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  • TONIGHT, OF COURSE, WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

  • NOW OBVIOUSLY, WE TAPE THIS SHOW EARLIER IN THE DAY, SO WE DON'T

  • KNOW WHAT HAPPENED YET.

  • IF YOU HAD TO GUESS, REGGIE, WHAT HAPPENED IN THE DEBATE?

  • >> Reggie: TRUMP SAID A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

  • BUT KEPT SAYING IT ANYWAYS, AND THEN BIDEN WAS, WHAT ARE YOU,

  • SOME JIVE TURKEY?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: IMAGINE IF WE TUNE

  • IN TONIGHT AND JOE BIDEN DOES SAY, WHAT ARE YOU, SOME JIVE

  • TURKEY?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT WOULD CEMENT WHAT I'VE ALWAYS

  • THOUGHT IS REGGIE TRAVELS BACK AND FORWARD THROUGH TIME.

  • >> Reggie: YES.

  • >> James: I DO BELIEVE IT.

  • I DO.

  • WELL, DONALD TRUMP'S TEAM WASTED NO TIME GOING ON THE OFFENSIVE

  • TODAY.

  • AHEAD OF THE DEBATE THIS MORNING RUDY GIULIANI WENT ON "FOX

  • & FRIENDS" AND CLAIMED JOE BIDEN IS UNWELL.

  • >> THE MAN HAS DEMENTIA.

  • NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

  • I'VE TALKED TO DOCTOR, HAD THEM LOOK AT 100 DIFFERENT TAPES OF

  • HIS FIVE YEARS AGO AND TODAY.

  • >> THE BIDEN PEOPLE SAY HE'S FINE.

  • >> WELL, WELL, WELL, HE CAN'T RECITE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

  • AND HE'S FINE?

  • >> Reggie: WOW.

  • >> James: I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO JULIAN, IT'S HARD TO ARGUE WITH

  • BUAWAAWA!

  • LOOKS LIKE HE GOT BUSTED BY SCOOBY AND THE GANG.

  • I LIKE WHEN HE SAID I'VE TALKED TO DOCTORS.

  • THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO WEAR MASKS, SUDDENLY DOCTORS ARE

  • EXPERTS AGAIN.

  • I AM CERTAIN RUDY GIULIANI HAS SPOKEN TO MULTIPLE DOCTORS AND

  • DEMENTIA.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HIS FAMILY WERE LIKE, NO, NO,

  • IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

  • THEY'RE GOING TO ASK YOU QUESTIONS ABOUT JOE BIDEN.

  • YEAH, YOU WILL BE THERE THE WHOLE WEEKEND!

  • GIULIANI THEN TRIED TO PRESENT MORE EVIDENCE OF BIDEN'S MENTAL

  • DECLINE BUT SEEMED TO STRUGGLE A BIT HIMSELF.

  • >> HE'S BEEN A -- HE'S BEEN -- HE WAS IN A CENTER FOR 160

  • YEARS.

  • I MEAN, HE CAN'T DO THE PROLOGS TO THE CONST -- THE CONSTITUTION

  • OF THE UNITED STATES OR THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE OR

  • ANY OF THEM?

  • HE CAN'T DO NUMBERS.

  • THE NUMBERS ARE SCREWED UP.

  • >> James: I STOPPED LISTENING WHEN HE SAID BIDEN WAS IN THE

  • SENATE FOR 160 YEARS.

  • LOOKT AT HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION.

  • RUDY GIULIANI CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE RUDY GIULIANI SAID THAT.

  • MAYBE GIULIANI IS RIGHT, 160 YEARS.

  • WHO COULD FORGET JOE BIDEN'S PIVOTAL WORK TO UNIT THE COUNTRY

  • DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'VE ONLY LIVED IN AMERICA FIVE

  • AND A HALF ALMOST SIX YEARS.

  • IAN, EXPLAIN RUDY GIULIANI TO ME.

