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  • [Screeching tires]

  • ♪ ♪

  • [phone ring]

  • Gwaa! Bwaa! What?! What? Oh.

  • Scout, it's Pauling. Tell me you got the briefcase.

  • Yeah sure.

  • And nobody saw you?

  • Ah. Basically nobody.

  • Scout, I'm here right now.

  • Well, that's a funny story...

  • Hello, Mrs. Pauling! We killed everyone and took a briefcase!

  • Not everybody, Soldier. You left seven witnesses, guys.

  • [Gunshot]

  • Six.

  • Pauling : Look, just keep the briefcase safe, okay?

  • Have a good weekend, guys.

  • Goodbye, Mrs. Pauling! I'm leaving the van now!

  • Bye bye. Okay then.

  • Hey, hey, Mrs. Pauling! Before you go. Ahh

  • [Scout stammering]

  • Scout. What? Say something.

  • You're probably real busy this weekend, right?

  • Funny you should mention that. Um.

  • Looks like I will be burying bodies all weekend.

  • So that you don't go to jail.

  • Oh g-good. So we're both busy.

  • [sirens]

  • Oh. Got to go.

  • Lot of people busy with business.

  • SPY: Asking out that dial tone again, I see.

  • Go to hell, Spy!

  • Hey, look at all this. What have you two eggheads been workin' on?

  • Nice catch.

  • Yeah. Listen. Ah... We've been running some experiments on the teleporter.

  • Well yeah. Y'all ought a take a look at this.

  • [Teleporter sounds]

  • Scout: Wow. You can teleport bread.

  • That is. Big news. Um. Is the Demo back with the beer yet?

  • Whaaaa! What the hell is that?!

  • Tumors.

  • Y'all know what this means right?

  • Soldier: Ahhhhhhh!

  • We cannot teleport bread anymore!

  • Engineer: Whoa! Whoa... Not exactly, Soldier.

  • You teleport as much bread as you like.

  • That goes for all of ya.

  • If there's something any of y'all wanted to do before you

  • Well. Died. Now would be a good time.

  • Spy: How long before these tumors kill us?

  • Well, let's see. We all use the teleporter let's say six times a day.

  • Times four years. Minus we're not bread. Hmm.

  • Three days. Yes. We all have

  • three days to live!

  • Wooooooooooooo!! Wooooo! Woo.

  • What?

  • Spy: This is a bucket.

  • Dear god.

  • There's more.

  • No!

  • It contains the dying wish of every man here.

  • Scout. You did collect everyone's dying wish?

  • You bet!

  • Excellent. Gentlemen, synchronize your death watches.

  • [beeps]

  • We have seventy hours to live. For most men no time at all.

  • We are not most men.

  • We are mercenaries. We have the resources. The will.

  • To make these hours count!

  • The clock is ticking, gentlemen. Let's begin.

  • Our first dying wish is Scout's. He's—

  • drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car.

  • I have something radiating off of me.

  • Yeah, those are stink lines. That's why the car hit him. Cause he smells.

  • Yes I see. Here you've drawn me having

  • sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower.

  • The Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me.

  • Both of us relaxing post-coitus.

  • [silent mouthing]

  • I'm crying and the Eiffel tower has stink lines coming off of it.

  • Did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?!

  • Scout: Classic scout. [giggling]

  • Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.

  • You did not read mine.

  • [Sigh] Does it say you want the bucket?

  • Yes!

  • See you all in hell!

  • [Gasp]

  • [Door knock]

  • Go away.

  • Hey, ah, got a second?

  • Oh, Scout. Please. Go [bleep] yourself.

  • Yeah. Hey that's, that's funny. Um. Anyway I—

  • [Scream]

  • Wait! Wait! Wait! Ow. Come on, Spy.

  • I'm wedging my head through a door here to tell you I'm sorry.

  • Make it quick.

  • So I did write down a last wish.

  • I'd, ahh. I'd like to go on a date with Mrs. Pauling.

  • You? You're terrible with girls.

  • What? No. No. No. Spy, look at this.

  • And this. And this here. Spy, look at all of this.

  • Heh. No. I'm great with girls.

  • We got buckets of chicken. Wanna do it?

  • Eh. Okay.

  • You, Spy. You are amazing with ladies.

  • You know, classy ones. The kind that smell good and can read.

  • And always have their glasses on just kind of crooked. You know?

  • The ones that don't go for a guy like me.

  • Hmm, and why is that, do you think?

  • C'mon, Spy, I don't know.

  • Well, a mystery we will take to our graves then. Goodbye.

  • Wait. Wait. Ah. [Sigh]

  • Okay. Look. Fine. Spy. This never leaves this room. [Sigh]

  • You are better than me. All right? I need your help.

  • I'll do it on one condition.

