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  • - Hi I'm Deepika Padukone,

  • I'm an actor, producer and philanthropist.

  • I'll be opening up my little black book

  • and bringing you into my world.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Subscribe to the Bazaar channel

  • so you don't miss an episode.

  • (upbeat music)

  • So first stop, we're gonna talk about mental health

  • because that is a topic that's very, very close to my heart

  • and something that I've been working on

  • very, very actively in that last couple of years.

  • And that's because I experienced

  • anxiety and depression in 2014.

  • So I've seen it up close and personal

  • and I probably define it as the worst experience of my life.

  • I think a huge part of my little black book

  • is my mother, so we live in different cities,

  • so they visit me every now and then.

  • And on one such visit, I remember it was time

  • for her to pack her bags and leave

  • and she was, you know, ready to go to the airport.

  • And I was sitting in her room watching her,

  • just sort of, packing and putting her things together

  • when I suddenly broke down.

  • And to her it seemed strange because, you know,

  • we sort of go through this saying goodbye to each other

  • every few months, pretty often.

  • And of course she asked me the routine questions

  • about, you know, is everything okay at work?

  • Was it a relationship issue?

  • I feel like as a mother she needed to ask me those questions

  • but I think somewhere deep down inside she knew

  • that it wasn't the usual sort of crying, it was different.

  • Whenever I've not been okay, I always feel like

  • I want to keep that away from my parents

  • because they live away from me and I feel like they'd worry.

  • So I hadn't told them about feeling this way for a while

  • and then she caught this moment.

  • But today when I look back, I'm so grateful for that moment

  • because she was the one who called it

  • and she immediately realized

  • that I needed professional help.

  • And that's when Anna Chandy and Dr. Shyam,

  • the reason I am able to run this foundation today

  • is because of their passion and enthusiasm

  • and both are a very integral part of my life

  • and my little black book.

  • Yeah, I think waking up was tough

  • because I didn't want to face a day.

  • When the doctor said that this is clinical depression,

  • I felt like I already started feeling much better

  • versus the times when I didn't know

  • what was happening to me.

  • I remember those moments being a struggle, not knowing.

  • 2014, post the experience, and post coming

  • out with my experience with the depression,

  • I also felt like I didn't want to stop there,

  • I felt like I wanted to give back

  • and I wanted to help people.

  • And so, for me, coming out and speaking out openly

  • was to sort of help people understand

  • what depression is because you don't really see

  • very obvious physical signs or symptoms,

  • unlike certain other illnesses.

  • And I felt like by coming out and sharing

  • my experience with the world, if I could help

  • even one life, I felt like the purpose would be served.

  • That's when we set up the Live, Love, Laugh foundation.

  • It's been more than three years

  • since we set up the foundation.

  • I feel every single day for everything

  • that I have in my life, if there's one thing

  • that feels the most rewarding or the one thing

  • that I'm most grateful for is the fact

  • that I've been able to speak out.

  • But through the foundation, also,

  • be positively able to impact peoples lives.

  • (piano music)

  • I'm not ashamed.

  • I think if there's one thing that anxiety and depression

  • has taught me is self awareness.

  • And while I'd like to believe that I've always been

  • pretty aware of my feelings and emotions, I feel like

  • this experience sort of just amplified that for me.

  • I often feel like, and women especially,

  • feel like when they take care of themselves

  • or take time out for themselves,

  • it often comes with an element of guilt.

  • And I feel like that's the one thing I stopped doing.

  • I feel like if I want to rest, if I want a massage,

  • if I want to sleep, I've started enjoying

  • those moments without the guilt.

  • And I think self care is the one thing that has really

  • helped me on this journey, you know, to recovery.

  • You know, it works differently for different people

  • so I think it's really about listening to yourself

  • and finding your own inner balance.

  • (soft calming music)

- Hi I'm Deepika Padukone,

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Deepika Padukone Opens Up About Her History with Depression | Little Black Book | Harper's BAZAAR

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    Summer posted on 2020/08/21
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