Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • -Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you.

  • Thank you, thank you. Welcome to "The Tonight Show"!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Everyone's indoors watching the show tonight, cozy.

  • I love it. Welcome, everybody.

  • We're having a sleepover tonight.

  • We're having a sleepover. It's gonna be fun.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Let's get to the news and jokes.

  • Well, guys, as if things aren't crazy enough,

  • right now, millions of people on the East Coast

  • are bracing for some pretty intense weather.

  • -A blockbuster nor'easter.

  • -A beast of a December snowstorm.

  • -Nightmarish, major, and epic.

  • -Tens of millions bracing for a powerful winter storm

  • that could bring up to two feet of snow.

  • -Yep. When the experts said stay home and hunker down,

  • Americans were like, "We're already home

  • and we're already hunkered."

  • Yeah, yeah. Instead of a snow day tomorrow,

  • a lot of kids will have school remotely.

  • That's where your 6-year-old just said,

  • "2020 can go straight to H-E-double hockey sticks."

  • Hey. [ Laughter ]

  • I got to be honest. I'm not really looking forward

  • to starting my day tomorrow by using an ice scraper

  • on my face shield. [ Laughter ]

  • Well, here in New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio

  • said that while street dining must close for the storm,

  • sidewalk dining can remain open.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That sounds like fun during a blizzard,

  • especially when your waiter has to curl your entree

  • over to you with a broom.

  • "Who ordered the steak? Here we go. Okay, go, go, go, go."

  • Yeah, sidewalk dining will remain open

  • because what's more fun than eating a plate

  • of frozen pasta while a plow

  • blasts you with a foot of gray sludge?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yep, thanks to the blizzard,

  • millions of people could end up losing power

  • or, as one man put it, [as Trump] join the club.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • A lot of Republicans say the power's still on, actually.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Normal voice ] Sir, no one can hear you.

  • The televisions are off. There's no electricity.

  • [ as Trump ] Yes, it is. There's electricity.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Normal voice ] By the way, you know we're entering

  • the post-Trump world when our monologues start with

  • "Hey, guys, some big news about the weather."

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Feels kind of good!

  • Well, everyone's talking about this.

  • Tom Cruise was caught on tape yelling at his crew,

  • but he was basically just telling them

  • to socially distance and be safe from COVID.

  • Here, listen to this.

  • Yeah, wow, if Tom Cruise worked in the White House,

  • we could have had the vaccine back in April.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • For the last nine months, that's pretty much

  • how Dr. Fauci has felt on the inside.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • What's amazing is when Tom delivered that rant,

  • he was hanging off a 163-story building.

  • Isn't that amazing? [ Laughter ]

  • But actually, this isn't the first time a celebrity

  • has been caught ranting about something

  • that has turned out to be pretty helpful advice.

  • Check out some of these other examples.

  • Helpful, helpful, helpful advice.

  • We're submitting that for the Emmys show.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Well, guys, it's been a tough week for President Trump

  • and it keeps getting worse. Now, his next-door neighbors

  • at Mar-a-Lago are saying they don't want him

  • to live there after he leaves the White House.

  • Neighbors are like, "This is a classy area.

  • We can't be associated with a one-term president."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • New York doesn't want him. Mar-a-Lago doesn't want him.

  • Man, one minute you're waking up in the White House,

  • next, you're waking up next to Lou Dobbs,

  • whispering, "I made us coffee."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I'm not surprised nobody wants Trump living next door.

  • Most neighbors ask to borrow some sugar.

  • Trump's like, "Can I borrow $400 million?"

  • It would be ironic, though, if Trump does move there

  • and then his neighbors build a giant wall next to him.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Just saying.

  • We'll pay for it. [ Laughter ]

  • Changing gears here, I saw that IKEA is now selling tiny homes

  • starting around $47,000.

  • Yeah, it sounds interesting, but I'm not sure if I want

  • to live in a house I assembled with an Allen wrench.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • You know that uneasy feeling

  • when you're done building a dresser

  • and there's like three extra pieces?

  • Now picture that with a house.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Listen to this. In a new study,

  • 45% of people working remotely admitted

  • they drink during the work day,

  • as opposed to the other 55%

  • who still do it but didn't admit it.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Meanwhile, there's also another survey

  • that found that college kids are actually drinking

  • less during the pandemic.

  • Turns out it's not that fun to do a keg stand

  • when the people holding your legs are your mom and dad.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And finally, a documentary filmmaker

  • made a little mistake while he was flying over Brazil.

  • Watch this.

  • -A documentary filmmaker got a little careless

  • while snapping pictures from a small plane over Brazil.

  • His iPhone 6S slipped out of his hand

  • and plunged 1,000 feet to the ground,

  • and it recorded the entire 15-second fall.

  • -Thanks to GPS, he found that phone the next day,

  • still charged with only a crack in the protective screen.

  • -Get out of here! -What?

  • -That's crazy.

  • I mean, who the hell still has an iPhone 6?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's right. His iPhone only had one crack

  • after falling 1,000 feet.

  • Meanwhile, I dropped mine in the parking lot.

