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  • OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE STILL DOING THE SHOW FROM INSIDE MY GARAGE.

  • YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE IT, YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

  • NONE-OF-US ARE HAPPY WITH THIS, BUT THINK ABOUT IT, YOU HAVE THE

  • UPPER HAND HERE.

  • YOU CAN GO AND WATCH "THE CROWN" AGAIN.

  • I HAVE TO BE HERE.

  • IF IT HELPS, JUST THINK OF TONIGHT'S SHOW AS AN HOUR-LONG

  • CAMEO GIFTED TO YOU BY YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW WHO DOESN'T KNOW

  • YOU VERY WELL.

  • LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.

  • REGGIE, THE BAND, AND IAN ARE HOW WILL WE GUYS, ARE WE GOOD.

  • >> Reggie: AND AGAIN WE HAVE MATCHING SHIRTS.

  • >> James: YOU DO, YOU AND IAN.

  • >> Reggie: THE KIND OF GRAY GOING ON RIGHT THERE.

  • >> James: YOU WANT TO TELL THE SECRET.

  • YOU SEE I'M WEARING THIS THREE PIECE SUIT.

  • >> James: IT'S ACTUALLY A TWO PIECE SUIT.

  • >> SHOW US THE GOODS, COME ON.

  • YOU CAN'T TEASE US LIKE THAT.

  • >> James: LOOK AT THAT.

  • NOT JUST ANY SWEAT PANTS.

  • "LATE, LATE SHOW" SWEAT PANTS.

  • SO I STILL FEEL LIKE IT'S OKAY.

  • LOOK AT TIM, ON THE TREADMILL.

  • JUST GOING FOR IT.

  • >> Reggie: HE IS A TREADER, HE DOESN'T FEAR TO TREAD.

  • >> YEAH, THE TREADMILL.

  • I'M HERE, HAVING A GOOD TIME.

  • >> James: HANG ON, DID YOU BUY ONE-- IS THIS ONE OF THESE

  • T-SHIRTS THAT I SEE AN AD FOR ON THE INTERNET.

  • >> IT IS A TOTAL INSTAGRAM PURCHASE.

  • >> Reggie: I REMEMBER THOSE, T-SHORT.

  • >> James: BE CAREFUL, TIM, TIM, BE CAREFUL.

  • >> I HAVE NEVER TRIED THAT BEFORE.

  • >> James: I HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED AT THOSE T-SHIRTS.

  • HANG ON, IS THIS THE IDEA THAT THERE IS A TUNNEL THROUGH YOUR

  • BODY?

  • >> YEAH, THERE SAY HOLE, I FEEL EMPTY INSIDE.

  • >> James: ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE TO THE HEADLINES YESTERDAY

  • WAS A TOUGH DAY FOR MANY OF US BUT ONCE THE CHAOS SETS DOWN.

  • IMMEDIATELY WENT BACK TO WORK, AND WORKED LATE INTO THE NIGHT,

  • OFFICIALLY CERTIFYING JOE BIDEN'S VICTORY AT 3:30 IN THE

  • MORNING.

  • MAKING THIS THE ONLY GOOD DECISION TO EVER HAPPEN

  • AT 3:30 IN THE MORNING.

  • A SMALL GROUP OF REPUBLICANS PUSHED BACK ON CERTIFICATION,

  • BUT THE REST OF CONGRESS WAS LIKE, "IT'S 3:30, JUST PACK IT

  • IN, YOU PRICKS."

  • 3:30 A..M!

  • THEY DEBATED THE ELECTORAL VOTES, CERTIFIED THE ELECTION,

  • AND THEN JUST FOR FUN THREW ON "JURASSIC PARK" AND ORDERED A

  • COUPLE PIZZAS.

  • AND NANCY PELOSI HAD ALL THE ICE CREAM.

  • THEY ALL TUCKED INTO THAT.

  • >> NICE SOON AFTER THE CERTIFICATION,

  • PRESIDENT TRUMP RELEASED A STATEMENT, SAYING THAT THERE

  • WOULD BE AN "ORDERLY TRANSITION OF POWER" ON JANUARY 20.

  • UNFORTUNATELY, THE STATEMENT WAS WRAPPED AROUND A BRICK AND

  • TOSSED THROUGH A CAPITOL BUILDING WINDOW.

  • TRUMP ALSO USED THE STATEMENT TO MENTION THAT HE DISAGREED WITH

  • THE OUTCOME OF THE ELECTION.

  • WELL, THANK GOD!

  • OTHERWISE THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO WAY TO KNOW!

  • TRUMP JUST CAN'T HELP HIMSELF, CAN HE, IAN?

  • EVEN WHEN HE'S SAYING THE "RIGHT THING," HE STILL HAS TO SLIP A

  • LITTLE GRIPE IN THERE.

