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  • Dang it!

  • Man.

  • Impressive, you upgraded your armor.

  • I made some adjustments of my own

  • Wow. Are you kidding me with that take off speed?

  • Umm. Takes a while,

  • but I'll catch you

  • Are you sure about that? I mean, have even you flown in that thing before?

  • Not exactly,

  • but I assure you it's more advanced in every way

  • Oh well, you say if it's more advanced, then by all means, I guess I'll just surrender right-

  • TANK MISSILE

  • Careful, man! There's a brand new suit here.

  • (BOOM)

  • So you just killed him?

  • Yeah, I mean it was either that or have Pepper do it for me

  • So I just decided to take all the credit.

  • That's sort of arrogant AND thoughtful.

  • But still, you just killed him off.

  • That's pretty dark. I mean you knew the guy almost your whole life.

  • He tried to kill me, twice.

  • And haven't you learned yet, that if you put your super-villain in prison,

  • They just vow revenge and break out again.

  • Yeah, that- that never happens.

  • So, after you killed him, what happened?

  • Well, after that, I had a press conference

  • And told the world I'm Iron Man.

  • B&S- What?!

  • Dude!

  • You can't give away your secret identity.

  • Why not? Because I did, and I'm awesome.

  • So,

  • In your face.

  • You just can't! I mean, you're not supposed to.

  • Eh, I like the attention.

  • You mean to tell me you've never revealed your secret identity before?

  • Uh, no.

  • Ha! Try every girl you've ever dated.

  • What?!

  • "Oh, I'm Bruce Wayne and I like you.

  • "Let me tell you my big secret."

  • Oh, you're one to talk. Mr. Mind-Eraser.

  • Oh, don't even.

  • I will, freeze breathe your face off.

  • No you won't.

  • You're right, I won't. I love this guy.

  • Up top.

  • *slap*

  • But you knew I could've hi -fived you into the ground just now, right?

  • Guys, guys, it's not a contest.

  • Because I think we all know who would win if it were.

  • Me.

  • Oh, please. Oh, whatever!

  • I'm Batman.

  • Let's arm wrestle, right now.

  • I must go back to Asgard but I give you my word,

  • I will return for you.

  • Deal?

  • (kissing)

  • Deal.

  • Wow.

  • Thor, we must go.

  • Yeah, yeah. I know.

  • I just- um.

  • *majestic music*

  • I think I may not want to leave now.

  • What?!

  • Well I got my hammer back, I got a hot girlfriend,

  • Things are looking very well for me.

  • B-But, What about-

  • *majestic music intensifies*

  • Oh yeah, I'm gonna stay. Good luck to you, old friends!

  • So you just abandoned everything?

  • Of course! Wouldn't you?

  • No!

  • Yes.

  • Dude.

  • What can I say, chicks are my kryptonite.

  • Yeah, I'd probably leave it all behind too.

  • Yup.

  • But still, what about your brother?

  • I mean, wouldn't he destroy that Ice Realm?

  • Meh. If he does, I'm sure my father will take care of it when he wakes.

  • BLEH EUH- Odin sleep.

  • I've done it father! I destroyed all of Jotunheim when you were sleeping.

  • And that is why YOU are also banished!

  • What?

  • I take from you, your power!

  • AND I CAST YOU OUT!

  • Son of a-

  • ICE GIANT!

  • Your dad is sort of extreme.

  • Well I suppose he's a little strict but everything he does, he does for a reason.

  • Like stealing a baby?

  • And then raising that baby as your brother?

  • And making him believe that he could be king?

  • So then he goes crazy with jealousy and becomes your life-long enemy?

  • Yeah, way to go, dad.

  • Yes, well, that may be true.

  • ...but at least I have a father.

  • Ooh ho ho! Burn!

  • So are we just gonna do this every time a superhero comes along?

  • Probably.

  • Feels like we always do.

  • Not always!

  • HULK SAD!

  • (crying)

  • Ah, he'll be fine. He just gets really moody.

  • Mr. Stark?

  • Nope,nope,nope you see nothing.

  • He's uh- not ready yet.

  • Just uh- few more seconds and... Ah! There we go!

  • SUPERHERO STEROIDS!

  • The plane's headed to bomb New York if I don't force it down now

  • a lot of people are gonna die.

  • I gotta put her in the water.

  • Please, don't do this. We have time.

  • We can work it out. Just turn the plane around.

  • I wish I could but there's just no time. It's just not in the cards, you know?

  • What do you mean? Do you not have control of the plane?

  • No, I've got control.

  • Are the bombs set to explode on a timer? Can you not disarm them?

  • I actually got rid of most of them already. They're not even bombs, really, more like these

  • Tiny little airplanes with ejector seats and everything. I even flew one!

  • Then why can't you pilot one of the bombs back here before the plane crashes?

  • That sure sounds nice. It's just too late.

  • You turn that plane around right now!

  • Can't do it

  • You are being absurd!!

  • I'm gonna need a rain-check on that dance, Peggy.

