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  • >> JAMES: GOOD EVENING LADIES

  • AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

  • HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY.

  • THANK YOU FOR ENDING IT WITH US, RIGHT HERE.

  • WE'RE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

  • NOW AS YOU'LL HAVE SEEN LAST NIGHT, FOR SAFETY REASONS, WE'RE

  • NOT ALLOWED INTO OUR REGULAR STUDIO RIGHT NOW.

  • SO WE'RE HERE IN MY GARAGE.

  • BASICALLY, WE'RE ABOUT TWO WEEKS AWAY FROM GETTING DOWNGRADED TO

  • A PODCAST.

  • THAT'S WHERE WE'RE AT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'M HERE, YOU'RE HERE, REGGIE'S

  • HERE, THE BAND ARE HERE, IAN'S HERE, THEY'RE ALL IN THEIR

  • HOUSES.

  • I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

  • IT'S WEIRD.

  • I DON'T LIKE THIS.

  • I PREFER HAVING THE BAND IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME.

  • I FEED OFF THEIR "CASUAL DISINTEREST."

  • TONIGHT, WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH THE DASHING JAMES MARSDEN, AND

  • LATER WE HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM TIM MINCHIN, STICK AROUND FOR

  • THAT.

  • I WILL SAY THIS, I DO LIKE SEEING THE INSIDE OF

  • THE BAND'S HOMES, SEEING HOW I'VE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO ANY

  • OF THEM.

  • I REALLY THOUGHT WHEN I FINALLY GOT TO SEE THE INSIDE OF

  • GUILLERMO'S HOUSE, IT WOULD INVOLVE ME PUTTING MY KEYS IN A

  • BOWL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> WOW, YOU'RE GETTING A LOT OF

  • MILEAGE OFF OF THIS ONE SCENARIO.

  • I LOVE YOUR IMAGINATION.

  • >> James: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

  • OF COURSE WE ARE.

  • WHAT ELSE THERE TO WORK WITH, GUILLERMO?

  • THIS IS ALL WE'VE GOT!

  • >> NO, I'M ALL FOR IT.

  • I'M JUST COMMENTING ON THE OBVIOUS.

  • >> YEAH, YOU'RE ALL FOR IT -- >> James: WOULD YOU SWING WITH

  • ME, GUILLERMO?

  • WOULD YOU, GENUINELY?

  • LET'S SAY WE HAVE A COUPLE OF THE DRINKS --

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S COME TO THIS.

  • YOU'RE THE ONLY MEMBER OF THE BAND I WOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE TO

  • BE IN THAT POSITION WITH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> I LOVE IT.

  • >> James: IAN, WE TALKED ABOUT IT A LITTLE LAST NIGHT, BUT IS

  • THERE A WORSE SETUP FOR COMEDY THAN WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW?

  • >> I DID STANDUP ONCE IN A BARBECUE RESTAURANT WHERE A GANG

  • OF BIKERS WERE REVVING THEIR ENGINES OUTSIDE THROUGH MY

  • ENTIRE SET BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS COMEDIAN HAD PISSED THEM OFF,

  • AND THIS IS WORSE THAN THAT.

  • SO, NO, THIS IS AS BAD AS IT GETS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I DON'T LIKE THIS

  • SITUATION, I REALLY DON'T.

  • MEANWHILE, YOU KNOW JAY LENO IS LIKE, "TELLING JOKES IN A

  • GARAGE, THAT'S MY DREAM JOB!" ( LAUGHTER )

  • THAT'S MY IMPRESSION OF JAY LENO.

  • >> IS THERE A JOKE WRITTEN DOWN THERE OR ARE YOU JUST RIFFING?

  • WHAT'S THE RATIO.

  • >> James: THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.

  • YOU WILL NEVER KNOW, G.

  • YOU WILL NEVER EVER KNOW.

  • WHAT DO YOU THINK?

  • WHAT DO YOU THINK?

  • >> I DON'T WANT TO USE MY BRAIN ENERGY LIKE THAT.

  • >> YOU BRAIN ENERGY?

  • >> James: FOR THE ONE HOUR A DAY YOU'RE AT WORK.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T WANT TO USE MY BRAIN

  • WHILE I'M IN WORK HOURS!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> FOR THAT.

  • FOR THAT.

  • >> James: SURE.

  • LET'S BE SPECIFIC.

  • RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

  • >> James: I CAN TELL YOU, IT WAS WRITTEN DOWN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LOOK AT TIM.

