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  • YES, IT HAPPENED.

  • SATURDAY MORNING, ALL OF THE NETWORKS OFFICIALLY DECLARED JOE

  • BIDEN THE WINNER OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.

  • AND IT HAS BEEN GLORIOUS.

  • YEAH, YEAH, INDEED.

  • IT HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLE WEEKEND.

  • ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE NEWS WAS ANNOUNCED PEOPLE ALL

  • OVER THE COUNTRY STARTED TO CELEBRATE OUT IN THE STREETS.

  • PLAYING MY SONG.

  • NAH NAH NAH HEY HEY GOOD-BYE.

  • ♪ ♪ SO.

  • >> James: THESWEET CAROLINE

  • INFECTIOUS.

  • AS IT CORONAVIRUS.

  • SURE, GUYS, I MEAN THE VOLUME OF PEOPLE THAT WERE DOING THAT, WHO

  • JUST TWO WEEKS AGO WERE GOING, IT'S DISGUSTING TRUMP HOLDING

  • THESE RALLIES IT IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE, BUT THEN THEY'RE

  • LIKE BA BA BA.

  • IF DOESN'T SIT WELL WITH ME.

  • BUT THE JOY, I MEAN, DO IT AT HOME, OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE.

  • REGGIE, WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD?

  • >> Reggie: WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST GOING TO CASUALLY GO

  • DOWN TO THE FARMER'S MARKET.

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • >> Reggie: I GOT A REALLY GOOD PARKING SPACE RIGHT BY THE

  • FARMER'S MARKET AND I OPENED THE SUN ROOF, ALL THE WINDOWS DOWN

  • AND I CRANKED THE STEREO ALL THE WAY AND PROVIDED A DJ DANCE

  • PARTY FOR THREE HOURS.

  • >> YOU DJ'SED FARMER'S MARKET.

  • >> James:NESS YEAH.

  • >> James: GOOD FOUR, REG, JOE BIDEN BEING DECLARED THE WINNER.

  • IT FELT LIKE WHEN THEY FINALLY PLAY "SHOUT" AT A WEDDING.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU KNOW IT'S COMING BUT THE WAIT

  • JUST MADE IT BETTER, YOU KNOW.

  • AND THE CELEBRATIONS CONTINUED HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

  • EVEN MOTHER NATURE GROT IF ON THE FUN, AFTER THE ANNOUNCEMENT

  • THERE WAS ACTUALLY A DOUBLE RAINBOW AFTER L.A

  • THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN IS ALREADY TRYING TO OVERTURN AT LEAST ONE

  • OFS NO RAINBOWS IN COURT.

  • ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, THER IS EVEN MORE GOOD NEWS.

  • THIS TIME ON THE CORONAVIRUS FRONT.

  • BECAUSE THERE IS A CHANCE, IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT WE MAY

  • HAVE A VACCINE SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT.

  • YEAH.

  • >> Reggie: MAN.

  • >> James: INCREDIBLE NEWS, AMAZING.

  • OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO ZOOM DURING THIS DIFFICULT

  • TIME.

  • I MEAN I GOT TO SAY, 2020, YOU LITTLE TEASE, MAKING OUTLINING

  • IT WAS THE WORST YEAR EVER AND TEN JUST TURNING THE WHOLE

  • THING AROUND IN THREE DAYS.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WITH 2020 RIGHT NOW, BUY IT A STEAK

  • DINNER.

  • YEAH, I WOULD, I BOO GUY IT A STEAK DINNER, THAT IS WHEN YOU

  • KNOW I'M IN LOVE WITH IT.

  • GUILLERMO.

  • ACCORDING TO THE PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY PFIZER THE COVID VACCINE

  • THEY HAVE DEVELOPED IS SURPASSING ALL EXPECTATIONS IN

  • TESTING OUT AT 90 PERCENT EFFECTIVE.

  • 90% EFFECTIVE.

  • THAT IS BASICALLY LIKE MY JOKES DURING THIS MONOLOGUE.

  • AND AND I AM BEING GENEROUS.

