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  • (music)

  • Martina: Guys, today we're gonna be doing a donut challenge video

  • M: from Camden's Blue Donuts

  • Simon: Uhuh

  • M: They are a shop out of Portland

  • M: and the only place you can buy them outside of the USA

  • M: is in Japan

  • M: And I have had a lot of donuts in my time

  • M: I mean we've had a lot that we went to

  • M: Voodoo donuts S: Yeah

  • M: We went to Chicago

  • M: We did like tonnes of donut places

  • M: This is the best donut I've ever put in my mouth

  • S: These are amazing donuts

  • S: and we have here the creme brulee donut

  • S: and we only got one of them

  • S: so here's how today's gonna go

  • S: We have two cards

  • S: A donut card and a no donut card

  • S: We're gonna have to pick

  • S: Whoever picks the donut card gets their pick of the donut

  • S: They will NOT be allowed to eat the creme brulee donut

  • S: until they win two cards in a row

  • S: because that's so good

  • S: And the first person to get it right away might just

  • S: not feel right

  • M: I made up that rule

  • M: because I know Simon was gonna

  • M: go for it and not share with me S: 'Cause I- 'cause whoever gets it

  • S: This is the number one choice

  • S: This creme brulee donut, you will see when we get there

  • S: Dan, I think we're ready to start

  • M: We are ready to start...

  • M: but I will say one thing

  • S: What?

  • M: If I don't get a single donut today

  • S: Ohoho (laughs)

  • M: I will come straight back here

  • M: and eat five donuts of my choice

  • S: Girl- M: because it would be totally unfair

  • S: That's the whole point of this game

  • S: Like-

  • M: You can't tell but our hands are getting like-

  • S: is it firm?

  • S: Firm will crush your f*cking hand

  • S: You ain't gonna eat no donuts

  • M: How're you gonna eat a donut with no hands?

  • M: Uh (*pow*)

  • (*pow*) M: Uh!

  • S: (laughs nervously)

  • M: Ahhmm

  • S: We're gonna rock, paper, scissor

  • S: Loser gets to close their eyes and pick one of the cards

  • S: 'cause we could see through the cards and we're gonna cheat

  • M: 'kay you ready? S: Are you ready?

  • M: (intense pumped up bring it on Simon I'm gonna win breathing exercise)

  • M: You ready? S: Ready

  • S&M: Jan ken poi

  • S: (whispers)

  • S: Okay

  • M: Okay, so it doesn't mean anything yet S: Okay

  • S: Okay, Martina gets the first choice M: It doesn't mean anything yet

  • S: (shuffles cards intensely)

  • S: 'kay, what hand do you want? Left or right?

  • M: I want your right hand

  • S: You want my right hand?

  • M: Your right hand

  • S: My right hand

  • M: Whatever's in your right hand

  • S: I'm not cheating at all

  • M: Flip it over

  • S: My right hand, are you ready?

  • M: Yup

  • S: Oh no!

  • S: Okay, that's fine that's only- M: Mother f*cking

  • S: That's not the creme brulee donut M: told ya

  • S: That's not the creme brulee donut

  • S: It's not the creme brulee donut!

  • M: Oh my god, which one should I have?

  • M: Probably something limited edition

  • M: that Simon will never get the chance to have ever again

  • M: This is like- I'm sorry to do this to you but S: Uhhh

  • S: Uhhhh

  • M: You know what I'm going for?

  • S: What?

  • M: Ichigo~

  • S: Okay, that's fine that's not the one I M: Okay

  • S: had my eyes on

  • M: Which one did you have your eyes on?

  • M: The cheesecake one?

  • S: I'm not telling you because you're just gonna eat it next M: I guess I'll go for the cheesecake one

  • M: Oh my god, look at that

  • M: Oh, so heavy

  • M: Oh my wrist

  • M: The weight of the custard is too much to handle

  • M: So this here is a limited edition

  • M: Ichigo, strawberry and lime custard donut

  • M: Lime and strawberry coming together (Simon crying in the background)

  • M: in perfect union

  • M: This is also a Japanese strawberry

  • M: making it even more perfect if possible

  • (Martina noms on the delicious donut as Simon longingly looks at it)

  • M: Mmm

  • S: (clears throat)

  • M: Oh my god

  • M: Oh my god

  • M: Oh my god!

  • M: It's bright, and citrusy

  • M: so it's not too sweet

  • M: but the vanilla cream on the inside

  • M: has little tiny- you can see all the vanilla bean dots inside

  • M: and then the sweet strawberry glaze just kinda gives it a punch

  • M: This is the perfect donut

  • M: 'Cause you know I don't like things that are too sweet

  • M: It 's like almost like a margarita hiding on the inside

  • S: I can feel my hand shaking right now

  • S: For some reason, Martina wants to share her f*cking donut with this guy

  • S: It's bullsh*t (Dan and Martina laugh)

  • S: I still don't have any donut

  • M: Look at Dan, got the big puff of cream on the end Dan: (enjoys eating the delicious donut)

  • M: Isn't that amazing?

  • M: You see how I'm saying it's not too sweet?

  • D: (to Simon) You should try this

  • D: Oh no- M: Oh wait, you can't try it can you?

