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  • (upbeat musical intro)

  • S: So we are here in Kurume Ramen Sei Yo Ken

  • S: We have travelled out of Tokyo all the way down to Fukuoka, and then we went from Fukuoka to Kurume

  • S: So we are having Tonkotsu Ramen today.

  • M: This place is beyond legit. It started in 1952.

  • M: Someone started a street stall, and they started this original kind of Ramen.

  • M: They have this recipe that's been passed on forever, S: Uh-huh, yeah M: it's older than us.

  • M: I feel like this is the first official real Japanese Ramen video we're putting out there, aren't we?

  • S: We have been in Japan for a year now, and we didn't want to rush a Ramen kind of video... but here comes the ramen!

  • M: Simon's like, "I don't want to rush it!" (sheep noise?)

  • (waiter talking, S&M thanking)

  • (porn-like Oooing and Ahhhing noises)

  • (rewinding tape noise)

  • (dramatic music)

  • (music gets funky B) )

  • M: So we ordered their two special Ramens on the menu.

  • M: This one here is one that's actually richer, so they use kinda like the pork fat from the back,

  • (S: uh-huh)

  • M: and they boil it down and then they add it into it to make it like, much creamier.

  • M: ...and Simon has the one that doesn't have that in it, so it's not as rich.

  • S: Okay, so here's the deal

  • (M: obviously gonna share)

  • S: ...we have to start eating this right away because Ramen has a very fast time limit,

  • S: it starts going soggy if you talk for too long, so let's just eat this and show you what it's about.

  • M: The noodles get all bloated and everything.

  • S: Okay. Don't be grossed out, but the pork bone that we're actually eating is pork skull.

  • S: So in their - M: [we're] not eating the skull, but...

  • S: In their vat of broth is just water, and the skull of a pig. (M: mmm-hmm)

  • S: ...and they left in the brain and they left in the eyes, because it gives a sweetness to the broth,

  • S: and that's all the seasoning that you have!

  • M: How amazing is the restaurant, they have a little basket with hair elastics!

  • S: Hey, you know that a girl is serious if she looks in the eyes, puts her hair back in a ponytail, and starts slurping down some wet noodles.

  • M: Yeah.

  • S: You know what I'm talkin' 'bout.

  • S: I'm only talking about Ramen, get your head out of the gutter.

  • S: Let's start! (Itadakimasu) M: Itadakimasu!

  • M: OOoh I can see little pieces of the pork fat floating 'round in here!

  • S: Aaaaaahh yeahh.

  • (S: (slurping)) M: Ohhh my god!

  • S: Lemme try. M: Oh my god.

  • M: ...this is like... S: I don't have any in mine! M: That's because you didn't get the rich one. Try this, ready?

  • S: Those are like, little, fried bits... M: Little tiny fried bits of like, pork rind magic.

  • S: Ehyooo... M: Right?

  • S: That tastes like pork rinds. M: It is pork rinds!

  • S: It's just pork rinds in the soup. (M: It is pork rinds.)

  • (M: Oh my god) S: It's so... ri- I don't know how to explain this flavor, because I don't really have broths like this back in North America.

  • S: It's creamy, and rich, but it's not like, milk creamy. (M: mmhmm.)

  • S: The closest equivalent is like a cream of mushroom soup. That's the... that's the only taste that I remember, that... that this is kind of like. M: (continuous yummy noises)

  • M: Well, the key with this kind of soup is the collagen.

  • M: So this particular shop boils it, for like, three days, until everything has broken down.

  • M: It's actually pretty healthy for you, technically.

  • M: All those nutritions, and then carbs and noodles.

  • S: Can you say it's pretty healthy with all those S&M: Carbs and noodles?

  • S: I gotta say I'm really embarrassed, when it comes to eating Ramen noodles, because I don't know how to do it right.

  • S: All of my friends, they can just put a bunch in their mouth, slurp it down-

  • S: And the whole point of slurping is that you don't want to wait for it to cool down, so you're breathing in so that it cools it down.

  • S: ...but I just keep on choking on my noodles

  • M: You really can't do it? S: Mm-mm.

  • M: Okay watch. Take it like this, I grab it with my teeth, and I pull the noodles up the bottom, while I catch it in my teeth doing this: (sucks in at through teeth) ...like that.

  • S: Okay, show me. M: Okay. Ready? Watch.

