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  • So then, I was blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... where are you going?

  • Hi, James from www.engvid.com . I don't know why they just walked away.

  • That was so rude!

  • Let's go to the board and talk to E. Stop boring people?

  • Four signs it's time to end a conversation.

  • Wow.

  • You know what?

  • When I think about it, he's got a point.

  • This video is to help you to be aware of when you should let a conversation go.

  • Why is this important?

  • I've done many videos on how to continue a conversation, make conversations interesting,

  • how to start one, because we know that you need practice to get good at learning languages,

  • or acquiring languages.

  • Whether it be English, Spanish, Arabic, Russian.

  • So, you need a lot of practice.

  • But in order to get that practice, you want people to willingly talk to you.

  • And if you continue a conversation past the point that they want to talk to you, they

  • will eventually start avoiding you when they see you, because you don't know when to end

  • it and they feel trapped.

  • You don't want to be the one person that people are like, "Oh god, here comes E and James.

  • We gotta get out of here."

  • Right?

  • So, this specific lesson is how to spot when somebody wants to end a conversation with

  • you.

  • And why it's important?

  • Because if you can end that conversation before they get there, they will want to talk to

  • you later.

  • Now, how will we do this?

  • Well, I'm going to introduce to you body language you should look for.

  • I will show you some phrases or words - key words they may use.

  • Some things about tone, okay?

  • And conversation pacing.

  • Once you have these things in your head, you'll be able to find that you'll know just before

  • a conversation's about to go - we call it sideways, or go in a bad direction.

  • You'll be able to end that conversation and have that person feeling comfortable enough

  • to speak to you again.

  • Are you ready?

  • Let's go to the board.

  • So, I've got numbers for you, 1, 2, 3, 4, because the lesson is about the four signs

  • it's time to end a conversation.

  • I did tell you how we're going to do this, and one of the ways we're going to look at

  • is body language.

  • Because when you see people using these signs, they're telling you it's time to end the conversation.

  • The first one is shoulder and foot position.

  • Now, you can't see my feet.

  • Maybe that's a good thing.

  • I haven't cut them yet, no mani-pedis.

  • But you'll notice the person's foot will go towards an exit.

  • So, if you're talking to somebody and you just casually look down and one foot is pointing

  • towards you and the other foot is pointing towards a door, probably they want to leave.

  • Now, that's not a bad thing.

  • It might be just at that moment, they're thinking to themselves, "Oh, I've got go home and cook

  • dinner", or "I've got to do...", and you notice what's happening with my body?

  • It's shifting over.

  • It doesn't mean I really need to get out, but my brain is starting to go there.

  • My body's moving there.

  • You'll see also that shoulders will move.

  • Their shoulder might start going, "Oh, that's really nice.

  • You and the kids are going on vacation next week.

  • Cool, I'd like to hear more about..." going towards an exit.

  • So, look at the rotation of their body or the position of their body.

  • If someone's really exited to talk to you, you'll notice that the foot might shift back

  • towards you, indicating they want to continue the conversation.

  • So, the first sign you should look for, which is the beginning of they want to end the conversation

  • is look at their foot.

  • Is it pointing towards an exit?

  • Look at their shoulder, does it start to move towards the exit?

  • Because it means the body's getting ready to run.

  • Well, not really run, but you know what I'm saying.

  • First one.

  • The second one, eyes.

  • After I've moved my body this way, you might start noticing that my eyes aren't on you

  • anymore.

  • They're down, if I'm holding at drink, at my drink.

  • They might be looking at other people, looking at the clock around you.

  • This is when it's becoming - from unconscious - that is my body turning towards an exit

  • - to conscious, that I feel I've got to get going and I don't want to be rude.

  • So, these signs are - you're moving closer to somebody wants to end the conversation.

  • And now it's conscious.

  • They're aware that maybe the conversation isn't exciting anymore, or stimulating.

  • Making them interested, or that they have to leave and time is happening.

  • Or, they're bored.

  • You've been talking and they're like "Oh wow.

  • Hm hm hm hm hm hm."

  • They're just trying to think of anything else.

  • And looking at objects is to try to keep our attention.

  • Because when people want to talk to you, they will keep close attention or keep their eyes

  • on you.

  • Alright?

  • So, second sign, watch their eyes.

  • There's a difference between moving their eyes and thinking about things and then looking

  • over for a second or two over here and over there.

  • It's almost a very obvious sign, but sometimes we miss it because we're so excited about

  • getting to practice that we're not really paying attention to the other person.

  • Now, let's look at number three.

  • Number three - I've got musical notes here, but what I'm really talking about is tone.

  • When I'm really happy to see you, I'm going to go, "So, what have you been up to?"

  • My voice goes up, and you go, "Well, I'm going to be going to the store and then I'm going

  • to be doing..." as my tone goes up, it's about excitement in English.

  • It's excitement, I'm happy, alright?

  • So, if I go, "Well, what have you been doing?"

  • Well, what have you been doing?

  • So, is this your new boyfriend?

  • This is good.

  • But when our tone goes down, as the arrow indicates, and you see these words, okay?

  • You'll notice that the tone will go down.

  • I'll be talking to you and I'll go, "Well..."

  • I'm not "Well!", it's "Well..."

  • My voice dips down because I'm kind of coming to the end of the conversation, okay?

  • Or, I'll go, "Anyway..." and there'll be a pause.

  • Or, "So..."

  • Now, at this point, I've gone from changing my body position to say I want to leave.

  • Looking around to show I'm not as interested, to actually giving you an audio cue, that

  • means a listening cue, that I'm out of conversation and I'm basically almost done.

  • I'm giving you the opportunity, actually, in this case, to say "Hey, I gotta go, I'll

  • see you later."

  • Or, "It was nice talking", but I'm giving you the opportunity so I'm not rude.

