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  • My next guest, you know,

  • from his multiple Comedy Specials on Comedy Central.

  • He's got a new album out.

  • That is, animated thing I want talk to him about.

  • Please welcome my friend, Kyle Kinane.

  • Kyle, we have you?

  • What's up, buddy?

  • Thank you for being here.

  • Well, not here anymore.

  • We used to be neighbors and then you just moved to Portland.

  • Yeah. You saw me posted up in front of the U-Haul

  • the other day. Yeah.

  • I didn't like California's up here.

  • So I brought a lot of flannel, I brought axe.

  • Just tryna fit in with Portland.

  • I kept my face. Yeah.

  • I was gonna wear it and then I was wearing it for like,

  • a half hour and I lost enthusiasm for the bit.

  • It is weird. What are you telling people?

  • Cause the neighbors are asking like, "What do you do?"

  • And it's weird to be like, "I'm a comedian.

  • "I moved from the Entertainment Capital to here."

  • I don't ever tell anybody I'm a comedian.

  • What do you say?

  • I never want people to know that.

  • Cause then the expectations on.

  • I just wanna be like, "Hey, that guy's pretty fun."

  • And then cause if people know you're a comedian

  • and you're not fun, they're like, "This guy sucks."

  • That guy with a super pack is really fun.

  • Yeah. I'm just kind of the guy like,

  • I'm just watering the lawn up here.

  • Nobody knows anything about me. I've met the neighbors.

  • The mailman's already seen me nude once, that was a mishap.

  • How's that happened?

  • Well, I'm not used to living on the ground floor,

  • you know, you live in an apartment,

  • you're on the second floor and that's just nudity

  • all the time on the second floor.

  • Cause nobody's looking, nobody's cares.

  • That's too much. Vantage point.

  • Here, I'm on the first floor forgetting

  • and living my life regular.

  • And I thought, the laundry's in the garage.

  • And there's windows on the garage door.

  • I haven't seen that. Right?

  • That's not city life, windows on a garage door?

  • Get out of here.

  • Right. Well that's Portland, where everyone like,

  • has a roommate, that lives in the garage.

  • Yeah.

  • Well I was taking off all my clothes to put them into wash,

  • in the garage, you know, you're doing your laundry

  • and then you get to that point like, well,

  • what if all my clothes are clean at once?

  • Oh yeah. I've been tempted to do that.

  • But then, that's on the third floor.

  • So I have to like walk down shirtless.

  • I'm gonna be that guy in the building,

  • but that doesn't get thought.

  • Now I'm in a house.

  • And I can finally achieve that

  • every single piece of clothing,

  • clean at the same time feeling.

  • So I disrobe. Yeah.

  • Dunk the clothes, I figured I got three seconds window

  • just to dunk the clothes, get back in the house.

  • That's the same amount of time

  • that the mailman is walking up the driveway.

  • And I just, I looked at him

  • and he was wearing like some Oakley blades.

  • So I'm sure his eyes saw it, but I couldn't judge it.

  • He kept a straight enough look.

  • But, now is like the first week we were here.

  • So I dunno nothing.

  • You got walked in by the cool mailman

  • who got into his lifted mail truck.

  • Rolling coal out of the van.

  • Did it take you a lot for you to move? I mean.

  • First off, we didn't hire movers and I don't know why.

  • I could have afforded that.

  • I just like, we'll do it ourselves.

  • You know? You doing well.

  • Stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.

  • You pack so much stuff that you think you're gonna need.

  • And then after you transport it, thousands of miles

  • and you're like, "Oh, I never needed this."

  • I didn't need this VHS collection of happy days.

  • I have no less than

  • 200 different half full hotel moisturizers.

  • The cheapest moisturizer, it's always lemon scented.

  • Do you wanna smell like lemon?

  • Smell like lemon and just be slick

  • for a good part of your day.

  • I have so many of those.

  • I think it's just white motor oil.

  • There's no way, it never absorbs your skin.

  • Your skin is like, " I don't want that."

  • All the antibodies and your body is like,

  • "This shouldn't be in me."

  • Why does this keep staining my shirts?

  • This can't be good for my skin.

  • Why is this eating away at fabric?

  • If someone just has a lighter in the room,

  • I instantly busted the flames.

  • You smell like cotton balls with those ready to

  • start campfires when you're going camping.

  • Yeah.

  • I have three different lip balms just on my desk.

  • All packed. This is great.

  • This is all packed. Unnecessary.

  • I got, I'm ready.

  • I've got, like I said, I got an axe.

  • Did you get a gun?

  • Cause it's the first time I've thought like,

  • "I totally am against gun control. Absolutely.

  • "They should be checked."

  • But this is the first time where

  • it feels like a good purchase.

  • It feels like a good purchase.

  • Yeah. I bought a gun.

  • I bought a gun because you ever look at

  • the people in line at the gun store, they're getting guns.

  • That's why I got a gun.

  • Yeah.

  • It was muffin top creep and a Punisher t-shirt.

  • It's gonna be armed and I'll lose.

  • I'm gonna lose the civil war.

  • But at least I wanna lose with some effort. You know?

  • It would make me feel more comfortable

  • if the guys buying guns were a little more in shape.

  • Because they would at least try to do the fist fight before.

