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  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • >> Conan: HEY, EVERYBODY,

  • WE'RE BACK.

  • FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT

  • HAS STARRED IN "USUAL SUSPECTS"

  • AND "CASINO."

  • HIS NEWEST FILM

  • "GRUMPIER OLD MEN" OPENS

  • TONIGHT.

  • YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.

  • PLEASE WELCOME KEVIN POLLAK

  • TO OUR PROGRAM!

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • ♪♪♪♪

  • >> I HAVE TOOLS.

  • [ CONAN LAUGHS ]

  • >> Conan: NOTHING INKS UP

  • A TALK SHOW STUDIO.

  • >> NOTHING QUITE LIKE IT,

  • MY FRIEND.

  • >> Conan: A BIG OLD CIGAR.

  • >> HERE WE ARE.

  • >> Conan: HEY, THANK YOU VERY

  • MUCH!

  • >> I CLIPPED THE ENDS OF THESE

  • FOR YOU IN CASE YOU WANTED IT

  • TO JUST GO AHEAD AND GO CRAZY

  • RIGHT HERE.

  • >> Conan: NO, WELL, WE MAY.

  • HOW ABOUT YOU?

  • YUP.

  • YOU HAVE 210 OF THESE?

  • >> I8HAVE 74 BOXES THAT I'LL

  • PASS OUT DURING THE BREAK!

  • >> Conan: DURING THE BREAK,

  • RIGHT.

  • [ EERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • YOU BETTER HAVE THEM NOW.

  • >> NO KIDDING!

  • >> Conan: THIS IS

  • A PREDOMINANTLY NEW YORK CROWD.

  • THEY'RE GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT

  • OF YOU.

  • >> LET'S HOPE.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SMOKE

  • THOSE A LITTLE LATER.

  • >> ALLIGHT!

  • >> Conan: GOOD TO SEE YOU.

  • YOU MUST BE IN THE HOLIDAY

  • SPIRIT, HUH?

  • >> HOW CAN YOU NOT BE?

  • [ BOTH LAUGH ]

  • >> Conan: THERE ARE A LOT

  • OF WAYS, BELIEVE ME.

  • >> IT'S SO CRAZY OUT HERE

  • IN NEW YORK DURING THE HOLIDAY

  • SEASON.

  • >> Conan: IN NEW YORK, THEY TAKE

  • IT REAL -- ESPECIALLY RIGHT

  • AROUND ROCKEFELLER CENTER, RIGHT

  • HERE WITH THE BIG TREE.

  • >> WELL, IT'S THE BIG SHOPPING

  • THAT'S A LITTLE NUTTY.

  • >> Conan: YEAH.

  • >> YEAH, GETTING AROUND --

  • TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE STORE,

  • YOU HAVE TO BE A RUNNING BACK

  • OR SOMETHING.

  • IT'S -- I MEAN, IT'S REALLY

  • NUTS.

  • >> Conan: IT'S PRETTY INTENSE

  • OUT THERE.

  • BUT DO YOU -- I MEAN --

  • >> GRABBING AND REACHING --

  • AS MY FRIEND THE GREAT

  • RAY BELASY WOULD SAY WHILE

  • SHOPPING IN NEW YORK

  • DURING CHRISTMASTIME, SORT

  • OF "GET OFF MY SKIRT."

  • YOU KNOW, HERE'S WORKING

  • YOUR WAY THROUGH THE WHOLE

  • CROWD.

  • >> Conan: IT'S A SAD THING HERE.

  • IT RUINS CHRISTMAS.

  • THEY'VE RAVAGED IT.

  • >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE DEAL

  • IS, YOU KNOW?

  • WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LOVE

  • AND THE SHARING AND THE GIVING?

  • SCREW IT!

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: THERE'S NO MONEY

  • IN IT.

  • THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

  • >> THAT'S RIGHT.

  • >> Conan: LISTEN, LET ME ASK

  • YOU SOMETHING, THOUGH.

  • TO GET INTO THE SPIRIT, WHAT DO

  • YOU LIKE TO DO?

  • ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE GUYS -- CAN

  • YOU GO OUT CARING?

  • CAN YOU SING SONGS?

  • >> I'LL BE GOING THROUGH

  • THE NEIGHBORHOODS LATER, DOING

  • THE CAROLING.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT'S

  • A THREAT.

  • >> HA, HA, YEAH.

  • I LOOK -- I LOVE THE CHRISTMAS

  • ALBUMS, YOU KNOW, KENNY G.'S

  • ALBUM, THE CHRISTMAS ALBUM.

  • >> Conan: OH, YEAH.

  • >> HIS WAS THE

  • NUMBER ONE-SELLING CHRISTMAS

  • ALBUM IN THE HISTORY

  • OF CHRISTMAS.

  • AND EVERY NOW AND THEN,

  • CELEBRITY OR WHATNOT PUT OUT

  • THE CHRISTMAS ALBUMS.

  • SO I'M TRYING TO AMASS A SORT

  • OF A COLLECTION, YOU KNOW,

  • THEY DID THAT "GOLDEN THROAT"

  • ALBUM WHERE THEY HAD SHATNER

  • SINGING "LUCY IN THE SKY

  • WITH DIAMONDS."

  • [ APPLAUSE ]

  • >> Conan: THAT'S CLASSIC.

  • THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

  • THAT'S GOOD ENTERTAINMENT.

  • >> YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT

  • WITH THE ENTERTAINMENT DOLLAR.