  • Really, we want to catch it here, because then you'll the cool person who ends the conversation

  • first.

  • By the time you got here, they're saying hey, last chance.

  • Do you remember I talked about pacing?

  • Some of you were like, "What does he mean, pacing?"

  • Well, pacing means the speed of something.

  • If I pace this, I've got a quick pace.

  • I'm being very fast.

  • But I could also have a slow pace and walk slowly.

  • That's the speed of my walk.

  • The same with talking.

  • When we use these words, the pace of the conversation will change to being upbeat and relatively

  • fast to slower with pauses.

  • So, the more the pause, the longer the pause, the pace is slowing down.

  • The worst case you want to be in is this one.

  • One, two, three, four.

  • That's when someone says this, "Well..." they say nothing.

  • Basically, the conversation is now dead.

  • Morte.

  • You've gone on too long and they've basically ended it.

  • So, they're forcing you to keep talking, but they're too nice to actually just walk away

  • from you.

  • But, once it gets that four second pause, we call it the awkward stage of conversation.

  • Awkward means not comfortable.

  • It's very difficult when someone stops speaking for four second and just looks at you or looks

  • away for you to start the conversation or keep it going.

  • It's like - and you're trying to get that heart started again.

  • It's a dead duck.

  • Leave it alone.

  • And even by now, the advice I'm going to give you, even if you use it, you've left the person

  • with a bad taste in their mouth, so when they speak to you they're like, "Ugh, not that

  • person again."

  • So, what can we do about it?

  • Because we started out why is this important, which is you want to have as many people communicate

  • with you as possible.

  • And I've told you how you can figure out that they want to end the conversation in four

  • steps, and we really want to get to this stage.

  • And really, what I'm asking you to do is pay attention to the people you're speaking to.

  • Which is what you should be doing when you're learning language, to get the proper pronunciation,

  • learn vocabulary, and syntax.

  • So, we really want to be here.

  • But if we're not here, I've told you the other places you can kind of catch that they want

  • to end it.

  • So, here's what I'm going to tell you to do, okay?

  • Once you see something like this happening, if you can catch it here, great.

  • At the very worst, if you get it here, here's what you do first.

  • You say, "Hey, it was nice talking to you.

  • It was nice seeing you or meeting you."

  • Why did I say "It was nice" not "It is nice"?

  • By saying "it was nice", I'm saying I know this conversation was done, but it was a nice

  • conversation and it's done.

  • So, you're freeing the other person, because it's like you finally got it.

  • Oh ok, I get it.

  • You don't want to talk, so it was nice talking to you.

  • It was nice meeting you.

  • This conversation is now done.

  • Now, that's the first part.

  • But the second part is almost the most important part.

  • I'm sorry, I forgot, you can also use this, "Well, I've got to run."

  • That kind of takes it - the power back in your position, that they've ended the conversation

  • but you're saying "and I'm ending it".

  • It's not a competition, by the way, but you're going, "Well, I've got to run".

  • You're kind of releasing them again.

  • You're saying okay, it's not you, it's me.

  • So, I've got to run so this conversation's over so you can relax.

  • So, in the future, you know I will take the responsibility for ending the conversation.

  • But the second part, and that's why I wrote it in red, is once you've either said, "It

  • was nice talking to you, seeing you, or meeting you."

  • Or, you said, "Well, I've got to run", you have to do this.

  • "Well, it was nice talking to you.

  • See you later."

  • And leave.

  • Exit.

  • Don't turn around and go, "But next week!" or "What about?"

  • Nope, nobody wants to know about you.

  • Nobody cares anymore.

  • You have to leave.

  • You started to end the conversation, now finish it.

  • So, you can say, "Well, I've got to run", and exit.

  • It's not as bad as you think, because they've already started ending it for you anyway.

  • You're just freeing them to go, "Oh", without "Oh my God, I hope I never see this person

  • again."

  • Now, I've explained this to you and the importance of it.

  • And it's a simple enough lesson that you can get it on its own.

  • But what happens if it's you that's got to leave?

  • How can you end a conversation in a nice way that that other person doesn't feel that you're

  • being rude or - yeah, mean?

  • Come back and I'll give you some hints on that.

  • Ready?

  • Okay.

  • So, through the magic of cinematography, we're back.

  • And that's basically camera on me, cinematography, movie magic.

  • I would like to introduce to you some strategies for yourself, as we learned in the first part

  • of this video, we should pay attention to other people and be aware when they want to

  • end a conversation.

  • And in this part, I want to address, there may be situations where - I know you're very

  • happy to speak to someone, but you might want to end the conversation.

  • So, these strategies are actually for you to end a conversation, but in a way that the

  • other person doesn't feel like you're being rude, so they feel safe to come talk to you.

  • Just like before, it was you don't want people to be afraid of speaking to you because you

  • won't stop, sometimes you literally have something you have to do.

  • Or, and this is not the great part, sometimes the person you're speaking to, you really

  • don't want to talk to.

  • Now, these things I'm giving you are basically cultural.

  • In different cultures, you might have - when we say hierarchical, you may have a situation

  • where older people end conversations, younger people aren't allowed to.

  • Or, people feel quite safe in saying, "Now I must go.

  • This conversation's done!"

  • Maybe you're in a culture like that, but this is basically when I say cultural bias, this

  • is one of the best ways to do it in an English setting.

  • I mean, English-speaking countries are different, but there are some cultural values we share

  • that I'm trying to give you the best ways of getting around so you can have the best

  • interactions and get to learn the most English you can from people who want to talk to you.

  • Now, as I said, in situations when you want to end the conversation because you may have

  • something you want to do, or this is a person you don't wish to speak to.

  • For instance, you might be a girl at a bar and the conversation is done and the guy's