Subtitles section Play video
-
-Thank you very much, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome
-
to "The Tonight Show."
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
Thank you very much for being here.
-
We have a great show for you tonight.
-
Bruce Springsteen is here in studio.
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
I saw Bruce backstage. I said,
-
"Thank you so much for being here on the first night
-
of Hanukkah." And Bruce said,
-
[ As Springsteen ] "Jimmy, for the last time, I'm not Jewish."
-
[ Laughter ]
-
[ Normal voice ] Let's get to the news and jokes.
-
Well, guys, things aren't going too well
-
for President Trump lately, but that didn't stop him
-
from throwing a party last night. Watch this.
-
-Overnight, President Trump hosting a Hanukkah party
-
at the White House using the holiday gathering to once again
-
falsely claim he can still win the election.
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Ah, yes, the festival of lies.
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Even the dreidel was looking at Trump like,
-
"Damn, this guy spins more than I do."
-
[ Laughter ]
-
I like how everyone whipped out their phones
-
to record Trump like it was a drunken fight
-
in a Waffle House. Like,
-
"Oh, this is going to go viral. This is going to get some hits."
-
It's probably good that Trump talked about the election.
-
I feel like him winging the story of Hanukkah
-
might have been worse. It's like,
-
[ As Trump ] "For eight nights,
-
Jewish Santa would visit all the good little Kushners."
-
[ Laughter ]
-
[ Normal voice ] Speaking of the White House,
-
I read that once Trump moves out,
-
officials are going to disinfect the whole building
-
before Biden moves in. -Yes!
-
[ Laughter ]
-
I have a feeling this is going to be necessary
-
with or without COVID. [ Laughter ]
-
There's a half-eaten Baconator between the cushions here.
-
"Turn on the black light. Good God! Oh, my --"
-
-Eww! [ Laughter ]
-
-"My retinas are burning! Oh, my --"
-
Biden's going to be the first president to be sworn in,
-
then spend the next week crashing at a La Quinta.
-
Apparently, the CDC told Biden it would be safer
-
if he just moved into a bowling shoe.
-
That doesn't sound -- That doesn't sound right, does it?
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Speaking of Biden, I heard that he might take
-
an Amtrak train to his inauguration,
-
which is slightly different than what other presidents have done.
-
That brings us to our new educational segment called
-
"Presidential Inaugurations: Betcha Didn't Know!"
-
-Joe Biden might travel to his inauguration by Amtrak,
-
but betcha didn't know Jimmy Carter
-
traveled to his inauguration
-
by shooting himself out of a cannon.
-
♪♪
-
This has been "Presidential Inaugurations:
-
Betcha Didn't Know!" -Yeah, it's amazing.
-
I didn't know any of that.
-
Listen to this -- a pharmaceutical company
-
had to issue a recall after two of their drugs got mixed up.
-
Let's see which ones they were.
-
-There is a recall this morning after a drug
-
used to treat depression somehow got bottled up
-
and sent out with the generic form of Viagra!
-
[ Laughter ]
-
-People knew something was up when, well...
-
-Hey! -...something was up.
-
All right? Ah, come on. [ Cymbals playing ]
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Yeah, the people in depression commercials were like,
-
"Why do I have the sudden urge to sit in an outdoor bathtub?"
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Samsung just announced its new 110-inch microLED TV,
-
and it costs about $155,000.
-
Yep, so now you have a 110-inch TV playing
-
while you scroll through Instagram on your phone.
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Can you lower that?
-
And finally, I saw that Jay-Z just launched
-
his own premium brand of weed called Monogram.
-
It must be good. Today, Jay-Z was like,
-
"I got two problems and forgot the other 97!"
-
You know, some things happen to you in life,
-
you just go, "Oh, my gosh,
-
I love that that just happened
-
because you just made me so happy."
-
Well, last night, we just got home from doing our show,
-
and everyone just started sending me texts and they go,
-
"Dude, Dionne Warwick just tweeted at you."
-
[ Laughter ]
-
So Dionne Warwick is on Twitter now, and she's like owning.
-
She's running Twitter right now. -Yes.
-
-And it's so fun. And it's her. And she tweeted,
-
"Does anybody know if Jimmy Fallon will be doing
-
the Christmas Sweaters countdown this year?
