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  • >> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

  • WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW."

  • HOPE YOU HAD A NICE FRIDAY.

  • WE HAVE A GOOD ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT.

  • WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH THE ALWAYS INCREDIBLE KEVIN BACON.

  • LATER, WE'VE GOT A COOKING DEMO WITH CHEF JAMIE OLIVER, WHO WILL

  • BE SHOWING ME HOW TO MAKE THE PERFECT BEEF WELLINGTON.

  • YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT A BEEF WELLINGTON IS, REG.

  • >> Reggie: A BAKED PASTRY BEEFY THING.

  • >> James: THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S A BAKED PASTRY BEEFY THING.

  • WHICH IST WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO CALL IT.

  • WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW, LET'S CALL IT SOMETHING WEIRDER.

  • IAN, YOU'VE COOKED A BEEF WELLINGTON BEFORE.

  • I'VE SEEN PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF THIS.

  • >> IT'S A HURRICANE OF SAVORY FLAVORS.

  • >> James: THAT'S IT!

  • FOR AMERICANS, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE AFTER TONIGHT'S SHOW,

  • BEEF WELLINGTON WILL BE SWEEPING AMERICA.

  • YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GET A FILET OF BEEF OR A PUFF PASTRY

  • ANYWHERE.

  • HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT WILL TAKE TO CALL IT A BIG POCKET.

  • >> CALL IT A MEAT PILLOW.

  • >> James: YEAH, COME OVER, WE'RE COOKING A MEAT PILLOW.

  • >> I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S NOT A HUGE THING ALREADY.

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL.

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • TAKING SOMETHING AND SHOVING IT INTO ANOTHER SOMETHING.

  • >> James: THAT'S IT.

  • AFTER TONIGHT'S SHOW, WE'RE A YEAR AWAY FROM PIZZA HUT PUTTING

  • A BEEF WELLINGTON INTO THE CRUST OF A PIZZA.

  • >> YES.

  • >> James: WHICH I'M INCREDIBLY EXCITED ABOUT.

  • >> PATTON PENDING.

  • >> James: SENSATIONAL.

  • MOVING ON, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES.

  • SOME BREAKING NEWS FROM CAPITOL HILL.

  • THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES PASSED A HISTORIC BILL TODAY

  • THAT WOULD DECRIMINALIZE THE USE OF CANNABIS.

  • (APPLAUSE) YEAH.

  • THE HOUSE WAS LIKE "ALL THOSE OPPOSED SAY "NAY."

  • ALL THOSE IN FAVOR SAY "COOL...

  • COOL..."

  • "YEAH, WHATEVER, MAN" ( LAUGHTER )

  • "SURE, YEAH, I'M DOWN."

  • THE MEASURE IS NOT EXPECTED TO PASS INTO LAW.

  • OR SHOULD I SAY, IT IS NOT EXPECTED TO "PUFF, PUFF, PASS"

  • INTO LAW.

  • EVEN STILL, NANCY PELOSI WAS LIKE, "THIS IS ENOUGH TO PROVE

  • THAT WE'RE COOL THOUGH, RIGHT?" AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS?

  • LAST NIGHT, JOE BIDEN AND KAMALA HARRIS GAVE THEIR FIRST SIT-DOWN

  • INTERVIEW TOGETHER SINCE THE ELECTION.

  • AND DURING THE INTERVIEW, BIDEN SAID HE WILL ASK AMERICANS TO

  • WEAR A MASK FOR HIS FIRST 100 DAYS IN OFFICE.

  • >> MY INCLINATION, JAKE, IS ON THE FIRST DAY I'M INAUGURATED TO

  • SAY I'M GOING TO ASK THE PUBLIC FOR 100 DAYS TO MASK, JUST 100

  • DAYS TO MASK.

  • NOT FOREVER, 100 DAYS.

  • >> James: AND ALL THE ANTIMASKERS WERE

  • LIKE, "JUST 100?

  • SURE!

  • WE'RE REASONABLE PEOPLE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BIDEN WILL ASK EVERYONE TO WEAR

  • MASKS FOR 100 DAYS, SO IF YOU'VE BEEN TOYING WITH THE IDEA OF

  • ADULT BRACES, FEBRUARY FEELS LIKE YOUR MOMENT.

  • >> YES!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THE ONLY WAY THIS

  • WILL ACTUALLY WORK IS IF THERE'S A BIG PRIZE

  • AT THE END OF THE 100 DAYS.

  • YOU KNOW, SOMETHING FUN, LIKE A JETSKI.

  • OR THE END OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AT ANOTHER POINT IN THE

  • INTERVIEW, JAKE TAPPER ASKED THE PRESIDENT-ELECT HOW HE RECENTLY

  • INJURED HIS FOOT, AND BIDEN HAD THIS ODD ANECDOTE TO SHARE.

