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  • We should probably talk about what's been going on in the world last four or five months because it's been a crazy time.

  • And, you know, maybe we start with fear because it's all really based around fear.

  • Everything that's happened and a lot of different things have happened.

  • But there's something that you say I'm going to quote something you said before and you said Quote during my time is a monk.

  • I learned to lose my fear of fear so that instead of allowing it to motivate me in negative ways, such as avoiding punishment, humiliation or failure, I'm now able to recognize the opportunities that fear signals.

  • I'm curious about how you got that relationship with fear, Onda.

  • How you can process it because, you know, we live in a brand new world now with fear.

  • Yes, absolutely.

  • And and first of all, I just want to say and I mean this, that what the world has experienced in the last 5 to 6 months is such an extreme test off tolerance and our ability to be resilient on ability.

  • Thio overcome fear that if anyone feels that they have not held it together, they shouldn't judge themselves because it's almost like you can't.

  • You can't take the hardest test of all time and expect to come out passing flying colors without any preparation before her.

  • And so, if anything, what should happen for us instead of feeling guilty and sad about not responding in a perfect way, whatever that is, we should actually feel encouraged that now is the time to go in with that.

  • Now is the time to build up those skills that we should become prepared when we least expect it, because who knows what is out there?

  • And so the preparation my favorite example from the Bamberg eateries of off Arjun, who's a warrior and a fighter.

  • It's almost like the fighter doesn't go on the battlefield and hope that they have the skills they train every single day, so that when the battle appears that they're ready.

  • What's happened in all of our lives is we've had zero training in zero preparation and all of a sudden you're thrown into this battlefield.

  • And of course, none of us can completely hold it together.

  • So for me, I see it is more of a wake up call on a cry to all of us to say Please use your time to feel prepared.

  • Thio.

  • Feel ready, Thio.

  • Grow and invest in yourself so that next time, no matter what it is that comes our way, that you're prepared and you have the quality to stay still.

  • That's that's the first thing I'd start with.

  • But how you started with fear when you start that training is that the first thing that fear does is it should hopefully connect you to wanting to build up the skills to deal with that fear.

  • But actually a lot of our responses, as we know through psychology and I talk about them in the book.

  • A lot of our responses are we freeze, we get stuck, right, we go.

  • Okay, I'm stuck or we run away.

  • We run away and we try and avoid these issues or we bury ourselves and we try and forget about.

  • And so our responses to fear what we don't realize create more fear because you only become more fearful about something.

  • The less you know about, because the less you know about it means there's more unknown.

  • Why do we fear the darkness?

  • Because it's unknown.

  • Why do we fear what's beyond our solar system because we don't know.

  • It's when we don't know that we're in fear.

  • If you are playing a team in another sport and you don't know their strength, you feel fearful.

  • If you're about to walk into a tourist destination and you don't know the ins and outs of it, you'll feel fear because it's an unknown place.

  • So it's crazy to me that we remain in a state off, unknowing this in our own lives and emotions because we feel scared of actually getting intimate with our fear.

  • We get scared of being present and close toe our fear, and that's what we try and put fear to the back of our minds.

  • We try and run away from it.

  • So the first thing to do is when you feel that there's something that you're scared off or upset about.

  • Ah, common example is how we all avoid conflict.

  • No one likes tough conversation on.

  • What I started to do was, rather than trying to run away from tough conversations, Andi, try and find excuses and answers.

  • I would try and find the easiest option in the beginning for me to just come out and share the truth or where I was at with it.

  • A good example.

  • Finally, enough is today's podcast.

  • So I was late for today's podcast for a legitimate reason because I'm working with someone and they needed my time on my fear response was, Oh, God, Brian is gonna be so upset.

  • His teams, like waited, lay in London.

  • We could just make up an excuse to to make them all feel better and and, you know, just patch it all up.

  • And I was like, No, I'm not gonna take that option.

  • I'm gonna call up James, and I'm gonna tell him exactly what happened.

  • Be really honest about it.

  • I'm gonna face it because that's the best I can do.

  • And actually that relieves all of us of any pressure and stress and whether you take it the right way the wrong way, that's not my, uh, it's not my responsibility or it's not my decision for how you respond, because that is your own mind, and that is your own decision.

  • But I need to get close to my fear.

  • So the first thing I'd say is when you have a fear response instead of running away from it or trying to figure out how to get away from it or avoid it.

  • Ask yourself what?

  • Um, I truly fearful are where is this fear coming from?

  • And continue to ask yourself when you come up with a fear and I call it the Wild ladder in the book when you come up with a fear.

  • So I give the example in the book that, you know, let's take a more common example.

  • So you may say I am fearful off coverted, and that's a very normal fear toe Have nothing wrong with it.

  • And I think that's the other problem.

  • We think our fears air wrong, so then we don't want to get intimate with them.

  • But I would say, Okay, well, why are you afraid of covert?

  • And you may say I'm afraid because I might lose my job and you say, OK, why are you afraid of losing your job?

  • Because I need to pay the bills and I need to take care of my family.

  • Why do you think that paying the bills is what's going to take care of your family and you know everything else because I need to put food on the table.

  • Why do you need to put food on the table?

  • Because I want my family to feel loved and cared for and nourished.

  • Why do you want your family to feel loved and cared for nourished?

  • Because I love them?

  • And then you realize, Wait a minute.

  • What?

  • They're really looking for his love.

  • And if I can even in this pain choose to give them love, then I'm actually giving them what they need.

  • And now I'll find all the ways to make the money, figure out my business, get food on the table and do that.

  • But if I really realized that what I'm scared off is that Cove, it is going to stop me from giving love to my family.

  • And that's actually not true.

  • You can give love to your family, and then hopefully in that stress, free of like letting go of that, you actually give yourself the energy to go and figure out the other stuff.

  • And so I'm not saying that losing your job means you could just do this activity and you'll be free of fear.

  • What I'm saying is that it's your fear that's blocking you from finding the focus to solve the situation.

  • On doing this, while a direct ladder exercise actually helps you realize what you think you're being blocked from.

  • But usually that's right within your control.

  • Nothing is blocking you wild my wife while stop my wife.

We should probably talk about what's been going on in the world last four or five months because it's been a crazy time.

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LOSING MY FEAR: What The World Has Faced In The Last 6 Months Has Been An Extreme Test Of Humanity

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/09/16
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