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  • My first guest,

  • you know him from his comedy central special.

  • He's got a sketch special with comedy central,

  • with the Hasan Minhaj called Goatface.

  • Please welcome the very funny, Fahim Anwar.

  • (audience cheering)

  • [Moses] Fahim, how are you?

  • Thank you hold for applause, hold on.

  • Let's talk about your career.

  • What new forms of revenue Yeah let's talk about

  • multiple specials. I know.

  • Hey, how do we survive in this COVID world,

  • in this uncertain times, Moses?

  • I don't know, it seems like you kind of knew

  • how to pivot immediately.

  • You do a lot of online videos.

  • Yeah kind of, like, I think of you as a comedian too.

  • It's like standup is our main jam.

  • And then we have these other outlets, like, all right,

  • I'll do a dumb thing on Instagram

  • or I'll do a tweet, and once the stage is gone,

  • I guess you just kind of lean in on what's still available.

  • Yeah, because the stage, I think it's still kind of works

  • if you're a one-liner guy, but I think you and I,

  • I mean you're on a much higher level.

  • are very physical performers,

  • a lot of it, it's like in your body,

  • which you can't really do.

  • Totally, and it's a conversation with the audience.

  • So it's like, if they're really liking something,

  • that informs, you go, oh, let me milk this.

  • So it's the song and dance with an audience

  • and that's kind of informs your act.

  • So when you strip an audience away,

  • you're kind of creating in a vacuum

  • and that's tough for a standup live performer.

  • Yeah, 'cause unlike a musician,

  • where you just play your three minutes song,

  • stand up, if you're doing it right,

  • when you get beyond like out of your head

  • and you're doing it long enough,

  • you're essentially asking the audience for permission

  • every 15 seconds or so.

  • It's like, can I keep talking about,

  • my dick, my dick sucks. (Fahim agreed)

  • Yeah, so you've seen my new stuff?

  • Yeah, I've seen it.

  • I had an hour, it was about to come out.

  • We were about to tape, it was gonna be called

  • "My Dick Sucks".

  • And we had like MSG, and we had that rent out,

  • it was gonna be three nights.

  • Yeah, My Dick sucks.

  • And that's now my big catch phrase.

  • Oh my God.

  • But now it's like on hold.

  • And then you had the merch already printed out.

  • Yeah, I had so many boxes of my Dick sucks

  • and I don't know where to put it.

  • I have some of it in my place right now.

  • And it's not gonna make sense when things open up.

  • And my Dick is getting better. My dick is soft

  • My dick's as soft as this shirt.

  • It's not even true anymore.

  • It's not, it's a false narrative.

  • It's completely healed since the accident.

  • Totally.

  • I mean, there's some very sad options.

  • Like I was talking to Tom.

  • I mean, you can perform in a-

  • Wait, you did the truck show?

  • Yeah it's the best version,

  • I heard it's good.

  • I got asked to do it, but I think I was in Denver

  • for that week or whatever, but I hear it's great.

  • Oh yeah, you were in a COVID's fake protest in Denver.

  • Forgot about that.

  • No, I did some charity gig. I did some like charity gig

  • and it was in a airplane hangar

  • and they were all in tuxedos.

  • It was just like upper crust Denver.

  • I swear to God it's like I was doing stand up

  • in a bond movie.

  • Insane, all the hell gigs are things that were

  • essentially competing for.

  • Like yeah absolutely, airport hangar, who books that?

  • Like the tallest ceilings.

  • You know, the best thing for comedy is like in a basement,

  • low ceilings, packed together.

  • This was a hangar, like the voice just evaporates.

  • They're sitting so far away from each other,

  • but they were still happy.

  • Yeah, it's like, what can you do?

  • So that's the thing about standup comedy and yesteryear,

  • that we were just a distraction,

  • to shovel food and drinks into people's mouths.

  • Like we were there to keep them in their seats long enough

  • to pull up a dump truck and put it in their mouth.

  • Yeah people wonder like,

  • why do you do 45 to an hour of material?

  • Cause that's how long it takes to order a drink,

  • some food and then another drink.

  • Yeah.

  • That's what this art form is,

  • no painting is fueled by like how many people

  • can sit through it Yeah totally,

  • and I love how nimble this art form is too.

  • Where like, if they're a little late

  • they're putting the checks out on the table,

  • they'll tell you to like, to go like this.

  • You know, like go along, stretch it out.

  • And then you just, you know, do some more bullshit

  • for 10 more minutes until everyone signs their checks.

  • Nothing else, you couldn't do that like with a magician,

  • be like, more magic.

  • More cards, just get more cards, introduce more decks.

  • Just the magicians just vamping,

  • just trying to make some tricks on the fly.

  • Yeah that's why I used to go like, ugh,

  • I always cringe when people make the argument,

  • but let me say this is free speech.

  • And it's like, it's really, it's chicken wing speech.

  • It's just long enough.

  • The thing is, I think that there is that free speech thing

  • and you should be able to.

