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  • So I was 30 minutes into a date with someone who just was not the right fit for me.

  • We didn't agree on some fundamental issues.

  • I don't know how you could like to perform better than E is the best.

  • One is classy.

  • For about half an hour of this, I did what every people pleasers nightmare is.

  • I expressed my authentic needs even though they were in direct conflict with what someone else wanted.

  • You're leaving?

  • Yeah.

  • It's been nice to get to know you, but I really don't see anything here, so I don't wanna waste each other's time.

  • I'm just gonna go home and watch Avatar the last airbender.

  • Okay, That's a good call, but damn, this must have been the shortest state I've ever had.

  • Yeah, short is the Anglos and of our War of 18 96.

  • What?

  • The conflict between the UK and the Santa Russell tonight that lasted between 38 45 minutes, making it the shortest recorded war in history.

  • Okay, I'm just gonna see myself on.

  • It was nice to get to know you have been kind of Okay, Bye.

  • I'll get the check.

  • And that is the day, I realized I am no longer a people pleaser.

  • You know, people pleasing affect so many of us.

  • Because a lot of us grow up learning that in order to survive, we need to essentially lie out of the fear of being rejected or upsetting our primary caregiver.

  • So we grow up and pretend to agree with people even when we don't.

  • Aren't you so happy the hive aliens took over?

  • Yeah.

  • Absolutely.

  • All hell the queen.

  • We feel responsible for other people's feelings.

  • Let's go on a guilt trip.

  • Yeah.

  • Oh, my God.

  • I'm gonna go unpack my sadness.

  • Okay?

  • I'd love to feel responsible for that.

  • Should I also bring some rage?

  • Absolutely.

  • Bringing it for the three of us.

  • But I'm happy to carry it.

  • Oh, my God.

  • I'm so excited.

  • This is gonna be so fun for you guys.

  • I'm really miserable way Don't know how to say no.

  • I need you to help me bury this body.

  • Of course, twins help twins, no matter what.

  • Oh, um accomplice to murder.

  • That's what you're asking of me.

  • Aren't you gonna help us?

  • Yeah.

  • Don't you think friends help friends?

  • Very dead bodies.

  • Well, you know, my help.

  • I'm popular.

  • Yeah.

  • I mean, are you gonna kill me if I don't?

  • I was a people pleaser for almost my entire life.

  • And it's only until recently I've started to prioritize myself and my needs over what I think people want.

  • For me, it is so freeing because people pleasing leads to neglect of self passive aggression and resentment stress, depression being taken advantage of and decreased joy and the people and activities that are in our lives to stop being a people pleaser.

  • I often think of myself as my friend.

  • So if my friend is uncomfortable about something, I speak up on her behalf.

  • If she is unable to set a boundary for herself, I said it for her.

  • If people are venting to her, I reassure her.

  • She doesn't need to fix this or give people advice.

  • Just be there and listen.

  • And most importantly, I reassure her that her self worth it doesn't come from other people's approval or validation that she can't be abandoned because she got me and that I love her and accept her for who she is.

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So I was 30 minutes into a date with someone who just was not the right fit for me.

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B1 audio people pleasing square space shortest space

I left a date 30 minutes in

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/12/03
Video vocabulary