  • [Mic re-verb]

  • Say that again.

  • Seduce me.

  • You?

  • Seduce me.

  • What, Spy? I ain't gonna...

  • Seduce me!

  • Right. Right. Okay.

  • Hey there, good lookin'. I got a bucket of chicken.

  • I'm not one of your friend chicken tramps!

  • I'm a woman. I like my men dangerous. Mysterious.

  • You want to be my lover?! Earn it. Seduce me!

  • ♪ ♪

  • Spy: Final question. You have a dinner date for seven.

  • What time do you arrive?

  • Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff.

  • Can the cook be trusted? If not I got to kill him.

  • Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy, no later than 4:30.

  • You're ready.

  • Really?

  • No. Everything you just said was insane and we are out of time.

  • Congratulations. You're a failure.

  • Oh. I failed, did I?

  • Yes.

  • Did I?

  • Yes.

  • Did I?

  • Scout, where is this going?

  • Where it's going is I don't need you. I'll put this date on myself.

  • Yourself?

  • That's right, fancy pants, myself.

  • So why don't you take your little failure, roll it up sideways and...

  • Okay, crap, I got to go.

  • Screw you though.

  • [Alarms]

  • Y'all ready?

  • Ready!

  • Oh.

  • [roar]

  • [scream]

  • Ah hell.

  • [Alarms]

  • You're ready. All right. [Deep breath]

  • Ahhhh!

  • Mrs. Pauling. What an unexpected surprise.

  • They took the briefcase. Don't worry, we can fix this.

  • We'll get it back and the Administrator never has to know.

  • You look. You look...

  • Ahhhh.

  • Demo: Drunk!

  • Soldier: Round! Soft! No, round! Demo: Blurry!

  • Ravishing.

  • Pauling: Uh huh. You too.

  • Hold on. That's the briefcase right there. Scout, you...

  • Are you having a prom?

  • Yeah. Nah. Yeah ah. Well the. Yeah, the thing is.

  • Guys! Hey fellas, listen! It's just bread that gets tumors.

  • It's not even tumors. It's some form of self aware beauty mark that

  • that only metastasizes in an environment of pure wheat.

  • Here, watch this.

  • Oh look. It hates me so much.

  • [laughing]

  • So we're fine. As long as nobody teleports any bread.

  • Question.

  • What's your question, Soldier?

  • I teleported bread.

  • What?

  • You told me to.

  • How much?

  • I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days.

  • Where?! Where have you been sending it?!

  • [Rumble]

  • Scout. I get one day off a year and you just wasted it on

  • this! Goodbye.

  • Wait! Wait! Wait! Ah. Why don't we discuss it over diner?

  • [Roar]

  • What the hell is that?!

  • Mrs. Pauling, run!

  • Now, doctor!

  • I think it's going pretty well.

  • Now go.

  • Hey, Mrs. Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry.

  • God, Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press?

  • Do you have any idea what's in a briefcase that...

  • Oh! Oh! Give me your watch!

  • Yeah. Exactly. See that is where this all starts.

  • No, actually wait...

  • [Scream]

  • Ha! Ha! Ha! I teleported bread!

  • So that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you and

  • you should probably be sitting for this.

  • Guys! Close the blast doors!

  • Mrs. Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted...

  • [Roar]

  • Come on!

  • Um. Never mind!

  • Pauling: Run!

  • Oh god!

  • [Screaming]

  • Ahhhh.

  • Ah. Mrs. Pauling, you all right?

  • I can't feel anything below my neck.

  • Oh God.

  • Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow.

  • Oh God, I am so sorry. This is...

  • That was so much fun.

  • You're not mad?

  • I was furious. Oh my God, you set off the briefcase alarm and

  • you were having a prom for some reason. But then there was this monster and

  • we shot it and we built a bomb and I think my leg's broken.

  • Can we do this again?

  • Yeah, sure.

  • Wait, nah. We can't. I'm going to be dead.

  • Wait, what?

  • Good news! We're not dying! We are going to live forever!

  • I didn't say that! I just said we're not filled with tumors!

  • Oh thank god.

  • So ya Mrs. Pauling. I guess it's a date.

  • Actually this was my only day off this year.

  • Oh.

  • Oh, but you can ride along with me on some jobs.

  • Pauling: Tomorrow I'm belt sanding the finger prints off a pile of corpses.

  • Scout: Ah. No.

  • Pauling: Oh you can help me yank the molars out of a box of heads.

  • Scout: No to that.

  • Well, on Friday I have to kill someone who pressed a briefcase alarm button and...oh.

  • You're already going to be at that one.

[Screeching tires]

Subtitles and vocabulary

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B1 pauling scout spy briefcase bread wait

Expiration Date

  • 5008 193
    VoiceTube posted on 2014/06/24
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