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  • I see a window behind you and it's a sliding one.

  • So sliding windows, as long as they don't go down

  • are always openable from the outside.

  • Oh, hey that's a fun thing to know!

  • Thank you for that!

  • That's a really cool thing to know in my new house,

  • in this new neighborhood,

  • that there is a point of entry for people

  • if they just wanna come inside.

  • You should be very worried.

  • Cells proliferate, and then it creates disease!

  • Wait, are you doing a bit?

  • Is that real?

  • Is it real that you can really slide-

  • No. Oh, you fucker!

  • You fucker!

  • No, no, no, no.

  • You're fine, you're safe.

  • Okay.

  • Is this the new house? Yeah.

  • Because on the show you had made the

  • entire studio audience on "Conan" yell "buy me a house".

  • [Crowd] Buy me a house!

  • Buy me a house!

  • I don't think there's anything people like more

  • than someone asking someone who's very wealthy

  • to buy them something very expensive.

  • And I think the way the entire audience just turned

  • on Conan and then just started chanting with me.

  • It's one of the most thrilling moments of my life.

  • I think when you're on TV,

  • people have this idea that you have millions of dollars.

  • If you've ever appeared on television before,

  • you are a billionaire and could just afford a house.

  • 'Cause people are like, "Well you could pay for that!"

  • And I'm like, I made $47.

  • (Sona laughing)

  • The inflated sense that we have that anyone

  • on TV is cash rich.

  • Though it's fair that Conan could afford

  • to buy you a house in deep Glendale.

  • Well first of all, it's Altadena.

  • And I think you thought Glendale 'cause I'm Armenian.

  • Yes, which congratulations on the,

  • it's not what you say when you raise awareness.

  • What?

  • (TV signal beeping)

  • Is that what that is?

  • 'Cause I will be fine to admit that,

  • that I was ignorant to it.

  • I thought it was like a reminder

  • of like, "Hey, this terrible genocide happened."

  • But, there is a new issue.

  • There's an area in,

  • there's an area near Azerbaijan and Armenia called Artsakh.

  • And then the Soviet Union gave it to Azerbaijan.

  • But it's like 95% Armenian and they govern it

  • and they run it.

  • And then Azerbaijan just suddenly brought Turkey in.

  • And was like, "Hey Turkey, come and let's,

  • let's invade this area."

  • And Armenians are like, what the fuck?

  • And so, yeah, that's what's happening right now.

  • It's awful.

  • I mean, it could become an all-out war.

  • And you know, Armenians in LA, we're very vocal.

  • Very vocal, shut down the 101.

  • Yeah.

  • So you've probably seen a lot of Armenian flags

  • on a lot of cars.

  • There's a bunch of, a bunch of cars

  • on the 101 and saw the orange and blue flag everywhere.

  • The past two weeks they've been really getting it

  • out there, but I've just been not paying attention

  • to the message.

  • But now we know. Now you know!

  • You've been doing a Team Coco show,

  • "Sona Movsesian Fixes Your Life".

  • (musical flourish plays)

  • Where you've talked about how you could scam

  • the "pet support system" as my pet animal.

  • "How do I convince my husband then

  • our landlord we need a pet?"

  • You need a pet!

  • Look up all the reasons people have service dogs,

  • whether it's like social anxiety.

  • Then it becomes like a medical issue.

  • You've also talked about something called juice-juice.

  • "How do you manage a stressful day at work?"

  • Something called juice-juice time.

  • Trouble at work, you're stressed?

  • Drink on the job.

  • That's juice-juice time?

  • You know, am I qualified?

  • Some would say maybe I'm not.

  • But I think that I am because I've lived.

  • And so when these people ask me these questions

  • that are very serious, I like to like take

  • from my experiences.

  • And say wen I'm stressed at work,

  • I do things like I have juice-juice time,

  • which is you take a normal-looking beverage,

  • whatever it is, orange juice.

  • And then you put a little bit of vodka

  • in there or any other type of alcohol

  • that's easily accessible.

  • Then you put it on your desk in a, like water bottle

  • or some sort of hidden vessel.

  • Yes, a cocktail. Yes.

  • You mix alcohol with,

  • you're saying, a non-alcoholic beverage.

  • Right, right, right.

  • You take something, I don't know,

  • we'll call it like, you mix it.

  • So let's call it a mixer.

  • Call it a mixer (laughing).

  • You take some alcohol and then you put it

  • in this "mixer" and then.

  • Yeah?

  • That way you can have a nice buzz

  • but you're not getting like, you know,

  • "Hollywood Boulevard" wasted at work.

  • Okay, so it flies under the radar.

  • I'm always nervous about that.

  • Even for like doing standup live,

  • like that people would know I'm drunk for some reason.

  • Has anyone caught on to you in the office?

