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Wake up! And smell the story, zoners. (Subtitle by Bryan Pai, BS Translations)
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It's that time of year again
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when legends are ripped, screaming and bloody
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from the wumb of glory
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That's just one of the many disgusting ways
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we'll be describing the white knuckle action of VGHS
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FPS Clan tryouts.
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Live here in our mobile news studio in grand theft auditorium.
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And speaking of legends
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our special guest today eats legends for brunch
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Hey law
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hope you grabbed a snack before the match
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ehm, I did Scott, thank you
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so law, we've got 84 students
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gunning for just 12 JV and Varsity giants.
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Any pro tips for your fellow mouse jockeys?
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before they get kneed for death?
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well, i don't know about pro tips, but
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let me tell you something i once told a promising young newblade
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VGHS is about being the best
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but you can't be the best
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you must be yourself
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so before you walk in the tryouts today
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i want you to dig deep before you walk through those doors
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i want you to find out what drives you
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cause once you find that out
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once you know what it is to truly game
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then nobody can break you
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you guys are ready to go?
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chiba, honzo!
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how did you
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Fished them out of the dumpster
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You didn't think I'd let you actually throw your gear, did you?
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i fixed them for you, they should be fully functional
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and I've added a few...
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upgrades
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you guys know you're the best friends ever, right?
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We are?
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of course we are!
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now let's go play some video games
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now we've seen some great action today, but this final match is the one that everyone is gabbing about
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in the red corner: the leanest, the meanest
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fps-est varsity crew this school has ever seen
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they must have a pretty good captain
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and in the blue corner
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a rad tag group led by jenny Matrix
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who's fighting to be the first sophomore ever to make it onto the VGHS
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varsity team
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Doesn't help that she's down a man due to Brian D's expulsion
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Yes, we've got you to thank for that, Law
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Look, when a troublemaker like Brian comes into a school...
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STFU Law, It's Brian D!
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Noo!
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No!
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Don't you understand the maning of the world "expelled", D?
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i signed up, i'm still in the system
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the rules say i can play
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Pff, Who sold you that load of Molyneux?
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Around here I'm the dungeon keeper, and my rules are in black and white
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Looks like your fable ends here
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i know it does
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it was my dream to play on a VGHS team and i screwed it up
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yes, you messed it up bad! Like a failure
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so what are you doing on my battlefield?
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This isn't about you and me
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it's not about getting back in
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it's about one last chance to play with the best of the best
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it's about playing the game
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so at the end of the day Calhoun
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it's all about the game
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GG Brian D
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He plays!
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I can't believe that worked
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check out brian d's old school gear!
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Don't tell me that's the setup he smoked you with,
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Law-lipop
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Alright everybody just calm down, the game is about to start
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Showing up late again, huh brian?
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you never seem to learn, do you?
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Rule No 1 Ace
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never give up
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Rule No 271 Never quote my rules back to me
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Now sit your punk ass down and best of luck to you, son
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you all know the routine, you keep it clean out there
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match begins in thirty seconds
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get busy fragging or get busy dying
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Countdown!
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Allright bring it in
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You should've stayed home, brian. You're going to ruin it for all of us
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yeah you're expelled, you've no chance of making jv
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hey! I've seen these two cats meow...
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and it's about to be a fancy feast tonight
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You plan on bringing the thunder?
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you know it
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Good enough for me
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Jenny
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Well, now that you've all worked out your feelings...
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are you ready to kick some ass?
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We're pinned down on the left.
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Fry my circuits! D and Matrix just grabbed the case
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Bust out your butts and putt butt bibbs on these butts zoners
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because this gumbo is bubble
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please, grabbing the case is the easy part
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let's see how these butts do on the long way back
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Hot crawdads, that kid can play
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I hate that kid
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Bullion! Underclassmen draw first blood!
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Law, looks like your ex girlfriend and arch rival are really kicking your team's ass
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Jenny matrix has almost done
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These underclassmen are one point away from the biggest upset in clan tryout's history
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And that's not all, shotbot
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Another round like that and brian d could actually get back in to VGHS
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Now how's that do ya, Law?
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he's gone
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he left
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alright, you three left flank
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everyone else, with me
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This is it boys and girls...
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THE LAW HAS ENTERED THE GAME
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Wait, the law?
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Game over man!
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Game over our faces!
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okay, everybody calm down!
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don't panic, as longas we keep our head...
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HEADSHOT
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Law ready for this?
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Run!
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Lesson learned, hell hath no fury like a Law scorned!
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I know me some ownage
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but that has got to be got to be of the fastest case grabs I've ever...
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oh great Carmak's gosth!
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They've scored again
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Tie game
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You know what that means, colonel slanders...
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It's time for a sudden death!
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3 minutes, no respawns, no mercy
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Ladies and gentelman, it does not get better than this
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Two incredible stories, one villan of Quakesperian proportions.
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And it all comes down to this final play
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Jenny, Brian
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make it a good one
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Everybody stop!
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we can still win this thing
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get real Matrix, we're donezo
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The law is coming
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for me
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The law is here because i'm here
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So i say let him have me
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you know you're almost back in school, right?
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i know
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alright, here's the plan
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LAW!
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He's mine
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Jenny
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Law
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Awkward...
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So...
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what's happening, captain?
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Should we just shoot each other?
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oh we could
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but that won't get you on varsity now, would it?
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Here's how this is gonna work
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You're gonna go grab the intel
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I'm gonna say hi to Brian
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And I'll see you at Varsity practice tomorrow
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You think i'd be caught dead on your team
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Matrix, please
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i should go before people start talking.
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Hey brian
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Argh
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Argh!
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Jenny just shot me in the back
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Oh wait no
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I'm sorry...
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she just stabbed you in the back!
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Really, Brian?
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really?
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I gotta admire your gumption, kid.
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You really want to play this game one last time?
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Okay
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The clock's ticking
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So why don't you put that 'nade on your nogging
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and we'll put this all "is anyone on earth better than the Law" issue to bed
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Brian!
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Move the face
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I'm not the bad guy here, you were nothing and nobody.
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And then you met me and the whole world gave you a shot
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And you blew it!
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You proved you were nothing
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But surprise!
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Here's your pal The Law
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coming here to give you a last chance
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So are you gonna take it? Come on
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You've got nothing to lose
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Almost nothing
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Law ready for THAT?
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Brian D
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Congratulations!
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you're once again the lowest ranked player in VGHS.
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Welcome to the team
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Thanks
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I'm sorry about Varsity
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It's ok
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I'm happy with what i've got
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Sorry, i was completely unprofessional
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It's ok
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I am your captain now, though
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Right, yeah, oh well... it won't happen again
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captain
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That was your first kiss, wasn't it?
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And my last, cause now i'm going to die
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Brian, it was
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I'm...
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That was better.
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Good... Cause that was the last one, right?
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Yeah
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I hate this school
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Practice starts tomorrow
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See you there
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Captain
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Hey, sorry DK. I'll catch you later
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Sleep well, young Theodore
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for we drift at daybreak
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Oh hey Ted
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Turns like your girlfriend here is quite a rocker
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she can learn a thing or two
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I'm sure she is, dad.
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she's pretty awesome at everything
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Ted you can play cool all you want, but you know at the end of the day...
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Hey look, that's Brian!
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Oh, see you later pops
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Brian freaking D!
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Congratulations Brain.
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I knew you'd make it back!
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Roommates forever!
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Thanks guys.
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Wow, you've made your teams!
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Yes, she melted my old man's face off...
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litterally
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oh no, not litterally
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but i did really well
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Put your jacket on, let's get some victory pizzas!
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pizza sounds great right about now