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  • The other day I was going out with some friends

  • when one of them said, “You're wearing that?”

  • and I immediately spiraled.

  • Oh my God, what do I say?

  • I didn't bring anything else. She hates me!

  • Oh my God. She hates my outfit, she hates me, they all hate me!

  • Why did I bother thinking I could have any social interaction ever.

  • Then, every instance in which I have been asked that question

  • flashed before my eyes like some kind of fashionable death or something.

  • My mother: “You're wearing that to school?”

  • My ex-boyfriend: “You're wearing that to dinner?”

  • Even by my therapist once:

  • You're wearing that to a business meeting?”

  • Yeah, but it's— it's for a cat brand, so it actuit makes sense, ok.

  • I'm not going to let you judge me for this.

  • Not to mention the countless times I myself

  • have looked into my reflection with utter disdain and wondered,

  • what the hell am I wearing,

  • why do I look like this, and why is coordinating outfits so damn hard?

  • This question is particularly triggering because in three words,

  • it immediately insights self-doubt, self-consciousness,

  • insecurity, shame, guilt, and more,

  • and often, the first time girls will hear it

  • is from our disapproving parental figures

  • when we're at that fragile period

  • of exploring our sexuality and identity.

  • So, when someone asks me if I'm wearing "that",

  • I can't help but immediately feel like I've done something wrong.

  • And some of you may be thinking,

  • oh my gosh, who cares, like wear whatever you want,

  • let your freak flag flybut that's the problem.

  • I have been, and you know what it's gotten me?

  • Judgment, lots of judgment, but what's helped

  • is remembering that though it sounds judgy as hell,

  • the core of this question comes from a place of concern.

  • I just don't want you to get harassed by boys.

  • I just don't want you to be cold...

  • cuz then you're gonna steal my jacket and then I'll be cold,

  • but I'll give you my jacket, and I'll be cold, but I don't want to be cold, so

  • I just want them to take you seriously at work.

  • But actually with that context, yeah,

  • I think they'd appreciate this. Carry on.

  • And sometimes people don't even realize how offensive it can be

  • cuz I myself have definitely asked a friend.

  • Is that what you're wearing?

  • Is that what you're wearing. Is that what you're wearing?

  • Is that what you're wearing?

  • Hell yes, this is what I'm wearing. Do you have a problem with it?

  • What? No, I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure that

  • I matched your level of like fanciness or casualness

  • so that I don't stick out.

  • Oh ok, sorry. Just got real self conscious there.

  • Yeah. No, I totally saw those memories flash in front of you, I'm sorry.

  • I'm Anna Akana, and thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's video.

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  • With Squarespace, you can create

  • any kind of website whether you're in fashion,

  • the fashion police, or you just want to judge other people's outfits for no reason.

  • You can go to squarespace.com/anna

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The other day I was going out with some friends

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B1 US wearing squarespace pow anna immediately question

The One Question Women Fear

  • 32 1
    nico posted on 2020/08/15
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