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  • Hello, beautiful TED folks.

  • How are you all?

  • So, I've been up since 3 AM.

  • I had a long day and am on East Coast time.

  • So it's a little funky.

  • And I often get woken up at that hour because this is when

  • the spiritual veil is lifted.

  • This is a beautiful magic hour that 2 to 3 AM

  • when we have this opportunity to connect to the divine energy around us.

  • And I am often woken at that time to get to work.

  • this is where some of my greatest work happens:

  • 3 o'clock in the morning.

  • And so I got the wake up call and I said OK let me sit up in my bed,

  • and I sat myself up, and I started to breathe and I started to connect

  • and center in to my internal guidance system.

  • And I kept hearing my ego, my fear voice say,

  • "18 minutes, 18 minutes, 18 minutes."

  • All we have is 18 minutes to speak to you.

  • And then I kept hearing this other dialog of,

  • "You always have 2 hours. 18 minutes is not long enough",

  • and going into that negative talk of "only 18 minutes."

  • And then I just listened, I breathed into the discomfort of this future tripping

  • and I just allowed myself to experience whatever that issue was

  • and within a few seconds it started to lift

  • and I listened to my internal dialog, my inner guidance system

  • and that voice within me said,

  • "Speak your truth and time will expand."

  • And I took a deep breath and I said,

  • "Yes! Thank you that's exactly what I needed to hear as usual."

  • I closed out my meditation, stood up out of my bed

  • went to my computer and deleted my TED talk outline.

  • (Laughter)

  • I let go of the form. I let go of the "how to"

  • or the details or the time frame

  • or the "everyone else does it this way" crap

  • and I said, the way I do this is share my truth and time expands,

  • share my truth and my inspiration can speak through me,

  • share my truth and I will be of the highest service I can possibly be.

  • And so I listened, I got a few moments of sleep

  • and when I was ready to roll out of bed I said my morning prayer

  • and I said, "Where would you have me go?

  • What would you have me do?

  • What would you have me say?

  • And what would you have me wear? (Laughter)

  • I did good, right? (Laughter)

  • And then I began my day --

  • and my TED talk outline is in the delete section

  • of my google docs. And you are going to get my truth.

  • You will get it in 18 minutes.

  • And my truth, my truth is so connected to me today.

  • I live my truth, I walk my truth I breathe my truth.

  • Of course there are many moments when I am disconnected from my truth,

  • but I know where to go, I sit down on that meditation pillow,

  • and I reconnect, and I recalibrate and I come back home.

  • As a result of living in my truth I've been guided to be a student and a teacher

  • of the metaphysical text of "course of miracles."

  • And, I have, as a result of being a student of the course experienced

  • many miraculous shifts in my own life.

  • And today I live a life far beyond my wildest dreams.

  • But it was not always this awesome.

  • About 6 years ago I lived a much different life, in a much different way.

  • I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.

  • I lived the first 25 years of my life really looking for happiness and self-worth

  • and connectedness in all the wrong places.

  • I was looking for this connection and the inspiration in my credentials

  • or in my relationships, or in an amount of money

  • or in a pair of shoes,

  • or in the fact that I had access to some great night club.

  • Who knows, I was just looking for it in all of these outside circumstances.

  • And It was a really tough search, it was an endless search, it was a difficult search

  • and it was terrifyingly difficult and sad.

  • I got to the point when I was 21 I opened my first business

  • and I really felt as though I have arrived because now I have a credential

  • that says I am doing something great in the world.

  • But meanwhile I just felt completely emotionally bankrupt.

  • and so I continued on for about 5 years, living in this way,

  • of running this business and living this fast paced New York City lifestyle

  • and having all of the necessary trappings of what it took to be a happy person,

  • a person who had "a lot going on."

  • But in the midst of that I was anesthetizing as all of these deep rooted fears,

  • and deep rooted anxieties and terrible terrible thoughts,

  • thoughts of inadequacy,

  • thoughts that I'm not good enough unless I have a romantic partner,

  • thoughts that I'm not good enough if I don't get this new client

  • or have that amount enough money.

  • I'm not good enough "because" --

  • I had a terrible case of the "when-I-haves."

  • When I have that new client, I'll be happy.

  • When I have that new pair of shoes I'll be happy.

  • When I have that new relationship, I'll be happy.

  • And when my when-I-haves became my I-haves I was still unhappy.

  • And by the time I was 25 I was really trying to anesthetize

  • all this discomfort with all these different kinds of things

  • such as food, and alcohol, and romance, and sex, and money

  • and worst of all, drugs.

  • By the time I was 25 I picked up a very very bad cocaine addiction

  • and I was physically drained, emotionally deteriorating

  • and spiritually dead.

  • And then on October 2nd 2005, I went to sleep

  • and that night, right before I went to bed I said to myself,

  • "God, Universe, Whoever is out there, I need a miracle."

  • And I woke up that morning, and I heard an inner voice

  • a very authoritative loud inner calling that said to me,

  • "Get your life together, girl and you will live beyond your wildest dreams."

  • And I have been listening to that voice ever since.

  • This past October 2nd, I celebrated 6 years of sobriety. Thank you. (Applause)

  • And in that time I have been physically recovering through my sobriety

  • and through the way I treat my body, and what I eat.

  • I have been spiritually recovering, as a student of A Course in Miracles.

  • I found the course through the beautiful transformational teacher Mariane Williamson

  • and the way that she interpreted this text made it relevant for me

  • made it easy for me to understand and it was very clear

  • by the time I was 26 years old that this was what I was here to do.

  • I am here to be a student and a teacher of A Course in Miracles.