  • >> IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE'S AN ABSOLUTE SCHMUK OR SOMETHING, I

  • AM BEGINNING TO THINK OF THAT.

  • >> James: YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE GOING

  • THESE PAST 24 HOURS HAS REALLY MADE ME DISLIKE TRUMP.

  • (LAUGHTER) AND AFTER THAT UGLY DAY

  • YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S MENTAL STATE HAS NOW COME INTO

  • QUESTION, WITH ONE SENIOR ADVISER SAYING TRUMP HAS "LOST

  • IT."

  • I'VE GOT TO SAY, IT'S VERY BRAVE OF REPUBLICANS TO START SPEAKING

  • OUT AGAINST TRUMP ONLY 99.9% OF THE WAY THROUGH HIS TERM IN

  • OFFICE.

  • NOT TO QUIBBLE, BUT FOR SOMEONE TO "LOSE IT," FIRST THEY MUST

  • "POSSESS IT."

  • MUS NT THEY.

  • YOU CAN'T LOSE SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T PO SESMS I LOVE HOW WE

  • ARE TALKING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S STATE OF MIND THE

  • SAME WAY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT LOSING CAR KEYS.

  • "I KNOW THE PRESIDENT'S HUMANITY IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

  • IT WAS THERE-- I PUT IT THERE."

  • I HAVE LOST IT, GONE.

  • MEANWHILE, FACEBOOK AND TWITTER SUSPENDED THE PRESIDENT'S

  • ACCOUNTS.

  • TWITTER LOCKED HIS ACCOUNT FOR 12 HOURS, AND FACEBOOK ANNOUNCED

  • TODAY THAT IT WOULD BLOCK TRUMP UNTIL AT LEAST THE END OF HIS

  • TERM.

  • SO, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

  • LOOKS LIKE TRUMP IS FINALLY ABOUT TO START POPPIN' ON

  • TIKTOK, BABY!

  • STOP THE STEAL.

  • >> THAT IS TIKTOK, THAT IS WHAT IT IS?

  • >> THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS, IT LIKE PULL THE FRAME.

  • >> SOMETHING LIKE MAR SELL MARCEAUX.

  • >> >> James: IT.

  • >> IT TIME TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, STOP THE STEAL.

  • >> TOP, STOP.

  • >> EXACTLY, STOP.

  • >> STOP THE STEAL.

  • >> James: YEAH, THAT'S T IAN'S GOT T STOP THE STEAL.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> DID YOU HAVE TO DANCE IN

  • THERE,.

  • >> THAT'S GOOD, YOU'RE TOO GOOD ALREADY.

  • >> TOO GOOD, JAMES, TOO GOOD.

  • >> TO DO THE TRUMP, YOU HAVE TO POINT TO SOMEBODY IN THE CROWD

  • WHO YOU JUST MADE UP LIKE AH, I SEE YOU, AND THEN YOU GO BACK,

  • OH, YOU.

  • >> THAT'S IT.

  • >> DO IT.

  • >> YOU ROCKED IT, YES.

  • THAT'S IT.

  • THAT'S IT.

  • >> James: TRUMP'S LOCKED OUT OF FACEBOOK?

  • THAT'S ROUGH.

  • LOCKED OUT OF FACEBOOK HOW'S HE GOING TO KNOW WHEN IT'S

  • ONE OF HIS FRIEND'S BIRTHDAYS?

  • WOULD ANY OF YOU GUYS CARE IF YOU WERE PERMANENTLY LOCKED OUT

  • OF FACEBOOK?

  • >> HELL NO.

  • >> James: ANY ONE.

  • >> I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT FACEBOOK IN THREE YEARS.

  • >> I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT FACEBOOK IN NINE YEARS.

  • >> James: CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING I'M VERY PROUD OF,

  • VERY, VERY PROUD OF THIS, I NEVER JOINED.

  • >> YEAH.

  • NEVER JOINED.

  • NEVER DID IT.

  • >> James: NEVER DID IT.

  • AND I DO FIND ALL OF-- DO YOU REMEMBER LAST WEEK ON TWITTER,

  • HASHTAG DELETE FACEBOOK WAS TRENDING? AND I LOOKED AT IT ON

  • TWITTER AND ALL THESE PEOPLE DELETE FACEBOOK.

  • I LOOKED AT A FEW OF THE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT IT, AND THEY ALL

  • HAD THEIR INSTAGRAM IN THEIR BIO.

  • THEY BOUGHT IT, YOU CAN'T-- IT IS ALL-- THE SAME POT OF MONEY.

  • IT'S ALL THE SAME, YEAH, NEVER JOINED.

  • NEVER JOINED FACEBOOK.

  • I SAW ALL OF THIS COMING.

