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  • So here's my new tattoo

  • I started this back in November

  • And I did roughly two to three sessions per month because my tattoo artist is pretty popular and busy

  • And end of March I was finally able to finish it so now I could share the meaning of it with you

  • It's not so much a collection of different pieces as

  • Much as it's a story that I want to keep with me and never forget. Now just before warn before

  • Continuing with this movie. This is not going to be a super-fun video

  • I'm going to be dipping into some of the darker parts of my past so if you're not in a great place right now

  • I wouldn't recommend watching it

  • There is a happy ending to it in the end, but the journey there was a little bit painful, so just be forewarned

  • Here we go. So let's start with my first tattoo that I got when I was 18 it's on this arm right here

  • It's of space and it's suns and moons and planets

  • And meteors and life and color and vibrancy. And I find that a lot of the space tattoos that I've seen on other people are

  • very bright and optimistic. You see space as teeming with

  • opportunity and full of life and wonder and awe.

  • But space isn't really like that. Space is

  • mostly space.

  • It's empty, and boundless, and bare and inhospitable and

  • really dark and cold and shitty. And that's where this tattoo starts.

  • I went through a really rough period of my life in university it was really rough.

  • I was once very hopeful. I was inspired

  • I was teeming with optimism at what the world and what the universe had out there for me.

  • But I couldn't find anything. I couldn't find a purpose I was

  • profoundly

  • and

  • disturbingly

  • alone and introverted.

  • I didn't have a single friend or

  • anybody I could really talk to about anything. But I I saw it all around me

  • I saw people talking to each other going out with each other. Groups of people.

  • But I wasn't part of any of that and I was

  • abysmally depressed and I could look out there, and I could see glimmers of hope and possibility

  • but all of its was out of my reach and what I was left with was bleak.

  • I didn't have anyone I could talk to so I would spend my midnights, almost every midnight,

  • just talking to the sky and

  • memorizing poetry. I would memorize Shelley and Wordsworth and Milton and

  • Shakespeare. And I would try to find words I could better understand myself or the the human spirit or

  • understand something that could make me feel better about why I'm

  • here, and why I'm so alone.

  • But I

  • couldn't really find any answers. And on my talks with the sky,

  • I would just look at the stars, and I would feel so much more alone and so much more empty. And

  • that's where this tattoo

  • begins. I

  • Remember the very last talk I had with the sky, and I remember telling it that were through.

  • However this universe was made I

  • didn't find a purpose in it. I didn't find any joy in it.

  • I only found myself being very unhappy in it. So I

  • decided that I wanted out and I made up my mind that night

  • to make a decision that can't be unmade.

  • Told you this was going to be a shitty video. So that night that I had my last conversation with the sky

  • was a very big change in my life because

  • I'm not sure if somebody heard it

  • but something happened. And this is where things are gonna get slightly more nerdy for a bit.

  • Simulation theory is

  • Something that I engage with. If you're as old as I am think about how much

  • videogames have changed in our lives. I went from

  • pac-man

  • To Skyrim. Computers have grown so much

  • stronger over the past couple of decades and programming has followed suit. How much longer will it be until a computer is strong enough to

  • simulate human consciousness. Maybe even simulate a universe and once it happens,

  • how will anybody within the simulation be able to tell if it's a simulation or not. So that talk that I had with the sky,

  • somebody listened. Whoever was play the game knew that I was about to stop playing the game altogether and

  • so they added a line of code. And that's this line of code right here. It's binary.

  • If you know a little bit about computer languages then binary is just about as basic as it gets.

  • It's just zeros and ones; zero represents off

  • one represents on. And I felt that my life was all zeros.

  • I felt that I was all off.

  • But this line right here.

  • Changed the program of my life. And if you can't read binary, I'm gonna read it for you.

  • It's M-A

  • R-T-I-N-A

  • Martina became a big part of my life as soon as I had that talk with the sky.

  • It's a great line of code might I add. Possibly the best line of code ever.

  • I married that line of code,

  • and I'll stay with that line of code as

  • long as I possibly can because it rocks. On this part of my tattoo, I have a lot of waves.

  • Tidal waves.

  • I haven't really told a lot of people this but every month or two months is so I have this recurring dream of

  • tidal waves that I'm running away from as it destroys and wipes away

  • everything in my life.

  • My neighborhood and my house and everything like that. And this is where the tattoo makes a very big change.

  • Martina and I have nicknames for each other. We call each other duckies so here we are, two duckies.

  • She's the pretty one with all the color, and she's holding the umbrella above me, protecting me from all the shit

  • that's above it.

