People that don't have a background on what happened with the abuse and that handshake story again on this is all part of the cleansing.

This was all part of me drawing these stories out, drawing these parasites out.

I reached a high level of martial arts or starting to talk about metaphysical power.

One of the metaphysical powers is forgiveness or giving, recognizing the damn I recognizing the law, recognizing compact, the law of compensation, reciprocity and giving this person who abuse me over to that law rather than pretending I can pardon him on holding onto that, giving him over.

So I started to talk about forgiveness as a metaphysical power.

But it was only talking about it.

Then one day I'm I'm a lump, you know, about 16 stone.

I can kill in 30 different languages, you know, training all these martial arts.

And we sat in a cafe in carpentry and look across.

And there he is.

The guy that abused me and he was a martial arts instructor, was a martial arts instructor.

What age?

When I was 11 11 he grew me and sexually assaulted.

May.

The grooming was more damaging.

And then after the sexual assault, there was lots of lots of stuff.

Went on where I was, like, kind of kicked out the class, you know, I was I was ridiculed.

And, you know, it was like, you imagine you've got the person that you hero worship that you idolize.

Then he abuses.

Yeah, And then he starts to ridiculed because he's obviously afraid that you're gonna tell somebody so suddenly, I don't realize until much later that at the age of 11 this guys, you know, altered my life by about that merchant.

By the time I'm 40 I'm to country miles out of sync.

I'm completely out of balance.

So I'm trying to bring myself back to the center.

And did you remember what had happened had you blocked it?

How?

It's lot of it's still blocked.

A lot of it.

I can't e remember.

Up to a certain point, I remember being terrified.

I remember waking up with my pajama and done and all my all of my genitalia out.

Remember a hand on my out on my ass?

Remember?

Remember Wait on me.

I remember.

Just remember this darkness in May, this terror there's absolute terror on.

I remember then, then I don't remember anything.

The next thing I know, I wake up in the morning on this guys, he's pretending to be asleep, but his mouth is touch in mind.

His face is so close to mine, it's touching and a wake up to this.

Andi, I know he's pretending to be asleep.

I can feel it.

Andi, math is my mind, and I'm so terrified.

I'm so afraid when I pluck up the courage.

But a little bit later in the morning to say to him, Someone was touching me in the night and he just laughed it off.

Said, Are you sure you're not imagining it?

I'm 11.

I'm probably closer to 12 but it's not.

It's not.

Something is not a fantasy I've got.

I've hardly kissed a girl.

I don't know anything about this kind of stuff.

I just know idolize this guy when he realizes I'm traumatized, Absolutely.

Shits himself completely shits himself.

Tells me not to tell anyone.

Don't tell you mom and Dad, you know there's no doesn't need to tell me that, Brian.

I'm not gonna tell anybody.

I'm so ashamed already.

I'm so afraid of being noticed that I just bury it.

So, um, this happened.

This happens at this age, and I don't realize that from that age on, part of me jumped out part of the abandoned myself, and then I just built I've got this frightened kidding me and build this carapace off armory around it.

So by the time I'm in my early thirties, I'm a physical monster on I can have a fight and anybody that threatens to try and control me or abuse me, I just knocked them out.

That's it.

And I've got the skills to do it.

I'm starting to see.

That's not right.

I'm starting to see that I'm battering Daddy's on uncles and brothers and sons.

I'm seeing that I'm seeing.

It's not right.

I'm starting to bump into Funakoshi and Keano and you, Sheba, that the gods of martial arts and they're talking about Budo.

So I'm starting to explore that.

So I'm starting to talk about forgiveness and suddenly this guy turns up in a cafe in Coventry.

On this voice goes, Here's your chance.

Fucking now my skills gone All my all My armory just got it disappears!

I'm 11 again.

I am terrified.

I'm trembling.

I know I can have a fight.

I know that's there.

I'm not worried about the fight, but I'm 11 thing.

Kid comes directly to the service surface.

But I know instantly if I go over and I'm violent with him.

If I'm physical with him, I know that I'm going to feed whatever parasites.

In May, I knew in a plea that the only way to get back what was stolen from me would be to find some level of compassion.

Compassion is like It melts hatred and anger, like butter on a griddle.

Sweet corn.

It is a very, very powerful remedy.

It's a very powerful internal tool.

You can actually pull it off.

You got about putting something to talk about.

You got to feel it right?

So I go over.

Part of me wants to run.

I felt like I felt part of me climb out of my body in room.

Andi, I just thought no one will know over.

Just walk out.

And I thought, Well, I'll know.

So I went over and I just said, You don't remember May and he just locked up.

He's a big guy And I said when I was when I was a boy, you sexually abused me and he went to stand up and I said, Sit down, Stay where you are.

And it was a command.

You know, I just said e I was trembling.

I was emotional.

I was nearly crying with anger, rage and fear.

And I said, you you fucked me when I was a boy, You abuse me.

He didn't literally foot me, but I said you fucked May.

You fucked my head.

And I said, Andi uhh!

You need to know, Forgive you.

I forgive you.

And he just crumbled and I went to walk away and he stood up and he put his hand out and he was trembling like that.

He wanted me to check my hand a lot.

He was saying he was saying, Are you forgiven me, or are you forgiven me?

And I knew I had to shake his hand and it wasn't like I was letting him off, because I haven't got the power to do that.

I recognize now that we don't have the ability to pardon people.

We don't have the ability to let them off.

We don't have the ability to forgive people in the way that people think or we have.

The ability to do is give them over to reciprocity, give them over to their own karma.

We've got the ability to repent ourselves for all the things we've done.

We've got the ability.

We haven't even got the ability to forgive ourselves.

We've got the ability to repent and repent means to return or to find refuge or to repair.

It means to come back to the still sensor.

So I knew I knew I got the I knew I got the power to give him over to reciprocity, and I trusted that whatever would happen would whatever needed to happen would happen.

So I shook his hand, and that was the big, the very, very beginning of my repair, my healing, my return back home a few years later.

As you know, uh, we heard the news that he committed suicide on, but was reciprocity working.

Lots of lots of abuse cases caught him up from the seventies, and he went to London and he hung himself in a hotel room.

Had that make you feel just tremendously compassionate, I felt really just felt sad because I knew I knew that this gory had Bean possessed by the exact force he tried to possess me with.

There was a force outside of him on outside of us.

You call it evil, or you could call it the devil or demons or everyone to call it.

There is a force.

There is a living force repellent force that tries to stop people from achieving their goals, and it tries to get inside them and it tries to feed off.

Um, I can't totally calls it the pain body, the world pain body.

We have individual pain bodies, world pain bodies on these energies.

Try and find matching vibrations and the end of them.

So this guy was the victimas.

Well, I'm not condoning what he did, what he did, you know, on who he hurt it, z indefensible.

But I knew I knew that he was a victim to this force.

The same was he made me a victim to it.

I had severed this bond.

I'd stopped him.

I've broken off his feed into I stopped him and this other energy from feeding off may broken away from it, but he hadn't on get consumed him and ended up killing him.