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  • WE THOUGHT WE WOULD TALK TO OUR STAFFERS HERE TO SEE IF THEY

  • HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE.

  • (BELLS RINGING) WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

  • >> HO-HO-HO!

  • MERRY CHRISTMAS!

  • SANTA'S HERE!

  • >> JAMES: SANTA!

  • MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

  • >> James: SANTA!

  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

  • >> MERRY CHRISTMAS.

  • WELL, IT'S NEARLY CHRISTMAS, SO, I THOUGHT I'D COME DELIVER

  • GIFTS TO ALL THE GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS FROM MY FAVORITE

  • TELEVISION SHOW!

  • HO-HO-HO!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SANTA'S HERE!

  • >> James: WHAT A LOVELY SURPRISE!

  • WAIT, HOW DID YOU GET IN THE BUILDING?

  • >> WHY, THROUGH THE CHIMNEY, OF COURSE.

  • >> JAMES: OKAY, BUT DID YOU FOLLOW THE NECESSARY PROTOCOLS?

  • >> OF COURSE, I DID!

  • I RUBBED MY BELLY, CRINKLED MY NOSE AND SLID RIGHT DOWN!

  • HO-HO-HO!

  • SANTA'S HERE!

  • >> JAMES: YES, BUT WERE YOU TESTED?

  • >> OH, JAMES, EVERY CHRISTMAS IS A TEST.

  • AND EVERY YEAR WE PASS WITH FLYING COLORS-- AND FLYING

  • REINDEER!

  • >> James: RIGHT.

  • SORRY.

  • SANTA, I MEAN HAVE YOU BEEN TESTED FOR COVID 19?

  • >> COVID- 19?

  • IS THAT ANOTHER ONE OF THE ADORABLE BOY BANDS YOU LIKE

  • HAVING ON THE SHOW?

  • HO-HO-HO!

  • YOU KNOW, JAMES, YOU'RE 42-YEARS-OLD, THERE ARE OTHER

  • KINDS OF MUSIC.

  • >> JAMES: NO, SANTA, COVID-19 IS AN AIRBORNE VIRUS THAT'S VERY

  • CONTAGIOUS.

  • >> TO BE HONEST, SANTA IS A LITTLE OUT OF THE LOOP.

  • NEWS TRAVELS SLOW UP AT THE NORTH POLE.

  • TERRIBLE WIFI.

  • >> James: OKAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE -- BUT YOU MUST HAVE

  • HEARD OF IT.

  • IT STARTED LIKE A YEAR AGO, HALFWAY ACROSS THE GLOBE.

  • >> OH, THOSE POOR PEOPLE!

  • WELL, LUCKY FOR US WE'RE IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW!

  • LET'S GET TO THE PRESENTS!

  • >> James: HANG ON!

  • SANTA, IT'S IN AMERICA NOW, TOO.

  • ACTUALLY, IT'S WORSE HERE.

  • THAN PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE ELSE, WHICH IS WHY I THINK THIS HAD

  • BETTER BE YOUR FIRST AND LAST STOP TONIGHT.

  • >> OH, JAMES, THIS ISN'T MY FIRST STOP.

  • I'VE BEEN TO FLORIDA, SOUTH DAKOTA, ALL OVER ORANGE COUNTY,

  • CALIFORNIA.

  • NOBODY MENTIONED IT THERE.

  • >> JAMES: YEAH, THAT'S KIND OF THE PROBLEM.

  • >> OH, MY.

  • THIS SOUNDS REALLY SERIOUS.

  • A DISEASE THAT'S COMPLETELY UNSTOPPABLE...

  • >> JAMES: WELL, NOT COMPLETELY.

  • IT'S PROVEN THAT SOCIAL DISTANCING AND WEARING A MASK

  • STOPS THE SPREAD.

  • >> WELL, THAT'S GREAT NEWS!

  • NOW THAT WE HAVE THAT INFORMATION IT SHOULD BE GONE IN

  • NO TIME.

  • NOW, LET'S GET TO THOSE PRESENTS!

  • WHO'S BEEN A GOOD BOY?

  • >> JAMES: NO, SEE, SOME PEOPLE ARE REFUSING TO WEAR THE MASKS

  • AND ARE JUST GOING ABOUT THEIR LIVES AS NORMAL.

  • AND, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT MEANS THAT CHRISTMAS IS GOING TO HAVE

  • TO BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT THIS YEAR.

  • >> WELL, AS LONG AS ALL THE GOOD LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS CAN STILL

  • SIT ON SANTA'S LAP AND WHISPER INTO MY EAR.

  • >> James: NO, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

  • YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

  • >> OKAY, BUT I CAN STILL SNEAK INTO HOUSES AND LEAVE GIFTS IN

  • PEOPLE'S STOCKINGS.

  • >> James: NO, NO, NO, YOU DEFINITELY CAN'T DO THAT EITHER.

  • >> MILK AND COOKIES?

  • >> James: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

  • >> HOLY (BLEEP).

  • ( LAUGHTER ) JAMES, CAN I LET YOU IN ON A

  • LITTLE SECRET?

  • >> JAMES: OF COURSE.

  • >> SANTA IS GETTING ANGRY!

  • I'VE BEEN WORKING MY BOWL OF JELLY OFF SINCE JANUARY AND FOR

  • WHAT?!

  • I'VE MADE MY LIST AND I DON'T NEED TO CHECK IT TWICE!

  • EVERYONE IS GOING ON THE NAUGHTY LIST!

  • NO MORE PRESENTS!

  • >> JAMES: BUT SOME O US HAVE BEEN GOOD, SANTA!

  • >> I DON'T GIVE A (BLEEP)!

  • CHRISTMAS IS A SACRED TIME OF YEAR AND YOU ALL RUINED IT!

  • YOU KNOW THAT BLENDER YOU WANTED?

  • >> JAMES: SANTA, NO!

  • >> H, LOOK.

  • A LAPTOP FOR SUSAN.

  • SUSAN, HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD GIRL?

  • >> YES, I HAVE!

  • >> James: AND YOU KNOW THAT NEW LAPTOP YOU WANTED.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> James: WHY DON'T YOU GOOGLE "SANTA'S PISSED OFF!"

  • >> James: SANTA!

  • OH, TINY TIM!

  • YOU KNOW THAT GUITAR YOU ASKED SANTA FOR?

  • WELL, I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

  • MERRY CHRISTMAS!

  • >> James: SANTA!

  • ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS REVENGE!

  • >> James: HOLD ON, WE'RE GOING TO BE RIGHT BACK.

  • WE'LL GO TO COMMERCIAL AND FIGURE THIS OUT.

  • WHEN WE COME BACK, KEEGAN-MICHAEL KEY IS GOING TO

  • BE HERE, EVERYBODY!

  • SANTA, CALM DOWN!

  • >> SANTA'S ANGRY!

  • SILENT NIGHT!

  • HOLY NIGHT!

  • ALL IS CALM!

  • ALL -- ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( BLEEP )

WE THOUGHT WE WOULD TALK TO OUR STAFFERS HERE TO SEE IF THEY

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B1 TheLateLateShow james santa christmas merry christmas merry

Who Didn't Tell Santa Claus About COVID-19?

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/16
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