  • TIM, YOU'RE GOING TO BURN QUITE A FEW CALORIES THIS WEEK.

  • >> THAT'S RIGHT.

  • YEAH, YESTERDAY, I DID A LITTLE SUMMARY.

  • IT WAS A 468 CALORIES.

  • >> James: THAT'S A LOT.

  • YEAH, I'M JUST GOING NOWHERE, JUST LIKE ALWAYS, BUT NOW I'M IN

  • MY GARAGE GOING NOWHERE.

  • >> IT'S ALL RELATIVE.

  • YEAH.

  • >> James: I DID 2, 5, 6, ON A BIKE THIS MORNING AND I FELT

  • HAPPY WITH THAT.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> James: CAN YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THIS IS ON TV?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> NOW, I CAN.

  • >> James: WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER AND YOU WOULD WATCH,

  • LIKE, LATE NIGHT SHOWS, YOU KNOW, I IMAGINE THERE WOULD HAVE

  • BEEN A BIT OF YOU AT SOME POINT WOULD HAVE GONE, NO, I WONDER IF

  • I WOULD EVER GET TO WORK ON SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

  • DID YOU EVER THINK THAT THIS IS WHAT IT WOULD BE?

  • >> NO!

  • NO.

  • NO.

  • >> NO.

  • T LIKE THIS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I THOUGHT, LIKE, THERE WAS A

  • GOOD CHANCE I WOULD BE IN A DIAPER GETTING THROWN INTO,

  • LIKE, A POOL FULL OF BAKED BEANS ON CONAN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

  • BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS.

  • >> James: IT WOULDN'T BE AS DEGRADING AS THIS.

  • >> NO.

  • >> James: BUT, LOOK, WE'RE DOING ALL THIS, WE'RE JOKING

  • AROUND, BUT, YOU KNOW, SAFETY COMES FIRST,

  • COMEDY COMES SECOND.

  • KEEP THAT IN MIND AS WE GET INTO TODAY'S HEADLINES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AS YOU KNOW, THE STATE OF

  • GEORGIA WENT TO THE POLLS TODAY TO VOTE IN TWO RUNOFF ELECTIONS

  • THAT WILL ULTIMATELY DECIDE WHICH PARTY CONTROLS THE SENATE.

  • IF REPUBLICANS WIN EITHER RACE, THEY'LL CONTROL THE SENATE.

  • AND IF REPUBLICANS LOSE THE RACE, THEY'LL STILL SAY THEY

  • WON, AND WE'LL PRETTY MUCH BE BACK WHERE WE STARTED.

  • HERE'S THE THING -- I'M A SONG AND

  • DANCE MAN FROM HIGH WYCOMBE A SMALL MARKET TOWN 40 MINUTES

  • OUTSIDE OF LONDON, AND I LONG FOR THE DAY WHEN I'M NOT

  • WHITE-KNUCKLING IT ON THE NIGHT OF A GEORGIA SENATE RUNOFF.

  • I'M NOT SAYING IT'S A STRESSFUL NIGHT, BUT ANYONE TRYING TO DO A

  • "DRY JANUARY" IS SCREWED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) TO RALLY REPUBLICANS, PRESIDENT

  • TRUMP FLEW TO GEORGIA LAST NIGHT, AND ON THE FLIGHT,

  • IVANKA TRUMP TOOK THIS PHOTO.

  • THIS LOOKS LIKE A PHOTO YOU WOULD TAKE IF THERE WAS A

  • CELEBRITY IN THE BOOTH NEXT TO YOU AT A RESTAURANT.

  • BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER THAT'S A FATHER AND DAUGHTER AND IT'S

  • JUST KIND OF SAD.

  • BUT HERE'S THE THING, WHEN SHE POSTED THE PHOTO TO SOCIAL

  • MEDIA, IVANKA TAGGED THE OFFICIAL G.O.P. ACCOUNT, THE TWO

  • GEORGIA SENATE CANDIDATES, AND THEN BIZARRELY, THE SINGER

  • MEAT LOAF.

  • I THINK I'M OUT OF THE LOOP HERE.

  • IS MEAT LOAF RUNNING FOR SENATE?

  • I FEEL BAD FOR MEAT LOAF IN ALL OF THIS.

  • AI DO.

  • HE WAS JUST MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS, WEARING A BILLOWING

  • LINEN SHIRT OPEN TO THE NAVEL, PLAYING TWO GRAND PIANOS AT THE

  • SAME TIME, ILLUMINATED BY A THOUSAND CANDELABRAS, AND THEN

  • ALL OF A SUDDEN, HIS TWITTER IS BLOWING UP.