  • WE COULD GET A COVID VACCINE, I CANNOT WAIT FOR ANOTHER FOUR

  • MONTHS TO GO BY, GET MY TWO VACCINE SHOTS, WAIT ANOTHER 28

  • DAYS FOR IT TO KICK IN AND THEN JUST-- AND WHILE THE REST OF US

  • ARE CELEBRATING DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN BUSY DISPUTING THE ELECTION

  • RESULTS, ON SATURDAY HE ANNOUNCED OVER TWITTER THAT HIS

  • TEAM A WOULD BE HOLDING A PRESS CONFERENCE AT THE FOUR SEASONS

  • HOTEL IN PHILADELPHIA.

  • BUT MINUTES LATER TRUMP CORRECTED THE TWEET SAYING THAT

  • THE PRESS CONFERENCE WAS GOING TO ACTUALLY BE HELD AT A PLACE

  • CALLED FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING.

  • AND IT IS AMAZING, LIKE OBVIOUSLY THEY SCREWED UP.

  • THEY CALLED THE WRONG PLACE AND JUST THOUGHT LET'S JUST GO WITH

  • IT.

  • LIKE TRUMP, HE CAN NEVER ADMIT THAT HE MIGHT BE WRONG.

  • LIKE HE COULD BE ON FIRE, AND I THINK HE WOULD STAND THERE GOING

  • I MEANT TO BE ON FIRE.

  • BECOME FIRE IS THE BEST.

  • ONLY IDIOTS AREN'T ON FIRE.

  • I MEAN IAN, COULD YOU BELIEVE IT WHEN THIS CAME OUT, THIS STORY

  • CAME OUT.

  • >> YEAH, I BELIEVED IT.

  • WAYNE: .

  • >> James: THE ONLY WAY IT COULD HAVE BEEN MORE HILARIOUS

  • IS IF THE FOUR SEE SNS TOTAL LANDING WAS LOAJTED IN A SEEDY

  • INDUSTRIAL STRIP MALL SANDWICHED BETWEEN A CREMATORIUM AND A SEX

  • SHOP AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS.

  • I CANNOT IMAGINE A BETTER LOCATION FOR THE FUTURE DONALD

  • TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY.

  • (LAUGHTER) TRUMP'S LAWYER RUDY GIULIANI DID

  • THE SPEAKING AND WELL, TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> THEY DON'T DECIDE THE ELECTION.

  • THE CALL FOR JOE BIDEN-- WHERE IS ITS CALL IT WAS A CALL

  • BUTTON.

  • OH PIE GOODNESS, ALL THE NETWORKS.

  • WOW.

  • ALL THE NETWORKS.

  • >> James: AT LEAST GIULIANI IS GOING OUT WITH HIS HEAD HEAD

  • HELD HIGH, YOU KNOW, SCREAMING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON BUT STILL,

  • HEAD HELD HIGH.

  • RUDY GIULIANI SOUNDS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO GIVE A PRESS

  • CONFERENCE WHILE ALSO TRYING TO STOP HIMSELF TURNING TOO A

  • WEREWOLF.

  • YOU HE DO WHAT I MEAN, LIKE THOSE SCENES IN TEEN WOLF WHERE

  • MICHAEL J FOX IS LIKE-- OH.

  • WHO WISHES, WHO WISHES THAT THEY WERE AIRING THESE GREAT JOKES

  • RIGHT NOW.

  • >> WOW.

  • ALL THE NETWORKS.

  • >> James: BUT TRUMP STILL HASN'T CONCEDED.

  • AND ACCORDING TO PEOPLE INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT

  • PLANS TO HOLD A SERIES OF RALLIES IN THE DAYS AHEAD WHERE

  • HE WILL OUTLINE SPECIFIC INCIDENTS OF VOTER FRAUD.

  • TRUMP BASICALLY WANTS TO SPREAD AROUND AS MUCH COVID AS POSSIBLE

  • BEFORE THAT VACCINE GETS RELEASED.

  • TRUMP SAYS HE'S GOING TO HOLD RALLIES TO OUTLINE SPECIFIC

  • INCIDENTS OF VOTER FRAUD WHICH OF COURSE MEANS RAMBLE

  • INCOHERENTLY ABOUT JON BON JOVI AND LADY GAGA.

  • BUT HERE'S THE THING.

  • HERE'S THE THICK GUYS.

  • YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT ANY MORE.

  • >> Reggie: YES!

  • >> James: HE CAN SAY WHAT HE WANTS.

  • NOW HE IS JUST SOME GUY-- SORRY, JUST SOME GUY-ELECT.

  • BUT HE IS GOING TO HOLD THESE RALLIES, DO YOU KNOW WHO IS NOT

  • GOING TO COVER THESE RALLIED?