  • But it's up to you to jump over the hurdle of making it

  • funny for the room.

  • If like people are turned off all the time,

  • you haven't done the work.

  • The real trick and the beauty of standup

  • is taking that controversial idea or whatever your idea is

  • and doing the gymnastics and massaging it enough

  • where it's digestible for even someone

  • who has opposing view.

  • Like Bill Burr will do that all the time and it's great.

  • Like they earn the laugh.

  • You can still get your idea across,

  • you just got to do the work

  • instead of like free speech man, you don't like it.

  • People confuse just bombing with

  • people don't like free speech.

  • Yeah, like you didn't...

  • Your writing wasn't good enough.

  • Don't pretend you're Bill Hicks or something.

  • Right, I don't need structure. I'm screaming about--

  • Or they don't get it!

  • Like you're part of the problem!

  • No, just write a little more.

  • If you're doing your job, they should get it.

  • They should get it and like it.

  • So does everyone in your life

  • know that you have all this time off,

  • you're not performing on stage?

  • Like, are your parents being like,

  • Hey, why are you living out there?

  • Do you want to come home?

  • I have this thought, like, you get a sense of how much

  • your parents really believe in you,

  • by how quickly they tell you to get into real estate.

  • You know what I mean?

  • To like start selling houses.

  • For me, it was like, a few days like.

  • Yeah, the shutdown, like a week later,

  • like you should sell houses.

  • Like, Oh, you never believed in me.

  • (chuckles)

  • I'm finding out now and I always like

  • how that's the solution for like parents everywhere.

  • It's just like, if your kid was like

  • kind of a fuck up to begin with,

  • you think they're gonna kill it in the real estate market.

  • Like suddenly they're gonna be awesome.

  • If someone can't be a comedian

  • and muster to work for 15 minutes a night

  • (Fahim laughs) and post some Instagram clips.

  • what are the odds they're gonna be free on a Sunday

  • for an open house.

  • Sure, you think they're gonna be on Selling Sunset?

  • Like, Hey thanks, mom and dad.

  • I was spinning my wheels with this art stuff.

  • But now I'm a world class real estate agent.

  • I'd love to show you some properties.

  • Like he's probably gonna suck at that too.

  • Right, there's no way the women at Selling Sunset

  • are actually selling those properties.

  • I wouldn't buy a house after that very quick walkthrough,

  • where they're also having a huge fight.

  • I'm like, well, that's the house for me.

  • Yeah, I don't know. Like they all look the same.

  • Like do you have to be gorgeous to sell houses?

  • I think in LA for selling that.

  • I couldn't be like, I wanna show you some properties.

  • There's one on Mulholland. (Moses laughs)

  • It's got this open floor plan, you're gonna love it.

  • Okay. All right.

  • Take my card, take my card.

  • You talk it over with your wife.

  • You don't want to make a rash decision.

  • I'm not trying to pressure you, but I'm one of the bests.

  • And you live in this area?

  • Well, I do mostly stuff in Torrance,

  • but they gave me a shot at the big time here on sunset.

  • What about one of the women from from the show?

  • You know, I wanted the, you know they're all made up.

  • They're busy right now.

  • That's why they sent me to show you the property.

  • It's the same property.

  • It's just a different person showing it to you.

  • My Ford focus, I gotta put money in the meter real quick.

  • I'll be back.

  • It's at the bottom of sunset, all the way down the hill.

  • (chuckles)

  • Can you give me a ride to my car?

  • I've gotta put money in my meter for my Ford focus.

  • Soaking wet.

  • Dude that's what I noticed too,

  • like if you're a real estate agent,

  • you have to, even if you're not doing well,

  • you have to lease a bomb ass car. It's all exuding this,

  • even if you're really good at what you do,

  • you can't drive like a Honda Fit.

  • Yeah, you gotta show up.

  • Cause' you're selling an image and a lifestyle.

  • And you're like, yeah, I want my guy to be cutthroat.

  • Right, you need to make people feel

  • like shit about their life.

  • Or just like, Oh man, this guy, he deals with high society

  • or I'm visiting this world or he's gonna get me the best.

  • Like you don't wanna practical, like you do,

  • but you want the fantasy of this

  • Armani suit, Lamborghini, real estate agent.

  • Not the hell that I live in showing up in it. Honda Fit

  • Chips falling out. Yeah you're like

  • this guy looks like me.

  • I could just go on Redfin.

  • Right, this is guy is not gonna brokage deal for me.

  • He came to Cleveland with empty Gatorade bottles

  • out of his car.

  • (talking over each other)

  • You ever taken an Uber ride where they go like,

  • yeah, just like shove it over, yeah, just push it over.

  • Hey, you had one job.

  • Like, you're not my friend doing me a solid.

  • This is a transaction.

  • Hey, just push those roller blades over.

  • Hey, commit to the job.

  • (indistinct) that was built back there.

  • What I loved about taxi drivers