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  • Let's not pretend this isn't weird.

  • - Hi, Dad. - How you doing?

  • - I never wanted any of this. - You kind of asked for it,

  • you know, with the roaming penis of it all.

  • This is where we are now.

  • I can't start over

  • with every yenta in town talking about my divorce.

  • Well, you've been watching upskirt videos all day.

  • Chadwick must've upskirted half the school.

  • Hey, I'm not watching, I'm listening.

  • You know, I really hate it.

  • - Hate what? - That they're smarter than us.

  • - Ten dollars, right? - These are on me.

  • - But I only asked for one. - What?

  • You want me to join you for a drink right now?

  • Dominating win for Hurley Ho.

  • Can I make a gameplay suggestion?

  • Don't come out too strong.

  • Did you patch things up with Hook?

  • It's just, I'm not comfortable using the Student Council

  • for illegal activities.

  • It's all legal as far as you know.

  • Tell Hook I unlock the snack bar two hours before game time

  • and to not involve me in whatever legal thing he's doing.

  • [upbeat music playing]

  • [Farrah] Isn't it weird how we all have

  • this amazing ability to share and reshare

  • our connection to the outside world,

  • but we neglect the one we're actually walking in?

  • If we want to feel outrage,

  • why do we bury ourselves in our newsfeed?

  • There's plenty of injustice right in front of us to go around.

  • Where's Hurley?

  • You seen this Buzzfeed video yet?

  • I saw it.

  • Gosh, it's horrifying.

  • I mean, these are children.

  • [drumline music playing]

  • - This is normal. - [loud clattering]

  • Whatever that sound is, it's getting closer.

  • Uh... should we be running?

  • [clattering]

  • What is this?

  • The school is cutting girls cross-country and lacrosse.

  • They say they don't have the money for them.

  • I'm not getting the bras.

  • It's part of the protest. Like bra burning in the '60s.

  • Oh, bra burning wasn't a real thing.

  • It was a myth. You can Google it.

  • Sorry. Why is there suddenly no money?

  • I don't know, but if I don't play,

  • I don't get a scholarship.

  • Farrah: If you're willing to post a story about the treatment

  • of sea turtles 1,000 miles away from home,

  • you'd better also be willing to fight for the friend

  • who has stood by your side since you were eight.

  • - [mic feedback] - [theme song plays]

  • In a manner of speaking

  • ♪ I don't think we'll be speaking at all

  • How is the protest this morning not the top story right now?

  • Because it's girls cross-country and lacrosse. Nobody cares.

  • Angry girls waving metal bats is a huge story.

  • I suppose the no-bra angle could generate some clicks.

  • I can make a jiggle .gif of Jane with the Ds.

  • Okay, I realize most of your posts are hot indexes

  • and new-couple alerts,

  • but sometimes the gig is actually important.

  • Don't make this about something it's not.

  • [quietly] I'm kidding.

  • I will give the protest the juice it deserves.

  • [whispers] Thank you.

  • I don't care what they do as long as they don't cut

  • - chick volleyball. - You're into girl's volleyball?

  • I'm into camel-toe shorts.

  • How exactly did they afford

  • to resod the football field this year?

  • And what about that brand-new scoreboard outside?

  • Yeah, the football team takes

  • five buses of fans to away games.

  • How do they not have enough money for girls cross-country?

  • It's just girls and land. Someone needs to explain this.

  • I heard the athletic director

  • wasn't even in the building this morning.

  • Ooh, and the Jayne's gettin' tricky.

  • And I'm pretty sure Principal Cowher

  • is still hiding under her desk, so.

  • Which is why we're gonna do it in front of the school tomorrow.

  • Ooh, braless girls in front of the school.

  • - That'll wake this town up. - Uh-huh.

  • What time are you guys marching?

  • What do you mean "you guys"?

  • I'm not on a sports team.

  • You were just complaining about human cruelty two hours ago.

  • And you freed the nip in protest.

  • I mean, what was that, just a cool thing to do

  • for a good Instagram post?

  • What are we actually protesting?

  • I mean, the fact that the girls team didn't sell enough brownies?

  • This isn't human trafficking.

  • Let's keep it all in perspective.

  • How about the fact that no boys teams got cut?

  • Sometimes girls sports just get screwed.

  • The US women's soccer team makes half of what the men make,

  • and they're actually good.

  • So what was all this for you?

  • Just make some noise and hope it all works out?

  • - [scoffs] - What about you?

  • You saw Wonder Woman the day it opened.

  • I'm always down for a fight.

  • Good, maybe we should do something

  • a little more than protest.

  • What do you want me to do?

  • Well, if we want to know where the money's going,

  • we have to know how much is coming in.

  • Do you think you could find out how much

  • - the fundraisers bring in? - Oh, so use my girl power.

  • I never said that I wasn't into the fight.

  • I probably have a girl power, too, that I could use.

  • You want a girl power?

  • How about a trump card, twat bags?

  • Are you and Plain watching "how to win at bridge" videos

  • - on YouTube? - Grace gave us a few tips.

  • It's just girls working together.

  • You should support the U-N-I-T-Y.

