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  • In our quest to make food videos in Japan,

  • we need to also kind of learn how to make the food

  • so that we could better appreciate it.

  • So today, we're with a soba master who's gonna teach us how to make soba,

  • so in the future we know what makes a good soba or a bad soba.

  • *music*

  • Soba noodles, unlike chubby white udon noodles,

  • are made from a combination of buckwheat flour and wheat flour.

  • The buckwheat gives it a nutty taste and a bouncier bite,

  • but it also means it's harder to make than a normal wheat based noodle.

  • Today we are learning how to make one of the hardest types of soba:

  • NI-HACHI SOBA! *battle music*

  • And it's made with a ratio of 20% wheat flour to 80% buckwheat.

  • *Sensei Ito speaks in Japanese*

  • *continues in Japanese*

  • Good thing they provided a translator with his lesson.

  • Cause I'd be totally lost.

  • Well now that we listened to those instructions

  • I'm sure that we memorized them and we will follow them, perfectly.

  • Time to execute the perfect soba!

  • This is gonna be easy!!!

  • Totally!!!

  • It's not gonna turn out like the shape of all wrong and...lumpy... *cries*

  • I'm gonna fail in front of a master T.T

  • Get yourself together Martina.

  • *slap*

  • Okay!

  • Step one:

  • sneeze in the bowl.

  • No Simon, that's not part of it!

  • *Music*

  • Easy...

  • (whispers) Oh...

  • *Fail music*

  • I already messed up -

  • already.

  • This is the easiest part guys,

  • This is the easiest part and it's the most exhausting part already...

  • *yelps*

  • I haven't started kneading...

  • Captain's log:

  • *pants*

  • I'm exhausted.

  • Whew!

  • This does kill your back!

  • Whoa!

  • Aaaarrrgh!

  • I'm trying to sit down.

  • Martina: Come on, Simon.

  • Aaahhhh!

  • I could sit!

  • Oh my god!

  • Do they have a couch here or something?

  • Feels like they will never join together!

  • Feels like these are all their own little planets.

  • With every push their has to be an explosion.

  • *Explosion sound*

  • *Explosion sound*

  • Ooooh my god!

  • Deadlifts yesterday.

  • Why did I do deadlifts yesterday???

  • Could've done anything else...

  • You knew you had to shoot in advance,

  • and decided to do deadlifts?!

  • Watching Star Trek on the couch alone,

  • why would I do that yesterday?!

  • It was so tough!

  • Made myself a cosmo...

  • Star Trek Next Gen...

  • *Sensei Ito instructs in Japanese*

  • This is a really bad angle,

  • it just looks like from this angle:

  • "What you want gurl?"

  • "What you want?"

  • Don't look at this angle on the camera.

  • *grunting noises*

  • This is a terrible camera angle.

  • Should have thought better about it.

  • Yeah... Play some inappropriate music right now.

  • You like that don't you?

  • *Simon continues*

  • *Crickets*

  • Just a little bit more until you get nice and hard.

  • You like that?

  • Like the pounding you gettin?

  • Should've brought a tripod...

  • Definitely...

  • Shoulda brought a tripod...

  • *Explosion noise*

  • *Explosion noises*

  • Sensei Ito: Ooooh!

  • OHH YEAAAAH!!!

  • Martina: Ah~~~

  • That's what you're doing, I get to do...

  • Simon: How do we know when I'm ready?

  • Martina: Okay, okay, okay...

  • It was a bad one...

  • Martina: Oh no~

  • Dan: Doing really well Simon.

  • I am.

  • Okay.

  • And now we roll?

  • *Sad voice* Mine looks lumpy.

  • So I made it into this shape right here, right now.

  • I'm ready for the next step.

  • ...

  • I don't remember the next step.

  • What's the next step?

  • Mine looks crappy :(

  • Belly button!!

  • *Pirate voice* Eeeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!

  • Now that we finished flattening it out,

  • we put it in plastic bags so it could stay dry,

  • now we gotta clean out the bowl.

  • *music*

  • So the next step

  • is I have to mush this out

  • to 30 centimeters.

  • Gotta get it...

  • ...to 30 centimeters.

  • It's not long enough yet...

  • Gotta make it a little bit longer.

  • Soon as I got it

  • I was like "Oh just push it down,"

  • and I went like "Pppccckkkaaaaahhhh!"

