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  • From the studio dumb enough to sell their Marvel franchise rights to Disney

  • comes yet another movie that only exists to set up The Avengers.

  • Captain America: The First Avenger

  • So stand tall for a superhero movie with an important message:

  • It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

  • Except for when it comes to fighting,

  • or being respected,

  • "Look at that. He's making me cry."

  • or getting laid.

  • "Women aren't exactly linin' up to dance with a guy they might step on."

  • Meet Johnny Storm, the Human Torch --

  • Wait, no, that's the wrong movie.

  • Meet Steve Rodgers, a grown man’s head CGI’d onto a little boy’s body.

  • He’s a skinny kid from Brooklyn who dresses like it’s the 1940’s.

  • So basically a modern day kid from Brooklyn.

  • Watch as he becomes a superhero in the most American way possible:

  • steroids.

  • "How do you feel?"

  • "Taller."

  • Aaaaaaabs.

  • Hell juice up to become Captain America, a soldier with the powers of...

  • Being a little bit stronger than a regular strong guy,

  • Ultimate frisbee,

  • And, umm, super sobriety?

  • “I can’t get drunk

  • Forget Tony’s ridiculous 3D holograms, return to an analogue world full of

  • lever pulling,

  • switch flipping,

  • button pushing,

  • dial turning,

  • and people calling out percentages with absolutely no context.

  • "That's 10%."

  • "That's 70%."

  • "That's 50%."

  • "20%."

  • "That's 40%."

  • "60."

  • "30."

  • "60."

  • "80."

  • "40."

  • "90."

  • "That's 100%!"

  • Ride along with Captain America as he faces off against the evil Red Skull,

  • Who along with everyone else in sci-fi and fantasy is played by Hugo Weaving.

  • Cheer as the Captain defeats his legendary arch-nemesis

  • in a brisk 2 minute montage.

  • All to leave more time for

  • Foreshadowing

  • The Avengers,

  • Introducing the plot device from

  • The Avengers,

  • Unnecessarily freezing himself so he can be in

  • The Avengers,

  • And an after credits scene that is literally a trailer for

  • The Avengers.

  • Starring...

  • The 90 Year Old Virgin

  • Tommy Lee Groans

  • One Face Two Face Red Face Ew Face

  • German Capote

  • Dr. Strangelove

  • The Winter Spoiler

  • Agent Love Interest

  • and Robert Downey Sr.

  • Captain America: The First Avenger...'s trailer.

  • Raiders of the Lost Ark did it better.

  • Just sayin'.

  • Hey Screen Junkies, can't get enough of my buttery voice? Then check out Honest Game

  • Trailers over on Smosh Games. How's that for a slice of fried gold?

From the studio dumb enough to sell their Marvel franchise rights to Disney

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Honest Trailers - Captain America: The First Avenger

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    Chao Sam posted on 2014/06/09
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