Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles My name is Buffy the Blow Fish. I do not appreciate foul language or pictures of rude things at all. Please, if you are easily offended by rude things, do not watch this video. Turn it off now. Now. Turn it off. Don't look at it. You don't want to learn bad words. I don't want to hear your comments about, "That was rude. I didn't like that when Ronnie said bad words." Turn it off! Hi, there. This is my friend Bobby the Blow Fish. Maybe his name is not Bobby. I don't remember. What I will tell you, Bobby cannot tolerate obscenities, naughty words, and bad words. So Bobby, you can just go and fuck off right now. Okay, so today we're talking about sex. Who likes the sex? In English, we have a lot of different words for "sex". The doctor word, or the word that my mother first taught me is "intercourse". If you ever have to go to the doctor -- maybe you are worried that you're pregnant, or you're happy that you're pregnant, or you're doing tests -- the doctor or the nurse will say, "Now, when was the last time you had intercourse?" What they mean is, "When's the last time you fucked?" They want to know the exact time. Why do they want to know? Do they want to take videos of it? That's weird. So we have verbs in English. Don't get me wrong. You're learning vocabulary. You're also going to learn grammar. Sex with Ronnie. That's me. This is your lesson. "Fuck", "screw", "ram", "pork", "bang" -- all of these words mean "sex". These are verbs. You can use them -- the past or the present. So, "I fucked last night." "I screwed last weekend." "I rammed yesterday." "Pork." I know you think it's a food. Guess what? It means "sex". And "bang", one of my favorites. Also, "nail". Not this nail, this "nail". We also have "stick it in". All of these words -- verbs for "sex", "intercourse." What I've done -- because I'm really, really nice -- is I've broken it down into three different categories: oral sex -- What does "oral" mean? "Oral" means you use your mouth. Anal sex -- "anal" means you use your anus. Now, you're confused. "What is an 'anus', Ronnie?" I tried to draw a picture of a bum, an anus. It didn't work. It looks more like a cock. So "anal" is the part of your rear end where your poo comes out. So people like to put things in their anus. This is called "anal sex". And then, we have -- for all the lonely people -- masturbation. "Masturbation" means you don't have a partner; you're doing it yourself. Let's go through these first. "Jerk off", "wank", "have a wank", "wanking", "beat off", "jack off" -- I remember a long time ago, there was a really kind of terrible pop punk band called Blink 182. And they came up with a really good album title. It said, "Take Off Your Pants and Jacket". So funny! But you may be, like, "pick up your pants and jacket" -- that's funny. Pants and jacket." No, no, no. Guess what? Hello, people. This means, "take off your pants and have a wank". Now that album's funny. "Stroke". "Stroke" is the movement of -- moving. "Rub one out." You'll hear these in movies all the time. "I'm going to rub one out." "Rub one out?" So you think maybe, maybe, maybe they're thinking innocently about a blackboard eraser? They're going to erase something? No, no, no, no, no. They're going to masturbate, okay? They're going to take their penis, stroke it, rub it -- "rub-a-dub, man!" For the ladies -- "Ladies masturbate? What?" Hell, yeah! We say "flick the bean". We are living in a society where unfortunately, men make up a lot of the slang. So I struggled to find words for female masturbation. Ladies, I apologize. If you have a favorite term for masturbation, please let me know. I'm very interested in how you say "masturbation" for women. Leave it in the comment section, please. If you're successful in your masturbation, the very, very first step that you need is you need to achieve a "hard on", a "boner", or a "stiffy". This means your cock is hard and ready for action like this guy here. We also have this gentleman over here. He has a boner. She is ready for action. Now what might happen, ladies and gentlemen, is if you jerk off, wank off, beat off, jack off, stroke, rub one out, or flick the bean a lot -- but not too much -- some liquid might come out. This is called "jizz". Jizz. "Cum". "Cum" is probably the most regular or normal word that we use for "cum". So it's hilarious when you see posters on the subway that say, "Come on the TTC." What? "When did you come to my house?" "When did you come on the train?" "I didn't cum on the train." "Cum" means "jizz". "Splooge", "jism" -- these words mean the liquid, the semen -- doctor word -- for what comes out of the penis. The proper word is "semen", which is funny because it's like they're swimming -- never mind. All right. Next, we have the good old anal sex. Good old anal sex. I've told you that anal sex means you put something in your anus. Very important word to learn as well when you're learning words, "anus". "Ass fuck" is a word that we would use for "anal