  • NOW LOOK, AND SURE, THIS IS A LITTLE

  • OFF-TOPIC, BUT HAVE YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT MARK ZUCKERBERG

  • LOOKS LIKE IF MITCH McCONNELL HAD A BABY

  • WITH A GHOST?

  • HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT?

  • >> Reggie: INTERESTING MEANWHILE, ANGRY REPUBLICAN

  • LEADERS, AS WELL AS NANCY PELOSI AND CHUCK SCHUMER, ARE NOW

  • CALLING ON THE VICE PRESIDENT TO INVOKE THE 25th AMENDMENT TO

  • REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE, BECAUSE HE'S UNABLE TO EXECUTE

  • HIS PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES.

  • WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE TRUMP IS UNABLE TO EXECUTE HIS

  • PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES-- THEY TOOK AWAY HIS TWITTER!

  • EXPERTS SAY THE 25th AMENDMENT APPLIES HERE BECAUSE TRUMP

  • IS DISINTERESTED IN DOING THE JOB AND NOT IN THE RIGHT FRAME

  • OF MIND TO CARRY OUT ANY OF THE NECESSARY TASKS.

  • WHICH, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, ALSO DESCRIBES ME DURING THESE

  • GARAGE SHOWS.

  • BUT THIS IS HUGE.

  • IF I UNDERSTAND THE LAW CORRECTLY, AND I THINK I DO,

  • MIKE PENCE WOULD THEN ASSUME THE OVAL OFFICE, AND THAT FLY ON

  • HIS HEAD WOULD TAKE OVER AS VICE PRESIDENT.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WAS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

  • STATES FOR TWO WEEKS, GET A PS5.

  • >> THAT IS WHAT IT WOULD TAKE.

  • >> Reggie: FORGET THE VACCINE, RIGHT.

  • >> James: NO, THE VACCINE IS ROLLED OUT.

  • I WOULD JUST GO GUYSK I'M ONLY HERE FOR TWO WEEKS.

  • I WANT TO MAKE THE MOST OF THIS, HANGING OUT, ORDERING ROOM

  • SERVICE.

  • I JUST NEED A PS5.

  • >> Reggie: GOOD LUCK.

  • >> YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO KEEP IT, THAT IS THE THING.

  • >> James: OH, OH, YOU THINK?

  • >> Reggie: THEY WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU, IT WOULD BE

  • GOVERNMENT CUSTODY.

  • >> James: THEN I DON'T WANT THE JOB, THEN I'M NOT

  • INTERESTED.

  • AND YESTERDAY'S EVENTS SEEMED TO BE THE FINAL STRAW FOR MANY

  • TRUMP ASSOCIATES, THERE HAVE BEEN MULTIPLE RESIGNATIONS

  • YESTERDAY AND TODAY INCLUDING ONE CABINET MEMBER, TRUMP

  • NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR AND EVEN THE FIRST LADY'S CHEF OF

  • STAFF AGAIN, A LITTLE LATE, BUT OKAY.

  • PEOPLE WERE COMPARING THIS BIG WAVE OF RESIGNATIONS TO RATS

  • FLEEING THE "TITANIC," BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR.

  • AT ONE POINT, THE "TITANIC" ACTUALLY HAD SOME DIRECTION.

  • IT WAS GOING SOMEWHERE.

  • IT MAKES SENSE, THOUGH.

  • YOU WANT TO GET OUT INTO THE JOB MARKET BEFORE THE TRUMP

  • ADMINISTRATION GETS BLOCKED ON LINKEDIN, AS WELL.

  • IN OTHER NEWS, A CITY IN SOUTH PARNS IF DENMARK ARE OUTRAGED

  • AFTER A NEW CLAYMATION CHARACTER, THERE WAS OUTRAGE

  • BECAUSE THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS A RATHER LONG PENIS.

  • HOW LONG?

  • TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF.

  • LOOK AT THAT FIRST I WANT TO SAY YES, I GAVE THEM THE RIGHTS TO

  • MY LIFE STORY BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE AIMED AT YOUNG

  • CHILDREN, SECOND I THINK AIMED AT YOUNG CHILDREN WOULDN'T BE

  • THE BEST WAY TO FRAME THIS.

  • I THINK IT WOULD BE CONVENIENCE ON THAT BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,

  • YOU HAVE A-- FOR LIFE.

  • >> I THINK IT IS GOOD, AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN

  • WASHINGTON YESTERDAY, MAYBE DENMARK CAN TEACH US A THING OR

  • TWO ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH A GIANT DICK.

  • WHAT?

  • (APPLAUSE)

OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE STILL DOING THE SHOW FROM INSIDE MY GARAGE.

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B1 TheLateLateShow james trump reggie facebook president

Are They Gonna Hit Trump with the 25th?

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/11
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