  • >> UM -- HE'S LIKE A ONE-HIT WONDER POLITICIAN.

  • HE WAS KIND OF POPPING IN THE EARLY 2000s, BUT NOW PEOPLE

  • ONLY CARE ABOUT HIM BECAUSE OF TRUMP.

  • HE'S LIKE IF KID ROCK WAS A POLITICIAN.

  • >> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK THE RUDY GIULIANI THING

  • IS?

  • I THINK IT MIGHT BE A GENIUS MOVE -- I THINK THEY BRING HIM

  • OUT ON TV RIGHT BEFORE A DEBATE TO MAKE TRUMP LOOK MORE TOGETHER

  • AND NORMAL.

  • >> Reggie: OH, NICE.

  • >> James: PRESIDENT TRUMP DIDN'T SEEM TOO CONCERNED ABOUT

  • HIS DEBATE WITH JOE BIDEN TONIGHT BECAUSE ACCORDING TO

  • REPORTS, TRUMP DID ALMOST NO DEBATE PREP WHATSOEVER.

  • ALMOST NO PREP IS STILL MORE PREP THAN I WOULD HAVE GUESSED.

  • APPARENTLY, EACH TEAM MADE UNUSUAL REQUESTS HEADING INTO

  • TONIGHT'S DEBATE AND THOSE REQUESTED WERE VETOED BY THE

  • OTHER SIDE.

  • TEAM BIDEN APPARENTLY REQUESTED FOR A BREAK EVERY 30 MINUTES,

  • WHILE TEAM TRUMP ASKED FOR EACH CANDIDATES' EARS TO BE INSPECTED

  • FOR ELECTRONIC DEVICES.

  • >> Reggie: WOW.

  • >> James: THE SECOND REQUEST WAS REJECTED BECAUSE THEY

  • COULDN'T FIND A SINGLE PERSON IN THE COUNTRY WILLING TO LOOK

  • INSIDE DONALD TRUMP'S EARS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THOUGH I THINK IF YOU LOOK INTO

  • HIS EARS, YOU WILL JUST SEE RIGHT OUT THE OTHER SIDE.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> YES, THAT'S TRUE.

  • >> James: I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT OVERLOOKED IN THE WRITING

  • CATEGORIES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I ACTUALLY THINK THAT'S THE JOKE

  • THAT WILL BRING HIM DOWN.

  • >> THAT'S IT.

  • IT'S CURTAINS FOR HIM AFTER THAT.

  • >> James: THEY'LL PROBABLY CANCEL THE DEBATE AFT THAT.

  • IF THEY PUT THAT UP NOW, THEY'LL CANCEL THE DEBATE.

  • THEY CAN'T COPE WITH THAT LEVEL OF SATIRE.

  • >> IT'S TRENDING ON TWITTER NOW.

  • THE SHOW HASN'T GONE OUT YET, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT HAPPENED,

  • BUT IT'S THE NUMBER ONE TOPIC.

  • BIDEN ASKED FOR A BREAK EVERY 30 MINUTES?

  • HE CAN'T JUST CHECK OUT WHENEVER HE WANTS TO!

  • WHO DOES JOE BIDEN THINK HE IS, A MEMBER OF OUR BAND?

  • YOU CAN'T JUST ZONE OUT IN BETWEEN COMMERCIAL BREAK BUMPS.

  • IN THE PRESIDENCY, IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK EVERY 30

  • MINUTES, YOU'RE NOT GETTING A SHIFT MANAGER POSITION AT DEL

  • TACO.

  • AND BIG NEWS THIS MORNING FOR JOE BIDEN, HE'S BEEN OFFICIALLY

  • NOMINATED FOR A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

  • I MEAN, YEAH.

  • HE SHOULD GET SOME KIND OF AWARD.

  • HE SERVED 160 YEARS IN THE SENATE.

  • >> Reggie: YEAH.

  • >> James: FIRST, TRUMP WAS NOMINATED FOR ONE, NOW BIDEN.

