Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

  • WELCOME TO THE SHOW, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US

  • TONIGHT, WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE, THAT'S IT.

  • WE'RE OUT OF THE GRAGE, WE'RE BACK IN THE STUDIO.

  • WE'RE ALLOWED BACK IN.

  • THAT'S RIGHT.

  • SO GET, YOU KNOW, GET READY TO BE UPGRADED FROM AN

  • UNDERWHELMING SHOW TO A WHELMING SHOW.

  • PREPARE TO BE WHELMED.

  • BUT IT'S LOVELY TO BE BACK.

  • IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE JUST A SMALL SMATTERING OF CREW THAT WE

  • HAVE HERE BUT THAT'S IT.

  • THE DOORS ARE SALED, NO WAY OUT NOW.

  • WE'RE GOING TO RIDE THIS WHOLE THING OUT IN A BUN EL.

  • EVERYONE GOT THE EMAIL RIGHT.

  • EVERYONE THOUGHT A FAW MONTHS WE'RE CLOSED.

  • WHAT'S HAPPENING, REG, I LOVE THIS.

  • >> Reggie: THANKS, MAN, IT'S FEELING GOOD.

  • >> James: CAN YOU HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING?

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO WEAR THIS THE WHOLE

  • SHOW?

  • >> Reggie: NO, JUST-- I MEAN I JUST WANT TO SEE IF IT WORKS.

  • >> James: IT DOES WORK.

  • >> Reggie: YOU CAN HEAR ME CLEARLY.

  • >> James: WE CAN HEAR YOU CLEARLY IF I WANT TO FEEL LIKE

  • ARE YOU TALKING TO ME WHILE I'M IN THE BATH.

  • THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

  • WELL, IT IS GLORIOUS TO SEE YOU, I AM EVEN HAPPIER THAT I CAN SEE

  • YOUR FULL FACE, LOOK AT, THAT YOU ARE GORGEOUS.

  • >> Reggie: I'M BACK, THANK YOU.

  • >> James: I HAVE ONE, BEFORE WE, ONE PIECE OF BEEF HERE, WHAT

  • HAS HAPPENED TO THE SET?

  • >> NO IDEA, WHAT IS WRONG?

  • >> James: IT IS LIKE A NEW DESK.

  • >> IT GOT PAINTED.

  • WE HAD A LITTLE TIME.

  • >> James: WHAT?

  • >> WE HAD A LITTLE TIME ON OUR HAND T GOT PAINTED.

  • >> James: I DIDN'T WANT IT PAINTED.

  • >> SORRY, WE DIDN'T ASK SWRZ EVERY DAY I THINK OH, I

  • GENUINELY LOOK AT THE DES DESK, WHEN THE SHOW IS DONE, I WILL

  • TAKE THIS DESK BECAUSE IT HAS A MARK WHERE THE COFFEE THING WAS,

  • NOW IT IS LIKE SOME [BLEEP] IKEA.

  • WHO SANCTIONED SUCH A MOVE?

  • >> I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW.

  • >> James: ARE YOU THE EXEC PRODUCER OF THE SHOW AND I'M A

  • HOST.

  • IS THIS A MANSINELLI DECISION?

  • >> I-- HAD IT PAINTED.

  • >> James: I MIGHT HAVE TO ASK A NEW DIRECTOR.

  • AND THEN I WON'T LET YOU KNOW, WILL YOU JUST COME IN ONE DAY

  • AND YOUR PASS WON'T WORK AND I WILL GO OH, SORRY, I MIGHT HAVE

  • ASKED FOR A NEW DIRECTOR, TIM, SORRY, I DIDN'T THINK TO RUN IT

  • PAST YOU.

  • IT IS NOT WHERE YOU SIT EVERY DAY, NOT ALL THE MAGIC, I'M

  • USING THAT AGAIN BUSINESS-- GENEROUSLY.

  • WHAT IF ALL THE MAGIC CAME FROM THE DESK?

  • SO FAR IT FEELS LIKE IT MIGHT HAVE.

  • WE'LL FIND OUT, WELL, WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW.

  • WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

  • WE'LL BE CHATTING TO PAUL BETTANY AND THEN LENNY JAMES,

  • LOOK AT THAT, TWO LONDONERS.

