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  • CHELSEA HANDLER IS ON THE SHOW.

  • >> HI, HI GUYS.

  • >> HOW ARE YOU?

  • >> OH, GOOD.

  • I'M GOOD.

  • >> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.

  • IT'S JOYOUS TO SEE YOU.

  • >> IT'S SO JOYOUS TO SEE YOU GUYS TOO.

  • >> James: WE'RE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

  • BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU WAS, IT WAS VERY, VERY EARLY

  • COVID, WASN'T IT.

  • >> YEAH, YEAH.

  • >> James: WE WERE BOTH ON A WALK AT THE SORT OF TOP OF MY

  • ROAD.

  • >> WHICH IS THE FIRST TRICKY PART OF THE STORY.

  • LIKE WHEN HAVE WE EVER, EVER BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER ON A WALK

  • SWRZ NO, NEVER.

  • >> BEFORE COVID I DON'T THINK I EVER TOOK A WALK.

  • >> James: NO, NO ONE DID.

  • BUT ALSO THERE WERE A FEW PEOPLE, BECAUSE IT WAS A HIKE AT

  • THE TOP OF THAT ROAD.

  • PEOPLE WERE WALKING AROUND GOING, WELL, I GUESS IN IS WHAT

  • WE DO NOW, JUST WALK AROUND.

  • >> WALK AND-- AND THEN THAT WAS RIGHT BEFORE THE MASKS, THE

  • SERIOUS THING, SO PEOPLE WERE SILL FREE STYLING IT.

  • AND ONCE YOU HAD TO WEAR THE MASK AND WALKING I'M LIKE I'M

  • DONE WALKING, IT WAS LIKE TALK WITH SOMEBODY WHILE YOU ARE

  • SPITTING ON YOURSELF, MY MASKS AL SMELL LIKE CANNABIS, EVERY

  • TIME I PUT THEM ON.

  • OH, I FORGOT.

  • THIS IS WHAT SOMEBODY IS DEALING WITH ALL THE TIME.

  • >> James: THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL, CAN I

  • BORROW SOME OF YOUR MASKS?

  • >> Reggie: ABSOLUTELY.

  • >> James: JUST SO I CAN HAVE THAT SENSATION.

  • >> Reggie: OF COURSE SWRZ I WOULD LOVE THAT.

  • >> REG, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE, RIGHT, YOU CAN HEAR ME, RIGHT?

  • >> OH HELL YEAH.

  • >> THE SAME VIBE GOING FOR SURE.

  • >> James: WELL, YOU ARE NATURALLY I THINK A VERY SOCIAL

  • PERSON, YOU LIKE HAVING PLANS, YOU LIKE GOING OUT.

  • HOW IS YOUR SOCIAL LIFE AND YOUR DATING LIFE, HOW HAS IT CHANGED

  • DURING COVID.

  • >> WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN A REALLY LONG TIME.

  • I MEAN SINCE COVID STARTED.

  • >> James: SINCE MARCH.

  • >> I THINK MARCH, I WENT SKIING LAST YEAR IN MARCH.

  • I WAS ON A SKI DATE WEEKEND AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME THAT I

  • EXPERIENCED PENETRATION OF ANY KIND.

  • >> James: WOW.

  • >> ACTUALLY I TAKE THATK BA, FASSAL PENETRATION I HAVE HAD A

  • LOT OF BECAUSE OF THE DING BUT THAT IS THE NO NOT THE SAME

  • THING, YOU KNOW THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING.

  • >> James: NO, IT TURNS ME ON BUT IT DOESN'T GET ME THE WHOLE

  • WAY THERE.

  • >> IT IS LIKE HALF A STORY, WE ARE LIKE CAN WE LAND THE PLANE

  • AND FINISH THUP ON THE OTHER SIDE OR BACK BACK AROUND,

  • SOMETHING.

  • >> James: SO DO YOU LOOK BACK ON THE SKI TRIP AND THINK OH, I

  • SHOULD HAVE PUT THAT IN A BIT MORE.

  • >> I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE SEX THAT WEEKEND.

  • >> NO, I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY, I JUST THINK WHEN ARE

  • WE GOING TO GET TO A REGULAR PLACE AGAIN.

  • HAVE I DPON ON A COUPLE OF SOCIAL DISTANCING WALKING DATES

  • WHICH ARE EVEN CREEPIER THAN THEY SOUND.

  • I DON'T WANT TO GO ON A WALK TO GETS TO KNOW SFNLT I WANT TO

  • HAVE A DRINK.

  • SO I HAVE A NICE BACKYARD SO I CAN INVITE PEOPLE THERE.

  • BUT I HAVEN'T MET, I HAVE BEEN TEST THE WATERS A LITTLE BUT I

  • HAVE TO MEET SOMEBODY, THE LAST GUY I THOUGHT SOMETHING COULD

  • HAPPEN WITH SAID THAT HE DOESN'T THINK MASKS WORK.