  • HOW EASY IS IT TO GET THESE NOMINATIONS?

  • I'M STARTING TO THINK GETTING A NOBEL PRIZE NOMINATION SEEMS A

  • LIT LIKE AN INSTAGRAM CHALLENGE.

  • WHO ELSE DESERVES A NOBEL PRIZE NOMINATION THIS YEAR, IAN?

  • REGGIE?

  • >> Reggie: PROBABLY CINDY LAUPER.

  • >> James: YEAH, GO ON.

  • >> Reggie: YOU MEAN SOMEONE ELSE?

  • >> James: NO, I MEAN WHAT'S SHE DONE THIS YEAR?

  • >> Reggie: OH, GOSH -- >> James: RETROSPECTIVELY.

  • >> Reggie: SHE'S JUST DONE A LOT.

  • SHOWN HER TRUE COLORS.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: YOU'RE RIGHT.

  • SHE JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN.

  • >> Reggie: SHE JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN.

  • WE NEED THAT.

  • >> JAMES: AND WE HAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.

  • A FIVE-YEAR-OLD AFRICAN RAT WAS RECENTLY AWARDED A PRESTIGIOUS

  • MEDAL FOR HIS WORK DETECTING MINES AND EXPLOSIVES IN

  • CAMBODIA.

  • THE RAT WAS GIVEN A MEDAL.

  • OR AS THE RAT CALLED IT, "NOT CHEESE."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE RAT'S LIKE, RIGHT, WHAT DO I

  • DO WITH THIS?

  • TH THAT IS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RAT

  • I'VE EVER SEEN.

  • AND I ONCE SAW A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT A RAT WHO LOVED TO COOK

  • AND ENDED UP OWNING HIS OWN RESTAURANT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THE EXPLOSIVE-DETECTING RAT

  • WAS REALLY MODEST ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

  • THE RAT SAID HE THINKS NOTHING OF PUTTING HIS LIFE ON THE LINE

  • TO SAVE OTHERS... BECAUSE HE HAS NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE HE'S A RAT.

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

  • SO THE RAT GOES IN AND SAYS, THERE'S MINES HERE OR THERE

  • ISN'T MINES HERE.

  • IMAGINE THAT, REGGIE.

  • IT'S FINE, YOU CAN GO ACROSS THAT FIELD NOW.

  • YOU SURE?

  • NO, THE RAT SAID IT'S FINE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SORRY, WHAT?

  • THE RAT.

  • SORRY, HAVE YOU MET NIGEL?

  • NIGEL SAYS -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • TOTALLY FINE.

  • SO I'M GOOD TO GO ACROSS.

  • YEAH, YEAH YEAH.

  • BECAUSE -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • BUT WHY DON'T YOU GO?

  • I CAN'T.

  • I'M LOOKING AFTER NIGEL.

  • I'M GIVING HIM A MEDAL LATER.

  • GO ON, YOU GO.

  • YOU TAKE OFF.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) DID YOU SEE THIS STORY?

  • AN AIRLINE IS NOW SELLING OFF USED DRINK CARTS FROM THEIR

  • RETIRED 747 AIRSPACE.

  • YOU KNOW THE BIG CARTS THAT ROLL DOWN THE AISLES?

  • THEY'RE FULLY STOCKED WITH DRINKS AND SOLD FOR $685 EACH.

  • GREAT NEWS FOR ANYONE ON THE HUMP OF A METAL BOX

  • FILLED WITH CANS OF EXPIRED TOMATO JUICE.

  • MAKES A GREAT CONVERSATION STARTER THAT STARTS WITH, KEVIN,

  • WE'RE ALL A BIT CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THIS IS NICE, FOR AN EXTRA

  • $50, THEY'LL BRING IT TO YOUR HOUSE AND SLAM IT INTO YOUR KNEE

  • WHILE YOU'RE ASLEEP.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

TONIGHT, OF COURSE, WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

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Rudy Seems to Know a Lot About Dementia

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/27
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