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  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,

  • WELCOME BACK.

  • LET'S SAY HI TO JON BATISTE.

  • HELLO, JON BATISTE >> Jon: OH, YES, INDEED,

  • CONTEMPLATING THE WONDERS AND JOYCE OF LIVING -- JOYS OF

  • LIVING >> Stephen: ME, TOO.

  • PEOPLE DON'T EXPECT US TO DO FRIDAY SHOWS.

  • THEY'RE QUITE RARE BUT WHEN WE DO THEM THEY'RE VERY SPECIAL.

  • TOMORROW NIGHT WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL FRIDAY SHOW BECAUSE

  • TOMORROW NIGHT WE'RE GOING BACK TO NEW ZEALAND.

  • NOT LITERALLY.

  • IT'S ACTUALLY ALL THE PIECES THATTA AXE -- THAT REACTUALLY

  • DIDN'T SHOW.

  • IT'S THE BEHIND THE SCENES OF HOW WE DID THE SPECIAL WEEK OF

  • SHOWS BACK A YEAR AGO AT THIS POINT.

  • WE HAD MEANT TO SHOW THIS ACTUALLY IN THE SPRING, BUT THEN

  • COVID HIT AND WE THOUGHT, WHEN'S THE RIGHT TIME TO DO THIS?

  • AND THEN THIS WEEK WE WENT, YEAH, SEEMS LIKE THE RIGHT TIME

  • TO DO THIS.

  • BUT IT'S EXTRAORDINARY.

  • STUFF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN, RARE INTERVIEWS WITH PETER JACKSON,

  • INCREDIBLE.

  • YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO CHECK IT OUT, JON

  • >> Jon: OH, YEAH, YEAH, I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

  • BEHIND THE SCENES, BABY!

  • >> Stephen: HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND, MY FRIEND

  • >> Jon: YES, YOU, TOO.

  • MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND EVIE.

  • >> Stephen: BACK TO YOU.

  • FOLKS...

  • THE HOLIDAYS ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER, AND ALL OVER THE

  • COUNTRY, AMERICANS ARE SCRAMBLING TO FIND THE PERFECT

  • GIFT TO DIP IN BLEACH BEFORE SENDING IT TO NANA.

  • WE'RE ALL MAKING A LOT OF SACRIFICES DURING THE HOLIDAY

  • SEASON, DUE TO THE PANDEMIC.

  • BUT ONE THING WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SACRIFICE ARE HOLIDAY CARDS.

  • EVERYONE LOVES THEM.

  • BUT THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THESE CARDS DON'T ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT

  • ON THE FIRST TRY.

  • SO WE'RE TAKING A LOOK AT SOME OF THEIR EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR

  • HOLIDAY SEGMENT, "FIRST DRAFTS!" >> NO, NO, STUPID!

  • >> Stephen: AS ALWAYS WITH "FIRST DRAFTS," I

  • NEED SOMEONE FROM THE AUDIENCE TO COME UP AND HELP ME OUT.

  • LET'S SEE, UM, MISS?

  • WOULD YOU HELP ME?

  • LOVELY TO MEET YOU >> LOVELY TO MEET YOU

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

  • EVELYN COLBERT.

  • >> Stephen: WOW.

  • I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M TURNED ON.

  • THIS IS ROLE PLAYING, WE INTRODUCE EACH OTHER.

  • HI, I'M STEPHEN.

  • WE HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME.

  • LET'S FIND OUT WHERE THIS GOES.

  • HERE'S HOW THIS WORKS.

  • YOU FAMILIAR WITH "FIRST DRAFTS"?

  • >> I'VE SEEN THE SHOW >> Stephen: YOU A FAN?

  • YEAH >> Stephen: YOU SHOULD, PAID

  • FOR THOSE RINGS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SIGNALING SHIPS.

  • OKAY.

  • HERE WE GO.

  • HERE'S HOW YOU DO.

  • YOU'VE GOT A STACK OF THINGS THERE, THE CARDS RIGHT THERE.

  • YOU GOT THOSE.

  • >> I GOT THEM.

  • >> Stephen: YOU WANT A GLASS OF WINE?

  • >> LET'S LOOSEN YOU UP A LITTLE BIT.

  • THERE YOU GO.

  • SO YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME A HOLIDAY CARD, AREALLY NICE ONE,

  • AND THEN AFTER THAT YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME THE SAME CARD BUT THE

  • FIRST DRAFT THAT REALLY WASN'T SO GREAT.

  • OKAY.

  • MAKES SENSE.

  • >> AM I LOOKING AT YOU?

  • >> Stephen: LOOKING AT ME.

  • EYES OVER HERE, BABY.

  • I'M LOOKING AT THEM.

  • >> I SEE HOW THAT WORKS.

  • >> Stephen: GIVE ME THE DAMN CARD.

  • SORRY THIS IS GOING SO LONG, EVERYBODY, BUT I THINK I'M

  • GETTING SOMEPLACE WITH THIS ONE.

  • HERE'S THE FIRST ONE, DO WE DO IT OVER HERE?

  • THERE'S A LOVELY SORT OF TRADITIONAL WARD AND IT SAYS

  • "O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL."

  • BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "WHOA, SIX FEET, YE FAITHFUL!

  • DON'T YE LISTEN TO THE C.D.C.?" ( LAUGHTER )

  • SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?

  • >> WHAT WOULD I LIKE?

  • >> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?

  • >> A VACCINE.

  • >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TO THAT.

  • >> I KNOW.

  • A WELL-TRAINED DOG.

  • >> Stephen: WHOA, CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT EITHER.

  • QUICKER TO GET YOU A VACCINE.

  • BENNY'S FANTASTIC BUT HE NEEDS LOVE ON HIS OWN TERMS, LIKE MOST

  • MEN.