  • SO OBVIOUSLY I CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH SOMEBODY WHO SAYS I DON'T

  • THINK MASKS, WITHOUT, ONCE YOU SAY THAT, I DON'T CARE IF YOU

  • CHANGE YOUR MIND, I CAN'T DO IT, IT'S TOO STUPID.

  • >> IT COULD BE BRAD PITT AND WOULD YOU BE LIKE NO.

  • >> NO, I TOLD HIM KNOW SEVERAL TIMES, HE KNOWS HOW I FEEL.

  • >> James: IS THAT TRUE?

  • >> YES.

  • >> NO, OF COURSE NOT.

  • >> I LOVE THAT YOU BELIEVED IT.

  • >> James: I DID.

  • >> I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH ME, UH-HUH.

  • >> James: NO I BELIEVE THAT BRAD PITT.

  • >> HI SEX WITH HIM TWICE BEFORE I GOT HERE TODAY.

  • >> James: SURE, REALLY NOTHING SINCE MARCH.

  • >> NO, THERE IS NOT A LOT HAPPENING, YOU KNOW, I MEAN I'M

  • OPEN TO IT FOR SURE BUT I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE, A LOT OF PEOPLE

  • HAVE HOOKED UP.

  • MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS, HEY,

  • I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE A CROTCH ETY OLD AUNT BUT LIKE

  • WHEN AM I GOING TO GET MINE, WATCHING YOUR 21 YEAR OLD NIECE

  • HOOKUP WITH A BLOI FRIEND AND TRYING TO BE HAPPY FOR HER, I

  • WANT TO HAVE SEX TOO.

  • YOU KNOW, IT'S LITTLE PATHETIC.

  • SO BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE HOOKING UP DURING COVID AND

  • HALLELUJAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I AM HAPPY FOR PEOPLE, I'M

  • GLAD IT IS WORKING OUT.

  • WE ALL NEED WHATEVER COMFORT WE CAN GET THESE DAYS.

  • >> SURE, YOU HAVE BEEN SEEKING KART IN QUITE INTERESTING WAYS

  • BECAUSE IS THIS WHY, YOU RECENTLY WENT ON A SILENT

  • RETREAT IN MY SPECIAL I TELL A STORY ABOUT BEING DRAGGED TO A

  • SILENT RETREAT BECAUSE IT'S ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS, YOU ARE NOT

  • FROM HERE SO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THE CITY CAN BE, RIGHT.

  • >> SO I'M FROM NEW JERSEY, SO WE DON'T TALK LIKE THIS IN NEW

  • JERSEY, PEOPLE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT MANIFEST TAITION AND

  • GRATITUDE AND KALE 24 HOURS A DAY, YOU KNOW.

  • >> James: YOU'RE RIGHT, YEAH, SOMEONE OPENED A CAFE GRATITUDE.

  • IT WOULD NOT LAST TWO WEEKS WITHIN OFF THE TURN PIKE, IT

  • WOULD BE A HOT MESS.

  • SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT INTO THAT EITHER.

  • BUT AND I'M NOT INTO GOING TO A-- BUT MY FRIEND FROM NEW

  • JERSEY, NEW WERSY IS HOW YOU SAY IT IF SPAIRN, FROM MY HIGH

  • SCHOOL, WE WANT TO A SILENT RETREAT ONLY BECAUSE AFTER

  • SPENDING TWO DAYS WITH HER, IN THAT NEW JERSEY ACCENT I WAS

  • OPENING TO GO TO THE SILENT RETREAT.

  • >> James: OKAY.

  • >> SO I DID GO BUT I DIDN'T PARTICIPATE IN THE WAY, THEY HAD

  • >> James: DON'T EVEN START TO WITH A SOUND BATH.

  • >> HAVE YOU BEEN.

  • >> James: I MEAN THIS COMPLETELY WITH ABSOLUTE

  • SINCERITY A SOUND BATH CAN [BLEEP].

  • I-- I-- I HATED IT.

  • MY WIFE GOT ME A SOUND BATH FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND THEN I REALIZED

  • THEY WERE ETS ISING UP TWO BEDS AND I WENT OH, YOU GOT YOURSELF

  • A SOUND BATH AND I'M DOING SOMETHING I DON'T WANT TO DO I

  • WAS WATCHING ALMOST FAMILIAR NEWS BED WHEN SHE SURPRISE

  • IMMEDIATE WITH IT I WAS NEVER MORE ANG REERKS I WAS LIVID,

  • SOME DUDE IS GOING-- WITH LIKE BOWLS, I GOT SO ANNOYED I STOOD

  • UP COMPLETELY NAKED AND WENT SORRY, BUDDY.

  • AND I WENT BACK.

