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  • My name is Buffy the Blow Fish.

  • I do not appreciate foul language or pictures of rude things at all.

  • Please, if you are easily offended by rude things, do not watch this video.

  • Turn it off now.

  • Now.

  • Turn it off.

  • Don't look at it.

  • You don't want to learn bad words.

  • I don't want to hear your comments about, "That was rude.

  • I didn't like that when Ronnie said bad words."

  • Turn it off!

  • Hi, there.

  • This is my friend Bobby the Blow Fish.

  • Maybe his name is not Bobby.

  • I don't remember.

  • What I will tell you, Bobby cannot tolerate obscenities, naughty words, and bad words.

  • So Bobby, you can just go and fuck off right now.

  • Okay, so today we're talking about sex.

  • Who likes the sex?

  • In English, we have a lot of different words for "sex".

  • The doctor word, or the word that my mother first taught me is "intercourse".

  • If you ever have to go to the doctor -- maybe you are worried that you're pregnant, or you're

  • happy that you're pregnant, or you're doing tests -- the doctor or the nurse will say,

  • "Now, when was the last time you had intercourse?"

  • What they mean is, "When's the last time you fucked?"

  • They want to know the exact time.

  • Why do they want to know?

  • Do they want to take videos of it?

  • That's weird.

  • So we have verbs in English.

  • Don't get me wrong.

  • You're learning vocabulary.

  • You're also going to learn grammar.

  • Sex with Ronnie.

  • That's me.

  • This is your lesson.

  • "Fuck", "screw", "ram", "pork", "bang" -- all of these words mean "sex".

  • These are verbs.

  • You can use them -- the past or the present.

  • So, "I fucked last night."

  • "I screwed last weekend."

  • "I rammed yesterday."

  • "Pork."

  • I know you think it's a food.

  • Guess what?

  • It means "sex".

  • And "bang", one of my favorites.

  • Also, "nail".

  • Not this nail, this "nail".

  • We also have "stick it in".

  • All of these words -- verbs for "sex", "intercourse."

  • What I've done -- because I'm really, really nice -- is I've broken it down into three

  • different categories: oral sex -- What does "oral" mean?

  • "Oral" means you use your mouth.

  • Anal sex -- "anal" means you use your anus.

  • Now, you're confused.

  • "What is an 'anus', Ronnie?"

  • I tried to draw a picture of a bum, an anus.

  • It didn't work.

  • It looks more like a cock.

  • So "anal" is the part of your rear end where your poo comes out.

  • So people like to put things in their anus.

  • This is called "anal sex".

  • And then, we have -- for all the lonely people -- masturbation.

  • "Masturbation" means you don't have a partner; you're doing it yourself.

  • Let's go through these first.

  • "Jerk off", "wank", "have a wank", "wanking", "beat off", "jack off" -- I remember a long

  • time ago, there was a really kind of terrible pop punk band called Blink 182.

  • And they came up with a really good album title.

  • It said, "Take Off Your Pants and Jacket".

  • So funny!

  • But you may be, like, "pick up your pants and jacket" -- that's funny.

  • Pants and jacket."

  • No, no, no.

  • Guess what?

  • Hello, people.

  • This means, "take off your pants and have a wank".

  • Now that album's funny.

  • "Stroke".

  • "Stroke" is the movement of -- moving.

  • "Rub one out."

  • You'll hear these in movies all the time.

  • "I'm going to rub one out."

  • "Rub one out?"

  • So you think maybe, maybe, maybe they're thinking innocently about a blackboard eraser?

  • They're going to erase something?

  • No, no, no, no, no.

  • They're going to masturbate, okay?

  • They're going to take their penis, stroke it, rub it -- "rub-a-dub, man!"

  • For the ladies -- "Ladies masturbate?

  • What?"

  • Hell, yeah!

  • We say "flick the bean".

  • We are living in a society where unfortunately, men make up a lot of the slang.

  • So I struggled to find words for female masturbation.

  • Ladies, I apologize.

  • If you have a favorite term for masturbation, please let me know.

  • I'm very interested in how you say "masturbation" for women.

  • Leave it in the comment section, please.

  • If you're successful in your masturbation, the very, very first step that you need is

  • you need to achieve a "hard on", a "boner", or a "stiffy".

  • This means your cock is hard and ready for action like this guy here.

  • We also have this gentleman over here.

  • He has a boner.

  • She is ready for action.

  • Now what might happen, ladies and gentlemen, is if you jerk off, wank off, beat off, jack

  • off, stroke, rub one out, or flick the bean a lot -- but not too much -- some liquid might

  • come out.

  • This is called "jizz".

  • Jizz.

  • "Cum".

  • "Cum" is probably the most regular or normal word that we use for "cum".

  • So it's hilarious when you see posters on the subway that say, "Come on the TTC."

  • What?

  • "When did you come to my house?"

  • "When did you come on the train?"

  • "I didn't cum on the train."

  • "Cum" means "jizz".

  • "Splooge", "jism" -- these words mean the liquid, the semen -- doctor word -- for what

  • comes out of the penis.

  • The proper word is "semen", which is funny because it's like they're swimming -- never

  • mind.

  • All right.

  • Next, we have the good old anal sex.

  • Good old anal sex.

  • I've told you that anal sex means you put something in your anus.

  • Very important word to learn as well when you're learning words, "anus".

  • "Ass fuck" is a word that we would use for "anal sex".

  • "Rim job" -- now "rim job" is not actually sticking something in your anus.