  • You're not even gonna look for a parachute?! Something, just right on the ground?

  • I really wanted to take you dancing.

  • I'm really starting to doubt your interest in this relationship.

  • Oh I'm so alone up here,

  • With no options of survival, it's so heartbreaking,

  • The plane's going down!!!

  • You know what? Fine. Crash your stupid plane,

  • freeze to death if that's what you want.

  • See if I care!

  • It's so sad, I don't want to freeze to death!

  • Thanks for the muscles, but it's too late now!

  • Aaaahhhhh! (crash)

  • When Captain America throws his mighty shield...

  • All those who choose to oppose his shield must yield!

  • Unless you're a plane, or a bomb, or some ice.

  • Then he'll choose to take a nap because the ice seems nice!

  • When Captain America throws his mighty shield!!!

  • (laughs)

  • Haha, guys. You're hilarious.

  • "Hey, I'm Captain America, I can sock old Hitler on the jaw."

  • "Yeah, just makes sure someone else pilots the plane to get me there, right?"

  • (laughs)

  • You remember Hitler, right?

  • That other guy you were fighting, before you froze yourself?

  • Hey, I had no choice, ok?

  • Haha, don't crash the plane in warmer waters!

  • I wanna swim when I'm chasing submarines.

  • (laughs again)

  • Oh, like you two could've done it any better.

  • Are you kidding?

  • Dude, I catch falling planes mid-air like, every other week.

  • And I'm Batman.

  • Ok, ok, fair enough.

  • But wait, (gasps)! Shh, shh,

  • Do you guys hear that?

  • Hear what?

  • Is that the Justice League calling?

  • I don't hear anything...

  • Yeah. Me either.

  • Exactly.

  • Hoho! Captain America burn!!

  • Easy there, major.

  • Okay, when he gets here I'll do my hands like this and you do your hands the same.

  • And on the count of three, we catch him with a fence of fire.

  • Or we could just burn him! Isn't that the purpose of having flamethrower arms?

  • Ow, Shizah!

  • Fence of fire! Fence of fire!

  • Haha! Take that, Hydra Nazis!

  • (coughing)

  • Are we done here?

  • Hello.

  • You're still here?

  • Yes.

  • Why didn't you run away while we settled our differences?

  • I'll never tell! Muahahahaha...

  • Hmmhahaha,muahahahahahaa!

  • Okay, we're not taking him back to base. He is DEFINITELY up to something!

  • Ha ha! Shield!

  • Gentlemen, right this way.

  • (unintelligible)

  • Hulk: (roars) Thor: Here comes the hammer!

  • Pew! Pew! Pew!

  • Captain Ball!

  • From whence it came!

  • Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you!

  • (yells)

  • Puny god, puny god, puny god!

  • TANK MISSILE!

  • (explosion)

  • Hey, you guys ever had shawarma?

  • This place serves food?!

  • Yeah. You never had shawarma either?

  • Shawarma!

  • Um, why do I have to sit on Hulk's lap?

  • Mm. Another!

  • Hey, I'm Batman.

  • You wanna know my secret identity?

  • ...Why?

  • (coughs) So, you guys had quite a weekend.

  • Heh, that's an understatement.

  • First you guys were against each other, then your buddy got killed,

  • So you're suddenly friends,

  • (ptoo) Someone died?!

  • Uh, yeah. Um, you kinda missed out on that part.

  • But luckily, you still wanted to be friends later.

  • Ohh..

  • Yeah, right after you fell out of the sky and conveniently learned how to control your rage.

  • And did you steal a motorcycle?

  • Um, details not important.

  • Details like Odin being able to send Thor back to Earth?

  • What?

  • Or the professor conveniently making a way to close the portal?

  • That worked out well for you guys.

  • Or the Chitauri all dying "Phantom Menace" style after the nuke?

  • Yup.

  • One convenient thing after another.

  • Hmm, kind of like your utility belt.

  • Avengers: Haha!

  • Burn.

  • You know what I think?

  • I think you two are just jealous that we knocked it out of the park.

  • (Avengers agreeing and cheering)

  • Sorry, guys.

  • I'm not jealous.

  • I'm Batman.

  • I guess I'd be jealous if I wasn't like,

  • all of you combined.

  • If I couldn't fly or shoot lasers or catch missiles, see really far,

  • (money rustling) smash through buildings and wear red and blue...

  • What's that? You're fading out.

  • O-Oh! We've broken too many records!

  • We can't hear you through all this Box Office money!

  • (Avengers laughing)

  • (Batman sighs)

  • Hulk: Shawarma

  • Natasha? Do I have a mark on my face?

  • It really hurts.

  • Right here....not here...

  • or here, so much....but right here.

  • Nope. Ship shape.

  • Hey guys, time to suit up.

  • OH MY GOSH! What happened to your face?!

  • I knew it!

  • Okay Jarvis, I gave my home address to an international terrorist

  • and challenged him to a fight.

  • I want you to cancel all detective work