  • (romantic tune overlaying Martina slurping grossly)

  • (S&M mm-hmm'ing)

  • M: No? S: Mmmmm-hmmm. (sarcastically)

  • M: Why're you making a face like that? S: No!

  • M: ...and what has to be one of our all time favorite additions is a' the hanjku tamago.

  • M: A perfectly soft boiled-ish egg (music in background: Handel's 'Hallelujah Chorus')

  • M: with...I don't know how they make this magical center look like this.

  • S: Ramen eggs make me so happy.

  • M: Now, one of the things about Ramen that's so amazing it that it really changes according to where you are.

  • M: So Tokyo noodles are different, than noodles that you might found[find] like out in Fukuoka, versus Kyoto.

  • S: (slurping)

  • M: The noodles here are cut really, really thin, (S: slurping continuously)

  • M: ...and supposedly, that's because originally it started by a bunch of guys that were down by the docks that were fishermen, wanting to eat their stuff quickly.

  • M: ...and so if you have a thick noodle it's difficult to eat, but if they're thin, you can just kinda shovel that down. S: (slurping loudly)

  • S: So that's apparently where the thin, straight cut noodles came from here.

  • M: This is actually my style of noodle when it comes to Ramen. This is what I prefer.

  • S: ...and everybody has a different preference when it comes to Ramen.

  • S: A lot of our Japanese friends aren't that fond of Tonkotsu Ramen, they prefer something like a Shio or a Shoyu

  • S: ...because they fine Tonkotsu Ramen too rich and too thick.

  • S: ...and I think they're crazy because this is just insanely delicious. M: (mm's in agreement)

  • S: The... the other kinds of ramen that I had like Shio or Shoyu are... all right.... but I always prefer Tonkotsu.

  • S: ...and supposedly, according to my Japanese friends, most Westerners prefer Tonkotsu.

  • M: ...and we've had Tonkotsu Ramen before in Tokyo. I found it really heavy, and oily,

  • S: Yes!

  • M: So when I ate it... it was like eating fat gob-lets on top. (S: slurping in agreement)

  • M: It always made my stomach feel a bit ill.

  • S: (noises of agreement) M: This is very different.

  • M: This almost tastes like a chicken soup.

  • M: Like that kind of homemade chicken flavor. It doesn't have a heavy, greasy taste whatsoever.

  • M: Simon's about to chow down on what looks like some kind of noodle or meat, but it is not, it is actually a bamboo shoot.

  • M: This is Menma. S: I love Menma. Martina's not fond of it, so she doesn't have that much in her's.

  • M: It depends on the location! So, some places I find the Menma is quite over powering, because it's usually like a fermented one,

  • M: or it's been soaked in a sauce, while other places I find it quite fresh and crunchy.

  • M: ...and that's what's cool about Ramen, is you can get a lot of them customizable.

  • M: This is Chyashu, which I'm sure I'm not pronouncing properly.

  • M: But basically it's just a really thinly sliced pork that goes into it.

  • M: If you're at a bad location, it'll be tough, it'll be chewy... it'll taste like it's just been way over cooked and you're like; (nyang nyang nyang (tough chewing noises))

  • M: If you're at a great place, like this, it's gonna fall apart in your mouth.

  • S: Aahhh

  • M: Ahhh~

  • S (deep sexy voice): Oh baby you understand me, don't you? Yes you do.

  • (M: ...?)

  • S (deep sexy voice): Put you in my stomach and remember you forever.

  • S (deep sexy voice): You know what? I'm not even going to go to the bathroom, I'm gonna hold it in for you.

  • S (deep sexy voice): I'm gonna keep you with me forever.

  • M: Ah- are you talking to me or the Ramen?

  • S: To you!!! Of course... my love......

  • S: You gonna finish that?

  • S: I will say though - uh - what I just did is a little bit strange, because in most of the Ramen shops that I've gone to,

  • S: I see people finish the noodles and then pretty much leave the broth behind,

  • S: but I don't know how they could do that, this is so delicious.

  • S: Maybe because it's not super healthy, or whatnot, so people just want to have the noodles instead,

  • S: but I think I'm like one of the only people that I know that finishes my broth.

  • M: What you have to do, is book a plane ticket, you need to fly to Japan, S: Look, come all the way here.