  • SO YOU KNOW, I JUST SORT

  • OF ENVISION ALL THESE THINGS

  • COMING TOGETHER WHERE YOU WOULD

  • HAVE WILLIAM SHATNER SINGING --

  • [ IMITATING WILLIAM SHATNER ]

  • "'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • "FA, LA, LA, LA, LA."

  • [ LAUGHTER AND CHEERS ]

  • >> Conan: UH-HUH.

  • >> LA, LA, LA, LA.

  • >> Conan: I WOULD BUY THAT

  • IN A HEARTBEAT.

  • >> THAT WOULD BE A LOT OUT

  • OF THE SHOES.

  • >> Conan: WHO ELSE ARE YOU GOING

  • TO GET ON THIS ALBUM?

  • >> LET'S SEE.

  • WE COULD GET ALAN ARKIN.

  • I LIKE TO GO WITH THE ESOTERIC.

  • [ IMITATING ALAN ARKIN ]

  • "DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS

  • OF HOLLY."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • "I GOT TO BE HONEST, I DON'T

  • KNOW WHAT A BOUGH OF HOLLY IS."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • "DO THEY HAVE -- DO THEY COME

  • IN BALLS, LIKE MELLON BALLS?

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT

  • THE HOLLY --

  • LITTLE HOLLY BALLS?

  • I -- "

  • >> Conan: THAT'S ANOTHER

  • 40 MINUTES.

  • >> RIGHT.

  • >> Conan: GOT IT.

  • >> THAT'S THE LONG VERSION.

  • THAT'S ABOUT 18 MINUTES.

  • AND THEN THERE'S THE

  • ALBERT BROOKS, WHO I WOULD LOVE

  • TO GET FOR THE ALBUM.

  • >> Conan: OH, HE'D BE GREAT

  • TO GET.

  • [ IMITATING ALBERT BROOKS ]

  • "I SAW MOMMY KISSING

  • SANTA CLAUS.

  • I DON'T FEEL ABOUT GOOD

  • ABOUT THIS."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • "I GOT TO TELL YOU!

  • YOU KNOW, I'M CONCERNED

  • FOR MY DAD, YOU KNOW."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • WELL, SHE'S GONNA SAY THAT

  • SHE THREW HIM OVER FOR THIS OLD

  • FAT GUY, YOU KNOW?

  • GOD, HE LOOKS 80, THIS GUY.

  • >> Conan: OH, I WANT THIS ALBUM.

  • >> YEAH, IT WOULD BE FUN TO DO.

  • AND THEN MAYBE I'LL GET

  • A READING, YOU KNOW.

  • >> Conan: YEAH.

  • >> GET NICHOLSON --

  • [ IMITATING JACK NICHOLSON ]

  • "'TWAS IT THE T BEFORE

  • CHRISTMAS --

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE, NOT

  • A CREATURE WAS

  • STIRRING, NOT EVEN A [ BLEEP ]

  • MOUSE."

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • >> Conan: YOU GET ALL OF THEM

  • TOGETHER --

  • GET THEM ALL IN ONE ROOM

  • AND YOU GOT SOMETHING.

  • LET ME ASK YOU -- I WANT TO MAKE

  • SURE I ASK YOU ABOUT "CASINO."

  • BECAUSE THIS IS THE THING.

  • YOU'VE GOT A MOVIE OUT NOW.

  • BUT YOU'VE GOT LIKE, EIGHT

  • MOVIES OUT NOW.

  • YOU'VE GOT MOVIES CONSTANTLY.

  • YOU'RE IN "CASINO."

  • >> SOMETIMES I WISH I WERE ME,

  • CONAN.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: WHY?

  • >> I DON'T KNOW.

  • >> Conan: YOU'RE SO LUCKY.

  • >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

  • THE --

  • >> Conan: YOU'RE DOING A MOVIE

  • WITH SCORSESE, DE NIRO -- THESE

  • ARE --

  • >> SHARON STONE, WHO,

  • BY THE WAY, EVERY DAY

  • ON MY TRAILER DOOR --

  • "KEVIN, PLEASE, JUST LET ME IN."

  • >> Conan: OH.

  • >> IT WAS VERY SAD.

  • >> Conan: YEAH.

  • >> SWEET GIRL.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: I'D LIKE TO HELP HER.

  • >> AND I'M A GIVER, AS IT

  • TURNS OUT.

  • BUT THE GREATEST THING --

  • YOU KNOW, I EXPECTED A VERY

  • INTENSE SET ON "CASINO"

  • WITH SCORSESE AND DE NIRO.

  • I FIGURED A SORT OF BROODING

  • MIXTURE OF CREATIVITY.

  • BUT DON RICKLES PLAYS SORT

  • OF DE NIRO'S HENCHMAN, CASINO

  • MANAGER.

  • AND HE COMES ON THE SET,

  • AND ALTHOUGH HE PLAYS A VERY

  • STRAIGHT ROLE IN THE MOVIE, WHEN

  • WE'RE NOT SHOOTING, HE'S JUST

  • LEVELING EVERYBODY.

  • BETWEEN EVERY TAKE HE WOULD

  • SAY -- "THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE

  • GOING TO DO IT, HUH, BOB?"

  • "NO, YOU GOT THE ACADEMY AWARD,

  • I'M SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

  • DOING."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: HE'S THE ONE GUY WHO

  • WOULD SCREW WITH DE NIRO.

  • HE'S THE ONE GUY IN THE WORLD.