  • WE WILL HAVE A RIGHT TEARUP, LONGINS IS ON STAGE, KOK KNEE

  • TEAR UP.

  • >> LET'S HAVE A TEARUP.

  • >> YEAH, LET'S HAVE A CARVE UP.

  • >> I'M INTO IT.

  • >> LET'S HAVE A CARVE UP.

  • IAN IS NOT HERE BUT IF YOU WERE HERE IN THE STUDIO AND LOOK AT

  • WHERE HE NORMALLY SITS IT LOOKS LIKE IAN MIGHT HAVE DIED.

  • JUST OUT OF RESPECT TO IAN, WE

  • WON'T TURN THE LIGHTS ON FOR A WEEK.

  • WE SHOULD START LAYING FLOWERS THERE.

  • OH, LOOK, JAMES' CRYING, HE IS IS APPROXIMATING IAN SO MUCH.

  • >> IT'S EMOTIONAL.

  • WRZ DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN IAN DID THAT BIT.

  • LET'S PLAY A BEST OF IAN.

  • WE'LL SOLD QUER ON WITHOUT HIM.

  • IAN'S LAST ACT IN THE STUDIO.

  • WAS PAINTING THIS DESK.

  • GUYS, BIG NEWS, YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY.

  • DONALD TRUMP JUST BECAME THE FIRST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY TO BE

  • IMPEACHED TWICE.

  • YES.

  • (APPLAUSE).

  • >> James: TWICE.

  • I HOPE TRUMP SUPPORTERS DON'T SUDDENLY BECOME ANGRY AND

  • VOLATILE ABOUT THIS.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT IS CRAZY, SO MUCH HAS GONE ON THAT I DON'T

  • REMEMBER WHAT HE WAS IMPEACHED FOR THE FIRST TIME.

  • RUSSIA?

  • SOMETHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA.

  • >> OH, UKRAINE.

  • >> James: RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

  • TWO IMPEACHMENTS.

  • TWO IMPEACHMENTS AND JUST LIKE TRUMP'S SONS, THE SECOND ONE IS

  • THE MOST EMBARRASSING.

  • UNLIKE THE FIRST TIME AROUND, EVEN SOME REPUBLICANS VOTED

  • TODAY FOR TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT.

  • AT ONE POINT COLORADO REPUBLICAN KEN BUCK TRIED TO EXPLAIN AWAY

  • THAT UGLY SCENE LAST WEEK BY COMPARING IT TO VARIOUS

  • HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES.

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> ROBERT DE NIR-- DE NIRO SAID HE WANTED TO PUNCH THE PRESIDENT

  • IN THE FACE, MADONNA THOUGHT ABOUT BLOWING UP THE WHITE

  • HOUSE.

  • KTEE GRIFFIN HELD UP A LIKENESS OF THE PRESIDENT BEHEADED, HEAD.

  • AND NOTHING WAS SAID BY MY COLLEAGUES AT THAT POINT IN

  • TIME.

  • >> James: COME ON, KEN, NO ONE LIKES A NAME DROPPER.

  • YOU KNOW WHO TOLD ME THAT.

  • OPRAH.

  • ALSO, GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY ROBERT DE NIRO, I

  • CONSIDER THAT TO BE ONE OF THE HIGHEST HONORS THIS COUNTRY CAN

  • BESTOW.

  • NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER THAN IF YOU SAID ROBERT DE NIRO

  • IS ON THE SHOW, HE IS NOT GOING TO CHAT, HE NOT GOING TO DO A

  • BIT.

  • HE IS GOING TO WALK IN AND SOCK YOU RIGHT IN THE MOUTH.

  • AT ANOTHER POINT REPUBLICAN LAUREN BOEBERT ARGUED THE

  • DEMOCRAT'S ATTEMPT TO IMPEACH TRUMP WAS ONLY CREATING MORE

  • DIVISION AN SHE HAD SOME STRONG WORDS FOR EVERYONE.

  • >> RATHER THAN ACTUALLY HELPING AMERICAN PEOPLE IN THIS TIME, WE

  • START IMPEACHMENT THAT FURTHER DIVIDES OUR COUNTRY.

  • I CALL BULL CRAP.