  • >> WOW, ALL THE NETWORKS!

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> James: AND FINALLY DID YOU SEE THIS, A RESORT IN RHODE

  • ISLAND IS OFFERING FANS OF THE LORD OF THE RIGS RINGS THE

  • ABILITY TO RENT HOBBIT HOUSES FOR A NIGHT STAY.

  • HERE THEY ARE HERE, LOOK AT THAT AND BEFORE YOU EVEN ASK, OF

  • COURSE THEY DON'T HAVE A HONEYMOON SUITE.

  • (LAUGHTER) YOU CAN RENT A HOBBIT HOUSE.

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

  • IT'S PRECIOUS.

  • SEE, CAN I TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WALKED OUT OF LORD OF THE RINGS.

  • >> WHAT.

  • >> James: YEAH, I LEFT, I WALKED OUT OF THE THIRD, I SAT

  • THROUGH THE FIRST ONE, NONE PLUSSED, I SAT THROUGH THE

  • SECOND ONE T IS NOT THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IT, I FELT THE SAME

  • ONE ABOUT THE SECOND ONE AS I DO ABOUT LACROSSE, FINE, IF YOU ARE

  • INTO IT, DO IT IT'S NOT FOR ME, RIGHT.

  • AND THEN I WATCHED THE THIRD ONE AND LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF INTO

  • THE THIRD FILM, SO THEY'VE NOW BEEN TOGETHER TWO YEARS,

  • FROD AND BILBO BAGGINS AND THEY'RE WALKING, STILL NO ONE

  • THOUGHT TO BUY A PAIR OF SHOES, RIGHT.

  • THEY'RE WALKING AROUND, FRODO, TWO YEARS IN THE MOVIE.

  • AND FRODO FAULT FALLS AND BILL BOW BAGGINS CATCHES HIM AND HE

  • GOES MR. FRODO.

  • AND I THOUGHT BY THIS POINT WE HAVE SAID JUST CALL ME FRODO.

  • BUT HE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME MR. FRODO, JUST CALL ME

  • FRODO.

  • AND IN THAT MOMENT I WENT THIS ISN'T FOR ME.

  • AND I LEFT.

  • I LEFT, I LEFT MY FRIEND MARK IN THE CINEMA AND WATCHED LOVE

  • ACTUALLY AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

  • TRUE STORY.

  • TRUE STORY.

  • YEAH.

  • >> WERE YOU LIKE 15 HOURS INTO THAT FRANCHISE AND THERE WAS AN

  • HOUR LEFT AND WERE YOU LIKE NAH.

  • >> James: IT WAS THE FINAL STRAW.

  • I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE.

  • LIKE YOU WOULD WEAR SHOES.

  • YOU WOULD THOUGH, IF I SAID TO YOU NOW WE HAVE TO G IF I SAID

  • REG, IAN, VE TO GO ON THIS TRIP TO ZOOM OF THE RINGS ONE OF

  • WOULD YOU GO I WILL BE RIGHT THERE LET ME JUST PUT A PAIR OF

  • SHOES ON.

  • >> EVEN IF ARE YOU THE KIND OF PERSON I RUN HOT, IT IS SNOWING

  • OUTSIDE, I WILL THROW A JACKET ON.

  • >> THERE WAS ANOTHER BIT, THEY ARE ALL RUNNING AND IAN SAID,

  • THEY ARE ON THE HOSER AND THE BIG ORCS COME DOWN, THEY KILL

  • LIKE 20 GUYS.

  • Z PICK THEM UP, DEAD.

  • AND AFTER ABOUT THREE MINUTES OF THE ATTACK IAN GOES OH, I'VE BOT

  • THIS.

  • WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT AT THE START, DO IT AS SOON AS YOU SEE

  • THEM, ANYONE COULD HAVE SEEN WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

  • >> WHAT ABOUT THE EAGLES AT THE END WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO DIE

  • ON THE MOUNTAIN.

  • >> James: I VNLT SEEN T I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT THE

  • END.

  • HAVE I NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END.

  • >> YOU KNOW, NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN A FEW YEARS SINCE THEY WERE

  • IN THEATERS YOU CAN SEE THE LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE.

  • >> I DO KNOW WHERE YOU CAN SEE THEM.

  • >> WOW, ALL THE NETWORKS

YES, IT HAPPENED.

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