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  • -Thank you very much, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome

  • to "The Tonight Show."

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Thank you very much for being here.

  • We have a great show for you tonight.

  • Bruce Springsteen is here in studio.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • I saw Bruce backstage. I said,

  • "Thank you so much for being here on the first night

  • of Hanukkah." And Bruce said,

  • [ As Springsteen ] "Jimmy, for the last time, I'm not Jewish."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Normal voice ] Let's get to the news and jokes.

  • Well, guys, things aren't going too well

  • for President Trump lately, but that didn't stop him

  • from throwing a party last night. Watch this.

  • -Overnight, President Trump hosting a Hanukkah party

  • at the White House using the holiday gathering to once again

  • falsely claim he can still win the election.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Ah, yes, the festival of lies.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Even the dreidel was looking at Trump like,

  • "Damn, this guy spins more than I do."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I like how everyone whipped out their phones

  • to record Trump like it was a drunken fight

  • in a Waffle House. Like,

  • "Oh, this is going to go viral. This is going to get some hits."

  • It's probably good that Trump talked about the election.

  • I feel like him winging the story of Hanukkah

  • might have been worse. It's like,

  • [ As Trump ] "For eight nights,

  • Jewish Santa would visit all the good little Kushners."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Normal voice ] Speaking of the White House,

  • I read that once Trump moves out,

  • officials are going to disinfect the whole building

  • before Biden moves in. -Yes!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I have a feeling this is going to be necessary

  • with or without COVID. [ Laughter ]

  • There's a half-eaten Baconator between the cushions here.

  • "Turn on the black light. Good God! Oh, my --"

  • -Eww! [ Laughter ]

  • -"My retinas are burning! Oh, my --"

  • Biden's going to be the first president to be sworn in,

  • then spend the next week crashing at a La Quinta.

  • Apparently, the CDC told Biden it would be safer

  • if he just moved into a bowling shoe.

  • That doesn't sound -- That doesn't sound right, does it?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Speaking of Biden, I heard that he might take

  • an Amtrak train to his inauguration,

  • which is slightly different than what other presidents have done.

  • That brings us to our new educational segment called

  • "Presidential Inaugurations: Betcha Didn't Know!"

  • -Joe Biden might travel to his inauguration by Amtrak,

  • but betcha didn't know Jimmy Carter

  • traveled to his inauguration

  • by shooting himself out of a cannon.

  • ♪♪

  • This has been "Presidential Inaugurations:

  • Betcha Didn't Know!" -Yeah, it's amazing.

  • I didn't know any of that.

  • Listen to this -- a pharmaceutical company

  • had to issue a recall after two of their drugs got mixed up.

  • Let's see which ones they were.

  • -There is a recall this morning after a drug

  • used to treat depression somehow got bottled up

  • and sent out with the generic form of Viagra!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -People knew something was up when, well...

  • -Hey! -...something was up.

  • All right? Ah, come on. [ Cymbals playing ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yeah, the people in depression commercials were like,

  • "Why do I have the sudden urge to sit in an outdoor bathtub?"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Samsung just announced its new 110-inch microLED TV,

  • and it costs about $155,000.

  • Yep, so now you have a 110-inch TV playing

  • while you scroll through Instagram on your phone.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Can you lower that?

  • And finally, I saw that Jay-Z just launched

  • his own premium brand of weed called Monogram.

  • It must be good. Today, Jay-Z was like,

  • "I got two problems and forgot the other 97!"

  • You know, some things happen to you in life,

  • you just go, "Oh, my gosh,

  • I love that that just happened

  • because you just made me so happy."

  • Well, last night, we just got home from doing our show,

  • and everyone just started sending me texts and they go,

  • "Dude, Dionne Warwick just tweeted at you."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • So Dionne Warwick is on Twitter now, and she's like owning.

  • She's running Twitter right now. -Yes.

  • -And it's so fun. And it's her. And she tweeted,

  • "Does anybody know if Jimmy Fallon will be doing

  • the Christmas Sweaters countdown this year?

  • I love those wretched things."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Dionne Warwick.