  • M: Aww? D: (audible munching noises)

  • M: Dan, would you not say that was a life changing donut?

  • D: Yeah, I would say that's maybe the best donut I've ever had

  • M: Yeah, that was like-

  • M: that might've trumped the other donuts I've had from this shop

  • S: I was actually feeling happy before coming here but

  • M: Oh I'm sorry S: now you're gonna see like an angry p*ssed off Simon

  • S: You- you haven't seen this side of me yet

  • M: He just breaks into tears so it's fine

  • S: I'm not gonna cry

  • S: That's a-

  • M: Okay now's your chance

  • S: Okay

  • M: Since you're the loser

  • M: You get to pick S: I get to pick

  • M: Loser Sa-i-mon S: Please

  • S: Tell me that there's justice in the world, okay

  • S: Give me your left card

  • (intense music)

  • S: Sweet baby Jesus M: (laughs)

  • S: I haven't spoke with you M: 8 pound 4 ounce baby Jesus

  • S: in a long time

  • M: I like the-

  • M: I like the grown up variety S: (laughs)

  • S: I really want a donut M: Rockstar Jesus

  • S: right now M: (laughs)

  • M: People are dying and starving around the world

  • M: Jesus is like "What's that Simon? You want a donut?"

  • S: Okay, are you ready?

  • M: Yup

  • M: 3, 2, 1

  • M: One

  • S: f*ck M: Ohohohohoooo

  • S: Oh f*ck

  • M: Pununununununuuuu

  • S: I don't wanna play this anymore

  • M: What should I pick?

  • M: Dum dum dum S: How did we agree to this?

  • M: This is one of their signature donuts

  • M: Basil Bourbon, not for children, folks

  • M: A beautifully,

  • M: magically handcrafted donut

  • S: Sometimes with like cheapy donuts

  • S: they give you the glaze on top, and you see like the bottom half has no glaze

  • S: like it goes all- M: All the way through

  • M: on a brioche style

  • M: donut, of fluffy magic

  • (Simon looks longingly at Martina eating the donut)

  • M: Mmmmm

  • M: That-

  • M: That is great

  • M: Oh!

  • M: The basil-

  • M: just gently hiding underneath the blueberry

  • M: Mmm

  • M: You got that sweet, sugary basil kick

  • M: without it being-

  • M: Oh man

  • S: (dying of hunger from donut deprivation)

  • M: Let's break this apart, and show everyone (laughs)

  • S: Please no, don't put any more in your mouth

  • S: It landed on my hand

  • S: What am I supposed to do?

  • S: What are the rules

  • S: of engagement in this situation?

  • (Simon cries as Martina laughs)

  • (Martina continues laughing)

  • D: Mmmm

  • D: (with a mouthful of donut) Oh my god

  • M: I know

  • D: (to Simon) You should tr-

  • D&M: Aww M: He can't try it

  • M: Sorry 'bout that

  • M: What's great about this donut is

  • M: This is not overly sweet

  • M: and there is a basil undertone in your mouth

  • M: like when you have like a rosemary cocktail

  • M: It's no like so much herb

  • M: that it's gonna taste like it's savoury

  • M: It's still sweet but it's just

  • M: magical

  • M: Oh my god

  • (sensual donut eating music)

  • (Simon is unhappy music)

  • (sensual donut eating music continues)

  • (Simon is unhappy music continues)

  • (sensual donut eating music carries on)

  • M: Mmm

  • (sensual donut eating music seems to carry on forever)

  • (Simon's really not a happy chappy)

  • (more sensual donut music)

  • S: This is f*cked

  • S: Losing two in a row

  • S: (clears throat)

  • S: I have to get the third one

  • S: That's- It's just math, okay?

  • M: But is it math?

  • S: This is just-

  • S: Okay

  • S: We're moving to a different location

  • S: this spot is cursed

  • S: We're gonna sit somewhere else

  • S: There's a bad- There's a- M: Simon, Simon Potter

  • M: and the cursed donut S: There's a demon juju happening here

  • S: Let's- let's go somewhere else

  • S: This is bullsh*t

  • M: You sure?

  • S: This is a hundred- Yes

  • M: You go scout a location S: We're gonna sit somewhere else

  • M: I'm gonna eat all of the um, S: I'm gonna find a location

  • M: Basil crumbs that are falling down S: That you can't uh-

  • S: This is- this is f*cked M: See you in a second then

  • M: Oh there's some crumbs here

  • M: Mmm

  • M: (whispers) I'm coming for you

  • M: (whispering) You will be mine

  • M: (whispering) You'll be mine

  • (music)

  • M: So just an update on what's happening in case you're joining us right now

  • M: Uh, if Simon doesn't win this

  • M: he will have no chance of ever getting the creme brulee donut

  • M: because I have two wins in a row

  • M: and if I win this one

  • M: I'm picking the creme brulee donut

  • M: Immediately

  • M: Immediately!

  • S: Okay

  • M: So Simon

  • S: Shuffle up the cards

  • S: Do it nice and fair

  • M: Do what nice and fair?

  • M: You're the one that's picking the wrong things S: Oh my god

  • M: I'm holding it like this S: Okay