  • >> WHOA!

  • >> WHOA!

  • >> James: LANG ON A MINUTE.

  • I APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE WHO HAD TO HEAR THAT.

  • THAT IS-- THAT'S [BLEEP] CRAZY WHREEP [BLEEP] I'M JUST GLAD SHE

  • TOOK THE TIME TO SPEAK ON THE FLOOR TODAY BECAUSE NORMALLY ON

  • A WEDNESDAY SHE IS BUSY GETTING KICKED OUT OF A SEPHORA FOR YOAL

  • YELLING AT A MANAGER.

  • THIS TIME A SENATE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL COULD BE A BIT RECOGNIZEY

  • FOR THE PRESIDENT, MITCH McCONNELL IS APPARENTLY

  • PLEASED ABOUT TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT BECAUSE HE THINKS IT

  • WILL MAKE IT EASIER TO DISTANCE TRUMP FROM THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

  • IT'S OFFICIAL, MITCH McCONNELL HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON TRUMP,

  • WHICH SOMEONE SHOULD HELP HIM BECAUSE USUALLY WHEN MITCH

  • McCONNELL FLIPS ON HIS BACK-- IT IS HARD FOR HIM TO GET

  • BACK UP ON THE RIGHT SIDE AGAIN.

  • NOW THIS ALL SEEMS PROMISING, I KNOW, BUT WATCH OUT BECAUSE

  • THERE IS ACTUALLY NOTHING MORE DISTURBING THAN THE SIGHT OF A

  • PLEASED MITCH McCONNELL.

  • AND AS IF THAT IS NOT ENOUGH, THERE WAS EVEN MORE BAD NEWS ARE

  • FOR THE PRESIDENT.

  • THIS MORNING NEW YORK CITY ANNOUNCED IT IS SELFERRINGALL

  • CONTRACTS WITH THE TRUMP-- SEVERING ALL CONTRACTS

  • WITH THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION.

  • START SPREADING THE NEWS.

  • ONE OF THE CONTRACTS INCLUDED OPERATING THE CAROUSEL AT

  • CENTRAL PARK.

  • I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE ASKED THIS FOUR YEARS AGO, WHAT DOES

  • THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION DO EXACTLY?

  • LIKE SHADY REAL ESTATE DEALS, UNSAVORY INTERNATIONAL

  • TRANSACTIONS, AND MERRY-GO-ROUNDS?

  • WHAT WHAT BUSINESS WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED BY IF THE TRUMP

  • ORGANIZATION ORGANIZED IN NEW YORK.

  • >> Reggie: LIKE MAYBE A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT JUST SAY LIKE

  • HEY, I'M WALKING HERE, JUST TO PERPETUATE THE STEREOTYPE OF NEW

  • YORK.

  • >> James: THEY ARE ALL PAID EMPLOYEES OF THE CITY, JUST TO

  • GIVE IT A FLAVOR.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: HEY, I'M WALKING HERE.

  • I THINK I COULD PLAY A GOOD GANGSTER IN A MOVIE.

  • >> Reggie: I THINK YOU SHOULD.

  • >> James: YOU THINK I COULD DO THAT.

  • >> Reggie: YOU SHOULD.

  • >> James: TRUMP, RELAX, FORGET IT.

  • >> Reggie: YEP.

  • >> James: THEY CALL HIM SHORT ARM-- HEY, FORGET ABOUT IT,

  • EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING SEE, THE MAGIC WAS IN THE DESK, ROB, I

  • DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.

  • >> WE BLEW IT, I'M SORRY.

  • >> James: I THINK THAT'S IT NOW, I THINK THIS IS US.

  • BUT YES, THEY'RE TAKING THE CAROUSEL IN CENTRAL PARK AWAY

  • FROM HIM.

  • THEY ARE TAKING AWAY THE CAROUSEL, THIS IS DEVASTATING

  • NEWS FOR ERIC TRUMP.

  • BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, GANG.

  • EVEN AMERICA'S OVERSEAS ALLIES DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO

  • DO WITH THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY RIGHT NOW.

  • SECRETARY OF STATE MIKE POMPEO JUST HAD TO CANCEL HIS FINAL

  • TRIP ABROAD AFTER TOP EUROPEAN LEADERS REFUSED TO MEET WITH

  • HIM.

