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  • Thanks be to God!

  • I'd like to fellowship on my experience related to this passage.

  • That's great.

  • The church was preparing to film a movie last year,

  • so brothers and sisters recommended I take on the duty of director.

  • I was thrilled when I heard that

  • and felt that since they'd recommended me,

  • they must have seen my caliber and talent.

  • Why else would they have chosen me?

  • I developed a superiority complex, thinking I was better than others.

  • I studied hard, learning about how to make the movies,

  • and slowly came to grasp some of the skills.

  • I remember when I first started that duty, I felt a little bit nervous,

  • but I prayed all the while to God and gradually my nerves were calmed,

  • and I was able to go get my feet wet.

  • And then,

  • brothers and sisters kept adopting my ideas.

  • Especially for the first scene I directed,

  • they all really liked what I had filmed

  • and the leader said that I was cut out to be a director.

  • My heart was bursting with pride,

  • I felt this was something I was really good at,

  • and I was an indispensable talent in God's house.

  • I started feeling like I had a crown on my head,

  • and I walked around with my head held high.

  • I felt that getting so much praise right after starting this duty

  • was because I was really capable, and with a little more practice,

  • I'd certainly become competent, without a doubt.

  • When working with brothers and sisters from then on,

  • I wasn't as modest as I had been,

  • but spoke with confidence, and I held my head up high.

  • I also wanted to have the final say in everything and thought nothing of anyone else.

  • The moment someone questioned my idea or made another suggestion,

  • I was unyielding, impatient, and looked down on them.

  • I felt I surpassed them in every regard,

  • that they should just do what I told them to do instead of making such a fuss.

  • And in my eyes, they were just bringing up really petty things

  • that didn't even merit discussion.

  • So I'd always ask "Is this a question of principle?"

  • just so I could shut them up.

  • One time, Sister Zhang, the main character, had me look at some costumes she'd picked.

  • I thought to myself,

  • "How could you have such a terrible eye?"

  • I had her choose all new ones.

  • I shot down almost every one of her clothing choices.

  • I was filled with this idea of being the director,

  • so my sense was right and they should listen to me.

  • The brothers and sisters ended up feeling constrained by me

  • and didn't want to make suggestions anymore.

  • I actually did feel bad when I saw this,

  • but then I thought,

  • I'm only considering our work, and I can't be too off in this.

  • So, I didn't think much of it.

  • During that time, my leader gave me fellowship and exposed me,

  • saying I was too arrogant and that I liked to control people,

  • and warned me not to fix my gaze on others,

  • but to reflect on myself and practice the truth to resolve my own problems.

  • That's right.

  • But I didn't have any understanding of my own nature then.

  • I felt I was really responsible in my work.

  • I just kept living in that kind of rebellious, obstinate state,

  • and I was no longer able to work well with brothers and sisters.

  • Over time,

  • there were problems that kept cropping up at our work, that hindered our progress.

  • One day,

  • I heard there was a director

  • who had been dismissed because of holding up work from being arrogant,

  • unable to accept the truth, and constraining brothers and sisters.

  • That left me feeling a little bit afraid.

  • I knew I'd been behaving just like that director.

  • I figured God was giving me a warning,

  • so I decided I couldn't keep throwing my weight around like that.

  • Instead, I should control myself, speak more kindly,

  • and do my best to communicate and discuss work with others.

  • But I still didn't have any understanding of my own nature,

  • so I didn't seek the truth to resolve it.

  • After a while,

  • since progress in our team was so slow,

  • the leader arranged for Sister Liu to work with me.

  • At first I admit I just couldn't accept it.

  • I thought the leader must be doubting my capability,

  • but since it had already been arranged, I reluctantly bit the bullet.

  • In my work discussions from then on,

  • I found the leader always asked for Sister Liu's advice.

  • I was really uneasy,

  • and I felt the leader didn't think much of me.

  • I started to resent her.

  • But even more, I was resistant to Sister Liu. I couldn't accept her.

  • So whenever we discussed our work

  • I would just sit there scowling in silence.

  • One time,

  • she found some issues with the team's work and made some suggestions

  • that our brothers and sisters all really liked,

  • but I was having none of it.

  • I refused to listen to any of her suggestions.

  • When everyone asked for my opinion, I bottled up my anger and said:

  • "Whatever."

  • The leader then dealt with me,

  • saying I wasn't upholding the work of God's house.

  • I did actually feel bad,

  • I knew that no matter what,

  • I couldn't keep taking out my frustration in the work of God's house.

  • But I really couldn't swallow it.

  • I thought, "If you just listen to Sister Liu all the time,

  • what is there to discuss?"

  • I kept thinking that I was right in everything,

  • so in the next few work discussions

  • I clung to my own opinions

  • and I disagreed with Sister Liu even when her suggestions were reasonable.

  • I thought she was just trying to show off.

  • There was one time she recommended a certain actor

  • and I brought up all sort of issues with that actor

  • and shot her suggestion down.

  • I just wasn't willing to listen to her.

  • I wanted to be in charge of all the work.

  • Sister Liu ended up feeling constrained by me,

  • and wouldn't make suggestions anymore.

  • During that time,

  • since I was living within an arrogant, self-righteous disposition

  • and wasn't seeking the truth,

  • my spirit slowly fell into darkness.

  • I felt depressed every single day

  • and it seemed God was hiding Himself from me.

  • I didn't have anything to say to God in prayer

  • and God's words weren't sinking in when I read them.

  • My mind was blank and I was obtuse in my duty.

  • I couldn't see any problems.

  • I was living in a state of anxiety

  • and kept feeling like something was about to happen.

  • A few days later, our leader came to hold a gathering with us.

