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  • I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, GUYS.

  • DECEMBER IS HALF VER.

  • WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH.

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

  • IT FEELS LIKE THE OTHER DAY, IT WAS THE FIRST.

  • WE DON'T DO ANYTHING, WE COME HERE, WE'RE TRAPPED

  • BUT TIME SEEMS TO BE GOING SO FAST?

  • REGGIE, WHAT EVEN IS "TIME?" >> Reggie: YOU KNOW, IT'S A

  • GOOD QUESTION.

  • IT'S REALLY THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I GUESS I'M

  • HERE.

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • ARE WE HERE, THOUGH?

  • >> Reggie: I DON'T THINK WE ARE.

  • I THINK WE'RE EXPERIENCING THIS FROM A VERY DISTANT PLACE, BUT

  • IT'S FUN.

  • >> James: DO YOU THINK THEN, GENUINELY, BECAUSE DO YOU

  • REMEMBER WHEN WE -- >> Reggie: YES, I REFERENCE

  • THIS ALL THE TIME.

  • >> James: WE WERE SAYING NONE OF THIS IS HERE, NONE OF THIS IS

  • REAL, WE'RE ALL LIVING A SIMULATION OF SOMETHING ELSE,

  • AND I NEVER FORGET, HE SAID TO US, HE SAID, ANTS IN AN ANT FARM

  • DON'T KNOW THAT THEY'RE IN AN ANT FARM.

  • THEY THINK THAT'S THE WORLD.

  • >> Reggie: YES.

  • >> James: AND I WAS, LIKE, SO HANG ON, IS IT A SIMULATION?

  • HE WAS, LIKE, THE CHANCES OF YOU BEING HERE AND ME BEING HERE AND

  • ANY OF THIS IS REAL OR THE FACT THAT YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT FREE

  • WILL IS ABSURD.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: SO I ROBBED A BANK.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I DID.

  • I WENT STRAIGHT OUT.

  • I SAID, WELL, IF NONE OF THIS IS REAL, IT'S FINE.

  • ROBBED A W BANK, GOT AWAY WITH I $36,000 CASH.

  • >> Reggie: WOW.

  • >> James: TWO BAGS OKAY, OTHER OPENED, COVERED IN INK.

  • >> Reggie: OH.

  • >> James: AND I BOUGHT A LOT OF BITCOIN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HEADLINES.

  • IT'S OFFICIAL, ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR IS RESIGNING.

  • BARR MET WITH THE PRESIDENT LAST NIGHT AND SAID HE WILL LEAVE

  • OFFICE NEXT WEEK.

  • MAYBE NOW HE'LL HAVE TIME TO FINALLY READ THAT MUELLER

  • REPORT.

  • LAUGHTER ) BILL BARR HAS RESIGNED AS

  • ATTORNEY GENERAL.

  • AS OPPOSED TO BEFORE, WHEN BARR WAS SIMPLY RESIGNED TO HIS FATE

  • OF DEFENDING EVERY STUPID THING DONALD TRUMP HAS EVER SAID.

  • I LOOKED AT IT -- BARR AND TRUMP, THEY COULDN'T

  • HAVE BEEN THAT CLOSE, OTHERWISE BARR WOULD HAVE GOTTEN

  • CORONAVIRUS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT DIDN'T

  • GET COVID.

  • HE WAS NEVER IN THERE.

  • HIS RESIGNATION LETTER DIDN'T GO INTO MUCH DETAIL, BUT BARR DID

  • SAY HE PLANS TO SPEND MORE TIME BEING MISTAKEN FOR ELTON JOHN

  • WITH REGULAR GLASSES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP ANNOUNCED BARR'S

  • RESIGNATION ON TWITTER, WRITING "JUST HAD A VERY NICE MEETING

  • WITH ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A VERY GOOD ONE, HE HAS DONE AN

  • OUTSTANDING JOB!

  • BILL WILL BE LEAVING JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS

  • WITH HIS FAMILY."

  • OUR CONDOLENCES TO BILL BARR'S FAMILY AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT'S A

  • PRETTY GLOWING REVIEW COMING FROM TRUMP, WHICH MEANS BARR

  • MUST HAVE SOME REALLY SORDID BLACKMAILABLE MATERIAL ON HIM.

  • >> Reggie: YES.

  • >> James: THE NEW INTERIM ATTORNEY GENERAL WILL BE JEFF

  • ROSEN, OR AS TRUMP CALLS HIM, "LESS-HOT

  • MIKE PENCE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, LAST NIGHT JOE BIDEN

  • GAVE A SPEECH SHORTLY AFTER THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE CONFIRMED HIS

  • VICTORY, AND HE TOOK LOTS OF VEILED, AND NOT-SO-VEILED,

  • SWIPES AT PRESIDENT TRUMP.

  • >> IN AMERICA, POLITICIANS DON'T TAKE POWER.

  • PEOPLE GRANT POWER TO THEM.

  • THE FLAME OF DEMOCRACY WAS LIT IN THIS NATION A LONG TIME AGO,

  • AND WE NOW KNOW NOTHING, NOT EVEN A PANDEMIC OR AN ABUSE OF

  • POWER CAN EXTINGUISH THAT FLAME.

  • >> JAMES: I'M NOT SURE, BUT I FEEL LIKE HE WAS DIRECTING THAT

  • AT DONALD TRUMP.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THIS WAS NICE, BIDEN'S TEAM,

  • THEY'VE ALREADY REPURPOSED THAT CLIP AS A WAY TO TRY TO APPEAL

  • TO YOUNG AMERICANS.