  • That's incredibly annoying.

  • [drumline music playing]

  • We've lost five games in a row.

  • What do you think Grace told them?

  • I think the question is why did Grace tell them?

  • I mean, the tips are clearly a passive-aggression.

  • Really? Grace seems kinda mousy for any aggression,

  • even a passive one.

  • Maybe she just wants to keep us as new friends.

  • Madame President doesn't need us anymore.

  • She has plenty of new friends.

  • The little mousy is quicker on her feet than you think.

  • Do you remember in her election speech

  • when she said, "Candidate Ilo said a few minutes ago

  • that you don't know me, but you do"?

  • I mean, I didn't write that. I wrote most of her speech.

  • But I couldn't have written that part.

  • That was Grace reacting to Ilo's speech

  • in the moment, and she crushed it.

  • All I'm saying is don't sleep on mousy

  • because a pile of passive aggressions

  • usually leads to an aggressive aggression.

  • I'll keep an eye on her, but what should I do

  • about the other thing while With-a-Y does her thing?

  • Just protest your face off tomorrow.

  • I'll see if I can dig up anything tonight.

  • [girl] That's why soccer works for me.

  • I have a purpose on the field.

  • But if I'm standing alone with nothing to do,

  • I get antsy, and I want to leave.

  • Please wear pants. Please wear pant-- pants!

  • Hide your stiff sock

  • and put your hands where I can see 'em!

  • Did I actually catch you watching porn this time?

  • What was it? Plushie?

  • Time stop. Oh, begging.

  • Your vast knowledge of weirdo porn is not going unnoticed.

  • Eh. Birds of a feather. So what are you hiding?

  • Nothing. I was, you know, logging the Chadwick tapes.

  • Oh, yeah? Where's the paper?

  • It was there.

  • Mm-hmm. Who were you watching?

  • - Nobody. - Well, you shut that laptop

  • pretty quickly, so it has to be someone.

  • It was just this freshman with social anxiety.

  • It's not a big deal.

  • Similar to yours, or...

  • I don't know. She barely says.

  • Now did you come here to ride me,

  • or do you actually need something?

  • So she's a she. Is that why the paper was down?

  • No, God, no.

  • Clearly you're hiding something

  • because you closed the laptop very quickly.

  • Then when I asked you about it, you said it was a freshman

  • instead of a freshman girl,

  • which is a very convenient leave-out.

  • It's not a convenient leave-out.

  • You can just say that you're interested in her.

  • It's cute. What's her name?

  • Why do I have to tell you her name?

  • You never talk to me you about Will,

  • or any other guys, for that matter.

  • Yeah, because I don't want to make you jealous.

  • Now who is it?

  • - Fine, it's Hannah Hampton. - Ilo's sister.

  • No wonder you didn't want to tell me.

  • And PS, I tell you way more about me than I do anyone else.

  • - Including Hurley. - [car approaches]

  • - Oh, your mom's home. - Using me to get my mom. It's a dick move.

  • I'm not using you, and speaking of dick moves,

  • Ilo will totally kick your ass

  • if he finds out that you're interested in his sister.

  • - Don't manipulate my mom. - She loves me.

  • I realize that your primary goal is to keep order in the school,

  • but you're also a strong, independent woman

  • and a feminist.

  • I like to think of myself that way.

  • And on top of all of that, you're raising a semi-normal son

  • who I'm sure you want to respect women.

  • Okay, that's a little heavy-handed, Farrah.

  • I know I went a little too far with the "semi-normal" bit.

  • I get what you're driving at.

  • It's devastating to lose funding

  • for any art or sports, especially women's sports,

  • but that's just how school budgets work.

  • I just don't understand how we could have

  • a brand-new scoreboard on the football field,

  • yet we have to cut girls teams altogether.

  • Well, that scoreboard is used for girls soccer

  • and field hockey.

  • I love your passion, but the money just isn't there.

  • I mean, maybe if more people came out to support

  • our girls, then we could sell more snacks

  • at the snack bar and maybe even sell a few tickets.

  • I know, I go to every single one of the games.

  • Girls soccer's playing right now.

  • Then I am late for a game.

  • - Bye, Farrah. - Bye, Mrs. Cowher.

  • - Wait. - What?

  • Who are you? That was not combative at all.

  • And yet I got all the info that I need.

  • What info?

  • I need to know where the buck starts

  • and where it ends, and neither is with your mom.

  • - Which means? - Someone else is holding the purse.

  • Are you really going to a girls soccer game?

  • - I really am. - Why?

  • Good luck with Hannah.

  • Don't ruin your entire sock collection.

  • [players shouting]

  • [line out rings]

  • [Jayne] Hey, Fare.

  • - Hey. - Working on it.

  • All good.

  • I need you to find something else out.

  • And this requires use of your other special skills.

  • Okay, what do you need?

  • - [Plain Jane] What's the story? - I'll call you back.

  • Do you always deliver your product to the snack bar

  • while an actual game is going on?

  • Welcome to Wednesday Night Lights.

  • - Except it's day. - Right.

  • No one of consequence is ever here.