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  • -Thank you very much.

  • Welcome, welcome, welcome

  • to "The Tonight Show."

  • Let's get to the news and jokes.

  • Well, guys, it was just another crazy week

  • and tonight President Trump did his first

  • on-camera interview since he got COVID.

  • Let's see who he decided to talk to.

  • -We have just learned this morning

  • that President Trump is set to appear

  • in his first on-camera interview tonight

  • and will apparently get a medical evaluation,

  • not by the White House physician,

  • but by a doctor on Fox News,

  • [ Laughter ] according to the cable network.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -That's right, Trump got a remote medical evaluation.

  • It's like a Zoom physical. [ Laughter ]

  • It was a tough choice for TV viewers --

  • Yankee playoff game, NBA finals,

  • or hearing about a 74-year-old man's body.

  • [ Laughter ].

  • "Can we catch all three?"

  • No, you can't.

  • A medical exam on TV?

  • I feel like Trump's one step away

  • from taking a COVID test on "Maury."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "You do not have the virus!"

  • [ Laughter ] Aah!

  • ♪♪

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I'm sure the guy who evaluated Trump is qualified.

  • I mean, to be a Fox News doctor,

  • you have to go to medical school in Queens

  • for a whole three hours.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It was really bizarre television,

  • especially when Trump told the doctor --

  • [ As Trump ] Might as well check my prostate while I'm here.

  • [ Laughter ] I mean, just -- -Oof.

  • At least, Trump seemed like

  • he was in a playful mood during the exam.

  • When the doctor said he would need a sample

  • of his blood, urine, and stool,

  • Trump gave him his underwear.

  • [ Audience oohs ] -Ew!

  • - [ As Trump ] Come on, it's a classic!

  • It's a classic!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I've never really seen him laugh, Trump, right?

  • What does he laugh like?

  • Like -- [ Silent ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Like a silent laugh? -A Muppet, yeah.

  • -Yeah, he's like a Muppet, like --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Maybe like a robot, like

  • "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah." [ Laughter ]

  • -Or maybe he's like, you know,

  • some people laugh like Ernie, too. Like --

  • [ Snickering ] [ Laughter ]

  • -Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a good one, yeah.

  • -[ Snickering ] Yeah, that's a good one.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Actually, I was impressed with the doctor.

  • He remembered every single word Trump told him to say.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's right, Trump was given a virtual medical exam on TV.

  • I guess that explains this promo I saw.

  • [ Suspenseful theme plays ]

  • That's why you should watch...

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -Yeah, the last few days,

  • Trump has been all over Fox News.

  • Last night, he called in to Sean Hannity.

  • At this point, even regular Fox News viewers are like,

  • "Ugh. This guy, again?"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • By now, anytime Trump calls Fox News,

  • it comes up as potential spam.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • During the interview, Trump didn't sound too good.

  • Take a listen to this.

  • [ Clears throat ]

  • -Yeah.

  • -Yeah --

  • [ Clears throats ]

  • [ Clears throat ]

  • -Wow! -[ Murmuring ]

  • -That's great. The president of the United States

  • is slowly turning into the Mucinex monster.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • A second later, Trump was like --

  • [ As Trump ] [ Coughing ]

  • Sorry, hair ball.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Hannity then tried asking Trump if he'd been tested for COVID

  • and Trump wouldn't give a clear answer.

  • Listen to this. -Have you been

  • tested recently? -Or sooner, maybe.

  • I know I'm whether I'm great shape or not. -Did you test negative?

  • [ Laughter ] -Have you had a test

  • since your diagnosis a week ago?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -So...the answer is no.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • His doctor will only examine him on TV from 200 miles away.

  • I think it's safe to say that he's still positive.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It's like being asked, "How'd your history test go?"

  • And you go, "Yes."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Later in the interview, Hannity asked Trump

  • what he thought would happen under Biden's environmental plan

  • and he had a pretty interesting response.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -"Rebuild them with tiny, little windows

  • so you cannot see light."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Is he attacking the Democrats

  • or writing a haiku?

  • [ Laughter ] I'm worried about Trump.

  • But later, he was like --

  • [ As Trump ] To the window,

  • [ Laughter ] to the wall,

  • 'till the sweat drop down my

  • [ Coughing ] [ Laughter ]

  • Hair balls.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It didn't stop there.

  • Trump then talked about California's

  • water situation. Listen to this.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter intensifies ] -No! No!

  • [ Applause ] No!

  • [ Laughter ] No. No, man.

  • -I swear, it's real. -Y'all did that.

  • -No, it's real. No, that is his exact --

  • -This is the new "Do Not Read." Y'all did that.

  • -I swear. -There's no way!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Tiny windows, tiny fish.

  • He sounds like those YouTube videos of kids

  • after they get their wisdom teeth out.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Then, today, Trump called in to Rush Limbaugh's radio show

  • for two hours. -Agh!

  • -And, at one point, he dropped an F-bomb

  • while talking about Iran. Listen to this.

  • -And Iran knows that and they've been put on notice --

  • if you [bleep] around with us, if you do something bad to us,

  • we are going to do things to you

  • that have never been done before.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Yeah. When Mike Pence heard Trump curse,

  • he took two flies and stuck them in his ears.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ As Pence ] Not today, Satan!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Well, Trump says he's feeling better

  • and doctors are crediting his recovery

  • to some advanced treatments, including a steroid.

  • But I don't know if it's the best choice for Trump.

  • Take a look at this ad I saw the other night.

  • -Reclaim the day with...

  • Dexamethasone has been used to treat

  • moderate to severe cases of COVID-19.

  • While effective, dexamethasone isn't for everyone.

  • You shouldn't take dexamethasone if you...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Side effects may include...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -Hey, this is going viral --

  • a woman shared a picture of a frozen tuna steak

  • that looks like President Trump.

  • Take a look at this. See if you can see the --

  • [ Audience oohs ] [ Laughter ]

  • Trump saw that and was like --

  • [ As Trump ] Now, that's the tan I'm looking for.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Oh, I saw that a pet owner wanted

  • to keep her dogs in the yard,

  • but she also wanted them to see her come home,

  • so she came up with this solution.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Hi!

  • [ Laughter ] Hi.

  • -[ Whining ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -That's what happens when you're trapped

  • in your house for seven months.

  • "I'm gonna go make some dog holes in the fence."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Honey, any headway with the job search?

  • "No, but I made a couple of -- couple dog holes in the --"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And, finally, these days, it can feel like

  • there's a lot going wrong with the world

  • and sometimes you just wish you could make it right.

  • Well, luckily, we're able to do that here at "The Tonight Show."

  • It's time for "This Week Made Right."

  • Check it out. [ Cheering and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • -Shockingly, President Trump has left Walter Reed hospital

  • to ride around in his SU--

  • Oh, wait a second.

  • -Aaaaah!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Okay, yep, that's probably

  • for the best. -Get in there! -Aaah!

  • -That's right, after a heated presidential debate last week,

  • the VP candidates have agreed to sit in silence

  • and smile at one another.

  • Let's take a look.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ♪♪

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Shocker for the Patriots this week.

  • Cam Newton is out with COVID.

  • He could be done for the season.

  • -Oh, wait a second, Al. Not so fast.

  • -Well, look at that. It's Cam Newton.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -Is a great insult...

  • [ Fly buzzing ]

  • ...to the men and women who serve in law enforcement

  • and I want everyone to know, who puts on the uniform. [ Laughter ]

-Thank you very much.

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Trump Coughs Through Bizarre Hannity Interview on Fox | The Tonight Show

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/23
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