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  • >> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES

  • AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

  • THANKS FOR STAYING UP LATE WITH US.

  • I HOPE YOU DON'T REGRET IT BECAUSE

  • WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

  • WE'LL BE JOINED BY LIAM NEESON AND ANNALEIGH ASHFORD, AND LATER

  • WE'LL HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM PILLOW QUEENS

  • THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS.

  • OF COURSE, I'M HERE, ALL ALONE IN MY GARAGE.

  • REGGIE, THE BAND, AND IAN ARE ALL JOINING ME FROM THEIR HOMES.

  • AND GUYS, I HAVE SOME GOOD NEW -- I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

  • FINGERS CROSSED.

  • NO GUARANTEES.

  • ZERO PROMISES.

  • I'M HEARING THERE'S A CHANCE -- A CHANCE -- THAT WE

  • MIGHT BE GETTING OUT OF THE GARAGE SOON.

  • AND ALOUD BACK TO STUDIO.

  • WHAT ABOUT THAT?

  • HOW SHOULD WE CELEBRATE?

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE STUDIO?

  • ALL JUST CRACK A BEER IN OUR OWN PODS STILL ON ZOOM, NOT SEEING

  • EACH OTHER AROUND THE WORKPLACE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'VE GOT MORE GOOD NEWS.

  • DO YOU WANT SOME MORE GOOD NEWS, ANYONE?

  • >> PLEASE.

  • >> James: GUESS WHAT, HERE'S GOOD NEWS -- IT'S TIME TO START

  • THE MONOLOGUE!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> EXCELLENT.

  • >> James: THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.

  • HERE IT IS!

  • PRESIDENT TRUMP SPOKE PUBLICLY TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE

  • LAST WEEK'S RIOTS ON CAPITOL HILL, AND AFTER HE WAS ASKED BY

  • A REPORTER ABOUT HIS ROLE IN THE EVENTS, TRUMP RESPONDED BY

  • CLAIMING HIS SPEECH WAS, "TOTALLY APPROPRIATE."

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> WHAT IS YOUR ROLE IN WHAT HAPPENED AT THE CAPITOL?

  • WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY?

  • >> SO IF YOU READ MY SPEECH AND MANY PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT AND

  • I'VE SEEN IT BOTH IN THE PAPERS AND IN THE MEDIA, ON TELEVISION,

  • IT'S BEEN ANALYZED AND PEOPLE THOUGHT THAT WHAT I SAID WAS

  • TOTALLY APPROPRIATE.

  • >> James: WELL, I GUESS THAT SETTLES THAT.

  • IF "PEOPLE" SAID IT WAS APPROPRIATE, WHO ARE WE TO GO

  • JUST ADDS EXTRA WORDS TO A SENTENCE WHEN HE DOESN'T HAVE AN

  • ANSWER.

  • "I'VE SEEN IT BOTH IN THE PAPERS AND IN THE MEDIA, ON TELEVISION,

  • FLYERS AT THE GROCERY STORE, ON TABLETS.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY TABLETS.

  • TABLETS, THEY HAVE NO BUTTONS, TREMENDOUS TECHNOLOGY.

  • ALSO, TODAY, TRUMP WENT DOWN TO TEXAS TO VISIT THE BORDER WALL.

  • THE WHITE HOUSE BILLED TRUMP'S VISIT AS A CHANCE TO "MARK THE

  • COMPLETION OF MORE THAN 400 MILES OF BORDER WALL."

  • WELL, THAT'S A WRAP ON A FLAWLESS ADMINISTRATION.

  • TRUMP WENT TO VISIT THE BORDER WALL.

  • WHAT A NICE REMINDER OF HOW MUCH THE PRESIDENT HATES PEOPLE

  • STORMING BARRIERS AND ENTERING PLACES THEY AREN'T LEGALLY

  • ALLOWED.

  • REMEMBER THREE YEARS AGO, WHEN WE THOUGHT THE MOST INSANE THING

  • WE'D HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WITH TRUMP WAS THAT WALL?

  • THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT.

  • I LOOK UPON THAT AS GREAT TIMES NOW.

  • >> OH, YEAH, YEAH.

  • BACKLASH AGAINST DONALD TRUMP CONTINUES.

  • TRUMP'S BANKS HAVE NOW CUT HIM OFF, AND ARE REFUSING TO DO ANY

  • FUTURE BUSINESS WITH HIM.

  • I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THESE BANKS... LOST INTEREST.

  • THANK YOU.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WASN'T EVEN IN THE PROMPTER.

  • WROTE THAT MYSELF.

  • ALL ME.

  • ONE OF THE FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS IS DEUTSCHE BANK.

