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  • This is fantastic.

  • My guest tonight is here in person.

  • This is the first time in, like eight months that I have talked to a human being because my family and I don't get along.

  • He's, of course, a very talented actor who starred in such films as Stepbrothers, Talladega Nights, Walk Hard, The Dewey Cox Story and Chicago.

  • Now he can be seen in the new Showtime, Siri's Moonbase eight, which I love Please welcome John C.

  • Reilly.

  • I can't believe you're Here.

  • Yes, thanks, folks.

  • All three of you.

  • Look, Andy, a human being agreed to come here and sit with me, and it's John C.

  • Reilly.

  • I still don't believe it's John C.

  • Reilly me and pretty far away.

  • And it sounds like him, but I don't.

  • I mean, it could be any of the movie Thio, you have a mustache on for the movie, but you should still recognize me.

  • That's right.

  • Well, anyway, um, I cannot tell you how happy I am to be talking to you in person.

  • I love talking to you.

  • You've always been a good friend to me and to the show.

  • But the fact that you got tested yesterday, you got tested for us?

  • Yes.

  • I've already been tested twice this weekend.

  • E was like, All right.

  • You want to send your guy to bring them on?

  • Right?

  • So you've been tested, like, 600 times.

  • Yeah, well, this weekend, just three.

  • But that's quite a lot of knows, Probing for me.

  • I generally don't go in for that.

  • It's unbelievable to you.

  • Like the far up the nose.

  • Yeah, well, I've been doing a couple to visit a friends movie set Paul Anderson shooting a movie right now.

  • And you can't even get anywhere near it without getting tested and everything.

  • And I discovered there one nostril is better than the other.

  • For me.

  • Yes.

  • You're like, if you have a preference.

  • And I was like, I don't care.

  • Right?

  • And then I was like like, there was a little resistance in the right, right?

  • And then I realized, like I have kind of a deviated septum, I guess on my right hand side.

  • So make sure you pick your nostrils, right?

  • Yeah, correctly.

  • They get so far up there.

  • I don't know how many people watching have had the up the nose test, but if I was wearing a little hat on the back of my head.

  • It would get knocked off.

  • They go back into cavities that you didn't.

  • I didn't.

  • I thought the no stopped like here.

  • Apparently, that cavity goes into the middle of the brain.

  • You're a guy.

  • Got it done.

  • They used a chopstick.

  • I was like, That's not even a swab.

  • Yeah, Andy, though that was not a testing site.

  • You went to a Chinese restaurant?

  • E thought Panda Express was a drug store.

  • Okay, well, it's interesting for the for the film production one.

  • They go into the nose and then open your mouth into your mouth was the same one.

  • It was like, I'm gonna force you to pick your nose real quick and you're gonna you're gonna force you to eat it.

  • But you're a guy on.

  • I'll call him your guy because you sent him to my house.

  • He came and he was like I said, he's gonna do the nose and the mouth.

  • He's like, No, just the nose.

  • And I was like, Oh, okay, so he puts it in, and it's like we're way far in, and he's like and hold on nine.

  • Am I?

  • What I gotta sit This thing parked in my nose for 10 seconds.

  • Guess what?

  • That shocked me too, Because the person, because you agreed to do this, I got tested by a different person yesterday.

  • He came to my house, must spend the same guy.

  • He got out.

  • He was wearing like, a track suit and he took the stick and he put it up my nose until they get back there and they start triggering weird memories and synapses that haven't been fired.

  • Apparently, I was in the circus as a child.

  • I don't even any memory of it.

  • He put it way back there and then he let go, and he walked away and said 10 and I think he went and made a sandwich.

  • I was I was unbelievable.

  • And then he came back and took it out.

  • And I'm like, What was that?

  • Yeah, I thought he was going to start doing like King a little bit further.

  • King, King King.

  • I remember I had my wisdom teeth taken out one time, and I was one of these things.

  • I just decided that I needed, like my gums were bothering me.

  • In one part, I was like I'm gonna get those wisdom teeth taken out of that.

  • My teeth will be straight like that didn't work.

  • But they said we could take it only three at once, because there's a danger if we do all four that you could, uh, mess up your nerves.

  • And And I remember that Give me the ivy of this anesthetic and I was laying there, and I was like, drifting off in la la land.

  • And I had this vague images of this woman, uh, oral surgeon working on me.

  • And then at one point, I remember I was just kind of spaced out And remember, I was like, I hear a hammer.

  • Her kink, kink, kink like that.

  • I was like, That's so weird.

  • I hear I hear a hammer hitting like a metal stake, And then I look up and it's the woman She literally has a chisel and a hammer just going, Tink!

  • Tink, Trying to knock this thing out of my mouth like it's amazing what you put up with when you're high on something, Doctor gives you something he can literally say.

  • And now I'm removing your eye with a melon baller.

  • You'd be like do it again.

  • I dio if you're happy.

  • I literally remember the thought of like looking at this woman is like she's hitting me with a hammer and a chisel.

  • That's fine.

  • You know, like, Okay, I'm good.

This is fantastic.

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Conan Can’t Believe John C. Reilly Agreed To See Him In Person - CONAN on TBS

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/11/10
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