  • NOW, WHEN THEY GOT TO THE RALLY, KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE INTRODUCED

  • HER BOYFRIEND, DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR, AND SHE GOT A LITTLE...

  • INTENSE.

  • >> I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I HAVE THE GREAT HONOR AND PRIDE TO

  • WORK EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH AN INCREDIBLE MAVERICK WHO LOVES

  • HIS FATHER, WHO FIGHTS AND BELIEVES IN THIS COUNTRY, AND

  • THAT'S DONALD TRUMP, JR., THE SON OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE

  • UNITED STATES!

  • ( CHEERING ) AND HE LOVES GEORGIA!

  • >> JAMES: "AND HE LOVES..."

  • "GEORGIA!" WOW, THAT WAS LOUD.

  • IS SHE INTRODUCING THE PRESIDENT'S SON, OR TRYING TO

  • ENTER A GROCERY STORE WITHOUT A MASK ON?

  • AND HERE'S THE THING, WHEN DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR TOOK THE

  • STAGE, HE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET EVEN LOUDER.

  • >> GUYS, WHEN YOU'RE AT A DISADVANTAGE, YOU DON'T TAKE

  • YOUR BALL AND GO HOME!

  • YOU GET OUT THERE AND YOU FIGHT!

  • HARDER!

  • >> JAMES: BASED ON HIS TONE, WHEN HE SAYS "BALL," I ASSUME HE

  • MEANS "EIGHTBALL."

  • CAN YOU IMAGINE THESE TWO AT DINNER?

  • HOW WAS YOUR DAY?!!

  • IT WAS GOOD!!

  • WHAT ABOUT YOU?!!

  • IT WAS ALSO GOOD!!

  • SHOULD WE WATCH "THE CROWN" LATER?!

  • YES!!

  • BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO FINISH THE REST OF "MASKED SINGER" WE

  • DVR'D!!

  • I HOPE WE CAN JUST DO COCAINE!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT

  • THESE TWO ARE LIKE IN BED?

  • >> Reggie: AH!

  • NO, PLEASE.

  • >> James: IT MUST BE A CONTEST TO SHOW EACH OTHER WHO'S HAVING

  • A BETTER TIME.

  • LATER IN THE RALLY, PRESIDENT TRUMP SPOKE, AND HE TALKED ABOUT

  • THE GALLUP POLL THAT NAMED HIM --

  • >> WE HAVE MADE AMERICA POWERFUL AGAIN, THE MILITARY.

  • WE HAVE MADE AMERICA WEALTHY AGAIN, OUR STOCK MARKET.

  • WE HAVE MADE AMERICA STRONG AGAIN, LOOK AT THAT ARM.

  • LOOK AT THAT ARM.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THAT MUST BE HIS

  • TWEETING ARM.

  • THIS IS HOW WE END UP WITH TRUMP IN A BOXING RING HAVING A FIGHT

  • WITH LOGAN PAUL.

  • I'M ALL FOR IT.

  • I AM.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AS USUAL, TRUMP ENDED THE RALLY

  • BY, ONCE AGAIN, DANCING TOO THE YMCA.

  • >> GO GET 'EM DAVID, GO GET 'EM, KELLY!

  • GO GET 'EM TOMORROW!

  • ♪♪♪ >> OH!

  • I JUST -- >> James: LOOK AT THEM ARMS!

  • IT'S ACTUALLY DISTURBING.

  • HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S PULLING A LEAVE ON TWO FROYO MACHINES AT

  • THE SAME TIME.

  • WHEN I SAW THAT LAST NIGHT, I GOT SAD BECAUSE I REALIZED THIS

  • WAS PROBABLY TRUMP'S LAST RALLY AS PRESIDENT, WHICH MEANS WE'VE

  • JUST WATCHED HIM DANCE TO THE YMCA FOR THE LAST TIME.

  • BUT WE'LL NEVER FORGET.

  • AND TO COMMEMORATE THIS MOMENT, WE'VE PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE

  • VIDEO, ENJOY.

  • ♪♪♪ ( YMCA )

  • ♪♪♪ ( YMCA )

  • ♪♪♪ >> JAMES: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

  • WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW!" ♪♪♪

>> JAMES: GOOD EVENING LADIES

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Have We Seen Trump's Last Dance?

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    林宜悉 posted on 2021/01/06
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