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  • -Yeah! Nick, oh, my gosh.

  • It is great to see you, buddy.

  • Thank you so much for being here.

  • Where -- where are you Zooming from right now?

  • -Hello, Jimmy, thank you for having me.

  • I'm coming at you from the farm

  • where we shoot our show, "Making It,"

  • the crafting competition show...

  • -Of course. -...on NBC.

  • -You're back to work, oh, that's great.

  • How does it feel? Is it weird? Is it safe? Is it good?

  • What does it feel like?

  • -It feels like the end of a really good movie

  • that, like, where normal humans would cry,

  • and I even well up a bit. -[ Laughing ]

  • -No. -It feels so good,

  • because I've spent all this time

  • feeling like I wasn't of any use to anybody.

  • -Yeah.

  • -So I'm a farm animal.

  • Like, if you put me to work in the field

  • and then I feel good,

  • and then I can have my carrot and my apple

  • at the end of the day, by which I mean my scotch.

  • -[ Laughs ]

  • But this is -- so you're there with Amy

  • and all the contestants and the crew and everything?

  • Is it --

  • -Somebody way smarter than me,

  • one of our producers, I guess they consulted

  • the science or, like, what the doctors are saying.

  • And so, they've put everybody in masks and face shields,

  • and they've, what do they -- they call them protocols.

  • We adhere to these protocols.

  • -Yeah. -Social distancing.

  • All these newfangled, like, trends.

  • -And they work. -And so you look around,

  • we're shooting this show and everybody's is in a mask,

  • and they're complying with these, like,

  • "science ideas." -Wow.

  • -And we're able to produce our show successfully.

  • No one is catching the coronavirus.

  • -Wow. -So, I wish that --

  • I mean, I don't know how they figured this out,

  • but I wish there was a way to communicate this to, like,

  • the country or, like, our government or something.

  • Because I feel like if they found out about it,

  • they would tell everybody, and they'd be like,

  • "Hey, everybody, if you follow these, like, science ideas,

  • you can go to work and be safe and not die,

  • all that [bleep]." -Yeah.

  • -Here's the thing, when I look around and see

  • all of us being safe, the idea that hasn't been

  • fully disseminated is,

  • when you wear the protective equipment,

  • it's not to protect yourself,

  • it's to protect the others around you

  • in case you have it, which you might.

  • And so, when I see everybody doing this,

  • I take it as a sign of affection.

  • It's me and my neighbors and my co-workers,

  • and no one asks what our political beliefs are.

  • We just see each other working together and say, "I love you,

  • and thank you for loving me.

  • We can do our job. We can earn our money.

  • We can feed our families." -That's right.

  • -In my case, my wife and I can use our Japanese sex swing.

  • We can afford meals. Keep our energy up.

  • Have marathon sessions. -[ Laughs ]

  • -We can buy Vaseline when we get chafed.

  • -Alright, yeah, yeah, we get the point.

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

  • Nick Offerman, you found a way to help

  • and entertain people at the same time.

  • Because you've made all of your comedy specials available

  • now on your website, with the proceeds going to charity.

  • I think that's an awesome move.

  • And was it the quarantine that inspired you to do this,

  • or what...

  • -No, it's sort of --

  • it's not anything that I should be proud of.

  • Like, I've been touring as a humorist for some years,

  • so I have -- this audiobook is my fourth special.

  • My first three specials -- I'm terrible at promoting them,

  • and so, it took me a long time,

  • and seven's and 10's of people were asking me,

  • "Where can I see your specials?"

  • So I finally succeeded, after literally years,

  • of getting them on a website that people can see,

  • but I'm so late that some -- some nefarious criminal

  • has already secured nickofferman.com.

  • So, I -- I have acquired

  • nickofferman.co.

  • So one letter short. -So nickofferman.co.

  • -Nickofferman.co. -So no "M."

  • -I couldn't not afford the "M." -Understood.

  • -The thing is, the timing was such that

  • right when the website was ready to launch,

  • the pandemic hit, and everybody was in trouble.

  • -Yeah. -People are out of work,

  • you know, the whole country, the whole world is suffering.

  • And I said, "Well, jeez, now what do I do?

  • It's not great timing to be like, you guys,

  • I'm sorry about everybody in the hospital and stuff,

  • but check out my crazy jackass comedy specials."

