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  • This is the Allspark.

  • It's a fancy magic cube that turns machines into dangerous product placement

  • We must get it back

  • Because... well Megatron wants it

  • and we basically just stop everything Megatron wants to do.

  • Because he's evil

  • Anyway, that's enough backstory.

  • Let's get to know a bunch of people who aren't transformers.

  • All right team introduce yourselves

  • I bring the one-liners

  • I know spanish.

  • I'm gonna die first

  • And I have a baby.

  • What up, baby?

  • I don't want you being a soldier

  • What if something bad happen to you?

  • Nothing bad is gonna happen?

  • Hey Everyone!

  • Wanna die?!

  • Oh no! Something bad happened!

  • Hey Hey! Imma steal yo data!

  • Identity theft is no joke!

  • It's time for show-and-tell.

  • Thanks JJ Abrams's

  • I brought a bunch of old stuff for my great-grandfather because it'll be important to the plot later.

  • These were his glasses

  • Lame!

  • I hope I get to learn more about those glasses.

  • Hey, Dad, where we going?

  • Getting you a car!

  • Heck yes! I want this one!

  • Looks like a bumblebee.

  • So cool!

  • You don't want the yellow Volkswagen?

  • A Volkswagen named bumblebee? What is this the eighties?

  • This car's not for sale.

  • Come on pretty please.

  • I said no

  • That'll be $4

  • ladies and gentlemen

  • You aren't gonna believe this

  • But our Internet just got hacked!

  • and you guys are the biggest bunch of Smarties in all the land

  • So I want you to try to figure out what this soundwave is saying

  • I don't know which one of you can do this.

  • But my money is on the hottie in the middle

  • This is a Michael Bay picture after all and she is the most Victoria Secret looking one out of a bunch of you.

  • Oh Dude! Mikaela's here. Act natural.

  • Like this?

  • you guys are losers.

  • Let's go a little bunny.

  • Gross!

  • I will not be objectified.

  • I'm not just eye candy

  • Your mind is so sexy!

  • Meanwhile, on the president's airplane

  • Time for snack

  • Dang it not again!

  • five-second rule

  • Omnomnom

  • Eeeeeewwwwww

  • OMG! I think I hear them hacking again!

  • I knew you figured out

  • Hacking!

  • What did you find?

  • This boy has the glasses we need!

  • Man I wish the Transformers would do some Transformers stuff in this Transformers movie

  • Surprise Suckas!

  • Blaaaw I've been impaled.

  • OMG run!

  • I'm sorry, you're saying you're fighting a mechanical scorpion?

  • Yeah and it's totally stronger than us

  • except now it's just standing around doing nothing so we could call it an air strike

  • Copy that!

  • Oooow!

  • There's only one man who can decipher this Soundwave

  • What up?

  • I need your help!

  • Sure! just let me put my Decepticon code in,

  • Oooo this is interesting.

  • Hey, isn't this illegal?

  • Freeze! This is illegal!

  • Wow you guys are fast!

  • Help! My cars chasing me!

  • Oh thank god! The Police!

  • What is happening?!

  • Are you the ladies man from the internet?

  • Hehe you know it.

  • Give me your glasses!

  • NO! Buy them from the store!

  • Hey baby!

  • There's a robot cop chasing me

  • Quick! Get in my magic car!

  • Fine. Whatever.

  • How are you not freaking out right now?

  • Oh man. My car's just like that evil robot car.

  • Except this one is nice to me

  • Gooooood morning Vietnam!

  • And he talks in movie quotes!

  • My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump.

  • So.. what are you? Some kind of space robot from space?

  • Houston we have a problem.

  • Autobots, let's get that all spark!

  • Bye starting with what we do best...

  • Property Damage!

  • It's about time you guys showed up!

  • It's only been an hour in this movie.

  • My name is Optimus Prime.

  • And I like to say things like...

  • No matter the cost!

  • And... Megatron must be stopped!

