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  • How to Spend New Year's Eve Alone.

  • Don't think of it as spending New Year's Eve alone; think of it as going to the most exclusive party mathematically possible.

  • You will need plenty of champagne, paper plates, and decorations. Optional : empty coffee cans, coins, pots and pans, and music.

  • Step 1. Arrive at the video store five minutes before closing and agonize over the remaining DVDs: "Dora the Explorer," "Bonanza," and a German movie about people crying.

  • Take all threenow is not the time to be proud.

  • Step 2. Upon returning home, open the bottle of champagne to alleviate your crushing disappointment.

  • Step 3. Fashion New Year's hats from paper plates and decorate with leftover holiday ribbons and bows.

  • Fill empty coffee cans with handfuls of coins. Cover and shake. Voilanoisemakers!

  • Reward your creative triumph by starting in on a second bottle of champagne.

  • No coffee cans or coins? No problem! Just bang some pots and pans every now and then.

  • Step 4. Skip the usual cereal for dinner and decide to make a big, comforting bowl of pasta primaveraonly to realize you have no pasta, no vegetables, and no sauce.

  • Curse the "You Will Need" section.

  • Step 5. Get take-out for dinner instead. Search for take-out menus.

  • Where are they? Maybe additional champagne will help you find them.

  • Quadruple your usual take-out order, like you're expecting guests, to avoid a pitying look from delivery boy.

  • Step 6. Call your last significant other under the guise of "just wishing you a Happy New Year.”

  • Maintain composure when the person repeatedly says "Who? Who is this? I don't know anyone by that name," while another voice in the background urges them to hang up and come back to bed.

  • Dial *67 before calling former lovers to disable caller ID.

  • They may know it's you, but they can't prove it.

  • Step 7. Don a homemade party hat and put the remainder on your pets.

  • You can tell they like it by the growling and hissing.

  • That third bottle of champagne isn't going to open itself, you know.

  • Step 8. Lie down on the couch shortly before midnight and promptly pass out, missing the big moment.

  • Wake up at 4 a.m. with a throbbing headache and a horrible taste in your mouth.

  • Stumble to the bathroom.

  • Here's to next year!

  • Did you know seven percent of Americans don't bother celebrating New Year's Eve?

How to Spend New Year's Eve Alone.

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How to Spend New Year’s Eve Alone

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    nanako.kamiya posted on 2021/02/01
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