  • "Rim job" is different.

  • "Rim job" is when you use your tongue, and you lick the anus.

  • So you're actually licking someone's butt hole.

  • Apparently, this is wonderful.

  • If you read magazines, even regular, innocent magazines -- we have a magazine in Toronto

  • called Now Magazine.

  • And in the back, they have pictures of beautiful ladies ready to give you a "massage".

  • They will tell you that at their massage parlor, "greek" is okay.

  • That doesn't mean that if you're Greek, you can come here.

  • Anyone can cum there [laughs] if you pay them enough money.

  • "Greek" is secret code word slang for "anal sex".

  • So "greek" means "anal sex".

  • Oh, good old felching.

  • What does it mean?

  • This is the noise.

  • [Clicks tongue] But what does it mean?

  • Felching is a curious thing.

  • It's a verb.

  • Felching means that one person will jizz, jism, cum, or splooge into another person's

  • anus.

  • That's -- yeah, okay.

  • That's cool.

  • That's normal.

  • But what happens with the felching is that another person -- maybe this gentleman here

  • or lady -- will then lick the jizz, the cum, or the splooge out of the anus.

  • So [clicks tongue] this noise is licking of the cum out of the anus.

  • I've heard that in some countries -- Australia -- they use a straw.

  • So the next time you go to Burger King or a fast food restaurant, grab a straw.

  • See if people look at you and go, "[gasp] Felcher!

  • What are you -- are you felching with that straw?"

  • "No, it's for my cola!"

  • "Sure it is.

  • Mm-hmm."

  • Felching.

  • You need a hard on if you're going to felch after.

  • Going back to the beginning, we have "oral sex".

  • Now, I told you "oral sex", you use your mouth and your tongue or, you know, your cheek -- whatever

  • you want.

  • We have a lot of words for the male oral sex.

  • "BJ or blow job".

  • Who's drawn this?

  • This is a picture of a blowjob.

  • Now, the very funny thing is that a lot of people's names are -- you guessed it -- BJ.

  • And you will see stores that have "BJ's Wholesale" or "BJ's Fine Foods".

  • Dying.

  • So if I'm innocently walking down the street, and it says, "Welcome to BJ's wholesale" -- [laughs]

  • that means "blow job"!

  • That's hilarious.

  • "Come on in to BJ's."

  • "Hand job" -- now, "hand job" is not oral sex.

  • Guess what.

  • It's using your hand.

  • It's similar to a blowjob except there's no mouth involved.

  • You're just stroking with your hand.

  • This hand job is done by a different person.

  • If you are doing to yourself, you are having a wank.

  • If someone else is doing -- if someone is nice enough to do it to you, you're actually

  • having a "hand job".

  • All right, and the next one is a "pearl necklace".

  • Ladies, do you like pearl necklaces?

  • Do you think they're beautiful?

  • Would you be so happy if your husband or you boyfriend or your lover gave you a pearl necklace

  • for your birthday?

  • Guess what?

  • What you think about as a pearl necklace and what Ronnie thinks about a pearl necklace

  • -- you'd be misguided, ladies.

  • A "pearl necklace" is when a man is nice enough to cum on your neck.

  • Cum is white, and if he's talented enough, he can put beads of cum along your neck.

  • It -- maybe -- looks like a pearl necklace.

  • It is hilarious if I go somewhere, and ladies are shopping for a pearl necklace, so they

  • say, "Would you like to look at my pearl necklaces?

  • This one is beautiful.

  • It's only $500."

  • Meanwhile, I'm dying in the corner because they're talking about jizz on your neck!

  • What's happening?

  • My mother loves pearl necklaces.

  • I bought my mother a pearl necklace for her birthday.

  • I bought it at the store.

  • But I'm sure that ladies would love a pearl necklace.

  • Maybe the real kind.

  • Maybe not the really kind.

  • Guys love giving ladies a pearl necklace for their birthday.

  • Gentlemen, do your wife -- "Do your wife?

  • What?

  • Ronnie!

  • Do you know that 'doing' your wife means 'having sex' with your wife?"

  • You can "do" something.

  • "Do the dog."

  • What?

  • "Do the dog" is a dance by a band called The Specials.

  • If you "do" something, it means you have sex with it.

  • So you "did" the mailman.

  • That's means you had sex with the mailman.

  • Mailman, you might want to give that lovely lady a pearl necklace in your next delivery.

  • Next word meaning oral sex is a "hummer".

  • Isn't that funny because "hummer" is the name of a car or a big, huge, massive vehicle that

  • they use in the army?

  • So it's funny when you're walking down the street, and people are like, "Look!

  • It's a Hummer!"

  • "What?

  • Someone's giving someone a blowjob on the street?

  • What's happened to this society?"

  • Hummer -- blow job.

  • The reason why it's a "hummer" [hums] is because whoever's giving the hummer, they like to

  • sing.

  • So you can sing opera if you'd like while giving some oral sex.

  • "Head", "head".

  • I think maybe I have said "head" in lessons before.

  • And I kind of giggle, "[laughs] I said 'head'."

  • "Why does Ronnie giggle when she says 'head'?

  • That's very strange.

  • Why does Ronnie always say about the 'other head' or 'two heads'?

  • What's wrong with Ronnie?"

  • Well, guess what?

  • I laugh because "head" means "blow job".

  • "Head" means oral sex.

  • So if someone says, "I'd like to give you head."

  • "What?