  • But most importantly...

  • My name is Optimus Prime.

  • You can talk?

  • We learned your language from the world wide web

  • But we did not learn how to purchase your Allspark Glasses...

  • that were also on the world wide web.

  • L. O. L.

  • My glasses?

  • Allow me to tell you an augmented reality backstory.

  • Oh wow you guys really prepared for this presentation.

  • Our planet was at war

  • Because Decepticons and Autobots can never agree.

  • The Allspark was lost to space

  • And Megatron crashlanded on earth looking for it.

  • Don't ask me how I know that part and why it took me this long to get here.

  • Anyway.

  • Megatron printed a map to the Allspark on your gran pappy's glasses.

  • So we must retrieve them.

  • Not so fast!

  • You're under arrest!

  • Wut? Why?

  • For talkin to space robots!

  • you guys are criminals!

  • Criminals are hot!

  • Ich! You're really creepy.

  • You're going to jail for the rest of your life!

  • No!

  • you should not have don that!

  • Why? What are you gonna do? Pee on me?

  • Ugh! Bumblebee!

  • you didn't have to actually go there!

  • Come on! Get on my shoulder, you two.

  • Aaaaaagh!

  • Do not worry!

  • I will soften your fall with my metal feet!

  • Oh nononononononononononononoonononnononnonono

  • They're taking Bumblebee!

  • He's a good guy you guys!

  • Can't you hear the sad music?

  • Optimus!

  • You wanna go down there and save everyone just like we did two seconds ago?

  • Nah.

  • We got what we need.

  • Welcome everyone! It's time for you to see some crazy stuff!

  • This is the badguy robot.

  • Don't worry. He's frozen.

  • And this is the Allspark thing they've been looking for this whole time.

  • Why do you have them right next to each other?

  • Plot device.

  • This is really bad.

  • Don't worry. They'll never find us in here.

  • Found them.

  • Decepticons Attack!

  • You gotta free Bumblebee!

  • No!

  • Come on.... Pretty Please?

  • Okay!

  • Alright Bumblebee, do your robot magic!

  • Expecto Patronum!

  • Alright there's about to be a battle. We've gotta hide that cube!

  • Let's take it to a heavily populated area!

  • But wont that lead to more casualties?

  • Heavily populated area!

  • I.... am.....

  • MEGATRON!

  • Well hello, Megatron! My name is..

  • Blaaarrahaaaaaaagh!

  • Hey Megatron!

  • You failed me again, Starscream.

  • But I unfroze you!

  • You failed me again!

  • Why'd we bring this cube to the city again?

  • So the explosions will look cooler.

  • The what?!

  • Game over man!

  • Game over!

  • You want me to take the cube?

  • You've gotta go to the top of that building, Sam!

  • Do any of you space robots wanna take me up there really fast?

  • Nah. You can do it.

  • But this is taking way longer though!

  • Hey helicopters!

  • I'm right here!

  • I heard that!

  • Save us, Optimus!

  • Nah.

  • Gimme that cube!

  • No!

  • Fine. You dead!

  • Do not worry, Sam!

  • I will catch you with my metal hand!

  • Ugh!

  • That still really hurt!

  • Time for more property damage!

  • Hey! Someone will have to pay for that!

  • Sam!

  • Megatron is too big and strong.

  • I can not defeat him.

  • You must push the Allspark into my chest.

  • Destroying it and me.

  • But then Megatron will still be here and you'll be dead.

  • That doesn't make any sense.

  • Oh. Good point!

  • Put it in his chest instead!

  • Okay!

  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

  • I'm deeeeeeeeead!

  • but not really

  • Spoiler Alert.

  • My name is Optimus Prime.

  • I send this message to all remaining Autobots.

  • Come to Earth.

  • We need more sequels!

  • We will be here...

  • watching Sam and Mikaela make out on Bumblebee.

  • no matter the cost.

This is the Allspark.

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/23
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