  • >> THE FLAME OF DEMOCRACY WAS LIT --

  • >> DAMN, SON!

  • WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS?

  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ >> James: LATER IN THE SAME

  • SPEECH, BIDEN EXPLAINED HOW TRUMP USED EVERY LEGAL RECOURSE

  • AVAILABLE TO HIM AND IT WAS STILL SHOT DOWN EACH TIME.

  • >> THEY WERE HARPED PI MORE THAN 80 JUDGES AND NO CAUSE WAS FOUND

  • TO REVERSE OR QUESTION OR DISPUTE THE RESULTS.

  • >> James: YEAH, SURE, IF YOU TRUST THE COURTS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

  • WHEN HE HEARD THIS, TRUMP IS LIKE, YEAH, I'VE USED EVERY

  • LEGAL RECOURSE AVAILABLE TO ME BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON

  • THE ILLEGAL RECOURSES YET, YOU WAIT.

  • I LIKE BIDEN STATING FACTS IS THE NEW ULTIMATE DISS.

  • HE LOST HIS LAWSUITS, NO VOTER FRAUD, THE EGGNOG IS, LET'S BE

  • HONEST, A LITTLE TOO RICH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I LIKE A FIRED-UP BIDEN.

  • I LIKE WHEN HE JUST SPEAKS AND SAYS THIS.

  • I BET HE WALKED OFF STAGE, OPENED A SAC PRILL LA WITH

  • HIS',, CRUSHED THE CAN ON HIS HEAD, LET'S MOVE ON, LET'S GET

  • OUT OF HERE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MEAN WHILE, PRESIDENT TRUMP

  • STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE.

  • ACCORDING TO ONE INSIDER, TRUMP HAS DECIDED THAT HE WILL AVOID

  • SAYING THAT HE LOST.

  • INSTEAD, TO SAVE FACE, HE'LL SAY HE "DIDN'T WIN."

  • MAN, THIS GUY HAS AN ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING.

  • EXCEPT HOW TO PROVE ELECTION FRAUD.

  • TRUMP THEN ADDED, AND IT'S NOT I WON'T BE PRESIDENT, IT'S JUST

  • I'LL STOP NOT NOT BEING PRESIDENT.

  • AND DID YOU SEE THIS?

  • EARLIER TODAY, THE F.D.A.

  • CONFIRMED THAT MODERNA'S COVID-19 VACCINE IS SAFE AND

  • EFFECTIVE, WHICH MEANS WE MAY HAVE TWO APPROVED VACCINES B

  • THE END OF THE WEEK.

  • INJECT THIS NEWS STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS.

  • REGGIE?

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: I'M GOING TO GET BOTH!

  • PFIZER, MODERNA, BANG!

  • LET'S GO!

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: PFIZER, MODERNA!

  • >> Reggie: TIME FOR A VAX-CATION.

  • >> James: ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT?

  • >> Reggie: I'M GOING TO MAX THE VAX.

  • >> James: YEAH, MAX THE VAX.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> James: CHEERS, MAN.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH!

  • >> James: EVEN THOUGH THE F.D.A. HAS

  • CONFIRMED BOTH VACCINES ARE SAFE, I'M SURE IT WILL TAKE NO

  • TIME FOR PEOPLE TO PICK A FAVORITE.

  • "YOU HAD THE PFIZER?

  • NO WAY.

  • I DON'T TRUST THE PFIZER ONE BIT.

  • I'M ALL MODERNA.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT PFIZER AND MODERNA ARE LIKE

  • THE PS5 AND XBOX SERIES X OF THE VACCINE WORLD-- IT DOESN'T

  • MATTER WHICH ONE YOU WANT, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GETTING

  • EITHER UNTIL JUNE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.

  • A WOMAN IN AUSTRALIA BOUGHT A PRE-MADE GINGERBREAD HOUSE.

  • IT ALREADY HAD A RESIDENT.

  • I LIKE MY GINGERBREAD TO HAVE A BITE BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH.

  • IT'S LIKE THE GOTH VERSION OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.

  • INSTEAD OF A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE THEY HAVE A SPIDER IN A

  • GINGERBREAD HOUSE.

  • MUST HAVE BEEN FRIGHTENING, BUT THEN THE AUSTRALIANS SAID STEVE

  • THE STOCKING SPIDER?

  • NO, THAT'S AN AUSTRALIAN CHRISTMAS ORIGINAL, MATE.

  • AND FINALLY, A FAMILY IN KANSAS IS WARNING OTHER PARENTS AFTER

  • THEY HID THEIR "ELF ON THE SHELF" DOLLS INSIDE THE OVEN

  • THEN FORGOT THEY WERE THERE, AND TURNED THE OVEN ON LATER IN THE

  • DAY.

  • HERE ARE THE DOLLS WHEN THEY WERE FIRST HIDDEN:

  • AND HERE THEY ARE AFTER THE OVEN WAS TURNED ON:

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WELL, I HOPE DAD'S FROZEN

  • LASAGNA WAS WORTH IT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT A TOTAL LOSS.

  • THEY'RE ALREADY MAKING A CHRISTMAS HORROR MOVIE ABOUT THE

  • WHOLE THING, "NIGHTMARE ON ELF STREET."

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, GUYS.

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Trump Didn't Win, But He's Definitely Not a Loser

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/16
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