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  • (upbeat electronic music)

  • (sniffles)

  • (sobbing)

  • - Rekha.

  • Is everything okay?

  • - Um, I'm fine.

  • I'm totally fine.

  • - Oh my God.

  • What's goin' on?

  • - I had the worst week.

  • I mean, my dad's been really, really sick,

  • and, um, I just found out that my dog is dying, too.

  • - I'm so sorry.

  • I had no idea.

  • - I'm gonna be okay, but it just sucks

  • 'cause I know my dad's going to heaven,

  • but Rex is going to dog heaven,

  • and they're just never gonna see each other,

  • and that's what's, like, really sad.

  • - Uh,

  • yeah.

  • I can see how the thought of that happening

  • would make one sad.

  • - And sure, on Halloween,

  • all our souls will reconvene here on earth,

  • and we'll see each other again,

  • but I don't know, that's only once a year, you know?

  • It's not enough.

  • (curious music)

  • Oh, God, I'm upsetting you will all this emotion.

  • - No, not at all.

  • Uh,

  • some of your beliefs

  • are

  • unfamiliar to me. (sobs)

  • But I can also see that you're extremely sad right now

  • so I won't do what I would normally do

  • if someone said something like that.

  • - (sighs) It's just I wish I could use my God wish

  • to turn Rex into a human and send him to human heaven

  • but I can't!

  • - I'm sorry, your God wish?

  • - Yeah, the wish God grants you when you go to heaven.

  • - What religion does that--

  • - It just sucks, you know, that you only get one God wish,

  • and I have to use mine on something else.

  • - I think if God can grant wishes,

  • probably God could grant more than one.

  • - Don't be insane, Brennan!

  • There are infinite people in the world!

  • God can't grant more than one infinity of wishes.

  • - First of all, none of that's obvious,

  • second of all, there aren't infinite people,

  • third of all, you're making metaphysical claims

  • that you don't have any way to back up,

  • and fourth, why wouldn't you use your one God wish

  • to save your dog?

  • - Last week, my brother was killed in a hit and run.

  • (sobs) (somber piano music)

  • - Oh my God.

  • I am so sorry.

  • (stammers) I am so, so sorry.

  • - Everyone knows when you die on the road,

  • you go to car heaven.

  • Car heaven.

  • So I have to give him my God wish.

  • - Of course you do.

  • That is a perfectly noble thing

  • to use your God wish for. - Thanks.

  • - Only a pedantic, uncaring nerd

  • would choose this moment to interrogate

  • the fascinating knot of tangled dream logic

  • surrounding your (deep breath) deeply held convictions.

  • - I was talking to my psychic, my medium,

  • my astrologer, and my auger-- - Auger?

  • - Someone who divines the future

  • from the flight patterns of birds.

  • - Naturally, continue.

  • - They all tell me that I can use crystal magic

  • to cure my dad's cancer.

  • And I'm like, "That's insane."

  • - Yeah, yeah!

  • - That's inane! - Yeah!

  • - Right! - That's crazy!

  • - Hello!

  • Cancer is a living organism.

  • You can't use crystal magic to destroy life.

  • - Swing and a miss!

  • - I just wish I could do something, you know?

  • But if I use anymore of my The Secret powers,

  • I have to give my first born to Ahura Mazda, god of light,

  • and I just don't think I'm ready

  • to start a family right now, you know?

  • - I do know.

  • (sighs)

  • - Man, I mean, thankfully, the ghost in my house died,

  • so I can at least get some sleep.

  • I just feel hopeless.

  • I don't know, do you have anything

  • you believe that helps you get through times

  • when you don't think you can carry on.

  • - Sure, yeah.

  • I don't know that I believe in anything supernatural,

  • but I believe that, you know,

  • every day you wake up, and you have a chance to be kind.

  • In a way, the actions we take in life live on long after us,

  • and I guess I get strength

  • from thinking that the things I do

  • maybe leave the world a brighter, kinder place

  • than it was when I found it.

  • (uplifting piano music)

  • - Wow.

  • Thanks, Brennan, I needed that.

  • - Anytime.

  • (whistles)

  • - Crazy.

  • - Hey, guys, it's Brennan from CollegeHumor!

  • Click here to subscribe, click here for more fun stuff,

  • and please keep keep watching,

  • because if you stop watching,

  • I start to vanish.

  • You get it?

  • I'm not really real, I'm just a thing on your screen.

  • (yelps)

  • Don't forget me!

(upbeat electronic music)

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B1 INT US god heaven brennan grant piano music infinite

You're Too Sad to Argue With | Hardly Working

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    YU-HAN LAN posted on 2020/11/11
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