  • YOU KNOW YOU'VE SCREWED UP WHEN YOU FORCE GIANT, MULTI-NATIONAL

  • BANKS TO MAKE MORALLY-CORRECT DECISIONS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S THE THING --

  • TRUMP HAS GONE BANKRUPT SIX TIMES.

  • SHOULDN'T DEUTSCHE BANK HAVE MADE THIS DECISION ABOUT

  • $250-MILLION AGO?

  • AND THE HITS KEEP COMING FOR TRUMP.

  • TOMORROW MORNING, THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES WILL ONCE AGAIN

  • BE HOLDING A VOTE TO IMPEACH PRESIDENT TRUMP.

  • THE VOTE IS EXPECTED TO PASS, WHICH WOULD MAKE THIS THE ONLY

  • TIE A PRESIDENT HAS EVER BEEN IMPEACHED TWICE.

  • YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THAT LAST IMPEACHMENT WORKED OUT SO WELL.

  • THE HOUSE WILL BE CHARGING TRUMP WITH "INCITEMENT OF

  • INSURRECTION."

  • WHICH IS ALREADY A FILM I WANT TO SEE.

  • LIAM NEESON'S ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.

  • HE WOULD BE FANTASTIC IN THAT!

  • "COMING 2021: 'IMPEACHMENT 2: INCITEMENT OF INSURRECTION.'"

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WOULD YOU GO TO WATCH THAT?

  • LIAM NEESON, AN INCITEMENT OF INSURRECTION?

  • >> I WATCH ANY LIAM NEESON MOVIE EVER.

  • >> James: DON'T YOU THINK LIAM NEESON HAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE

  • CAREER IN ALL OF HOLLYWOOD?

  • >> Reggie: YEAH, HE'S GREAT.

  • IT'S A SUPER WELL RESPECTED ACTOR, ALL THE HIGH LEVEL STUFF

  • AND NOW HE'S DOING HIS OWN VERSION OF ACTION MOVIES

  • STARTING FROM "TAKEN," WHICH I CAN'T STOP WATCHING.

  • HE'S GOT IT ALL.

  • >> James: IT'S LIKE DANIEL DAY LEWIS COMING BACK AND MAKING

  • "DIE HARD FIVE."

  • BACK WHEN HE'S ON STAGE HE'S UNBELIEVABLE, AND NOW HE'S JUST

  • THIS ACTION HERO.

  • >> I THINK HE LOOKS GREAT IN A THICK SWEATER.

  • HE'S A GREAT THICK SWEATER GUY.

  • >> James: HE IS.

  • I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY OTHER ACTION HERO WHO WEARS A CHUNKY

  • KNIT LIKE LIAM NEESON.

  • >> HE LOOKS GREAT IN IT LOOSE.

  • DIANE KEATON LOOKS SIMILAR, BUT HE'LL DO IT AND LOOK LIKE A

  • CHECHNYAN TERRORIST.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: IT'S ALL RIGHT TO

  • BE, LIKE, I'M GOING TO GET INTO REAL DARK STUFF NOW AND KILL

  • SOME DUDES BUT IT MIGHT BE COLD, WHERE'S MY CHUNKY KNIT?

  • AND IF I KILL THEM AND I'M REALLY HOT, I CAN TAKE IT OFF

  • AND DO THAT OVER MY SHOULDERS AND STILL BE COMFORTABLE ON A

  • BOAT.

  • HE'S VERY SMART.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> YEAH.

  • >> James: THINGS ARE LOOKING PRETTY BAD FOR TRUMP'S PERSONAL

  • LAWYER, TOO.

  • BECAUSE OF HIS INVOLVEMENT AT THE RALLY LAST WEEK, RUDY

  • GIULIANI IS NOW FACING THE POSSIBILITY OF DISBARMENT.

  • JUST TO BE CLEAR: ARE WE SAYING THAT UP UNTIL LAST WEEK, HE WAS

  • A FINE, UPSTANDING MEMBER OF THE LEGAL PROFESSION?

  • GIULIANI COULD BE DISBARRED.

  • DON'T SWEAT IT, RUDY.

  • SERIOUSLY, DON'T SWEAT OR THERE WILL BE HAIR DYE ALL OVER YOUR

  • FACE.

  • BUT IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD FOR GIULIANI.

  • TODAY, HE WENT TO FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING JUST TO DROP

  • OFF A RESUME.

  • WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO NOW, RUDY GIULIANI, AS A BACKUP CAREER?

  • GENUINE QUESTION, IAN, WOULD THEY TAKE RUDY GIULIANI ON "THE

  • MASKED SINGER"?

  • >> OH!

  • >> James: I KNOW, A TOUGH ONE, ISN'T IT?

  • >> SIX MONTHS -- NOT NOW -- BUT IN SIX MONTHS, THEY'LL HAVE HIM

  • ON.