  • OKAY.

  • >> READY FOR THE NEXT ONE?

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?

  • I'LL PULL IT OUT OF YOU.

  • >> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

  • WHAT DO YOU WANT?

  • >> Stephen: I'D LIKE A COTTON CANDY MACHINE.

  • OKAY.

  • >> TOO MESSY.

  • >> Stephen: THIS ONE IS ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS,

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • IT SAYS CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT THAT VERY SPECIAL CHILD, THE PEACE OF

  • CHRIST BE WITH YOU.

  • THAT IS REALLY NICE.

  • >> THOSE PEOPLE HAVE A REALLY NICE CARD.

  • >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST CARD SAID YOU BETTER GET ME THAT

  • $90 DOLL OR I'LL MELT DOWN CHERNOBYL.

  • WHAT'S THE MANDOLIN CALLED.

  • >> THE MANDALORIAN.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S A PERFECTLY VALID MISTAKE TO HAVE MADE.

  • >> NOT ABOUT STAR WARS.

  • THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO DO A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS MEAL?

  • >> HAS TO BE TURKEY.

  • >> Stephen: WHY.

  • THAT'S FOR THANKSGIVING.

  • >> THIS IS NOT THE YEAR TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY.

  • HERE'S A HOLIDAY PUN.

  • HERE'S SANTA ON THE FRONT AND INSIDE IT SAYS, "I SLEIGH."

  • BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "RUDOLPH, WAS THAT A DRIFTER?

  • I THINK WE HIT A DRIFTER!

  • THINK, SANTA, THINK!" ( LAUGHTER )

  • IT'S DARK.

  • BETTER HEAD HOME OVER HERE.

  • >> THIS IS VERY SIMPLE.

  • >> Stephen: THIS ONE IS VERY SIMPLE, LIKE ME.

  • THIS ONE JUST SAYS, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, JACK FROST IS NIPPING

  • AT YOUR NOSE."

  • >> VERY SWEET.

  • >> Stephen: VERY SIMPLE, KIND OF CUTE.

  • BUT HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT: "MERRY CHRISTMAS.

  • THE MASK GOES OVER YOUR NOSE TOO, YA NUMBNUT!"

  • >> THERE'S PEOPLE I COULD SEND THAT TO.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CERTAINLY COULD.

  • I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THE OTHER AT A GETTING MY EAR CHECKED ON

  • AND SOMEBODY HAS THE MASK DOWN HERE.

  • >> SCARY.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT THE COVID-NESS OF

  • CHRISTMAS RIGHT NOW?

  • >> GO TO CHRISTMAS PARTIES.

  • >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.

  • YEP.

  • >> SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN STILL SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS BY YOURSELF.

  • >> THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.

  • WHAT I SING BY MYSELF IS NOT VERY GOOD.

  • >> Stephen: COME ON.

  • YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO KIND OF --

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS?

  • >> NO, I DO NOT.

  • >> Stephen: COME ON.

  • ♪ O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL ♪ >> NO, I'M NOT DOING IT.

  • >> Stephen: IS THIS GOING A LITTLE LONG?

  • >> TEN MINUTES.

  • DON'T I GET PAID BY THE MINUTE?

  • >> Stephen: YOU GET PAID BY THE POUND.

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • HERE WE GO.

  • HERE'S A NICE HOLIDAY CARD FOR THE CHOSEN PEOPLE.

  • VERY SIMPLE, IT SAYS, "HAPPY HANUKKAH."

  • BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "HAPPY HANUKKAH," BUT WITH TWO Ns.

  • THERE WAS AN EARLIER DRAFT THAT SAID HAPPY HANUKKAH WITH ONLY

  • ONE N BUT A CCH.

  • THEN A FEW MORE DRAFTS WITH CH AND TWO Ks.

  • THERE'S CH, TWO Ns, ONE K.

  • THEN THERE'S BACK TO THE H AND ONE N.

  • AND THEN FINALLY THERE'S THIS ONE, HAPPY HANUKKAH WITH ONE H,

  • TWO Ks, AND THEN THIS ONE, WHY WAS I GIVEN THIS ASSIGNMENT, I'M

  • EPISCOPALIAN!

  • >> I LOVE THAT.

  • I HAVE TO LOOK IT UP EVERY TIME I SPELL THE WORD.

  • >> Stephen:ENED YOU'RE NOT EVEN EPISCOPALIAN.

  • YOU'RE PRESBYTERIAN.

  • BUT YOU WENT TO A EPISCOPAL CHURCH WHEN YOU WERE A KID.

  • >> BECAUSE THE MUSIC IS GOOD.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S THE DIFFERENT.

  • I'M CAT LICK.

  • YOU HAVE TO GO TO A CATHOLIC CHURCH, DOESN'T COUNT.

  • >> PRESBYTERIANS IT'S JUST ABOUT THE SERMON.

  • YOU CAN HEAR IT FROM ANYBODY.

  • >> Stephen: YOU COULD HEAR IT ON THE RADIO.

  • >> NOT REALLY, BUT YOU COULD.

  • >> Stephen: CHRIS WANTS US TO WRAP UP BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO

  • START SOME SORT OF INTERNICENE CHRISTIAN WAR HERE.

  • >> DO I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW?

  • >> Stephen: NO, YOU CAN STAY RIGHT THERE, BUT JAMES CORDEN IS

  • COMING UP NEXT.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> Stephen: MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLING.

  • >> MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLING.

  • >> Stephen: I DO WANT A COTTON CANDY MACHINE.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAMES CORDEN.

♪ ♪

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B1 TheLateShow stephen christmas jon ye draft

Late Show First Drafts: Holiday Cards 2020

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/16
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