  • M: you come to Fukuoka, ok, you come to Kurume, and then you order the soup, (S: Yes, yes, yes...)

  • M: and then you go, oh my god, I know what you're talking about now! S: I understand now, I understand.

  • M: ...and you'll join our club.

  • M: Mmm! S: You know what, I don't think we actually... um...

  • (sad music) M: (humming) S: filmed enough? Should we get another bowl, just in case?

  • S: because people... wanna know... M: Right! Um... the card might have... corrupted and so...

  • S: Did we... did we record that properly?

  • S&M: I'm not sure... M: ...if we...

  • S&M: (happy cheering-like noises)

  • (waiter talking)

  • S&M: (thanking)

  • S: Um, so, are we supposed to say more about this?

  • S: Uhh.... M: Oh, we just wanted to... shovel it down?

  • S: We just wanna eat this. Here's for you... M: I see how this is.

  • S: Is this one bowl gonna be enough for us?

  • S: Oh no, we're not have a (mumbles) M: err... didn't press record...

  • S&M: (mumbling & ermergerd'ing)

  • M: I'm sure if anyone saw this right now, they're like, "look at that couple sharing a Ramen bowl together because they can't finish it."

  • M: And we're like, yes! Sharing....! S: It's our third bowl of Ramen...

  • S: Sharing! M: Sharing it...

  • S: Yes

  • S: I'm ready for some warm snuggles.

  • S: 'bout to get naked, curl up in da bed M: In the middle of a Ramen shop? Really? S: and go to sleep.

  • S: I love you gurl! M: Oh no, Simon's got the... Simon's got the food happies again.

  • (noises muffled because of Martina being squished against Simon's mic)

  • M: ??? ...really happy with food. (laughing)

  • S: You're the love of my life, you know that?

  • M: What about ramen? S: I'm so happy that I married you!

  • M: I thought you were talking about... are you talking to Ramen or me?

  • S: Thank you for coming to Japan with me.

  • S: ...and participating in these food adventures.

  • (S: kiss noise) M: Are you food drunk? S: I just love you so much gurl.

  • M: He's food drunk, people.

  • S: You're the best thing that ever happened to me~ M(whisper): Food drunk!!!

  • S: I like your smell. You smell like snuggles.

  • M (whisper): For sure food drunk.

  • S: Hush girl.

  • S: Whoo, alright, snuggle up.

  • S: (slurp)

  • S: mmm-hmm M: (gasp)

  • M (whisper): He's eating it! S: No, no I'm just whispering (blows)

  • S: (blows) That's- (blows)- that's what it is. (blows)

  • (now just happy background music)

  • (wet willy noise) M: ~ah!~

  • (next segment: Martina's sexy food porn voice)

  • Oooh what's that? You though this video wouldn't have any sexy food porn voice talking?

  • Well, you were wrong. It's time to embarrass you in front of your family.

  • What's that, they're watching right now? Oooooh!!

  • What are these noises coming from the computer?

  • It's all about food baby, it's all about food.

  • Bet'cha wish you had headphones on now don't'cha?

  • You wanna see something sexy? Take a look at that meat, that beautiful piece of meat.

  • OOU! I love the way you drop into that hot white milky liquid.

  • Oh, just like that.

  • Open it up, open it up, open it up!

  • OOOOHHHH! Gently place it in... fantastic!

  • (slurping noise)

  • Oooh I could eat that every single day.

  • Okay, it's safe now.

  • You can take off your headphones, and turn the volume back up.

  • Ha ha, I was lying! Did you know this restaurant did Fried Rice using the leftover pork from the Ramen?

  • Oh my god, look at it being tossed in that machine!

  • Just whipped around, back and forth, oooh what a naughty wok.

  • Throw that all over my rice covered body oooohhhhh, yeah,

  • just like that, I love it when you beat that egg in that hot, sizzling wok, OOOHHHHHHH

  • (fading) add those onions in as well... ooh you're such a bad, bad, chef...aren't you?

  • That's right, serve that rice up into that box.

  • OH! Look at it shaking, my God, with those flavors, uh! I could have that every day.

  • Okay, now I'm done.

  • Was it good for you?

(upbeat musical intro)

Subtitles and vocabulary

B1 INT ramen slurping pork sexy food simon

What is Tonkotsu Ramen?

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    Summer   posted on 2020/10/21
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