  • I flipped out,

  • and then I tweeted back to her,

  • and then she tweeted back to me again.

  • -What? -Yeah. And then I tweeted

  • back to her again. And then I guess...

  • Did you send her a playlist?

  • -Oh, she got that? -Dude, she got that and said,

  • "A playlist from Questlove and a sweater from Jimmy Fallon.

  • I'm a happy lady, I can go to bed happy" or something.

  • I'm like, "You are the greatest."

  • My dad...

  • I called my dad after that happened

  • because she performed on his aircraft carrier,

  • the USS Constellation in 1968 in San Diego.

  • And trust me, I've heard this story my whole life.

  • And that's the whole story.

  • But I think he saw her even backstage and just said

  • how nice he was and all this stuff.

  • So we've always been fans.

  • And my dad said, "I took a photo,"

  • and it's so great. This is so my dad.

  • So I go, "Yeah, you have a photo of Dionne Warwick performing?"

  • And this is 1968.

  • So it's one of those cameras

  • that have the cube flash, the spinner.

  • So this is my dad's photo, he says, of Dionne Warwick

  • performing on his...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That is his photo of Dionne Warwick,

  • and it was cool. I mean, I have photos like this,

  • too, at concerts where I'm like, "Oh, my gosh,

  • I'll never forget it." But he really never forgot this

  • and talked about it all the time.

  • And so I thank Dionne for just being awesome

  • and all the jams. She's unbelievable.

  • And I love you, Dionne Warwick, so much.

  • You just made my whole night and world last night.

  • So thank you for bringing up the sweater.

  • We whipped up a special sweater just for you, pal.

  • One of these wretched sweaters.

  • Check your mailbox 'cause this guy's coming.

  • Oh, look at this.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • Only you can rock this, Dionne.

  • Only you could rock this sweater.

  • You'll make it look good, and we love you.

  • And thanks for thinking about us and tweeting about us.

  • Be well, pal. I hope to see you and talk to you soon.

  • We have exactly seven shows left before we go on Christmas break,

  • which means it's time for that beloved

  • "Tonight Show" tradition.

  • It's time for 12 days of Christmas sweaters!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪ 12 days of Christmas sweaters

  • Seven days left

  • -That's right! Every show between now and Christmas,

  • will be giving one lucky audience member

  • a sensational Christmas sweater

  • from the countdown to Christmas cabinet.

  • Since there are seven shows left,

  • let's open door number 7.

  • [ Drum roll ] Go for it.

  • All right. Let's look at it.

  • Beautiful. Oh!

  • Wow!

  • That is...

  • That is something else. That is something else.

  • Yeah, literally, I think it might be something else.

  • All right. Let's see who's going home with tonight's sweater.

  • Everyone look at your seat number.

  • If I call your number, come on down.

  • Quest, can I get a drum roll, please?

  • -Yeah. [ Drum roll ]

  • -It is number...

  • 364!

  • ♪♪

  • -Hey!

  • Oh, my goodness. Look at this.

  • Congratulations, you've won tonight's Christmas sweater.

  • What is your name, and where are you from?

  • -Jenny, and I'm from Jersey. -Jenny from Jersey!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Jenny, would you mind trying that on for us right now?

  • Is that okay? -It's my favorite color.

  • It really -- Oh, my gosh.

  • You are going to love this.

  • There's no right way to put it on.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yeah, your head can go in that way.

  • It doesn't really -- They are sleeves.

  • That works. Yes. Oh, this is --

  • Already I can tell. Jenny?

  • Yes, just stop there. That's perfect.

  • Jenny, it's almost too -- Yeah, it's perfect!

  • Look at how beautiful. Yeah. Look. Lookit!

  • This is what I'm talking about.

  • Yeah. Come on, now!

  • Jenny, look at that.

  • You should be our model for all these.

  • Congratulations. Thanks again to Jenny,

  • our lucky audience member. Stick around.

  • We'll be right back with Bruce Springsteen!

  • Talking about Jersey? Come on!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

-Thank you very much, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome

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White House to Be Disinfected When Trump Leaves | The Tonight Show

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/17
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