of some business, you know? Get some things done.

But the day got completely away from me.

I was -- I was splitting wood all morning.

-Really? Splitting wood?

-And I completely forgot to write my weekly thank you notes.

So I know it's during the show, but if you guys don't mind

I'd like to take this time to write out my thank you notes

right now, this will only take a moment. Is that okay?

James, can I get some music, please.

♪♪

Thank you, Pennsylvania election officials,

for making sure the only fraud in Philly

is a cheese steak from subway.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

Thank you, coronavirus vaccine,

for being a scientific marvel that will save humanity.

Or as millions of Americans put it, that's all good,

but when does the gummy version come out?

[ Laughter ]

[ Chuckles ]

Thank you, Masters golfers for showing us the coolest kids

in khakis all month.

Well, almost the coolest.

Kornacki!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Kornacki.

♪♪

Thank you, Friday the 13th,

for being the scariest day of 2020,

after Halloween, election day,

and pretty much all of March, April, and May.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Thank you, IHOP's new family feast meal.

Or as most of us put it, "Yes, this is for my family.

So I'll share.

We're all going to share the feast."

Get a little short stack for the table.

-[ Laughs ]

You know me well. -I'm not even --

I'm just going to have fruit salad, that'll be good.

We'll get a short stack for the table.

-[ Laughs ]

-Yeah, been there before. -Yep.

♪♪

Thank you, strawberries,

for being the only fruit that needs a Bioré pore strip.

[ Scattered laughter ] Someone got it.

[ Laughter ]

I like the delayed laugh.

Uh...oh, yeah.

♪♪

Thank you, botched restoration carving in Spain,

for looking like me at the beginning of 2020

and at the end of 2020.

There you have it, everybody. Those are my thank you notes.