  • And so I just thought, you know what?

  • At least 37 people have said they wanted to see this.

  • So, for those people, I'm going to put this up.

  • But all the proceeds -- it costs a few bucks to see my special,

  • and all the profits go to America's Food Fund.

  • So, I was like, okay... -[ Clapping ]

  • -Get these 37 people with questionable taste,

  • I will take their money. -I love that.

  • -And we will buy sandwiches for at least 11 people.

  • -That's awesome that you did that, buddy.

  • I think that's cool.

  • I want to talk about "All Rise."

  • This is -- first of all, who did the drawing and the cartoon?

  • -My friend Matt Davies.

  • He's a Pulitzer Prize-winning political cartoonist

  • who works for the publication "Newsday."

  • -Yeah. -So funny.

  • -This was the live show that you were going to tour with?

  • -It is. Yeah.

  • And I toured a bunch of America with it last year,

  • and also Australia and New Zealand,

  • and my cool publisher called Dutton...

  • -Okay.

  • ...under the auspices of Penguin Random House.

  • They came and saw me at The Beacon

  • on the Upper West side and they said,

  • "Hey, what if we turn this into like an audiobook original."

  • So, it's like a humor show.

  • It's like me reading my essays and performing my dumb songs.

  • One of them is very poignant right now,

  • about Brett Kavanaugh, called "I Like Beer."

  • -Oh.

  • -And, the, you know, the Supreme Court justices

  • and their legitimacy or lack thereof

  • has been in the news recently. -Sure.

  • -So, you know, I thought it was --

  • it's a great opportunity to celebrate that guy

  • and how much he loves beer.

  • -Here's my one question for Nick Offerman.

  • If we listen to this,

  • what are we missing of seeing you live?

  • Like, what would you -- are we missing out on anything?

  • -That's a great question, Jimmy.

  • I mean, obviously, you're going to get

  • the soothing sounds of like Brian Eno,

  • "Music For Airport,"

  • if they were a hirsute baritone

  • coming into your ears,

  • and that will put you to sleep, which is great.

  • We all need to get some rest.

  • -Mm-hmm. -That's wonderful.

  • But, what you are missing is the rest of your senses.

  • Think about it. -That's true.

  • -You're not going to see me dance and, like,

  • just subtly move my hips in that way that drives everybody crazy.

  • You know what I'm talking about. But also, there are some --

  • there are some stopgap measures you can pursue.

  • Like, if you are going to listen to this,

  • get yourself a nice tray of charcuterie,

  • maybe some sliced up -- some smoked applewood cheddar,

  • and then have a single malt scotch

  • from the island of Islay, and just waft those things

  • under your nose. -All together.

  • And if you -- if you live in an area --

  • most of the upper Midwest, where the soil is

  • particularly loamy,

  • get a bowl of that soil, throw it in the microwave

  • for about 90 seconds,

  • and then just these aromas will help recreate

  • the fecund musk that I tend to fill a theater with

  • when I'm dancing about the stage.

  • -That is perfect. I will do that this weekend.

  • -If you dig fertility, you're gonna love my scent.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Everyone go listen and experience

  • Nick's audiobook "All Rise."

  • Nick Offerman, thank you so much for being here.

  • Be safe, say hi to your wife, please, and give her my love

  • and say hi to Amy too, please.

  • -I will. Thank you, Jimmy. It's great to see you.

  • And you know what, can I say one more thing real quick?

  • -Please, yep.

  • -I feel like we're a few days away

  • from a presidential election,

  • in case the audience hasn't heard,

  • and the only people --

  • I think most people are probably pretty decided.

  • But when I was young and I was ambivalent

  • and was, like, too cool to worry about what was going on

  • with who I would vote for,

  • if there's anybody like that listening,

  • I just want to make you think for one second.

  • What could be more punk?

  • If you're, like, cynical and "who cares who gets elected?"

  • What could be more punk than going out and voting?

  • -I love that. Nick Offerman, everybody.

  • "All Rise" is available now.

-Yeah! Nick, oh, my gosh.

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B1 nick audiobook people great safe scotch

Nick Offerman's All Rise Is Best Enjoyed with Some Charcuterie

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/31
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