  • She exposed my disposition and said I was too arrogant,

  • that I was autocratic and arbitrary in my duty,

  • and I'd really disrupted our work.

  • She told me to go home and do some serious devotionals and self-reflection.

  • I was shocked.

  • I was so shocked to hear that,

  • but I prayed to God in earnest, saying

  • "Oh God, no matter what situation I encounter,

  • I believe it's all set up by You

  • and I'm willing to submit."

  • - Thanks be to God! - Amen!

  • Then, later that night I couldn't sleep at all.

  • I was thinking about how I'd been on the film team for so long,

  • but that from tomorrow I'd no longer be a part of it.

  • I couldn't let go of it and I was really upset,

  • I couldn't hold back my tears.

  • I wanted to use that chance to work on my devotionals and reflect on myself,

  • so I could pick myself back up where I had stumbled.

  • But back at home

  • I couldn't focus on God's words and I was really having a hard time.

  • All I could do was come before God and call out to Him over and over again.

  • I said,

  • "God, I'm in so much pain.

  • Please help me and protect my heart

  • so that I can understand Your will in this situation, and know myself."

  • By constantly praying to God,

  • I was finally able to feel some peace.

  • Thanks be to God!

  • The next day, a few brothers and sisters came to check in on me

  • to give me fellowship and help me, and they mentioned some of my issues.

  • I remember that one sister said,

  • "You've changed so much since you started working as a director.

  • You even look at others differently

  • and you want to have the final say in everything.

  • You're really controlling and there's just no way to work with you."

  • A brother said,

  • "In work discussions, we're all relaxed when you're not there,

  • but as soon as you show up we're all on edge,

  • afraid that you'll shoot down our thoughts and ideas."

  • Every word out of their mouths

  • was like a knife in my heart.

  • I was so ashamed to face them

  • and I felt so terrible.

  • In all my life, I had never felt like such a failure as a person.

  • It had gotten so bad

  • that brothers and sisters wouldn't approach me out of fear when they saw me.

  • I thought, "Am I still being a proper person?

  • How could I have been so insensitive?"

  • I had never realized

  • that my arrogant disposition could constrain and do such harm to others.

  • I already knew that I was arrogant

  • and the leader fellowshiped with me often,

  • but I'd never thought much of it.

  • Instead, I thought my arrogance came from having a higher caliber.

  • Who isn't arrogant if they're gifted and of high caliber?

  • That's why I never sought the truth to resolve it.

  • But through the help and fellowship of brothers and sisters

  • I finally found peace in my heart

  • and could quiet myself to reflect on my behavior.

  • Thanks be to God!

  • As I reflected, I read two passages of God's words, which I'd like to share now.

  • Great.

  • Amen!

  • I realized from God's words

  • that my arrogance was causing me to rebel against and resist God.

  • Since I'd done my duty as a director,

  • when I had some success I thought it was because of my own hard work,

  • that I was better than others.

  • I began to disregard others, and stubbornly hold to myself,

  • wanting to have the final say in everything.

  • When I failed to achieve results in my duty

  • I never reflected on whether the issue was with me,

  • but just focused on my brothers and sisters.

  • I condescendingly dealt with and lectured others.

  • I looked down on everyone out of arrogance and conceit.

  • I couldn't see anyone else's strengths, and thought my ideas were best.

  • I shot down everyone's suggestions at every turn, and was controlling.

  • I failed to know myself because of my arrogance and conceitedness

  • and even after being dealt with many times, I wouldn't accept it or reflect on myself.

  • I was totally lacking a seeker's heart.

  • When my work progress slowed and it became clear I couldn't manage the work,

  • I still didn't want to work with others or have them meddle in my tasks.

  • I felt it would compromise my authority and threaten my reputation and position.

  • I wanted to be totally in charge, and I wanted to have the final say.

  • Wasn't I walking the path of resistance to God?

  • Yes.

  • When Sister Liu had some success in her duty that threatened my position,

  • I well knew she was right

  • and what she suggested would benefit the work of God's house,

  • but I wouldn't accept it.

  • Instead I nitpicked,

  • and when I saw our brothers and sisters agreeing with her,

  • I just couldn't take it, and took out my frustration in church work.

  • I was ready to see the work of God's house suffer

  • to protect my own reputation and status.

  • Where was my reverence for God?

  • Where was my conscience and reason?

  • I saw I'd been living by my arrogant and conceited satanic disposition,

  • forcing my own thoughts and opinions on brothers and sisters as if they were the truth,

  • making people listen to me in everything.

  • Wasn't that wanting to be on par with God, and wanting to control others?

  • I finally realized I was in a precarious position.

  • It looked like I was doing my duty every day,

  • that I was passionate about expending myself,

  • but I was revealing a satanic disposition in every way.

  • My actions were all contrary to the truth, I was disrupting the church's work.

  • I was doing evil, resisting God, and offending His disposition!

  • I wondered how I had ever gotten to that point.

  • It was because I had such an arrogant, rigid nature.

  • I never accepted the truth, so I ended up bringing God's ire upon me.

  • I saw that I'd been so deeply corrupted by Satan,

  • that I totally lacked the reality of the truth.

  • Being able to take on such an important duty was God elevating me,

  • and having some success in my duty was entirely down to the Holy Spirit's work,

  • not at all because I had any ability.

  • I saw that when I relied on my arrogant nature in my duty,

  • the Holy Spirit stopped working

  • and I couldn't figure anything out or resolve anything.

  • But even so, I still felt like I was okay.

  • I was arrogant beyond reason, without a shred of self-awareness.

  • Only then did I start to feel disgust and hatred for my arrogant nature.

  • I later read these words from God:

  • Amen.