  • And I went to Mariane and said, "How would you suggest

  • I carry this message to my generation."

  • And she said, "Read the text, do the workbook,

  • read the teacher's manual and get on your knees and ask God

  • how he plans for you to carry this message to your generation.

  • And I did just that.

  • And so when I went out to pick up A Course in Miracles

  • and allow this book to come in my life in full form

  • I walked over to my local metaphysical book store

  • and I walk in and there is a huge display of A Course in Miracles on sale

  • and I said, "That's right".

  • And then I walked over to the display

  • and I picked up the book and I held on to the book

  • and a huge force of energy behind the book

  • dragged me physically to the counter to buy the book.

  • This force of energy physically dragged me to the register

  • and so once again I took the universal memo and said OK,

  • let's get to work.

  • I walked outside on to this busy New York City street

  • and I opened the book and it said, "This is a course in miracles,

  • this is a required course."

  • And I said all right, show me what you've got.

  • And so I have been a student and a teacher ever since

  • practicing the principles of forgiveness.

  • The primary principle of the course of miracles is

  • that a miracle is a shift in perception.

  • The moment that we choose to perceive our life with love,

  • we can create a miraculous change.

  • And through the experience of forgiveness, the miracle occurs.

  • And so one day at a time, one thought at a time

  • I have been re-programming my thoughts form fear to love.

  • I have been choosing forgiveness as my primary function

  • I have been allowing myself to settle into that truth, which is love.

  • One moment at a time, we experience what the course refers to as

  • "The holy instant" -- the moment that we make that shift,

  • the miracle occurs.

  • The holy instant is when an ancient hatred becomes a holy love.

  • That moment when all of that anger, and that past resentment just disappears

  • it goes away, it no longer matters.

  • in that moment you recalibrate that energy of peace

  • you recalibrate that energy of inspiration, of source.

  • In that moment, you are ready to serve.

  • What happens to each of us, each of us in some way shape or form

  • have chosen the ego, the fear based mind

  • have chosen what the course refers to as the tiny mad idea.

  • Each of us, at some point in time and in some way

  • we have chosen that tiny mad idea

  • and as the course says, we detoured into fear and it was like

  • a descent from magnitude into littleness.

  • and that negative voice, that fear based voice

  • that one tiny mad idea

  • becomes like a virus in our mind, it takes over our reality

  • and it blocks our truth.

  • And so what I'm not here to do is I'm not here to teach you

  • how do you find your truth --

  • I'm here to teach you how to release the blocks to the presence of that truth.

  • Of course, a miracle is an unlearning.

  • It's the unlearning of the ego's false belief system.

  • It's an unlearning of the negativity of the lack of the comparing, of the separation.

  • The ego wants us to see everyone as separate.

  • The ego wants us to see the speakers on this stage

  • as much more special than those people in the audience.

  • The ego wants me to be sitting in that stage all day long looking at everybody else

  • saying, "Oh my god, they are more special than I am."

  • Or saying, "Oh, I am so much more better than they are."

  • And so this is how the ego works. Ego works in so many vicious ways.

  • A Course in Miracles says the ego is

  • "Suspicious at best, vicious at worst."

  • And each of us have this horrifying belief system within us.

  • And so it is our job, it is our duty, to release those blocks

  • release those fear based belief systems.

  • One loving shift at a time. One miraculous change at a time.

  • We release the blocks to that presence of love within us

  • and we reconnect to that inspiration.

  • When we reconnect to that divine inspiration within us

  • then we have more energy. Then we have more vitality.

  • Then we have more health Then we have more direction.

  • Then we can hear.

  • When we're thinking in fear, we cut off communication with that inspiration.

  • When we open up to think with love and we allow the voice

  • of our inner guidance system to come forward

  • we reconnect with that inspiration and that inspiration becomes our guide.

  • When inspiration is your guide, you become a miracle worker.

  • And so, the work for each of you to do, to begin to release the blocks

  • of the presence of love within you is to first and foremost become willing.

  • All I needed on October 2nd 2005 was the slightest willingness

  • to say, "God, Universe, whoever is out there, show me what you've got."

  • And that slight willingness was the catalyst for my greatest change

  • and is the reason I am standing here today, speaking to you

  • in my full truth, without an outline.

  • And just allowing source to work through me, allowing this divine inspiration

  • to speak through me.

  • Before I came out here on the stage

  • I said some prayers with some of my sisters and we were in the back and I said,

  • "May all the Goddesses of the highest truth

  • and compassion come speak through us now,

  • may our body be a vessel to carry an empowering message to serve the masses."

  • (Applause)

  • Get out of my own way. Stop checking my hair out in the mirror,

  • although I think it still looks good. (Laughter)

  • But recognizing the purpose of this body,

  • understanding the purpose of this body

  • when you live in your truth

  • and you release the blocks of the presence of love within you

  • you know why you are here, you know what need to do

  • and you know where to go because you are listening.

  • And so the first step once again, is willingness.

  • Have that slight willingness to change.

  • Each woman on the stage today had willingness,

  • in some form to make a change and that's why she is who she is today.

  • The second step is a foregone surrender.

  • Release your will. Let go of your plans.

  • Let go of your time clock. Let go of the 18 minutes, right?

  • Let go of the form. Let go of what you think you need.

  • And allow that voice of your inner guidance system to come forward

  • and lead you, and direct you, and guide you,

  • and show you where to go, and show you what to say,

  • and show you who to speak to, and open the doors for you,

  • and drag the book to the counter,

  • and give you every thing you need to support your highest truth.

  • And then the third step is to practice the F word, forgiveness.