  • I've been to your desk, it's fluorescent lights.

  • There's always episodes of a "Friends" playing.

  • There's a bunch of junk on there.

  • Has anyone been like, "Hey, you seem happy.

  • What's wrong?"

  • Yeah.

  • It's happened.

  • First of all I should say,

  • I don't do juice-juice time all the time.

  • I think that's like,

  • that's a problem. Yeah.

  • But when I do do it, my eyes do kind of glaze over

  • and my reaction time slows down.

  • And so I think people are like,

  • "You have a fun lunch?"

  • That's code for that.

  • (laughing) I don't know.

  • They're like, "Something's different about you."

  • Be like, "I got highlights."

  • And they're like, "What?"

  • And then they're on to the next thing.

  • Yeah, "Sona Fixes Your Life",

  • I think that I've fixed a lot of lives.

  • It's amazing what you can do

  • by just answering a single question that people have.

  • Could you fix my life right now?

  • (musical flourish playing)

  • I'm supposed to go back out on the road

  • because I'm supposed to shoot this special.

  • And some comedy clubs are open.

  • I know, HBO Max special. [Sona] Hey!

  • Some comedy clubs are open

  • and I'm a little worried right now.

  • I think if, I think if I could fixed my life,

  • that maybe the clubs aren't the most sanitary environments,

  • that maybe they're not taking it as seriously

  • as like a big brand like Target.

  • 'Cause just like, a comedy club employee.

  • It's like, "Meh, I wiped that down."

  • No, comedy clubs are, have always been disgusting.

  • Yeah.

  • I'm gonna digress for a second.

  • So, I feel like I've never seen like an updated comedy club.

  • And so you have no like, okay.

  • So once I went, this is really random.

  • I went to the Playboy mansion once.

  • Yeah. And I went there,

  • not for a party.

  • I went there for a nice lunch with two other people

  • and we just sat and we had lunch.

  • There was no like naked girls running around or anything.

  • But then I got a tour of the Playboy mansion after,

  • and they took us to this one room.

  • We open this door and the floor is like a soft, cushy bed.

  • And it's clear that there were just like orgies

  • on orgies on orgies in here.

  • And I don't think that they changed

  • that flooring since like 1976.

  • Right.

  • 'Cause there's no fitted sheet for a floor.

  • Well it's like, it's like the carpet.

  • It's just, it's weird.

  • It was like a very soft flooring.

  • My point is I look at comedy clubs that same way

  • as I do as that room that was

  • in the Playboy mansion. Yeah.

  • And like back in the day, people were like doin' it.

  • And they were like doing coke and whatever.

  • So there's like, the entire club is just full

  • of jizz and coke remnants, and like drinks

  • that people spilled and people laughing,

  • and there's spit all over the place.

  • And the jizz.

  • If you're a good comedian, the whole audience is jizzing.

  • So much jizz (laughing).

  • The comic's jizzing.

  • Yeah, you are right that they're not updated at all

  • in the fact that there'll still be like photos up

  • of canceled comedians that were canceled a long time ago.

  • Like, that guy was canceled for doing jokes

  • about the Challenger and that's still up.

  • (laughing) But I think you'll be fine.

  • Okay.

  • So your advice for me is, "I think you'll be fine

  • and watch out for jizz puddles."

  • (makes slipping sound)

  • Yeah, like you've been to protests, I've been to protests.

  • Yeah.

  • That like, I thought that they were gonna be really scary.

  • If you have a mask and you stay away

  • from people and you don't touch anything

  • in the comedy club, then I think you're gonna be fine.

  • Okay. Yeah.

  • If you're gonna catch anything,

  • it's going to be like syphilis, not COVID.

  • Right, it's going to be a hepatitis,

  • it's gonna be yeah, one of the strains.

  • Which we have vaccines for, it's fine!

  • Please.

  • I always say don't let hepatitis dominate your life.

  • Yeah, give me hepatitis!

  • No don't, (laughing) that was a terrible thing to say.

  • No, don't.

  • No, I was trying to say like,

  • I'd rather have something that's treatable than, what?

  • You were just included in the "DIY Conan".

  • Where they reanimated, fans of the show reanimated

  • your interview, when you were on the show

  • after Kumail canceled. Yeah.

  • So there's animators submitting.

  • There's people playing you.

  • How, how did you feel about the portrayal?

  • I loved it for the most part.

  • For the most part, it was all very flattering and sweet.

  • There was one that someone drew

  • where I look like 400 pounds.

  • Is this the one that you had the super powers?

  • Like you come out and you completely evaporate Andy?

  • That's not it, but now you're making me think

  • that there's an, oh maybe that is.

  • It was a hand-drawn animation where I'm like.

  • (harp notes playing)

  • Your signature face, your headshot, yeah.

  • (laughing) Oh my God, this person has no neck.