  • AND I MISSED THE TINY DANCER SCENE IN ALMOST FAMOUS.

  • >> FIRST OF ALL, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A SOUND BATH WAS.

  • >> James: NOR DID I.

  • >> AND I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF THAT, I THOUGHT IT WAS A BUNCH

  • OF DJ'S WAS GOING TO RINSE US OFFER, LET'S GO UP TO THE WOODS

  • AND I GET THERE AND THERE IS ROOM TEMPERATURE WATER AND KALE

  • CHIPS AND A DRUM CIRCLE AND I'M LIKE I DON'T THINK SCO.

  • I AM NOT PARTICIPATING IN THIS KIND OF CHICANERY.

  • >> James: I WOULD SETTLE FOR A REGULAR BATH.

  • >> I WOULD SETTLE FOR DRUGS.

  • >> James: FOR SURE.

  • >> THAT IS WHAT I WOULD PREFER TO DO WITH MY FREE TIME, AND IF

  • I'M GOING TO A REFREET LET'S GET THE PARTY STARTED.

  • I'M OPENING TO DO WHATEVER HALL US NO AGAINS WHAT WHAT EVERYBODY

  • ANYBODY HAS, THAT IS WHAT A TRE TREAT IT FOR IS TO MEDITATE ON

  • WHATEVER YOU HAVING TO DEAL WITHK AND REFLECT AND

  • HALLUCINATE.

  • >> James: YOU HAVE DONE, THIS THE YOU HAVE DONE THE-- THE

  • IOACTA.

  • >> ST NOT, THAT IS NOW HOW YOU SAY T IT IS I OW ACTA.

  • >> James: LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF.

  • LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW STANDUP SPECIAL, CHELSEA HANDLER

  • EVOLUTION, NOW A FEW YEARS AGO I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE DONE

  • THIS SPECIAL.

  • BECAUSE A FEW YEARS AGO YOU SAID YOU WERE DONE WITHSTANDUP.

  • WHAT CHANGED?

  • WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?

  • WHAT MADE YOU THINK NO, I HAVE TO SHOW, I HAVE SOMETHING TO

  • SAY.

  • >> I DIDN'T THINK I HAD ANYTHING TO ADD TO THE STANDUP AT THAT

  • TIME.

  • AND I WENT ON MY BOOK TOUR AFTER MY MOST RECENT BOOK AND I WAS

  • HAVING-- BEING ON STAGE BEING INTERVIEWED BY PEOPLE AND

  • TELLING MY STORY ABOUT STHRPEE WHICH IS HUMILIATING.

  • AND SELF-DEPRECATING AND HORRIFYING IN ALL THE WAYS I

  • LIKE TO SHAIMPLET I LIKE TO SHOW YOU MY DIRTY LAUNDRY.

  • AND SO I WAS, AS I WAS DOING THE TOUR I THOUGHT IF I COULD MAKE

  • THIS INTO A STANDUP SHOW, IF I COULD ACHIEVE THE MOMENT FROM

  • THAT MOVIE, I KNOW WILL YOU KNOW THIS, STEEL MAGNOLIAS WHERE

  • JULIA ROBERTS CHARACTER DIES AND SALLY FIELD IS LIKE, I JUST WANT

  • TO HIT SOMEBODY.

  • I JUST WANT TO HIT SOMEBODY.

  • AND OLIVIA O LIMP MEA SAYS HERE, HIT WHEEZA, HIT HER, YOU

  • KNOW, THAT GREAT MOMENT OF EMOTIONALITY, WHERE IT JUST GOES

  • FROM HYSTERICALLY CRYING TO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER, I WANTED TO

  • CAPTURE THAT WITHIN THE FORUM OF STANDUP.

  • AND ONCE I SAW HANNA GATSBY DO T I WAS LIKE I'VE GOT MY STORY TO

  • DO THAT.

  • AND I WANTED TO DO IT AND I WANTED TO DO IT DEURKS COVID

  • BECAUSE I WANTED TO BRING SOME RELIEF AND JOY AND HUMAN I HAD

  • DURING THIS REALLY KIND OF DARK BUMMER TIME WE ARE ALL DEALING

  • WITH, MORE THAN A BUMMER.

  • >> THAT IS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT IT, THAT IT IS SHOT NOW, IT IS IN

  • THIS NOW, SO THE UD YENS-- AUDIENCE ARE THERE,

  • WATCHING, IT IS INCREDIBLY SAFE, ARE YOU OUTDOORS, THE BACK DROP

  • LOOKS INCREDIBLE.

  • BUT YOU ARE RIGHT THERE, TALKING ABOUT IT, NOW I'M SO HAPPY YOU

  • DID T I THINK IS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

CHELSEA HANDLER IS ON THE SHOW.

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Chelsea Handler Is In A Big Quarantine Slump

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/29
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