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We have a great show tonight.
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(ringing) Hold on just a second.
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I am told I'm getting a Zoom call from, really?
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One of my writers, yes.
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Oh, it's Laurie Kilmartin. Hey Laurie.
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Hi Conan, how's it going?
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It's going great.
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Is it okay if I call you back?
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'Cause I'm taping a show right now.
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Oh, I won't keep you.
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I just wondered when you have a minute,
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could you write me a letter of recommendation?
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Letter of recommendation, like a job recommendation?
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Yeah, I'm trying to apply for this job.
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Here, let me show you.
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Prince William and Kate Middleton
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are on the hunt for a housekeeper with discretion.
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Wait, you want to be a housekeeper for the royal family?
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Oh, very much.
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Okay, I get that you're a big fan of the royals.
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I've always known that, but Laurie,
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you're an incredible standup comic with a great career.
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And you're a writer for me.
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I mean, that's like the Holy Grail.
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Why would you want to be a housekeeper?
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Well, I don't know,
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I guess because Kensington Palace would be my house.
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I see.
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Do you see?
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Look, this is my current house.
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[Conan] Okay. It's nice enough, yeah.
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[Laurie] And this would be my future house.
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[Conan] Okay, I get it, I get it, yeah.
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So let's just shuttle back and forth
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between the two, shall we?
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Tell me if you could spot any differences.
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Okay. No, no, no, no. My house, their house.
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[Conan] You don't have to do that, I get it.
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My house, their house. I get it, I get it.
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My house, their house. I get it, stop.
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My house, their house. Stop, that's fine.
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But Laurie, the job post says
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they're looking for a housekeeper with discretion.
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That means whatever you saw,
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you'd have to keep it to yourself.
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Do you think you can do that?
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Conan, I worked for you for 10 years
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and I've never told anyone
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that you have a panic attack before every show.
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Well, I don't think it's every show.
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Every single night, full-blown panic.
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You grab your producer Jeff, and you start crying
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and you say, "they're gonna eat me alive, mommy."
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And then he has to slap you
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and you start crying harder, "hold me, mommy."
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All right, all right, all right.
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You know what? I'll write you a recommendation, all right?
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And what about that time you tried to start
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hoop skirt Mondays at the office.
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Only you showed up in a giant blue hoop skirt,
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no one else did.
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Wait a minute, wait a minute.
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I said I'd write your recommendation,
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and it wasn't a bad idea.
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I could have, but I never mentioned
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your Anthony Michael Hall back tattoo.
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I could have.
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He was great in "Johnny Be Good."
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You paid someone to chew your food for you
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and you say "baby bird want his lunchie."
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All right, all right, we're good, we're good.
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I'll write you the recommendation, okay?
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Thank you. Thanks. (disconnection ding)
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Got a terrific show.
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Ricky Gervais gonna be joining us.
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We'll take a break, we'll be right back.
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I'm getting hungry. (relaxed music)
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Andy, can you chew my food?
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Baby bird wants his lunchie!
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All right, I'll be right there.