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  • -Yeah, you know, things are good.

  • I mean, we're back in the studio.

  • We're live tonight, which is cool,

  • but there's barely anyone here.

  • It's a little weird.

  • -I know, man, it's like, we're getting back to normal.

  • But at the same time, not at all.

  • -Yeah, exactly.

  • But you know the one thing I would love

  • more than anything?

  • Is to have a guest in person.

  • I miss talking to someone in person.

  • -Yeah, man, I know what you're saying.

  • I just miss being in the same room with other people,

  • you know? -Right?

  • -What's up, John? -Hey, Jimmy, what's up?

  • [ Both screaming ]

  • [ Bouncy theme music playing ]

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • -Live from Rockefeller Center in the heart of New York City,

  • it's "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."

  • Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests

  • John Cena,

  • musical guest BTS,

  • and featuring the Legendary Roots Crew.

  • ♪♪

  • And now here's your host -- Jimmy Fallon.

  • ♪♪

  • -Get it!

  • ♪♪

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Oh!

  • Yes! Hello!

  • Thank you very much. Welcome to "The Tonight Show."

  • You guys, we are live right now.

  • We are live from New York City! [ Cheers and applause ]

  • And man, what the hell was that...

  • debate? Was that debate?

  • What did we -- I am so --

  • What was that?

  • I am so stressed right now.

  • I have a kink. It just --

  • I felt like I just slept on an air mattress.

  • Just one of those kinks that just --

  • I got to get psyched.

  • We do have a great show tonight.

  • John Cena is here in the studio. [ Cheers and applause ]

  • First live guest in the studio,

  • John Cena, we love him.

  • Also, we have music from BTS every single...

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ...night this week, we're having some performance

  • from BTS, it's gonna be good.

  • I'm actually pumped. I am so amped right now,

  • President Trump demanded I take a drug test.

  • That's how... [ Laughter ]

  • Well, guys, tonight in Cleveland,

  • it was the first presidential debate

  • between President Trump and Vice President Joe Biden.

  • And boy, wasn't that fun?

  • Seriously, did anyone take anything away from tonight?

  • Was that helpful to any American?

  • The only person enjoyed that was Vladimir Putin

  • while he was stroking a cat.

  • "Yes. Yes, yes." [ Laughs ]

  • Honestly, sitting through that debate felt like

  • getting a COVID test in both nostrils at once.

  • I was like...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Seriously, after the debate, I threw on "The Vow"

  • just to pick myself up.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Things were tense tonight, man.

  • Usually when you see two guys this age arguing,

  • it's about leaves blowing on each other's lawn.

  • As expected, the debate was full of hurtful insults,

  • constant fighting and vicious personal attacks.

  • Or as Americans call it, Thanksgiving.

  • [ Laughter ] Before the debate, Chris Wallace

  • said that if he does his job right,

  • it'll be like he's not there.

  • Well, mission accomplished.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Things got really ugly.

  • After the debate was over, Wallace said he wants to

  • moderate something a little more civil

  • like a Real Housewives reunion or a back alley knife fight.

  • Tonight's debate was presented without commercials.

  • Yeah. The only interruptions were Trump cutting off

  • Biden and Chris Wallace every eight seconds.

  • [ Rapid stammering ]

  • "No, you're allowed... [ Rapid stammering ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • No, you said I have to do --

  • you have to do the -- I did what you said."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Actually tonight's debate made history.

  • It was the first time Americans ever watched something on TV

  • and wished there were commercials.

  • I need a break!

  • I break! Give me a gecko. Give me something.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Things got brutal fast. Just to give you an idea,

  • this was one of the lighter moments.

  • -All right, gentlemen --

  • -Which was heavily -- -Mr. President --

  • -You would have been much later, Joe.

  • -Mr. President -- -Much later.

  • Mr. President -- -You're talking about

  • 2 million people.

  • -Chris Wallace felt like a kindergarten teacher

  • running a class on Zoom.

  • And the night went downhill pretty quickly.

  • Biden was doing everything he could to try to

  • get Trump to stop interrupting, take a look at this.

  • -Donald, would you just be quiet for a minute?

  • -And you don't know her -- -Will you shut up, man?

  • -Who was -- Listen -- -This is so unpresidential.

  • -He's gonna pack the --

  • -Will he just shush for a minute?

  • -After that, Biden got a standing ovation from Melania.

  • It's like... "Finally!

  • Finally! [ Applause ]

  • Some --"

  • At that point, I was just waiting for a woman in a bikini

  • to walk out holding a sign that said "Round 2."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • You know it was a rough debate when the guy who told

  • the president to shut up was seen as the classy candidate.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Well, the first of the night's six sections

  • was about the Supreme Court, and it ended like this.

  • Watch this exchange.

  • -This is so unpresidential. -He's gonna pack the Court.

  • -That was really a productive segment, wasn't it?

  • [ Chuckling ]

  • Keep yapping, man.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Sadly, looking back, that was the most productive segment.

  • After that, the debate moved on to the pandemic.

  • Then Biden tried to hit Trump with a quick sound byte.

  • Watch this.

  • -When he was presented with that number,

  • he said "It is what it is."

  • Well, it is what it is because you are who you are.

  • -Ooh.

  • -Even Dr. Seuss was like, "Wait, what are we talking about?"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "It is what... we are -- is what you are?"

  • But Biden couldn't talk about the pandemic

  • without bringing up one of Trump's

  • most famous gaffes. Check it out.

  • -This is the same man... -It's all set up.

  • -...who told you by Easter, this would be gone away.

  • By the warm weather, it would be gone,

  • miraculously, like a miracle.

  • By the way, maybe you could inject some bleach in your arm

  • and that would take care of it.

  • This is the same man. -That was said sarcastically.

  • You know that.

  • -Meanwhile, a guy injecting bleach into his arm

  • was like, "Wait, what do you mean sarcastically?"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Trump is like, "I don't inject bleach.

  • I wear a patch and slowly absorb it all day."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • At the end of Trump's presidency, he'll just be like,

  • "Come on, everything I said was sarcastic.

  • Well, just... [ Speaking indistinctly ]

  • No, you said that, I...

  • No, no, well, you said -- I said..."

  • Of course trump tried to fight back.

  • He really took issue with Biden using the word smart.

  • Watch this. -Unless he gets a lot smarter

  • a lot quicker -- -Mr. President?

  • -Did you use the word smart?

  • Don't use the word smart with me.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yep. Trump accused Biden of not being smart.

  • He was like, "I'm much smarter. That's how is how I got

  • nominated for the Taco Bell Peace Prize."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And finally, Biden had really had enough

  • and hit Trump with this insult.

  • -People out there need help.

  • -But why didn't you do it over the last 25 years?

  • -Because you weren't president --

  • -Why didn't you do it over the last 25 years?

  • -Because you weren't president screwing things up.

  • -You were a Senator and -- -You're the worst president

  • America has ever had. Come on.

  • -Oof.

  • Trump was like, "That's ridiculous.

  • Everyone knows I'm somewhere between

  • George Washington and Martin Sheen."

  • [ Laughter ]

-Yeah, you know, things are good.

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Trump and Biden’s First Debate Was a Mess | The Tonight Show

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/23
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