  • And then this is the area that's kind of like

  • a bit torn.

  • Simon: 29!

  • Almost there!

  • 29...

  • *panting and dying*

  • 29...

  • Simon: 30!

  • Pull it out.

  • *excited noises*

  • Has to be 30 centimeters.

  • Haaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!

  • *Dothraki man warrior roar* THIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • So the next part what you're supposed to do is

  • with the rolling pin,

  • you don't roll with your hands

  • you're supposed to put your nails on

  • and you're supposed to

  • rub it together like this.

  • And after every seven rolls,

  • you're supposed to turn it

  • fifteen degrees.

  • He wound up telling me

  • that mine is getting a bit deformed.

  • because,

  • my right arm is a lot stronger than my left arm..

  • I don't know x2

  • I don't know why that would be...

  • *Old woman voice* Uuuuuuuhhhmmmm...

  • I miss the hair on my knuckles...

  • When you do this, and you rub it,

  • You just basically

  • sear off all the skin hair.

  • So Dan...

  • a little bit of Martina knuckle hair in there...

  • *Sensei Ito comments in Japanese*

  • Martina: Nice?

  • Martina: Okay......

  • So an important step that I'm learning is that

  • you have to check the sides

  • to make sure that each of them is the same width.

  • I had one that was thicker here and one that was thinner here

  • so he's helping me right now with trying to even out the edges.

  • I could hear the sound of a father's disappointment in his son...

  • You know that voice that they use?

  • When a...

  • When you've really disappointed...

  • your parents :(

  • Yup.

  • *Martina sings to her dough*

  • Simon: One more.

  • Ooohh!!!

  • *Martina's singing escalates*

  • I'm glad he's here for this part

  • because when I saw him doing it himself

  • I knew this was the part I was gonna mess up.

  • Sensai Ito: Ton, ton, ton...

  • Is it important to say "ton, ton, ton, ton?"

  • *Japanese instructions*

  • Simon: Yup!

  • Oooooooooooohhhhhh,

  • I messed up bad...

  • This has to be

  • in a perfectly square shape so that

  • when it's folded over, when you cut all the noodles

  • it'll be even.

  • Because I've got more of like a...

  • rhombus-y kind of

  • circle meets a squid shape going on,

  • the noodle cutting might not be all too great.

  • If Simon was his grandson,

  • he would have received a strong beating by now.

  • If I was his grandson, I would be written out of the will for this.

  • So Dan, you should be able to

  • pick Simon's out from mine

  • based on which one's fatter and thinner.

  • Which one's tastier!

  • Has more love!

  • And spirit!

  • Martina: Mine! Cause I was like talking to it.

  • You have to whisper to your food when you make it.

  • Although Simon was whispering...

  • His soba might be pregnant, I'm not sure, but...

  • So

  • this is supposed to be all

  • evenly

  • squared.

  • Instead, I've got all of this empty

  • and all of this empty.

  • I messed this up

  • really

  • really

  • bad...

  • He can't even look me in the eye anymore...

  • Now he just like casts his head down

  • and walks over to his favorite child.

  • So the rules of this knife:

  • you're supposed to keep your hand right up against

  • the blade, like here.

  • And when you push down,

  • you angle left.

  • So you don't slide the blade

  • You just push, angle, push, angle.

  • On the cutting board

  • you're only supposed to have three fingers lightly.

  • Don't mush it down or else

  • you just won't have any noodles.

  • You'll have, a, noodle.

  • aaaaannnnddd....

  • Push,

  • left.

  • Whaat?!

  • I've cut my first soba noodle!

  • That's way too thick isn't it?

  • Probably.

  • Yes?

  • *Translator instructs Simon*

  • Try to aim ONE MILLIMETER?!!?!

  • Who can aim ONE millimeter?!

  • *BAMF music*

  • How about we go for five?

  • ...alright, here we go.

  • Three fingers

  • Pop! Pop!

  • *fail music*

  • I'm f*cked

  • I'm prope...

  • I'm proper f*cked.

  • There's like a really delicate movement,

  • when you move the knife.

  • When you put it down,

  • you just basically do this.

  • And you nudge the board over a tiny bit.

  • But you'll like do a little bit more

  • and then you nudge it too much

  • and then you cut it down

  • and then you get this