that it can't grow too fast.

  • Talk about helicopter parenting.

  • You can listen to "The Hidden Life of Trees," or more

  • by going to audible.com/anna

  • or texting A-N-N-A to 500-500.

  • Bye.

- Did you know that according

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B1 michelle grey tree flat leave fine

When friends become enemies

  • 9 2
    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/14
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