  • >> HOW IS YOUR FOOT AND WHAT HAPPENED?

  • >> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER -- I'VE GOT A DOG,

  • AND ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN AROUND MY HOUSE KNOWS, THE LITTLE PUP

  • DROPPED THE BALL IN FRONT OF ME AND FOR ME TO GRAB THE BALL.

  • AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE

  • BEDROOM AND I GRABBED THE BALL LIKE THIS AND HE RAN AND I WAS

  • JOKING RUNNING AFTER HIM TO GRAB HIS TAIL.

  • AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE SLIPPED ON A THROW RUG AND I TRIPPED ON

  • THE RUG HE SLID ON.

  • THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

  • >> OH, MAN.

  • NOT A VERY EXCITING STORY.

  • >> JAMES: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS.

  • MY MAIN TAKEAWAY IS WE DIDN'T REALLY NEED THE SHOWER

  • BIT OF THAT STORY.

  • THAT SHOWER PART IS ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY.

  • THERE'S NO NEED TO SAY YOU'RE IN A SHOWER.

  • YOU JUST SAY, I WAS CHASING MY DOG AND TRIPPED OVER HIM.

  • NOW WE'RE JUST IMAGINING JOE BIDEN RUNNING AROUND WET AND

  • NAKED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT ALSO, WHY DOES JOE BIDEN

  • HAVE AN "ALLEYWAY" INSIDE HIS HOUSE?

  • IT'S CALLED A HALLWAY, ISN'T IT?

  • THIS IS ALL STARTING TO SOUND SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE MALARKEY TO

  • ME, AND THAT WAS THE ONE THING HE

  • PROMISED US.

  • -- PROMISED US HE WOULD NOT DO.

  • BUT THIS DOES BRING UP AN INTERESTING QUESTION.

  • WHAT DO WE THINK JOE BIDEN DOES SHOWER GEL-WISE?

  • DO YOU THINK HE'S A SHOWER GEL GUY?

  • WHAT DO YOU THINK HAGAR?

  • I THINK HE'S A BAR SOAP MAN.

  • HE USES IT TILL IT'S THE SIZE OF A GUITAR PICK.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

  • WHAT'S YOUR SHOWER ROUTINE?

  • OR ARE YOU A BATH GUY?

  • >> Reggie: I DON'T LIKE BATHS.

  • >> James: REALLY.

  • >> Reggie: NO.

  • >> James: DON'T LIKE A BATH?

  • >> Reggie: I WOULD LIKE TO, SOUNDS SO RO ROMANTIC AND COZY,T

  • IT JUST TAKES TOO LONG.

  • >> James: WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT TO DO N NOWADAYS?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I ENJOY -- I LIKE A SOAK.

  • I LIKE A SOAK.

  • I ALSO LIKE TESTING MY BODY.

  • I LIKE GETTING IN, THAT'S TOO HOT, DON'T GET OUT, WAIT, LET

  • YOUR BODY GET USED TO IT -- AAAHHH!

  • , AAAHHH!

  • AAAHHH!

  • ACTUALLY, IT'S OKAY, IT'S NOT TOO BAD, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

  • THE OTHER THING IS COLD, THAT'S WHAT I ENJOY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT TRUMP AND

  • VICE PRESIDENT PENCE ARE HEADING DOWN TO GEORGIA THIS WEEKEND TO

  • CAMPAIGN FOR THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES IN THE SENATE RUNOFF

  • ELECTION.

  • THE BEST PART OF THIS STORY IS THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO GIVE A

  • SINGLE (BLEEP) ABOUT WHAT TRUMP AND PENCE ARE UP TO ANYMORE.

  • I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, BOTH OF THEM WILL BE CAMPAIGNING IN

  • GEORGIA.

  • BUT I THINK WE KNOW, REALLY, IT'S ALL ABOUT THAT

  • LIGHTNING-IN-A-BOTTLE CHARISMA OF MIKE PENCE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) DONALD TRUMP IS GOING, PENCE

  • WILL BE SPEAKING, GET IN THE CAR.

  • THE WAY IT'LL WORK IS LIKE THIS: TRUMP WILL RANT AT A RALLY FOR

  • 90 MINUTES ABOUT ELECTION FRAUD AND HOW THE WHOLE THING IS

  • RIGGED, AND THEN PENCE WILL BE LIKE, "SO GET OUT TO THE POLLS!"

  • VOTE!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS,

  • A NORDSTROM AD FOR ELBOW-LENGTH RED GLOVES IS BEING MOCKED AS A

  • "MURDER DRESS," AND I THINK YOU'LL SEE WHY.

  • HERE IT IS HERE.

  • IT DOES LOOK LIKE SOMETHING YOU'D WEAR TO KILL SOMEONE.

  • EITHER THAT OR TO ARTIFICIALLY INSEMINATE A COW.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THE LOOK IS PRETTY

  • VERSATILE.

  • YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT FROM PUSHING YOUR THIRD HUSBAND OFF A BOAT TO

  • THE RED CARPET.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I DO THINK MURDERERS -- I DO

  • FEEL LIKE -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • I DO THINK THAT MURDERERS ARE A GROUP OFTEN OVERLOOKED BY

  • ADVERTISERS.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

  • THEY'RE RARELY SPOKEN TO.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: NO ONE EVER GOES, THIS IS GREAT, BUT ARE WE

  • IGNORING MURDERERS HERE?

  • SUSAN IS LOOKING AT ME LIKE THI- ( LAUGHTER )

  • YOU FEEL THEY ARE TARGETED TO, SUSAN?

  • >> IT TOOK A TURN, THE WHOLE SHOW.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: IT TOOK A TURN.

  • YOU'RE RIGHT SUSAN, IT TOOK A TURN.

  • HERE'S A FUN STORY WE SAW.

  • DO YOU REMEMBER THOSE 12-FOOT-TALL SKELETONS THAT

  • BECAME A HOT-SELLING ITEM FOR HALLOWEEN?

  • WELL, SURPRISINGLY, PEOPLE ARE HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING A

  • PLACE TO STORE THEM NOW.

  • SO, THEY'RE JUST INCORPORATING THEM INTO THEIR HOLIDAY DECOR.

  • FOR EXAMPLE, HERE: THERE.

  • AND THEN THERE'S THIS ONE.

  • AND THIS ONE, ALSO.

  • I MEAN, YOU THOUGHT YOUR KIDS HAD TROUBLE

  • GETTING TO SLEEP ON CHRISTMAS EVE BEFORE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) PEOPLE HAVE 12-FOOT SKELETONS

  • JUST TAKING UP SPACE IN THEIR HOUSE.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE?

  • GUYS?

  • SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF DEAD WEIGHT.

  • (RIM SHOT) I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.

  • GIVE ME A BREAK.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE LOOKING AT

  • THOSE DISPLAYS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, THAT IS REALLY CREEPY."

  • EXCEPT IN L.A., WHERE THEY'RE LIKE, "LOOKING GOOD!

  • ALMOST TO YOUR GOAL WEIGHT.

  • I LOVE THIS FOR YOU!

  • YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!

  • TWO MORE WEEKS YOU'LL BE MUAH!" ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND FINALLY, WE HAVE AN UPDATE ON A VERY IMPORTANT STORY WE

  • BROUGHT YOU EARLIER IN THE WEEK.

  • NOBODY ELSE HAD THE COURAGE TO BRING YOU THIS STORY, BUT WE

  • DID.

  • WE MET IT HEAD ON AND WERE BRAVE ENOUGH WHEN WE TOLD YOU ABOUT

  • THE SEVEN-FOOT-TALL MOUNTAINTOP SCULPTURE OF A PENIS THAT WENT

  • MISSING IN GERMANY?

  • POLICE WERE INVESTIGATING AND NOBODY KNEW WHERE IT WENT.

  • WELL, WE'RE PLEASED TO REPORT, A NEW, SLIGHTLY LARGER PENIS HAS

  • MYSTERIOUSLY APPEARED IN ITS PLACE.

  • HERE IT IS HERE.

  • LOOK AT THIS!

  • IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

  • ( APPLAUSE ) I DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHY THE

  • PENIS ENDED UP GETTING BIGGER...

  • BUT I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) CAN WE SEE THAT MOUNTAIN-TOP

  • SCULPTURE AGAIN?

  • LOOK AT THAT.

  • I'M NOT SURE WHERE IT CAME FROM BUT I THINK ONE OF THOSE GIANT

  • CHRISTMAS SKELETONS MIGHT BE MISSING A BONE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE MOUNTAIN HAS A NEW, LARGER

  • PENIS.

  • IT'S CLICHEÉ, BUT IT WAS EITHER THIS, OR THE MOUNTAIN WAS GOING

  • TO BUY AN EXPENSIVE SPORTS CAR.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS A TERRIBLE GRAPHIC JOKE.

  • THAT IS.

  • CAN WE SEE THAT GRAPHIC AGAIN?

  • THAT IS -- IF YOU SHOWED THAT TO SOMEONE WITHOUT THE CONTEXT, NO

  • ONE WOULD GO, OH, THAT'S CLEARLY A MOUNTAIN SPORTS CAR.

  • WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

  • >> I THINK IT WORKS, HE'S HAVING A NICE TIME.

  • >> James: HE'S HAVING■ A NICE TIME.

  • IS THAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID?

  • WE LOVE THAT YOU'RE HERE AND WE'LL BA B RIGHT BACK WITH KEVIN

  • BACON, EVERYBODY!

>> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

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Puff Puff, Passed in Congress

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/05
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