  • Looks like a monster truck drove over it.

  • What a show we have for you tonight.

  • Joining us in studio, she stars in the new animated Pixar film,

  • "Soul" -- Tina Fey is here!

  • [ Cheers and applause ] Tina Fey!

  • Plus, she directed, produced and co-wrote

  • the upcoming film "Wonder Woman 1984."

  • Patty Jenkins is here!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • And we got great music, my friend upstate,

  • my friend "Q-Ball," Shawn Quinlan upstate,

  • was telling me all the music he was into.

  • He's like, "Have you heard this kid, Marcus King?"

  • Do you know Marcus King?

  • -I'm still tripping off of Q-Ball.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Is that his real name? -That's his real name.

  • -Does he know you call him Q-Ball?

  • [ Laughter ] -Yeah, I call him

  • a bunch of, like, fun, friend nicknames.

  • -What's he call you?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Jim. [ Laughter ]

  • It's not Jimmy.

  • -"Hey, Jimothy, what's up, man? It's Q-Ball."

  • -No, Jimothy is -- Some people call me Jimothy.

  • But no, he -- we're straight up -- Jim he calls me.

  • Yeah, which is kind of a fun nickname.

  • -Straight up Jim.

  • -You know, Quinlan is his last name.

  • -Oh, okay. -So he's Q-Ball.

  • -Yeah, Q-Ball.

  • -Shawn. Shawn Quinlan.

  • Quinlan, Q-Ball.

  • I call him Shawn. I call him Q.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -He doesn't know you call him Q-Ball.

  • -Yeah. -He answers the phone.

  • He's like, "Hello?" You're like, "Hey, Q-Ball, what's up?

  • It's J-Jim." He's like, "What?"

  • -I don't say it's J-J-Jim. I say it's Jim.

  • I know who it is if I'm calling.

  • -Okay. Cool. -Yeah.

  • You kind of hesitated a little bit when you said my name.

  • -Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah.

  • No, I know my name. -Alright, alright, Jim-Ball.

  • -Jim-Ball is not a thing that no one --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -It'll catch on. -It won't catch on.

  • I don't want it to catch on.

  • I want Jimmy. James is my name.

  • I used to go by Jim all the time.

  • Then I like Jimmy Fallon,

  • then my rap name was Colgate for a while.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -I think I can guess why.

  • -The toothpaste.

  • -I mean, extra fresh, I don't know.

  • -Oh, man, I wish I thought of that.

  • [ Laughter ] -Wow.

  • -Oh, damn! -Wow!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Wait, are you going back in time?

  • -Yeah. I never thought that. That's actually good.

  • My rhymes weren't that good. -Extra fresh.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Anyway, I'm talking to Q-Ball.

  • I go, "What's up? What are you listening to?"

  • He goes, "Check out Marcus King."

  • This dude shreds. He's got a great voice.

  • I love it. Get ready. You're going to love this guy.

  • Marcus King is on the show tonight.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • So, I watched "Soul" over the weekend, the Pixar movie,

  • Tina Fey, Jamie Foxx -- they're both fantastic in it.

  • The movie's great, man. Oh, man.

  • Guess whose first voice or second voice you hear

  • in the whole thing. -My boy Q-Ball.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Q-Ball! Questlove! Yeah! Q-Ball! That's right, Questlove!

  • -Q-Ball! Q-Ball!

  • -[ Laughing ] You call him Q-Ball?

  • -Yeah, man. [ Laughter ]

  • -Questlove is in "Soul."

  • Here he is as Curly. Look at this.

  • -And I'm bald-headed.

  • -You're like a cue ball. -Yeah.

  • -Yeah, you're bald as a cue ball.

  • Curly -- Quest, you are fantastic in this.

  • -Thank you. -I heard your voice.

  • I knew we talked about this months ago,

  • and you said you're in this, but you're really good in this.

  • -Thank you. When they called me to --

  • When they pitched it to me,

  • I thought they just wanted recommendations for music

  • because it was like an 11-minute pitch.

  • I'm like, "Who gives an 11-minute pitch for music?"

  • -Yeah, I'll figure it out.

  • -I was like, well, yeah, I can recommend some people.

  • And they're like, "No, you're in it."

  • -Wow! -I just fell out, like...

  • -It's wild. I mean, the movie is a trip, man.

  • It's really amazing.

  • You forget you're watching -- I mean,

  • the animation is just amazing.

  • But it's great. It's moving.

  • But, dude, you're perfect. -It's really for adults, though.

  • It's for adults.

  • -I watched it with my girls. They dug it. They liked it.

  • -But you felt that a little bit more, didn't you?

  • -Phew, man, I was weeping. I felt it.

  • -Exactly. [ Laughs ] -"Don't even look at me."

  • I had my kids sitting on my lap so they couldn't see me.

  • -Right. -Gosh, dude.

  • Wait till you see what you do with your life, you know?

  • It's like, oh, my God. -Exactly.

  • -It's one of those movies. -Yeah.

  • -But, dude, you're great in it.

  • What do you think the jazz club that they're imitating,

  • which one do you -- I think it's --