  • I THINK THAT'S HOW LONG THE CYCLE IS.

  • >> James: WHAT DO YOU THINK, REG?

  • DO YOU THINK THEY'D TAKE HIM ON "THE MASKED SINGER"?

  • >> I THINK THEY WOULD.

  • YOU DON'T GET THAT INITIAL IMPRESSION ON THE SHOW.

  • I THINK THERE WOULD BE A TIME OF BOOS WHEN HE'S REVEALED BUT I

  • THINK IT COULD WORK.

  • >> IT COULD HELP THE HEALING.

  • >> Reggie: IT COULD HELP THE HEALING, YEAH.

  • >> James: THAT'S RIGHT.

  • TIM'S A REAL GLASS HALF FULL GUY.

  • >> YEAH.

  • I THINK GIULIANI GOES ON CAMEO AFTER THIS.

  • >> James: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

  • 35 BUCKS.

  • >> $3,500 -- YEAH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I DON'T THINK HE

  • GETS 500 BUCKS FOR A GREETING.

  • >> MAYBE NOT.

  • MAYBE NOT.

  • MAYBE LIKE 250 FOR A GREETING, 100 FOR LEGAL ADVICE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: AND HERE'S SOME BIG

  • NEWS FOR ALL OF US HERE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.

  • IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT DISNEYLAND WILL BECOME A MASS

  • COVID-19 VACCINATION SITE.

  • SURE, WHY NOT?

  • I'LL TRUST MY HEALTHCARE TO A COUPLE OF MICE, A DOG, AND A

  • DUCK WITHOUT PANTS.

  • THE VACCINE IS FREE, BUT THE BOTTLE OF WATER WILL SET YOU

  • BACK $23.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) DISNEYLAND HAS BEEN CLOSED SINCE

  • MARCH.

  • DO YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET THEIR SHOT AND THEN BE LIKE,

  • "GO ON, MATE, OPEN UP SPACE MOUNTAIN.

  • WE'RE ALL HERE, NOBODY IS LOOKING."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) GO ON, LET ME HAVE A GO.

  • I'D LIKE TO GET MY VACCINATION ON A RIDE.

  • >> HAVE ONE OF THE ANIMATED PIRATES DO IT.

  • >> James: AS YOU GO IN, IT'S A SMALL WORLD --

  • ( SINGING ) -- OW!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I WANT TO BE VERY CLEAR

  • ABOUT THIS -- GETTING A VACCINATION IS

  • DISNEYLAND WITHOUT CHILDREN.

  • >> Reggie: THANK YOU, JAMES.

  • THANK YOU.

  • >> James: I LIKE THAT YOU JUST LET YOUR HAIR DOWN THERE, REG.

  • YOU JUST UNLEASHED IT.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: YEAH, MY BROTHER!

  • OH, MY GOD.

  • >> James: HANG ON, TAKE THE HEADPHONES OFF, REG.

  • GIVE US THE FULL EFFECT.

  • >> OH, WOW.

  • YES.

  • WOW.

  • RK, WORK, WORK...

  • >> Reggie: BUT I THINK I CAN --

  • >> OH, THAT.

  • >> James: OH, WOW.

  • AMAZING.

  • >> Reggie: THERE WE GO.

  • >> James: I FEEL LIKE THAT KID IN "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I LOVE THAT, REG.

  • >> Reggie: THANKS, MAN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: AND WE WANTED TO

  • TELL YOU ABOUT THIS -- HERE'S A NEW PRODUCT --

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: TELL US ABOUT A NEW

  • PRODUCT, JAMES.

  • >> James: WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS --

  • ( LAUGHTER ) --

  • BEN & JERRY'S HAS JUST INTRODUCED TWO NEW ICE CREAM

  • FLAVORS MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR DOGS.

  • I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE BUT YOU'VE FINALLY DONE IT, BEN

  • AND JERRY.

  • IT'S OFFICIAL -- YOU'VE SMOKED TOO MUCH WEED.

  • THEE'S "PONTCH'S MIX," WHICH IS A COMBINATION OF PEANUT BUTTER

  • AND PRETZELS.

  • YOU KNOW, FOR WHEN YOUR DOG'S GOING THROUGH A BREAK UP.

  • AN THERE'S "ROSIE'S MIX," WITH REAL PUMPKIN, MINI-COOKIES, AND

  • A SUNFLOWER-BUTTER BASE.

  • AND MINI COOKIES.

  • ICE CREAM FOR DOGS.

  • THOUGH I MUST SAY I THOUGHT THEY WENT TOO FAR WITH THIS NEW

  • FLAVOR -- "STRANGER'S CROTCH."

>> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES

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President Trump Will Always Be #1 - In Impeachments!

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/13
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