  • And we're floating calmly on very still waters together.

  • Oh, if that last part of the video was difficult to talk about so is this.

  • Okay, I don't know if you could see it as much as I can. You, you definitely can't see it as much as I can

  • but Martina has

  • just the most beautiful soul in her that I've

  • ever come across.

  • She's dealing with so much pain, more pain than

  • anyone I've ever met and she's still so vibrant and

  • so

  • inspiring and it's

  • because of her that I have color in my life.

  • It's

  • her color that

  • grows out of her and grows into my hand and lets me do something with my life that I feel

  • happy about, that I feel is worth it. I feel creative.

  • I feel like I can make something in this world and I can make something of myself

  • because of her.

  • I really like the watercolors in this. It really reminds me of

  • one of my favorite pictures that I have of Martina in our time in Chicago.

  • It's a really pretty picture. So that's my story. I can't ever forget that and sometimes

  • I do. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and then I remember

  • what I'm living my life for. Who I'm living my life for. And then I can get back to it.

  • From my point of view, the way that I look down at this. I could see

  • everything that I came from and I could see where I am today. I chose to get this tattoo for

  • another reason as well because

  • Martina, as some of you may know, lives in chronic pain.

  • Just every second of every day is

  • relentless pain for her. And she'll hide it on camera, and she'll hide it in front of others

  • and she'll hide it in front of me.

  • But she's suffering and I know she is. If she's sitting or standing or laying down,

  • she could never actually be comfortable. So I wanted to

  • put myself through something similar because, for those of you that have tattoos,

  • you know that they're not fun to get. They hurt like hell. This wrist part was

  • insane. The armpit area.

  • Sweet hell, But I put myself through this pain, through many hours of it,

  • so I could try to put myself in Martina's shoes for a bit.

  • I tried to focus when I was going through this pain.

  • I was trying to be decent when I was going through this pain. I tried to carry on a conversation

  • with the tattoo artist. It was a stupid conversation

  • I had mostly about how much pain I was in but I hope that through going through this,

  • I could empathize a little bit more with Martina.

  • Ooo, this is the part that is gonna be tough for me to say. Our previous parts were tough, this is a tough part.

  • Okay, here we go

  • Whoo. The last reason that I got this tattoo wasn't just for me to remember,

  • but for Martina to remember. Because

  • she's a lot sicker now than she was when we first got married and

  • sometimes when she's

  • not doing well,

  • she feels very guilty

  • and she..

  • She apologizes...

  • For being so sick. For, oh boy.

  • She sometimes feels that she tricked me into marrying her.

  • I want her to see this tattoo and to remember..

  • That she didn't trick me. That she

  • saved me. And I need her to remember how much she's done for me.

  • I owe her my life, and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying to pay her back.

  • Guess that's it. There's that video. I didn't want to cry this much. I didn't want to be this kind of video.

  • So I hope that she doesn't feel guilty when she sees this tattoo.

  • You can't cry yourself. Nooo! (Martina: I can't come hug you cause I'm wearing pajibers and I don't have a bra on)

  • Point is.

  • I don't ever want her to feel guilty for being sick around me, but she's definitely gonna find

  • another way to feel guilty But don't worry everyone.

  • I still have three more limbs that I could tattoo on.

  • Actually. (Martina: Sailor Moon Duck it is)

  • I think it's more like four limbs. (Martina: DUCKIE)

  • Because let's admit it, It is pretty huge. Hold on, I gotta blow it right now

  • I was talking about my nose. Of course. Why? What were you thinking?

  • Get your mind out of the gutter.

  • Okay, so that's it for this super happy video.

  • Wasn't that great to watch? I'm so glad that I shared this.

  • If you want to learn more about tattoos in Japan, we did another video about that. No sobbing,

  • no crying in that one. Super lighthearted video.

  • So click on the link here if you want to learn about tattoo culture in Japan. (Martina: Hey duckie) I'm a wreck. Yes my love. (Martina: Let me just say something important, okay?)

  • (Martina: Getting a tattoo done that had meaning is wonderful, and you sharing with people was really hard)

  • (Martina: You know? You're always captain, mister tough. You know. Oh I lost this challenge,)

  • (Martina: I want these cookies, but I know you're a big softie.) I want to cry every time I lose in cookie battles.

  • (Martina: I know you do.)

  • Okay. That's it.

  • I'm sweating. From the eyes. And the nose. And the pits. Thanks for watching.

So here's my new tattoo

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A2 tattoo pain life sky line feel guilty

Simon's Tattoo Reveal - The Meaning of the Code

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    Summer posted on 2020/08/21
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