sex". "Rim job" -- now "rim job" is not actually sticking something in your anus. "Rim job" is different. "Rim job" is when you use your tongue, and you lick the anus. So you're actually licking someone's butt hole. Apparently, this is wonderful. If you read magazines, even regular, innocent magazines -- we have a magazine in Toronto called Now Magazine. And in the back, they have pictures of beautiful ladies ready to give you a "massage". They will tell you that at their massage parlor, "greek" is okay. That doesn't mean that if you're Greek, you can come here. Anyone can cum there [laughs] if you pay them enough money. "Greek" is secret code word slang for "anal sex". So "greek" means "anal sex". Oh, good old felching. What does it mean? This is the noise. [Clicks tongue] But what does it mean? Felching is a curious thing. It's a verb. Felching means that one person will jizz, jism, cum, or splooge into another person's anus. That's -- yeah, okay. That's cool. That's normal. But what happens with the felching is that another person -- maybe this gentleman here or lady -- will then lick the jizz, the cum, or the splooge out of the anus. So [clicks tongue] this noise is licking of the cum out of the anus. I've heard that in some countries -- Australia -- they use a straw. So the next time you go to Burger King or a fast food restaurant, grab a straw. See if people look at you and go, "[gasp] Felcher! What are you -- are you felching with that straw?" "No, it's for my cola!" "Sure it is. Mm-hmm." Felching. You need a hard on if you're going to felch after. Going back to the beginning, we have "oral sex". Now, I told you "oral sex", you use your mouth and your tongue or, you know, your cheek -- whatever you want. We have a lot of words for the male oral sex. "BJ or blow job". Who's drawn this? This is a picture of a blowjob. Now, the very funny thing is that a lot of people's names are -- you guessed it -- BJ. And you will see stores that have "BJ's Wholesale" or "BJ's Fine Foods". Dying. So if I'm innocently walking down the street, and it says, "Welcome to BJ's wholesale" -- [laughs] that means "blow job"! That's hilarious. "Come on in to BJ's." "Hand job" -- now, "hand job" is not oral sex. Guess what. It's using your hand. It's similar to a blowjob except there's no mouth involved. You're just stroking with your hand. This hand job is done by a different person. If you are doing to yourself, you are having a wank. If someone else is doing -- if someone is nice enough to do it to you, you're actually having a "hand job". All right, and the next one is a "pearl necklace". Ladies, do you like pearl necklaces? Do you think they're beautiful? Would you be so happy if your husband or you boyfriend or your lover gave you a pearl necklace for your birthday? Guess what? What you think about as a pearl necklace and what Ronnie thinks about a pearl necklace -- you'd be misguided, ladies. A "pearl necklace" is when a man is nice enough to cum on your neck. Cum is white, and if he's talented enough, he can put beads of cum along your neck. It -- maybe -- looks like a pearl necklace. It is hilarious if I go somewhere, and ladies are shopping for a pearl necklace, so they say, "Would you like to look at my pearl necklaces? This one is beautiful. It's only $500." Meanwhile, I'm dying in the corner because they're talking about jizz on your neck! What's happening? My mother loves pearl necklaces. I bought my mother a pearl necklace for her birthday. I bought it at the store. But I'm sure that ladies would love a pearl necklace. Maybe the real kind. Maybe not the really kind. Guys love giving ladies a pearl necklace for their birthday. Gentlemen, do your wife -- "Do your wife? What? Ronnie! Do you know that 'doing' your wife means 'having sex' with your wife?" You can "do" something. "Do the dog." What? "Do the dog" is a dance by a band called The Specials. If you "do" something, it means you have sex with it. So you "did" the mailman. That's means you had sex with the mailman. Mailman, you might want to give that lovely lady a pearl necklace in your next delivery. Next word meaning oral sex is a "hummer". Isn't that funny because "hummer" is the name of a car or a big, huge, massive vehicle that they use in the army? So it's funny when you're walking down the street, and people are like, "Look! It's a Hummer!" "What? Someone's giving someone a blowjob on the street? What's happened to this society?" Hummer -- blow job. The reason why it's a "hummer" [hums] is because whoever's giving the hummer, they like to sing. So you can sing opera if you'd like while giving some oral sex. "Head", "head". I think maybe I have said "head" in lessons before. And I kind of giggle, "[laughs] I said 'head'." "Why does Ronnie giggle when she says 'head'? That's very strange. Why does Ronnie always say about the 'other head' or 'two heads'? What's wrong with Ronnie?" Well, guess what? I laugh because "head" means "blow job". "Head" means oral sex. So if someone says, "I'd like to give you head." "What?