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  • MOVING ON.

  • HOW ARE WE ALL DOING TODAY?

  • IF YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE SLOW THE LAST FEW NIGHTS, IAN,

  • ONE OF OUR HEAD WRITERS WHO USUALLY JOINS US ON THE SHOW IS

  • NOT IN TODAY.

  • HE ATE SOME UNDERCOOKED SHRIM AND HAS FOOD POISONING.

  • NOT SURE HOW THAT HAPPENS.

  • ONE OF OUR WRITERS IS FILLING IN.

  • NATE.

  • HOW YOU GOING DOING?

  • HE LOOKS SO FIRED UP TO BE HERE.

  • >> GOOD.

  • >> James: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO.

  • >> BEING MY USUAL WILD SELF, YOU KNOW.

  • THREW ON SOME ROCK AND ROLL RECORDS THIS WEEKEND, GOT A

  • SIXER OF BEER, BECAME A TOTAL STAMP TRAMP, YOU KNOW.

  • >> James: BECAME A WHAT?

  • A STAMP TRAMP.

  • >> James: I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HEAR YOU.

  • YOU SAY YOU GOT A TRAMP STAMP?

  • >> NO, A TRAMP STAMP IS A SUGGESTIVE TATTOO IN THE LOWER

  • BACK.

  • WHAT I AM IS A STAMP TRAMP.

  • >> James: I DON'T THINK ANYBODY HERE KNOWS WHAT A STAMP

  • TRAMP IS.

  • IS A STAMP TRAMP A THING?

  • >> OH, BELIEVE ME, IT IS, JAMES.

  • I GET OUT MY CREDIT CARD, I GO TO USPS.com AND I ORDER A

  • BUNCH OF STAMPS -- I'M TALKING A NAUGHTY AMOUNT OF STAMPS, IF YOU

  • KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> James: BUT I DON'T.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

  • I DON'T THINK I WOULD EVER CALL ANY AMOUNT OF STAMPS "NAUGHTY."

  • >> WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU >> WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T

  • SEEN THE POSTAL SERVICE'S MORE ADULT STAMP SELECTION.

  • >> James: I HAVE NOT.

  • I HAVEN'T SEEN A STAMP IN YEARS.

  • >> I BOUGHT THIS STAMP.

  • THEY ARE PRETTY STEAMY.

  • I'M NOT SURE WE CAN EVEN SHOW IT ON TV, BUT I'LL TRY.

  • >> James: IT'S TOMATOES.

  • >> JAMES, IT'S A BUNCH OF JUICY FRUIT AT SOME SORT OF NAKED

  • PARTY.

  • >> James: IT'S VEGETABLE-THEMED POSTAGE.

  • >> I KNOW, IT'S PRETTY SHOCKING, I KNOW.

  • BUT THIS IS THE KIND OF HARDCORE THING I'M INTO NOW, JAMES.

  • BECAUSE I'M A STAMP TRAMP.

  • >> James: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS, BUT I MISS IAN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

  • >> I DIDN'T STOP THERE.

  • NO.

  • I DIDN'T STOP THERE.

  • I GOT A WHOLE PACK OF THESE BOYS.

  • >> James: THAT'S ARNOLD PALMER.

  • >> IT SURE IS.

  • AND THIS STAMP MAKES ME WANNA MIX SOME ICE TEA WITH LEMONADE,

  • IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

  • >> James: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU MEAN.

  • >> THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A PRUDE AND ME?

  • I'M A GRADE-A STAMP TRAMP.

  • I JUST DROPPED FIFTY BUCKS ON THESE SAUCY LITTLE STICKIES.

  • >> James: SAUCY LITTLE STICKIES?

  • WHAT?

  • >> YES, THESE LUSCIOUS LITTLE LICKABLES.

  • >> James: LICKABLES?

  • NATE, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE BUYING EXTRA STAMPS TO HELP THE

  • UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE.

  • THIS IS YOU JUST BEING A GOOD CITIZEN.

  • >> OH, REALLY?

  • WOULD A GOOD CITIZEN DO THIS?

  • AAAHHH!

  • , AHHH.

  • >> Jams: YEAH, GOOD PEOPLE LICK ENVELOPES.

  • MAYBE NOT LIKE THAT.

  • >> DON'T SHAME ME, JAMES.

  • >> James: THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAVE TO MEAN.

  • >> Reggie: I HAVE TO AGREE WITH NATE, THOSE ARE SOME TRAMPY

  • LITTLE STAMPIES.

  • >> James: NOT YOU AS WELL, REGGIE.

  • >> BASICALLY, JAMES, THESE ARE TOASTY LITTLE TOASTIES.

  • >> James: OKAY, TOASTY TOASTIES!

  • >> THEY'RE SASSY LITTLE SQUAREYS.

  • >> James: STOP.

  • I ALSO CALL THEM ( BLEEP ) STAMPS.

  • >> James: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

  • YOU'RE BUYING STAMPS, THAT IS A TOTALLY NORMAL, WHOLESOME THING.

  • >> SURE, SURE.

  • I GUESS BUYING STAMPS IS A GREAT WAY, TO YOU KNOW, SUPPORT THE

  • POSTAL SERVICE AND, YES, THE POSTAL SERVICE PLAYS A HUGE ROLE

  • IN PROCESSING VOTE BY MAIL BALLOTS AND, OF COURSE, I'M

  • WORRIED THAT THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION IS UNDERMINING

  • THE POST OFFICE IN AN ATTEMPT TO SUPPRESS THE VOTE IN THE

  • UPCOMING ELECTION.

  • >> James: YES, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

  • >> BUT THAT IS NOT WHY I BUY STAMPS, JAMES.

  • I DO IT BECAUSE I HAVE TO.

  • I DO IT BECAUSE I'M A SICK LITTLE BISCUIT!

  • I DO IT BECAUSE I AM A TRAMP FOR THE STAMP!

  • READ IT AND WEEP, JAMES!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

  • YOU GET IT?

  • BECAUSE -- >> James: NO, WE ALL GET IT.

  • BACK HAS TWO MEANINGS HERE.

  • >> James: I UNDERSTAND.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

  • >> IT'S A HOMONYM.

  • >> James: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MAYA RUDOLPH AND FRED

  • ARMISEN, EVERYBODY!

MOVING ON.

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These Stamps Are Gonna Make You Hot for USPS

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/23
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