  • But this, the line is like,

  • well that guy's gonna go immediately for the gun,

  • so he doesn't have to do stairs.

  • Yeah. You're just Indiana Jones

  • with the guy with the Symitar in the marketplace.

  • He's gonna use it.

  • Like shoot this guy like, "Well, come on man.

  • "How about a little fair fight?"

  • It starts with a roast battle. Yeah.

  • I mean, that's what we can bring to the table.

  • You should be at roast battle.

  • You should be able to take it.

  • And there should be some sort of

  • physical agility tests, that you should take.

  • To be like, "You could try to throw one punch at least

  • "before you go to the gun"

  • Throwing stars. That's nice.

  • But you are right.

  • And that, it's the people that are buying guns.

  • Well then, we want one. We're not gonna be like,

  • "I have a sign. I'm gonna shame you on line."

  • Like that doesn't win.

  • There are gonna be like, in the next 18 months,

  • I'm sure there's gonna be so many like different,

  • I don't know like improve advisers and TV writers

  • with accidental bullet wounds. Yeah.

  • I wrote on Carolina, the city.

  • And now I have a small militia operating out of Burbank.

  • Oh my God. That went right through my air force one.

  • I can't believe it.

  • A break through. My new new balances.

  • It's a weird time now.

  • You'd think it would be easy to choose a side,

  • cause one of the sides has Nazis.

  • Yeah.

  • Remember those, those are back.

  • You'd think you'd be like,

  • "Well, even if they got other stuff,

  • "that's like me, the Nazi thing kind of canceled."

  • Well, but free ice cream every other Tuesday.

  • Hold on I love ice cream.

  • Wait a minute. All right.

  • Thought you guys have Nazis.

  • Man, even if they checked every box,

  • Nazis are still on there, like I got to go the other guys.

  • It's the cartoon version.

  • It's the first question on, who wants to be a millionaire?

  • Like that's the obvious joke answer, not the one with Nazis.

  • I already look like I'm in some sort of bunker.

  • Like I've just peered up the blinds.

  • Yeah.

  • They're coming, man.

  • It's the mailman.

  • There's no way you shouldn't have shown up that time.

  • He's in on it.

  • Well, that's what's funny about the mailman is that,

  • he came back the next day and I was out watering the lawn

  • and I had like a joke seventies outfit from a party.

  • But I had very limited clothing up here,

  • when we were living here over the summer.

  • So I was just in cutoff Jean shorts

  • and like a red mesh tank top.

  • And I just looked like Philip Seymour Hoffman character

  • from boogie nights, that I'm out there watering the lawn.

  • And he comes rolling up and like,

  • all right, now I look like I'm just tryna

  • court this spell up.

  • Like, Ooh.

  • Right. Like the housewife that's like,

  • "Oh, whoops, you caught me."

  • Hey there postman.

  • In nice kiddies.

  • What was the idea behind Portland?

  • Because of all the cities,

  • I mean a lot of people make the move to Austin.

  • Not many people are going from LA,

  • which is not doing great right now,

  • to Portland, which is at least media wise not going great.

  • Oh, well, I mean, we're in the burbs.

  • So, and I like the burbs. I grew up in the burbs.

  • And when you grow up in the burbs,

  • you feel like you're trapped

  • and like nothing good ever came out of there.

  • But then I left and I lived my life

  • and now I'm back in the burbs.

  • I'm like, "Oh, I dig this place."

  • People respect a four-way stop sign.

  • There's good grocery stores.

  • I got a grocery store, the solid hot bar.

  • How do you feel about the hot bar Moses?

  • I feel great until they start like,

  • "We have orange chicken."

  • I am like, "I don't think Von's

  • "knows what they're doing with orange chicken."

  • I really, I would think anybody can do orange chicken.

  • I would, question them when they're like,

  • "Oh, question Von's."

  • And I'm like, "This is goat cheese."

  • Like you just found that cheese.

  • Yeah.

  • You have no idea that's goat cheese

  • That's just bad mozzarella.

  • But never once have I eaten orange chicken

  • and ever gotten a hint of what I thought was chicken in it.

  • Oh yeah, right?

  • Cause it's all. Yeah. It's all the butter.

  • It's just candy. It's like movie candy.

  • Made out of poultry and that's not a complaint.

  • That's not a complaint. It's not a complaint.

  • So you think it's gonna change your point of view at all?

  • Because a lot of standup, I mean, you're always on the edge.

  • You're not living in great circumstances.

  • Your life is always on the road.

  • Do you think it's and then now you're in the suburbs.

  • I don't know. I just, maybe I need to let that go.

  • But there is a thing of like, if I'm too comfortable,

  • I can't do this outdated medium doesn't exist anymore.

  • (Kyle and Moses laughing)

  • What's the angle, man. Right?

  • It's just some bomb in the burbs now.

  • Right. What are you gonna talking about on podcast, Kyle?

  • Yeah, but what do I, what am I gonna do?

  • Be the 50 year old.

  • Who's still just amped up and about,

  • "Oh, man let me tell you in the gristle hustle, bustle."

  • Like I can talk about a fire pit that I got in a yard.

  • If I can't make a joke about the fire pit

  • and the stray cat that I hang out with,

  • then that I'm not a good comic.

  • If you're a good comic,