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  • Bruh, I can't wait to party hard tonight while wearing a mask...and standing six feet apart.

  • Dude, why even bother? I might as well just study.

  • The school plan on testing and contact tracing is not very clear.

  • However, they did give me a mini bottle of hand sanitizer, as well as a mask with the school logo on it, so I think it's safe to say they're pretty serious about this.

  • What did I do over the summer?

  • I kept it pretty simple.

  • I mean, I made a me-shaped indent in my bed, walked between my room and the kitchen several times just to get some exercise.

  • I averaged about 89 steps a day.

  • I even went to Wegmans a few times, which was really exciting.

  • All right, I got my keys, wallet, laptop, ready to go to class.

  • And I nearly forgot my mask.

  • Haha, not today, Satan.

  • We went over the syllabus today in class, I think.

  • I'm not really sure, because it was really hard to understand the professor through the mask and the face shield and the plexiglass barrier.

  • Hopefully, she never tells us anything we need to understand.

  • I couldn't focus at all in class today 'cause the guy sitting next to me had his nose sticking out of his mask.

  • He might as well have been there with his dingle hanging out, that's how distracting it was.

  • Dang, all my classes are on Zoom, and I'm still late every day.

  • The dating scene here isn't so hot.

  • The most action I've gotten is when the nurse shoved the swab up my nose to test for COVID.

  • It was like she was trying to swab my brain.

  • You might say it was an intimate experience.

  • I met this girl at the student union building today.

  • She was super cute.

  • At least from here up, I mean, that's the thing about masks.

  • You could be chatting up this girl you think is an eight, underneath the mask, turns out she's a four.

  • Wait, where did you say you were from?

  • [Man Offscreen] Florida.

  • Oh (beep), I gotta go, sorry.

  • Uh...

  • Bye.

  • I gotta figure out a way that I can build, like, a plastic bubble for me to live in, because this campus is disgusting.

  • On my way to my 9:00 AM class, I saw this chick puke in a trash can.

  • She couldn't get her mask off in time.

  • I still see it when I close my eyes.

  • This is, like, the worst time ever to be a Drama major.

  • Like, who wants to see a socially distanced "Romeo and Juliet"?

  • Instead of kissing, they just bump elbows.

  • It's not even textually supported.

  • Plus, in this day and age, it's gonna be so much harder to get the job that this degree is preparing me for: waiting tables.

  • I'd love to hang out with you guys, but what's the distance situation looking like tonight?

  • Is it gonna be six feet apart, or is it gonna be, like, clearly within arm's length of each other?

  • Like, would we be able to pee on each other?

  • I'm not saying I want to do that, I just read somewhere, that's kind of a way that you can judge are you far enough apart.

  • Yeah, I know it's disgusting, I didn't make it up.

  • I know, I was just drinking beer by myself in my room last night, but I'm still worried that this might be COVID and not a hangover.

  • I mean, headache, fatigue? This could be it, man.

  • I've got so much left to give.

  • Hey, this isn't one of those COVID parties, is it?

  • This is exactly how I pictured the best four years of my life.

  • Yeah, woohoo.

  • College.

  • (phone dings)

  • And the rest of the semester has just been canceled.

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Bruh, I can't wait to party hard tonight while wearing a mask...and standing six feet apart.

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B1 US mask class swab covid disgusting indent

College in 2020 Be Like...

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    Seraya posted on 2020/09/14
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