  • HERE IS HOW TOXIC TRUMP'S MD ARGUES IS RIGHT NOW.

  • EVEN IN THE EU WAS LIKE EWW W-W-W.

  • SEE?

  • >> OH NO, OH NO.

  • >> James: I'M GO BACK TO THE BAR AGE.

  • I'M GOING BACK.

  • YOU KNOW WHY THIS DOESN'T WORK?

  • IT'S GOT A REACTION TO THE LACQUER ON THIS.

  • [BLEEP].

  • >> TIM DIDN'T PLUG IT IN.

  • >> James.

  • >> >> James: THAT'S AULIFFE'S

  • GOT, REG, IT IS A SHADY JOB AS WELL.

  • LOOK WHAT HAS COME OFF-- LOOK AT THAT.

  • LOOK AT-- NO.

  • IT'S A SHADY JOB.

  • >> Reggie: OH MY LORD.

  • >> James: WE'LL SOLDIER ON, GUYS, BUT I'M--

  • (APPLAUSE) OH.

  • DA VINCH-- DA VINCI, WOW.

  • YEAH.

  • DA VINCI?

  • (LAUGHTER) I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY

  • THIS, I MISS 2020.

  • (LAUGHTER) LIKE I SAY, EW.

  • (APPLAUSE) POMPEO ACTUALLY CANCELLED HIS

  • BIG TRIP ABROAD.

  • I GUESS FINALLY HE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT LIFE HAS BEEN

  • LIKE FOR ALL OF US THESE PAST TEN MONTHS.

  • MOVING ON IN OTHER NEWS, AFTER AGING IN SPACE FOR MORE THAN A

  • YEAR SPACEX IS NOW BRINGING A CASE OF BORDEAUX WEINBACH TO

  • EARTH.

  • >> WHAT.

  • >> James: ELON MUSK, HE HAS TOO MUCH MONEY, THAT IS IT, HE

  • IS USING OUTER SPACE AS A WINE CELL AR.

  • OH, WHAT ARE WE GOING DO WITH THESE SIX BOTTLES, THERE IS NO

  • ROOM.

  • FIRE UP THE ROCKET.

  • WE'LL KEEP IT UP THERE WHILE WE DRINK THESE.

  • WINE FROM SPACE, THAT IS ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE WOBBLY

  • LEAP FOR MAN KIND.

  • I WAS NEVER SURE ABOUT THAT JOKE EITHER.

  • I'M SAYING JOKE, THAT IS BEING VERY FAVORABLE.

  • BUT I DID HEAR, I DID HEAR THIS, THIS IS A SWROAK, WILL YOU LIKE

  • THIS, YOU WILL LIKE THIS, I DID HEAR THAT THE WINE TASTES OUT OF

  • THIS WORLD.

  • >> AND FINALLY WE WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS, A CHURCH IN BRAZIL

  • OPENED A TOURIST ATTRACTION WHICH IS BEING CALLED THE

  • WORLD'S WORST WAX WORK MUSEUM BECAUSE THE FIGURES WILL SO BAD

  • THAT VISITORS CAN'T RECOGNIZE THE CELEBRITIES, TO GIVE YOU AN

  • IDEA HOW BAD IT IS, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MARILYN MONROE.

  • THE SCENTED CANDLE IN MY OFFICE LACKS MORE LIKE MARILYN MONROE

  • THAN THAT.

  • I STUDIED THE OTHER EXHIBITS.

  • I HAVE TO BE HONEST, THEY WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF THEY JUST

  • LABELED THEM PROPERLY.

  • AT THE MUSEUM THEY SAY THAT THIS IS ELVIS.

  • RIGHT, BUT IT'S OBVIOUSLY SHAWN MENDES.

  • THEY SAY THIS IS PRINCESS DIANA, BUT IT IS OBVIOUSLY TELEVISION

  • HOST LAURA INGRAM.

  • AND FINALLY FANS I WANT BANDS, I WANT YOUR GUESSES, DO YOU HAVE

  • ANY IDEA WHO THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

  • >> DENNIS RODMAN.

  • >> YOU THINK DENNIS RODMAN, ANYONE ELSE?