-
I love those wretched things."
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Dionne Warwick.
-
I flipped out,
-
and then I tweeted back to her,
-
and then she tweeted back to me again.
-
-What? -Yeah. And then I tweeted
-
back to her again. And then I guess...
-
Did you send her a playlist?
-
-Oh, she got that? -Dude, she got that and said,
-
"A playlist from Questlove and a sweater from Jimmy Fallon.
-
I'm a happy lady, I can go to bed happy" or something.
-
I'm like, "You are the greatest."
-
My dad...
-
I called my dad after that happened
-
because she performed on his aircraft carrier,
-
the USS Constellation in 1968 in San Diego.
-
And trust me, I've heard this story my whole life.
-
And that's the whole story.
-
But I think he saw her even backstage and just said
-
how nice he was and all this stuff.
-
So we've always been fans.
-
And my dad said, "I took a photo,"
-
and it's so great. This is so my dad.
-
So I go, "Yeah, you have a photo of Dionne Warwick performing?"
-
And this is 1968.
-
So it's one of those cameras
-
that have the cube flash, the spinner.
-
So this is my dad's photo, he says, of Dionne Warwick
-
performing on his...
-
[ Laughter ]
-
That is his photo of Dionne Warwick,
-
and it was cool. I mean, I have photos like this,
-
too, at concerts where I'm like, "Oh, my gosh,
-
I'll never forget it." But he really never forgot this
-
and talked about it all the time.
-
And so I thank Dionne for just being awesome
-
and all the jams. She's unbelievable.
-
And I love you, Dionne Warwick, so much.
-
You just made my whole night and world last night.
-
So thank you for bringing up the sweater.
-
We whipped up a special sweater just for you, pal.
-
One of these wretched sweaters.
-
Check your mailbox 'cause this guy's coming.
-
Oh, look at this.
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
♪♪
-
Only you can rock this, Dionne.
-
Only you could rock this sweater.
-
You'll make it look good, and we love you.
-
And thanks for thinking about us and tweeting about us.
-
Be well, pal. I hope to see you and talk to you soon.
-
We have exactly seven shows left before we go on Christmas break,
-
which means it's time for that beloved
-
"Tonight Show" tradition.
-
It's time for 12 days of Christmas sweaters!
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
♪ 12 days of Christmas sweaters ♪
-
♪ Seven days left ♪
-
-That's right! Every show between now and Christmas,
-
will be giving one lucky audience member
-
a sensational Christmas sweater
-
from the countdown to Christmas cabinet.
-
Since there are seven shows left,
-
let's open door number 7.
-
[ Drum roll ] Go for it.
-
All right. Let's look at it.
-
Beautiful. Oh!
-
Wow!
-
That is...
-
That is something else. That is something else.
-
Yeah, literally, I think it might be something else.
-
All right. Let's see who's going home with tonight's sweater.
-
Everyone look at your seat number.
-
If I call your number, come on down.
-
Quest, can I get a drum roll, please?
-
-Yeah. [ Drum roll ]
-
-It is number...
-
364!
-
♪♪
-
-Hey!
-
Oh, my goodness. Look at this.
-
Congratulations, you've won tonight's Christmas sweater.
-
What is your name, and where are you from?
-
-Jenny, and I'm from Jersey. -Jenny from Jersey!
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
Jenny, would you mind trying that on for us right now?
-
Is that okay? -It's my favorite color.
-
It really -- Oh, my gosh.
-
You are going to love this.
-
There's no right way to put it on.
-
[ Laughter ]
-
Yeah, your head can go in that way.
-
It doesn't really -- They are sleeves.
-
That works. Yes. Oh, this is --
-
Already I can tell. Jenny?
-
Yes, just stop there. That's perfect.
-
Jenny, it's almost too -- Yeah, it's perfect!
-
Look at how beautiful. Yeah. Look. Lookit!
-
This is what I'm talking about.
-
Yeah. Come on, now!
-
Jenny, look at that.
-
You should be our model for all these.
-
Congratulations. Thanks again to Jenny,
-
our lucky audience member. Stick around.
-
We'll be right back with Bruce Springsteen!
-
Talking about Jersey? Come on!
-
[ Cheers and applause ]
-
♪♪
-
♪♪